Authors: Without Honor
She
held out the crumpled square of paper, saw him suck in his breath and frown.
"Your jerkin. You left it this morning."
She
hesitated. "You once told me our Lord himself couldn't convince you to
help Robert. I knew when I saw this that you must love me a very great deal.
That's why I couldn't let you go."
Alexander
took the writ, stood staring at it oddly. "Oh, aye. We'd a bit of a battle
over this." He smiled. "He didn't come himself, you understand, but
he sent a most persuasive messenger."
Jonet
bit her lip. "Oh, Alex, I do love you. But I lied, you know. I'm not
pregnant."
He
smiled. "I felt reasonably certain you'd have told me last night. Besides,
it's a bit early for you to have known."
"Are
you... angry?"
"I'm
feeling any number of things right now, but no. Anger isn't one of them."
"Oh?
And what is it you're feeling?" she asked softly.
"Regret,
lass, for what I've put you through, for all you're giving up. You've no more
notion than a lamb what it's like to live with the gossip, the whispers, the
slander and crude jokes. I wanted more for you... so much more."
Her
eyes danced. "But I didn't want to be a countess."
"Oh,
aye." He grinned. "You showed me that right enough. And the rest of
the court as well."
He
hesitated, sobered. "And I'm feeling... I don't know, fear I think. Fear
that I won't be able to make it up to you, that I won't be able to make you
happy. You're giving up so much for me, Jonet, and I've so little to offer in
return. I'm no fit match for you, lass. Mure was right in that much at
least."
Jonet
slid her arms around his neck. She was sure of herself now, on steady ground at
last. Elizabeth Hepburn had known her son well. "Don't put me on a
pedestal, Alex. I'm a flesh and blood woman. I want the man I love for as long
as he'll have me and be damned to the rest of the world and their airs.
"I
want to go to bed and wake up with you each day. I want to see to your
household and mend your clothes. I want to love you and fight with you and
laugh with you. I want to raise your children, Alex, I want us to raise them
together. I want so much, but..." She frowned. "But what if James
doesn't allow it? I can't help but worry. He called me
Douglas,
for
pity's sake!"
Alexander
was smiling. "You are standing, lass, in the arms of your warden—by
special appointment of His Grace, King James. He's a stake you see, in keeping
me in Scotland. He thinks, as a matter of fact, that Jonet Maxwell came along
at a damned fortunate time."
He
bent and kissed her once, then lifted his head to grin down at her. "By
the way, lass, it's a blessing you've an interest in mending my clothing. I've
a shirt that needs your attentions. It's lost some buttons somehow."
***
Things
moved quickly after that. After fourteen years of virtual imprisonment, the
young king of Scotland had the bit in his teeth. What Jamie Stewart wanted, he
got. And what he wanted was Alexander Hepburn wed to a Scotswoman and safely
enmeshed in Scottish affairs.
By
evening the day after Jonet's astonishing announcement, the highest bishop of
the church had ruled her marriage to Thomas Douglas invalid. By the following
morning she was packed and dressed for travel and reciting her vows to
Alexander in a private ceremony in the castle's tiny St. Margaret's Chapel.
The
king was in attendance and Elizabeth Hepburn of course. And in the back of the
room, Duncan Maxwell stood stiff and unsmiling against the wall. Oddly enough,
Henri d'Estaing, the French ambassador, kept him company.
The
ceremony ended. Those assembled knelt and heard Mass. And then Alexander was
drawing Jonet to her feet, pulling her into his arms for a kiss that was brief,
if promising. "I'll see to a more thorough job of this later, Lady
Hepburn," he whispered. And then he was turning her toward James to
receive the king's congratulations.
Alexander
remained behind a moment to talk with the king, and Jonet made her way toward
Duncan. "Thank you for coming," she said softly.
"I
thought a Maxwell should be here. 'Twouldn't be proper otherwise."
"Aye."
She hesitated. "I tried to see Robert yesterday. He wouldn't receive me.
We're leaving this morning for Durnam. Would you talk to him, Duncan? Ask him
to see me? I... I need to talk to him."
"I
thought you knew, lass. He left this morning at dawn." Duncan frowned.
"I'm sorry."
"So
am I."
He
patted her hand awkwardly. "Give him time, lass. He's got a bee in his
bonnet where the Hepburns are concerned. Perhaps he'll come round."
