Stubborn Love (12 page)

Jared doesn’t say
anything, but I feel his fingers tighten around mine. He thinks he knows
because of what he saw, and in a way he’s right. He undoubtedly saw an awful
thing, something I never thought my own father would do, but while the physical
violence was terrible, utterly disgusting, the emotional manipulation was just
as bad.

“Mia?” Jared finally says
and I know he’s asking for more.

“He was always a cold
bastard,” I say, watching Jared’s face. He looks at me in confusion, so I add
on, “My dad.” I watch as he tilts his head at me. “You always wanted me to talk
about this stuff,” I say.

Jared nods at me,
encouraging me to go on, but saying nothing.

“He rarely showed any
emotion except anger, well, when he wasn’t ignoring you anyway. And although
he’d never hit Luke before, there is a part of me that’s not that surprised it
happened. There were times, like with the guitar that never happened, when I
was genuinely afraid for Luke. You could almost see the restraint Dad was
fighting against.” I stop, remembering the morning after when Dad found the
violin, or what was left of it.
God, that
had been
awful. “But sometimes he could be incredibly cruel too, with just his words,
his actions.”

“Your dad, he never hit
you, did he Mia?” Jared suddenly asks me. I can hear the concern, the hidden
anger in his voice.

“No, he didn’t Jared, I
promise. He was just cruel in other ways.”

I watch as he visibly
relaxes a little now and a small part of me can’t help but wonder what he would
have done, how he would have reacted, had my answer been yes. He leans back a
little and waits for me to go on.

“Mom though, she was a
piece of work with her never ending comments about how I looked.”

“What?” he says, sitting up
a
little.

I try smiling at him.
“Yeah her favourite thing was telling me how fat I looked, especially as I was
about to go out or something. Did wonders for my self-esteem, as you can
imagine.”

Still does if I’m being
completely honest. No matter how much I try to ignore it, it’s always there;
her annoying, condescending voice in my head, reminding me that my jeans look
too tight or my top could be different. Amazing that I still let her get to me,
when I barely even speak to her anymore.

“Jesus Mia,” Jared says,
his face nothing but concern now. “You’re not fat, not even fucking close.
Fuck, I can’t believe she would say that to you,” he adds on. “I mean, you’re
beautiful Mia, beautiful,” he whispers now, making my heart flutter again.

I smile at him, squeeze
his fingers that are still in mine, as I say, “Thank you Jared, you always did
make me feel that way you know, always.”

“Because you are,” he says
quietly and that flutter turns into something more.

I take a deep breath,
trying to get myself under control before I abandon my plan all together and
just crawl up the bed and kiss him instead, try to convince him to give us a
second go in an entirely different way, like back in the bathroom. But as much
as I want to do that, I need to get this all out and right now, it’s going
well, better than I expected it to when I first walked in here.

“Anyway, my mom was a
bitch, no doubt, but with dad, it was so very different.” I shuffle my legs,
trying to get comfortable, even though it’s all the things I have to start
talking about, that are making me feel uncomfortable and on edge.

“Luke though, he always
suffered the worst. Worse than my mom and much worse than me.”

“He was cruel to all of
you?” Jared asks, his shock evident.

I nod. “Luke could never
do anything to make our father happy, no matter how hard he tried…” I hear my
voice crack and I can feel my eyes filling with tears. Taking a deep breath, I
force myself to continue. “But for some reason, I couldn’t seem to do anything
wrong, Jared,” I say, my voice a whisper now. “I couldn’t do anything wrong and
Luke couldn’t do anything right and I fucking hated my father for that. Hated
that he could be that cruel, to both of us, but in such different ways.”

The tears start falling
now as I remember so many incidents from when we were kids. How Luke’s grades
were never good enough, but mine were, which is stupid considering he is the
brainiac
out of the two of us. Or how Luke never answered a
question correctly, the
sir
always
being left off, yet never applying to me. I have no idea why I was the
favourite. No idea why Luke could even stand to look at me knowing I obviously was,
let alone love me.

Jared’s grip on my fingers
tightens. I sit, just staring at him, not knowing what to do as the tears
stream down my face. Eventually he leans forward and pulls me towards him so I
land awkwardly in his lap. My heart is pounding in my chest as he wraps his
arms around me, pulling me closer. God, he smells amazing.

“Luke never blamed you,
you know that right?” he says, somehow knowing exactly what I’m thinking. His
chin rests on the top of my head now.

I close my eyes, not
really sure if what Jared is saying is true. To be honest, I don’t understand
how he couldn’t blame me, dad never made any secret of his favouritism. Almost
using it in a bid to hurt Luke even more, whenever he could, as though it was
all just a game to him. I tried so hard to avoid it, avoid situations where I
knew it could happen, but somehow dad always found a way. He was such a fucking
asshole.

