Authors: Without Honor
Alexander
studied his ale. "For the first time in my life, I've been irresponsible,
Lyle. Totally irresponsible where it matters the most. My greatest fear is that
it may hurt the lass. My greatest regret—that there isn't more time."
"I
see. Well, that says it all, doesn't it? I'm sorry, Alex." Lyle frowned.
"And I'm afraid you'll not be pleased, but I've arranged a meeting for you
in Edinburgh tomorrow evening. Some gentlemen who can give you a hand inside
the castle. You need to be there. I'm sorry," he repeated.
Alexander
nodded. "I suspected something of the like when I saw you. I'll leave
today." He drained the last of his ale. "When you've something
unpleasant to do, it's best done quickly. Or so I've been told."
***
Jonet
was still standing where Diana had left her, still clutching her empty cup when
Alexander entered the room. She hadn't cried. She'd been telling herself she
couldn't.
Alexander
pushed the door shut and leaned against it. His eyes moved slowly over
her—those beautiful, changeable eyes that could see to the depths of her soul.
"What's wrong, lass?"
She
put down the cup. "Need you ask?"
He
took in the room, his eyes resting thoughtfully on Diana's abandoned cup. He
moved toward it, lifting it. It was still partially filled.
Jonet
held her breath against the ache. They had laughed together about her. They'd
thought her so stupid. So innocent. And she had been. "I'm just sad you're
leaving," she said, forcing a light tone. "It's today, isn't
it?"
"I'm
afraid so. Grant's packing the horses. But we've time if need be. Now, what did
she say?"
"Who?"
He
frowned at her. "Diana."
"Nothing
much." One of her new gowns lay across the bed. Jonet turned and brushed
out a wrinkle. "We talked of my clothing. What I'll need in London, you
know."
She
heard his footsteps. Then he was turning her to face him. "What did she
say to you, Jonet?"
She
met his eyes and countered. "What is she to you, Alex? Damn it, tell me the
truth!"
"A
friend," he admitted without hesitation. "A very dear friend. She has
been a number of years."
"Your
mistress, you mean."
"Mistress?
No. I wouldn't call her my mistress. Diana Hampton's a law unto herself. She
picks and chooses men as you might choose gowns. I doubt she'll ever belong to
any one. But we've helped each other through a number of scrapes and been close
on and off through the years. You've a firsthand knowledge of that truth, as I
recall."
"Yes.
Yes, I do, don't I?" Jonet tried to turn away, but he held her facing him.
"Diana
can be a shrew. And she's a master of insinuation, lass. I can see that she's
hurt you. Now," he said, frowning, "what is it she's said?"
"You
don't have to fight my battles anymore, Alex. I'm not quite so stupid and
helpless as all of you think!"
"I
see." He released her and stepped away. "Well, obviously I've been
given my just due, though for what I've no notion. I believe I'll just step
downstairs and ask Diana what the hell's going on!"
"No,
don't!" Jonet grabbed his arm. "Don't tell her I said anything."
"Well,
you've not. That's the trouble."
Jonet
drew in her breath, feeling extremely young and extremely inexperienced.
Somehow Diana always managed to make her feel that way. But she remembered the
laughter, the cynical amusement in those slanted blue eyes. She didn't want it
directed at her again.
She
met Alexander's look in what she hoped was a worldly manner. "It's
nothing, Alex. Nothing I shouldn't have expected, anyway. I knew you'd known a
great many women. You've never tried to hide it. I just didn't think you the
man to discuss me... us... with her."
He
was staring at her, brow furrowed. "I've not, Jonet. That I swear to you,
lass."
The
worldly poise crumbled. "Oh? Well then, how did she know you were so
fascinated with... with
dallying
with an innocent? She as much as
admitted she sent you to me!"
"I
never spoke of dallying with you, lass. As a matter of fact, I never thought
it. As I recall, Diana did say something of the like, though, that night of the
storm when I wasn't quite able to..." He hesitated, raised his eyebrows
and smiled. "To come up to her expectations. Believe me, she was quite put
out."