Jonet
nodded. "Aye, perhaps." She took a deep breath. "I've written
him a letter explaining things as best I can. Alexander wrote one too. We were
going to give them to James, but perhaps it would be better coming from you.
Would you fetch them from Agnes, ask him to read them when you think the time's
right."
"I
will. But don't get your hopes up anytime soon."
Jonet
shook her head. "I won't. And thank you, Duncan. Thank you for coming."
"For
what it's worth to you, lass. I don't think Hepburn's so bad as he's painted.
Oh, I wanted his blood right enough when I learned who'd held me. And he made
no effort to excuse himself. Said he'd taken me to keep me from putting a thumb
in his plans."
Duncan
frowned again. "Then I learned a peddler'd stopped by at my place, dropped
off a sack of coins as if from me and told my lady Alice I was safe and in
hiding. Gordon's croft was visited as well, his family's needs seen to.
Hepburn'll take no credit, refuses all thanks. But he'll not deny the deeds
either."
Jonet
was smiling. "That's the kind of man he is, Duncan. He's so used to being
considered a devil, he doesn't want it known that he's not. And that's not all
he's done for the Maxwells. Perhaps some day I'll be able to tell you the
rest."
He
stared at her searchingly. She smiled, reached up and kissed him lightly on the
cheek. "Take care of Robert for me. Don't let him brood. And tell him I
love him. That I always will. Give my love to everyone at Beryl. Tell
them—" She broke off, shook her head and swallowed hard. "Never
mind."
Alexander
had come up behind her. She felt his presence even before he slipped a
comforting arm about her waist. "Thank you for coming," he murmured
to Duncan. "It meant a lot to Jonet."
Duncan
nodded stiffly. "I'd always a soft spot for the lass. Just see that you
treat her well, Hepburn. She's kinsmen to protect her, you know."
Alexander
refused to be offended. "She's a husband to protect her as well." He
glanced down at Jonet. "We'd best get outside now and mount up. If we push
we can still reach Durnam before nightfall."
He
grinned at Duncan. "You're welcome at my hearth anytime, man. Voluntary
this time, of course."
The
words won a reluctant smile. "I might take you up on it. Just give me a
room with a window next time."
And
then they were sweeping outside into the courtyard. Grant was standing with the
horses, a grin slashing his face from ear to ear. The rest of Alexander's men
would be waiting below in the town.
James
was talking to the French ambassador. D'Estaing motioned to Alexander, called
out for him. With a mumbled apology to Jonet, Alexander moved away to join the
men.
Elizabeth
Hepburn walked up, squeezed Jonet's hands and kissed her briefly. "I
didn't want to interrupt when you were talking to Duncan, but I had to come
wish you the best."
Jonet
smiled. "Thank you. I only wish I could persuade you to come on with us
now. Alex and I don't need to be alone." Her smile widened. "I'm
quite shameless you know. Everyone says so."
Elizabeth
shook her head. "What you are is an answer to prayer, my dear. You'll
understand that some day when you're a mother. When you watch your sons and
daughters go into the world. When you worry over them, pray over them, and hurt
over their mistakes far more than your own."
Elizabeth
was still smiling, but her eyes were suspiciously bright. "He's been mine
twenty-five years, you know. It's difficult giving him up. But I can give him
to you with a light heart, knowing how much you love him. Knowing you'll never
willingly hurt him. I just pray Robert comes to have that same peace some
day."
And
for the second time in a matter of minutes, Jonet found herself fighting tears.
"Thank you. So do I."
Alexander
was walking toward them. Elizabeth squeezed Jonet's hands again and stepped
back. "Enjoy yourselves, my dears. And don't take a moment for granted.
Not a single one."
Alexander
looked thoughtfully from one pair of teat-filled eyes to the other.
"Here," he said, holding a letter toward Jonet. "A little
something d'Estaing asked me to give you. Said it's part of his wedding present
to the new Lady Hepburn."
"What?
That horrible Frenchman?"
Alexander
grinned. "Well, aren't you curious? I damn well am!"
Jonet
took the letter and glanced over her shoulder. But James had already gone and
the ambassador with him. She broke the wax seal, concentrated on the elegant
French phrasing the page contained.
