Stubborn Heart (12 page)

“Yes,” Mark said without looking up.

Carla stood staring at Mark for a few seconds, and then turned to walk back to the unit. She glanced up as she passed Trevor in the hallway, but she didn’t speak.

“What’s wrong with Carla?” he asked as he poked his head in the doorway of Mark’s office.

“She’s in a mood,” Mark replied tersely. He barely paused from what he was doing.

“She may not be the only one,” Trevor said, half-jokingly.

Mark glared up at him. “What?”

“Is this a bad time?” Trevor asked. “Obviously something is up.”

“Sometimes she just likes to push my buttons.” Mark exhaled, his expression softening.

“Do you want me to come back later?” Trevor asked, his voice showing concern.

“No,” Mark said, smiling. “What can I do for you?”

“Nothing… right now.” Trevor wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“You are such a goof!” Mark laughed and visibly relaxed. He stood up and walked around the desk.

“At least I got you to smile,” Trevor said, his own face filled with a big grin.

“Actually,” Mark started as he pulled Trevor into the office and closed the door, “I think a kiss would help my day immeasurably.”

Chapter 13

“I
JUST
need a minute,” Trevor said, putting away dishes in the kitchen cabinet.

Mark sat down at the table to watch. Trevor brought him a cup of coffee while he waited. They had decided to celebrate Thanksgiving early since Trevor would be flying home to Idaho to spend the holiday with his family. Mark had agreed to have the dinner at his condo on the condition that Trevor helped him with the shopping. Since most of the food would be purchased at the farmer’s market, Mark had arranged to drive over and pick Trevor up on the way. Mark turned when he heard a door open. He looked up to see a sleepy-eyed Derrick padding down the hall wearing a baggy T-shirt and gym pants.

“Hey, Mark,” Derrick said groggily, giving a slight wave. He walked into the kitchen and whacked Trevor on the buttock with one hand. “I thought you’d be gone by now,” he said to Trevor as he filled a glass with water. Without waiting for a reply, he walked out of the kitchen and back down the hall. He went into Trevor’s room and closed the door.

Trevor’s room!
Mark realized with a jolt. He looked over at Trevor, who seemed oblivious, still drying and putting away dishes. Mark felt his face get hot as he turned to stare down the hallway. Déjà vu.

“Okay. Let’s get going,” Trevor chirped cheerfully as he looped a dish towel through the refrigerator handle. He stopped as he looked at Mark, seeing his tightly drawn face. “What’s wrong?” he asked, glancing down the hallway as well, but seeing nothing out of the ordinary.

“What is Derrick doing?” Mark asked. He kept his face turned, not daring to look at Trevor.

“Going back to bed, I guess,” he answered, shrugging.

“No,” Mark said, his voice low and harsh. “What is he doing in your bedroom?

“I told you, he probably went back to bed,” Trevor repeated. He continued to look at Mark, trying to determine the reason for his sudden change in behavior. “Come on, let’s get going before all the good stuff is gone.”

Mark stood and followed Trevor out of the apartment. His face was still drawn and his arms tightly crossed. Mark walked briskly to his car, leaving Trevor following behind.

“Stop!” Trevor finally commanded. He positioned himself in front of Mark and grasped both his arms so that he had to look at him. “What is wrong with you?”

Mark shrugged his arms free. “I can’t believe I caught you in bed with Derrick!” he hissed through clenched teeth.

“What are you talking about?” Trevor was dumbfounded by the accusation.

“You heard what I said,” Mark replied, his eyes hard and angry.

Trevor took a deep breath, trying to keep his own rising anger in check. “First of all, you didn’t catch me in bed with Derrick.”

“Why is he in your room?” Mark pressed.

“Because his parents are sleeping in his bed,” Trevor said brusquely. “They’re on the way to see Derrick’s aunt and stopped over to spend the night.”

“You still didn’t have to sleep with him. You could have come to stay with me.”

“Mark, this is crazy. Derrick’s parents didn’t get here until after midnight,” Trevor attempted to explain. “Would you really have wanted me to wake you and come over at that hour?”

Mark stared at him, but didn’t say anything.

“I can’t believe you are acting like this,” Trevor said, exasperation clear in his voice. “Mark, you don’t need to worry about Derrick. Or anybody else, for that matter.”

“I know,” Mark said, his voice low as looked down at the pavement. “I know that I have no right to be jealous.”

“You have no
reason
to be jealous,” Trevor corrected. “I love you.”

Mark felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He stared at Trevor. “No!” he gasped in disbelief. “You don’t get to just say that.”

“This isn’t how I intended to say it,” Trevor admitted. “But I’m glad I did say it. You need to know. I love you, Mark.”

“I can’t do this right now,” Mark said quietly. His face still bore the same shocked expression. He climbed in his car and drove away, leaving Trevor staring after him.

M
ARK
spent more than three hours walking in circles on the track that surrounded the football stadium at a nearby high school. Unable to face going home or talking, he had turned off his cell phone and pulled into the parking lot of the school. He blinked in astonishment when he turned his phone on and saw how much time had passed. He saw that he had three messages, and pressed the button for voice mail.

The first message was from Trevor. It had come only minutes after he had turned off the phone. “Mark, please talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. Whatever I said, I’m sorry. Please call me back.” Trevor sounded anxious and hurt. Mark felt his stomach tense up.

The second message was also from Trevor. It was timed half an hour after the first message. Mark sucked in a deep breath as he listened. It was obvious that Trevor was crying. “Mark, call me back. Please. You have to let me make this right.” Mark felt a wave of nausea rush over him as his gut roiled.
This is exactly why I knew it would be a bad idea to start seeing Trevor
, he thought sadly.
I knew one of us would get hurt.