Jonet
didn't return his smile and he searched her face thoughtfully. "I can
imagine what you've been thinking, Jonet, what Diana may have purposely led you
to think. But whatever this week may have been to you, it wasn't
dallying
to me. That's God's honest truth, lass, I'll swear to it. And I haven't lied to
you or deliberately misled you in—" He counted back swiftly. "In at
least two weeks and three days."
"You
haven't talked of us?"
He
met her eyes. "No, lass. Not a word. My honor as a Hepburn of
Durnam."
He
was smiling. She was starting to smile as well. There was something about him
that made it impossible not to. "Would you tell me the truth then,
Alex?" She hesitated, swallowed uncomfortably. "About something
else?"
"Certainly,
lass."
She
stared hard at the floor. "Do I please you?" she murmured. "I
mean..." She glanced involuntarily toward the bed. "Diana said you
liked variety and I've no way of knowing if—"
He
pulled her into his arms, shaken suddenly, with helpless laughter.
Overbalanced, they toppled onto the bed and he dragged her, sprawling, against
his chest.
Jonet
pushed at him. "Don't! Don't laugh at me. Don't you
dare!
You know
perfectly well I've no way of knowing."
He
was still laughing. "My God, Jonet, I never thought I'd be laughing
today." He choked again and tried hard for composure. "Honestly,
lass, the week's exhausted my ingenuity. I've no more varieties to try."
He stared up, still grinning. "But if that's what you want, I swear I'll
come up with something. We do have a few hours' grace."
"No.
I... I like what you do just fine. I mean..." Jonet flushed scarlet,
forcing herself to meet the knowing laughter in his eyes. "I just didn't
want to think the pleasure all on my part. If I'm going to be nothing but a
memory to you, Alexander Hepburn, I damn well want to be a good one!"
The
amusement died out of his face. "Diana can be a bitch," he said
softly. "And you've the dubious honor of being the only woman I've ever
known her to be jealous of. Take it as a compliment of the highest order."
His
arms slid around her, drawing her into the curve of his body and tight against
his heart. "And yes, you pleasure me, Jonet, more than any other woman on
earth. And that, my love, is the absolute hell of it."
***
"Wake
up, sweetheart, and give me a kiss. I can't delay any longer."
Jonet
opened her eyes. The room was in darkness, but she could tell Alexander was
dressed.
Dear God, he was leaving!
She
sat up, instantly awake and frantic. "You let me fall asleep! I didn't
want to. I didn't want to waste our time!"
He
sat down on the bed, drawing her into his arms. "We both fell asleep, but
only for a couple of hours. Speaking just for myself, lass, after the day
you've put me through I was badly in need of it."
He
kissed the top of her head, then brushed his lips against her bare shoulder.
"Grant's ready with the horses and a dozen grumbling admonishments about
young fools wasting good daylight and then riding off in the dark. But with a
moon and this dry spell we'll still reach Edinburgh in time."
He
rested his cheek against her shoulder for a moment. "I'd give up a small
fortune to waste just such another day with you, lass."
"Alex..."
Jonet clung to him, memorizing the feel of him in her arms, the way his heart
thudded against hers, the heat of his mouth against her skin. Her throat
constricted. "Whatever it is you're going back to, Alex, be careful, won't
you?"
"Aye."
"And
for the love of God, beware of the Douglases! They'll hate you for my sake now
as well as your own."
"Aye,
lass."
Her
arms tightened around him. He'd called her love in passing, but he'd never once
said he loved her. He'd never even said he wished she could stay in England.
But she wasn't as innocent as she had been before, and she'd learned enough of
the game not to ask. "Don't forget me," she whispered. "Please,
don't forget me."
He
caught her arms, kissing her, taking her back onto the bed. "Not a chance
in hell of that, lass. I only wish I thought otherwise."