I wipe away the tears that
are slowly falling now, not opening my eyes. Jared squeezes his arms tighter
and I can’t ignore how much I’ve missed this, how much I’ve longed to have him
comforting me like this, like he always did, from the very first day we ever
met.

“I always felt so bad for
him,” I finally say, my cheek resting on Jared’s shoulder. “I felt so fucking
awful, that he always got the worst of it. I could never understand why.”

Jared’s hand slides to my
cheek, gently brushes my hair back, tucking it behind my ear. Without thinking
about it, I lean into his touch, desperate to feel it.

“I promise you he doesn’t blame
you, Mia,” Jared says quietly. “He’s told me what your dad was like, told me a
lot of the things that happened growing up, you know that. But he never once
said anything bad about you. Not once.”

His words, whether they
are true or not, are a comfort, a warm blanket that wraps around me. I turn
into his neck, pressing my nose against his skin and inhaling deeply. He smells
so good, of so many memories, moments I couldn’t erase even if I wanted to. I
want to breathe him in and never let him go. My lips press against his skin
without me even realising what I am doing and I feel a shudder run through
Jared. I just want to freeze time, right now, and stay here in this moment with
him.

“But what does your dad
have to do with us, Mia?” he eventually asks, his hand leaving my cheek now and
dropping by his side. It feels like the distance between us is starting to grow
again, the gap only getting wider despite the fact that we are physically
closer than we’ve been in a long time.

I wish the physical gap
could replace all the other gaps that are currently keeping us apart.

Two
years and eleven months ago – Jared

The sound of voices floats
through my bedroom door. Mia immediately stops kissing me, lifting her head as
she hears them too.

“Shit,” she whispers, not
moving.

Even with the music on in
my room, the unmistakable sound of Luke and Ben’s voices can be heard.
This is followed by the TV coming on, which means only one thing
,
Mia is stuck here. Something I’m not entirely too unhappy about. I tighten my
arms around her waist; urge her closer to me so I can get back to kissing her.

“Do you think he’ll come
in here?” she asks, a scared look on her face as she resists me.

“No, I don’t think so,” I
say, not entirely sure myself. “He’d knock anyway though, so don’t worry baby,
he wouldn’t just storm in here.”

Mia rolls off me, as
though we’re in too compromising a position and she’s not taking any chances. I
don’t think it would really matter, the fact that she’s naked and lying in my
bed can only mean one thing.

“Maybe you should go out
there?” she says, wrapping the covers tightly around her body now.

“And do what?” I ask.
“Leave you in here?”

“Yeah, you know, go hang
out with them so they don’t come looking for you. I’ll just wait here and then
sneak back when everyone’s gone to bed,” she says, completely serious.

“Baby,” I say pushing her on
to her back and half rolling on top of her. “I’m not going to leave you in here
alone just to go and hang out with them. No way.”

“But Jared, maybe you
should go for a bit, just in case.”

I exhale before leaning
down to kiss her lips. Mia kisses me quickly but then pushes me back. “I’m
serious, just go out for ten minutes or something.”

“Mia, please,” I beg,
having zero interest in hanging out with Luke or Ben tonight. Even if I do get
to see Mia every day now, I’m not about to give up any chance at being alone
with her. It’s bad enough that these times are all carefully orchestrated,
planned like some kind of military operation or something and carried out in
secret. I still want to make the most of each and every one of them. And right
now, with Mia warm and naked in my bed, hanging out with the guys is the last
thing on my mind.

“For me,” she says,
knowing of course I can’t possibly say no to her.

I groan as she pushes me
off her and out of the bed now. “This is only going to be for ten minutes and
then I’m coming right back here and you’re going to make it up to me okay?”

Mia doesn’t smile, just
waves her hand at me as if to hurry me up. I roll my eyes at her before pulling
on some sweats and a t-shirt. Before I leave, I walk back towards the bed, put my
hands on
either side of her shoulders and
lean in to
kiss her. Just before I do, I say, “I think it’s time we came clean Mia. Not
right now,” I quickly add on as she looks at me in horror. “But tomorrow, this
weekend at the latest.” Mia still doesn’t say anything, and I close the
distance and give her a quick kiss. “I’m tired of hiding you, baby. Tired of
all this sneaking around,” I whisper against her lips. “You’re too important to
me to hide and I can’t do it anymore.”

“Okay,” she says quietly,
before kissing me back.

The next morning when I
wake up, Mia is curled up in my arms and still sleeping in my bed. I smile when
I see she has actually spent the night for once, not snuck out and left me like
she usually does.
I meant what I said last night
,
I am tired of it
. The sneaking around was fun for a while,
but now it’s just exhausting. I’d only spent ten minutes with the guys, just
hanging with them while they watched a movie. But it had been ten minutes too
long. I wouldn’t have cared so much if she was sitting there with us, but that
obviously couldn’t happen, so I’d been itching to get back to bed with her. I
wanted her to know I’d meant what I said, that she was important to me, very
important.