And
then she gasped. "Alex, you're no longer wanted in France! This says
Francis has revoked the reward."
"I
suspected it might be that."
Her
eyes widened. "Whatever did you do?"
He
lifted his eyebrows. "Then or now?"
"Both!"
"I
imagine I'll tell you some long winter's night when we've nothing better to
occupy our time." He sent her a smile. "Just don't expect it any time
soon, lass."
And
then he slid one arm around his mother, the other around his wife. "Are
you sure you won't come with us, Mother? We can easily wait a bit for you to
pack."
"No.
I'm renewing some acquaintances here in Edinburgh. I'll be along in a few
weeks."
He
kissed her cheek, then turned, lifting Jonet into the saddle. "Well, my
lady wife, are you ready to ride south across Scotland again?"
Jonet
smiled. "With you, my lord husband? Anywhere."
Grant
moved closer and held out Alexander's reins. "No outlaws, soldiers,
storms, or Douglases. By the rood, I fear it'll be a dull trip this time."
Alexander
swung into the saddle, grinning down at his man. "I don't know about you,
Grant. But I'm not worried."
The
dour Scotsman shaded his eyes from the bright morning light. "No," he
said softly. "I'm not worried, lad. Not anymore."
Jonet
frowned at the pen in her hand, stared once more at the near empty page. She
thought back over the last few weeks, of the new life she had made with
Alexander. What could she tell Robert that she hadn't already? What could she
say to make him respond?
"Another
letter, lass?"
She
started guiltily. Alexander stood in the doorway. He was frowning.
"Yes.
Are you angry?"
"Aye,
but not with you. Never with you, lass." He moved into the room, came to a
halt beside the desk she was using and squatted down on his heels. "It's
been five weeks since we left court, Jonet. If memory serves, you've sent off
five letters. None have received any reply. You don't even know if he's read
them."
She
forced a smile. "Well, I don't know he hasn't."
Alexander
put a hand on her knee and returned the smile. "You have me there. Just
let me know when it's done. I'll have a man ready to carry it."
"Alex..."
She hesitated. "Would you rather I didn't?"
He
rose to his feet and staring down thoughtfully. "I'd rather you didn't get
hurt. But I can't do a thing to stop that." He touched her cheek, traced
her cheekbone with one gentle finger. "I warned you, lass, that he'd never
forgive us. I only wish for your sake I'd been wrong."
"You
may be yet. He's a good man, Alex. Despite the side you've seen, he really
is."
"If
you say so." Alexander hesitated, frowned again. "Jonet, lass, are
you happy?"
She
stared at him in astonishment. Was it possible he didn't know? She rose to her
feet. Slipping her arms around his neck, she leaned close. "If you have to
ask then I must be doing something wrong." She pressed a kiss against his
throat, hoping to divert him. "Perhaps I need more lessons. I'm at your
service, lord husband."
His
arms went around her, locking her tightly against him. "No, lass. You've
got that part fine."
Jonet
leaned against his chest, enjoying the feel of his arms around her, waiting to
learn if he wanted to talk or make love. When he stood just holding her, she
asked, "What is it? You can't really think I'm not happy?"
He
hesitated again. "It's just when I see you frowning over those damned
letters, I can't help wondering how much better off you'd be if I'd never come
into your life."
"Don't
say such a thing. Not ever!" she said fiercely. "Even if Robert never
forgives me, if I never see him again, I wouldn't change a minute of these last
five weeks." She hesitated, smiled. "Well, I would give up that week
you were at Tantallon. I was worried sick something would go wrong."
"Aye,
and so it did. With half of Scotland ringed around him, Angus got his household
down the seawall and into a boat. I've never seen a lad so wroth as Jamie
Stewart that chill dawn when he realized his pigeon had flown."
"I
don't give a damn about James or Angus or even the Douglases. I've become
terribly selfish, Alex. I only care about you! I thought I'd proved that back
in Edinburgh." She grinned up at him. "I suppose I'll have to come up
with something wildly outrageous just to prove it."
Alexander
had begun to smile. Wordlessly he bent, began a kiss he made clear was just a
beginning.
A
forced cough came from the doorway. "Sorry, lad. You forgot to close the
door."
Jonet
grinned across at Grant. "You might remedy that on your way out. I'm not
going to let you take him, you know."
Grant
smiled back. "Business, lass. But I'll only keep him a minute."