He pressed the button for the next message. This one wasn’t from Trevor. “Mark, I don’t know what is going on here, but you’re being an asshole.” He recognized Derrick’s voice. There was a slight pause. “If you are breaking up with Trevor, this is a shitty way to do it. You just broke the heart of the nicest man I have ever known. All I can say is that I hope it was for a good reason.” The message ended. A splash of liquid hit the phone display. Mark blinked and realized tears were flowing down his face.

Mark knew he had to try to explain. He drove back to Decatur, trying to figure out how to make Trevor understand. He mentally braced himself as he knocked on the door. He wasn’t sure whether Derrick would let him in or knock him on his ass. Mark figured he deserved the latter. Derrick opened the door. His face was tight and drawn. He said nothing, but moved to one side so that Mark could come in. Derrick’s eyes darted toward Trevor’s room then back to Mark. His tight smile was more like a grimace than a greeting as he walked past Mark and left the apartment.

Mark walked back to Trevor’s room and stopped at the door. Trevor was lying curled up on the bed with his back to the door. “Can I come in?”

“Yes,” Trevor replied without turning. His big body jerked as he sniffed.

What a fucking mess!
Mark thought as he crossed the room. He sat on the bed behind Trevor and reached over to rub one shoulder. Trevor shuddered again. “I am so sorry, Trevor,” Mark soothed as he moved his hand to rub small circles on Trevor’s back. “No one should ever make you feel like this. It kills me to know that this is my fault.”

Trevor raised himself up to look at Mark. His eyes were red and swollen. “I just want to know what I did wrong.”

Mark felt his chest hitch as he saw the pleading look in Trevor’s sad brown eyes. He felt his own eyes filling with tears. “Sweet, sweet Trev,” Mark said softly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” He gently pulled at Trevor’s hand and brought it to his lips. “I’m the one who’s fucked up. I told you this was a mistake.”

“You told me what was a mistake?” Trevor echoed back.

“This. Us,” Mark said with a sigh. “We should never have gotten this involved with each other. I thought we could keep things light and simple. You know, fun.”

“Do you mean fun like this?” Trevor asked as he reached up to wipe his eyes with the palm of one hand.

“No,” Mark sighed. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this at all. This is what I wanted to avoid.”

“I’m sorry that me loving you is causing a problem,” Trevor said flatly. He moved to sit up on the side of the bed, facing away from Mark.

“That’s the point, Trevor,” Mark said with a loud sigh. “You aren’t supposed to fall in love with me. You’re too young to get bogged down in a relationship. You are supposed to finish out your time here and go live your life. You can fall in love after you are settled.”

Trevor twisted so that he faced Mark again. “That’s bullshit and you know it.” Anger simmered in his eyes, but his tone remained even. “I’m twenty-eight years old. That’s only five years younger than you are. Don’t talk to me like I’m a child who can’t know what he wants.”

“I don’t mean it like that at all,” Mark said. He sounded resigned. “I already said I was the one who is messed up. I’m the one with all the baggage.” He reminded Trevor about David and his many infidelities. “When I saw that Derrick was in your room, it all came flooding back,” he explained. “It was like living it all over again.”

“I’m not David,” Trevor said when Mark stopped talking. He scooted himself up in the bed and sat with his back against the headboard and motioned for Mark to join him. “I can’t imagine what kind of idiot he must be not to know how wonderful you are. He shouldn’t have hurt you.”

“Like I just did to you?” Mark asked as he looked up at Trevor’s face. He reached up with one hand to rub his fuzzy cheek.

“That’s different.” Trevor shook his head. “You were confused and you couldn’t help it. You didn’t mean to hurt me.”

“But I did. And I’m sorry.” Mark reached his arm around Trevor’s back and hugged him closer.

Trevor pulled Mark’s head toward him and kissed him gently on the temple. “Give me a chance, and I will prove to you that you can trust me.”

“I’m not so sure you’re the one I need to learn to trust.” Mark settled against the headboard and turned to face Trevor.

“Maybe I can help with that too,” Trevor said softly.

“But what if I keep on hurting you?” Mark asked, sitting up in the bed. He pulled one of Trevor’s big hands into both of his own and lightly kissed the top of it. “You don’t deserve that.”

“We’ll figure it out. Maybe we just need to talk more,” Trevor suggested. He bent his fingers so they laced with Mark’s.

“I’m still not convinced that this isn’t a bad idea.” Mark looked down at his lap.

“I don’t want to stop seeing you,” Trevor said, shaking his head.

“That’s not what I mean,” Mark reassured him. “I really wish today had never happened. What if we just backed up a little bit?”

“I can do that,” Trevor promised. “We can just keep things light and simple. Will that work for you?”

“I’d like to try,” Mark said as he slipped down to rest his head on Trevor’s shoulder.

Chapter 14

M
ARK
drove Trevor to the airport on Wednesday afternoon so he could fly home to Idaho to celebrate Thanksgiving with his family. Today the world’s busiest airport seemed determined to live up to its reputation. Traffic was backed up, and it took almost half an hour to get to the terminal drop-off area. Mark was certain that Trevor wouldn’t make his flight, but Trevor seemed relaxed. Of course, he wasn’t driving. Finally, Mark was able to pull up to the curb. At the check-in terminal, Trevor kissed Mark and promised to call him as soon as he landed. Mark waited until Trevor had checked in at curbside. Trevor waved his boarding pass and went inside the building. Mark watched until Trevor was lost in the mass of people.