As I lie here, just
watching her sleep, I can hear Luke moving about in the apartment, the sounds
of the muted TV filtering through. My fingers smooth back her hair and I gently
lean in and press a kiss to her forehead. This is exactly what I’ve been
longing for, to wake up with her in my arms and right now, I’m savouring it.

Eventually Mia opens her
eyes.

“Hey you,” I whisper to
her.

“Hey yourself,” she says
sleepily back to me.

I smile as I lean in and
press a kiss to her lips. “Now this is what I’m talking about,” I say.

“
Mmmm
.”

“I’m glad you stayed
baby,” I tell her. “I love waking up next to you.” I’m pressing kisses across
her jaw when I feel Mia freeze in my arms. “What, what’s wrong?”

Mia’s eyes are fully open
now, darting around the room as though she’s just worked out where she is.
“Fuck,” she whispers.

“Mia, what’s wrong?” I
ask, pulling back to look at her. I cup her face in both of my hands so she’s
forced to look at me. “What’s wrong?”

She smiles a little, but
it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Luke’s up,” is all she says.

“Yeah,” I answer. “And
we’re
gonna
tell him right? I thought we decided last
night?”

Mia takes a deep breath as
though she’s steeling herself for something. My heart starts to beat a little
faster now, as my brain runs through all sorts of crazy ideas, like Mia has
changed her mind, or that she doesn’t want to do this anymore.

“It’s going to be okay,” I
say, my hand rubbing gently up and down her back as I try to stop her from
saying anything other than yes.

“I know,” she answers
unconvincingly.

“Mia,” I say, my voice
firmer. “What’s wrong, what are you so afraid of?”

I watch as Mia’s eyes lock
on to mine now. “I don’t know,” she says.

She untangles herself from
my arms, but I pull her back, holding her against me. “Mia, look at me.”

When she does, I watch her
for a few seconds, trying to read her face, see what’s going on. “It’s going to
be okay. I promise.” She leans in and kisses me and I hold her to me for a
second or two longer, just hanging on to this. “Please Mia, what are you so
afraid of?”

She kisses me again before
resting her forehead against mine. I can feel her soft breaths against my face
and I bite my lip, forcing myself not to say anything in the hopes that she
might. A stillness surrounds us and I’m silently begging her to talk, to say
something, anything, just tell me what’s going on.

“Nothing, nothing. Lets
get up?”

I
watch
as Mia gets dressed, pulling on one of my sweaters, even though that alone will
tell Luke everything. Just before we walk out there, I pull Mia into my arms.
“We’re in this together Mia,” I whisper. “You and me, okay.”

I feel Mia’s arms wrap
around my waist, see her smiling face look up at me and her eyes finally meet
mine. “I know.”

I kiss her quickly, before
taking her hand and walking out to find Luke.

He’s in the kitchen, his
back to us as he makes some coffee. Mia is silent beside me and I can literally
feel the nervousness running through her hand and in to mine. I risk a quick
glance down at her and see she’s practically shaking. I give her a hand a quick
squeeze of reassurance. Turning back, I clear my throat and say, “Luke?”

He half
glances at us over his shoulder, smiling before he turns back to the coffee.
“Hey, you guys want some coffee?”

Mia remains silent as I
answer, “Yeah sure, but first we want to tell you something.” My heart is
fucking racing now too and I’m beginning to understand why Mia is so nervous.
I’m not sure why I’m so worried about this, he’s my best friend, she’s the love
of my life, this shouldn’t be wrong. But before I get a chance to explain how I
feel about Mia, Luke turns to us.

Smiling he says, “What,
that you guys are together? Yeah, I get that.” Before he walks to the fridge to
grab some creamer.

What. The. Fuck.

Mia and I glance at each
other, the shock on her face probably mirroring mine.

“Luke?” Mia finally says.

“Yeah?” he answers,
smiling as he walks back to the coffee.

“You knew?” she asks.

Luke bursts out laughing
now as he turns and leans against the counter. “Yeah Mia, I knew. A blind
person could’ve seen what was happening between you two. I’m glad you’ve finally
decided it’s okay to tell me about it.”

“You’re cool with it?” I
ask, even though I’d always pretended he would be.

He turns to look at me,
the smile still on his face as he says, “Of course I’m cool with it, why
wouldn’t I be?”

I shake my head, not really
sure what I’m supposed to say. Mia’s hand leaves mine as she walks over and
embraces her brother, whispering something into his ear, which has him smiling
wider.