Alexander
released his wife and stepped away. "Go on, Jonet, finish your letter.
I'll be back in a bit."
"No,
you stay. I'm not in the mood to write after all." Jonet caught up the
letter. Crumpling the page, she tossed it into the empty fireplace.
"Actually, I'd promised to meet your mother, Alex. We're having a look at
the herb garden, trying to decide what to add for next spring."
"All
right then. I'll find you when I'm done here."
Jonet
nodded and left. Grant closed the door behind her. "Mure again?"
"Aye,"
Alexander responded grimly.
"I
take it the lass doesn't know he's refused the letters."
"No.
Somehow I couldn't take that hope away. There's an old woman there, Jonet's
nurse. I've instructed Wat to ask for her. She's taken the damned things
since."
Alexander
turned and walked to the fireplace, stating angrily at the crumpled page.
"Sometimes I'm half tempted—" He broke off, cursed softly.
"No,
lad. 'Twould only make matters worse." Grant moved to stand beside him.
"I've news, Alex. Jem just rode in from the borders. You were right. The
Douglases haven't crossed yet. They're hidin' out in the bogs. And Angus is
askin' to see you."
"What
about Murdoch... Thomas?"
"Still
with Angus near as the lads can tell."
Alexander
nodded and frowned thoughtfully. "Send someone for Gordon Maxwell. Some
debts are about to come due. And tell the men to get ready to ride. I'll see my
lord Angus. It's the very least I can do."
***
Jonet
lifted the hem of her riding skirt and moved briskly up the stairs in search of
Elizabeth Hepburn. She'd been for a ride, but it hadn't quelled her
restlessness. Alexander had been gone but two days and she missed him terribly.
What's more she was worried. He hadn't told her what he was doing and that was
a sure sign it was dangerous.
She
frowned, wondering how Elizabeth had stood it all these years. How she had
survived the worry, the empty days. How she had endured the long nights alone
after once being loved by a Hepburn.
She
turned down the corridor. Elizabeth had agreed to stay on at Durnam for the
winter, but had insisted on furnishing her own apartments in a separate wing of
the castle. Alexander had been right. Near a third of his home was empty and
uninhabitable. And he was still refusing to ask for Jonet's dowry.
Her
frown deepened. She was getting over the hurt, was beginning to be a little
angry with Robert. If he continued to ignore her she would go to the king. She
was a wealthy woman in her own right, even without any dower from him. She
wouldn't come to Alexander with nothing but her love and the clothes on her
back.
She
approached the parlor and caught the sound of voices. Duncan? God be praised!
It was Duncan Maxwell's deep voice she heard. She hurried toward the door.
"Merciful
Father God! You mean the lass doesn't know?"
"No.
My son didn't tell her. He didn't think Robert would make it public."
Jonet
stopped, held her breath.
There
was a slight pause. "I told him he was wrong. The Robert Maxwell I knew
would never live with that lie."
"Aye,
he was wrong. Robert stood up in Parliament and read out the whole ugly truth.
He asked that the injustice done the Hepburns be righted. I've no need to tell
you the scandal it's caused. The whole land's abuzz with it."
"Poor
Robert."
The
door was open. Jonet stepped through. "Forgive me, but I couldn't help
overhearing. I'm pleased to see you, Duncan. Now, what's this about a
scandal?"
"Jonet!"
Duncan looked helplessly toward Elizabeth.
"It's
something Alex will want to tell you himself. I suggest we wait for him."
Elizabeth smiled reassuringly. "It'll not make much difference, believe
me."
Jonet
looked from one to the other, beginning to feel cold inside. It was something
Robert had done, something that had to do with her. She could tell by their
faces, by the pitying look in Duncan's eyes. "I suggest you tell me
now," she said evenly. "If you don't I'm fully capable of stopping every
passerby on the road until someone tells me the gossip. This obviously concerns
me. I want to know."
Elizabeth
moved toward her, put an arm about her shoulders. "It's nothing to look so
anxious about. It was all over and done a long time ago."
"Then
tell me."
Elizabeth
stared at her thoughtfully. "Very well." She drew a deep breath,
paused as if searching for words. "Alexander did manage to see that letter
he told you about, the one betraying information to the English just before
Flodden." Her arm tightened about Jonet. "There's no easy way to tell
you, child. It was written by your father."