For
a moment longer he held her. "You've never mentioned Mure," he said
unexpectedly. "I've been waiting for it all week."
Jonet
hesitated, choosing her words. "You hate him, Alex. I understand that now,
though I wish with all my heart it were otherwise. I'll never convince you of
the kind of man he really is, so I've no wish to offend you by talking of it.
Besides, he's in God's hands, Alex, not yours. I mention him there oft enough.
I'll be mentioning you as well. For the rest of my days, I suppose."
"I'll
get word to him if I can. I'll tell him you're safe and well."
It
was a gift, overwhelming and totally unexpected. It brought an ache to her
throat as nothing else had. "I'd appreciate that, Alex... very much."
"Aye."
He drew another breath. "Well, lass, this is it, I suppose."
She
started to rise, but he stopped her. "No! It'll be easier for us both if
we say our good-byes here." He kissed her again, hard and angry. "Go
with God, Jonet Maxwell. Think of me now and again."
"Alex..."
She clung to him, fighting teats. "Oh, God, does it have to be this
way?"
"Aye.
This is the best I can do for you, lass. You don't understand, but I promise
it's true. And someday you'll understand... someday you'll thank me for sending
you on your way."
He
brushed his lips against hers. "Take care, sweetheart. Enjoy yourself in
London and Paris. Just don't let them change you too much."
He
caught her arms from about his neck, bringing her hands to his mouth for a
swift kiss. Then he released her and stood. "Good-bye, Jonet."
His
words were harsh. Her own were a whisper. "Good-bye, Alexander."
Turning,
he made for the door and pushed through, cursing, moving blindly down the
twisting stairs, through the dimly lit hall and out. The pain was deep and raw
and didn't show any indication of letting up. God, it was worse, even, than
he'd expected!
The
shadowy figure of a woman disengaged itself from the wall and moved into his
path. He stopped.
"So
you've torn yourself away at last. Are you sure you've strength enough left to
reach Edinburgh?"
He
curbed his anger. "Aye, my sweet, that I do. But I'd appreciate it if
you'd behave yourself the next few days. Lyle's escort will be here for Jonet
by the end of next week. If you must sharpen your claws on someone, Diana, save
it for me. I'm a bit nearer your match, I believe."
"So
she told you we talked. I'm sorry I missed it." Diana sounded amused.
"Just what did she say?"
"Nothing
much. But I'd the wit to paint in the picture. And I must admit to a bit of
surprise. I thought I knew you better."
Diana
had stepped closer. He could smell the expensive French fragrance she always
wore. "You thought I'd be pleased you were sleeping with another woman
under my roof?"
"I'd
no idea you'd care," he responded coolly. "You've never wanted
exclusive rights. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite. As I recall when we
were in Paris, you were sleeping with half the French court... Francis
included."
She
put a hand on his chest. "Were you jealous, darling?"
"No,"
he said baldly. "And I've never known you to be either."
Her
hand caught the clasp of his jack. "I've never thought I had reason. I'm
just not so sure this time."
For
a moment he said nothing, then he disengaged her hand and stared down at it.
"You and I have a past of good times and pleasant memories, Diana, perhaps
a future to make more if it pleases us—if things work out. Jonet and I had
nothing but a week. One week. I'm sorry if it angered you. If I'd known, I'd
have taken her elsewhere."
Diana
laughed suddenly. "No, you wouldn't, you liar. You'd have wheedled me into
keeping her, because you'd nowhere else to go."
Alexander
smiled in spite of himself. "There is that. But I expect I'd have thought
of something." He squeezed her hand. "Now, promise you'll be good. I
won't leave her here for you to torment."
"You're
coming back? With James?" she asked softly.
"If
God and our lord chancellor cooperate."
He
saw her smile in the darkness. "Very well then, Alex love, I'll be good,
if it pleases you. But just remember, I'll be sharpening my claws."