For
a moment no one spoke. Jonet didn't move. "But that can't be. Alexander
told me he never got it. Besides my father was... was—" She swallowed.
"He fought for the king, for God's sake!"
She
looked at Elizabeth, then at Duncan. Her kinsman was staring hard at the floor.
"It can't be!" she cried out again.
"Alex
gave the letter to Robert," Elizabeth continued softly. "He thought
that would be an end to it. Your uncle decided otherwise."
Jonet
stared at Elizabeth. Slowly the implications began to hit, knotting her
stomach, constricting her chest. "But this means that..." She
swallowed hard. "That my father committed... treason." She caught her
breath, clenched her fists. "That... that Gavin Hepburn was imprisoned and
murdered for what my father did.
My
father!"
Her
eyes widened in horror. She jerked away from Elizabeth. "And I forced Alex
to marry me. God, what must he think every time he looks at me, every time he
touches me? And that ring, that damned, awful ring! My father wore it. How can
Alexander stand to—"
She
broke off and swung around, staring wildly at Elizabeth. "And you! How can
you bear to have me in the same house?"
Elizabeth
crossed the floor and caught Jonet's arms. "Stop it, Jonet! You know how
we love you. All of us. You bear no blame for what your father did. And as for
Alex, he loves you... more than anything else in the world!"
Jonet
stood motionless. Her stomach was churning, her thoughts spinning wildly. How
could everything change so horribly in a moment, in the space of a few brief
sentences? She was a Maxwell still, but it no longer meant what it had. She was
the daughter of a spy... a traitor. "Tell me," she whispered,
"when did Alex learn of this?"
"That
day you came to my room. He and Robert fought. It was about the letter."
Jonet
nodded, bit her lip painfully to hold back the tears. "He told me they
fought, you know. He just wouldn't tell me the reason." She drew a ragged
breath and pulled away from Elizabeth again. "And just after that he
announced he was going to marry Diana. God in heaven, whatever have I done to
him?"
***
Elizabeth
Hepburn stood in the parlor doorway. "Alexander's back. He just rode
in."
Jonet's
eyes flew to the woman, then back to the stitchery in her lap. Her stomach
turned over, her heart slid into her throat. "I'm glad he's safe."
Elizabeth
crossed the floor. "Don't be foolish, my dear. You've been up here
brooding for two days now. Come downstairs to greet him at least."
Jonet
shook her head. "Not in front of everyone. Not now that they all know the
truth."
Elizabeth
sat down beside her. "Do you really think anyone here cares who you are?
Jonet, my darling, they only care that you make him happy."
"But
I care. I care who I am." Jonet stared up. "It was bad enough when it
was just Robert. But this..."
Her
words trailed off. In the silence they heard footsteps ascending the stairs.
"Jonet! Jonet, lass, where are you?"
"In
here," Elizabeth called out. "In here, Alex."
Jonet
rose nervously and moved to the window, staring down into the castle garden.
"Why
the devil are you hiding out up here?"
Jonet
swung around. Alexander stood in the doorway. His leather jerkin and breeks
were mud spattered, his heavy black hair tossed by the wind. He had never
looked more magnificent.
Elizabeth
had risen from the settle. "Duncan Maxwell was here. He told us what
Robert did. I assume that you know."
Alexander's
eyes went to Jonet, moved slowly over her white face. "Aye. I'd word of
it."
And
then in two strides he was sweeping his mother up in his arms, swinging her
around until they were both laughing and breathless. He brought her back to
earth and hugged her again. "I wish he knew," he said softly.
"I'm
sure that he does, Alex." Elizabeth reached up, pushed the hair back
tenderly from his forehead. "And I'm sure that he's very,
very
proud
of his son."
They
gazed at each other, a look encompassing the hell they'd been through, this
final triumph they shared. Elizabeth smiled, then glanced back at Jonet.
"And now I'm going outside to the garden to enjoy this incredibly lovely
day. I'll see you two later." And with that she was gone, closing the door
carefully behind her.
Alexander
smiled at Jonet. "My question stands, lass. Why are you hiding out
here?"
Jonet
drew in an unsteady breath. "I don't know really. It's foolish, I suppose.
But I couldn't bear to meet you downstairs. Not in front of everyone."