Authors: Cheryl Harper
Their first time had been a wildfire, a spark that turned into a runaway flame. This was a slow, controlled burn. Laura did her best to concentrate on his face, to memorize the intensity of his eyes as he watched her body move. She wanted to be able to remember how the muscles in his arms bunched as he held himself up and how his abdomen felt working against her stomach. No matter how well KT Masters remembered her, she knew she’d never forget how it felt to be surrounded by him.
His hips jerked hard against hers as his hair flopped over his eye. “Damn. Laura, I need . . .”
Laura arched against him and he shook his head wildly. The pace of his hips increased and she scratched lightly across his chest and down low on his abdomen. He muttered, “Fire.”
He eased one hand between them and teased her breasts, did the same over her hip bones and through her damp curls before he touched the spot that sent her hips out of control. Together, they worked to fan the flame, and each shift of the bed brought them closer to the end.
“So damn good.” His hips worked harder against hers and before she knew it, she could feel the explosion start low in her abdomen but it spread throughout her body. She tightened her hold on him and he gave one, two, three more hard thrusts before his climax hit. He collapsed against her. She ran her hands up and down his sweaty back and enjoyed the little pulses that still shook her and his shivers.
Laura did her best to shake off the threat of tears that welled up as she ruffled the wet hair at the nape of his neck. The idea that this couldn’t last forever was just more than she could handle at this point. KT rested against her, warm puffs of air tickling her breast with each uneven, heavy breath. KT Masters, one of the most popular people on the planet, had been melted to a gooey consistency. By her. What a huge ego boost. But the idea that he’d be moving on to the next girl . . . that was heartbreaking.
When he stirred, he eased over to rest next to her. “Damn, Lola. I think I may have to learn to walk all over again.”
Laura laughed like he expected her to. And fought off the urge to curl her head in his neck and cry. They wouldn’t be lady-like tears either. They’d be the ugly sobs of real heartbreak, because the loss was becoming clearer and clearer. And it just didn’t seem fair, after all the hard work and sacrifice and everything that she’d been through, it just didn’t seem right that she was going to lose him too.
KT eased off the bed and stopped in the bathroom before she heard him rummaging in the refrigerator. When he came back in to the bedroom, a gurgled laugh escaped her lips. He clearly had no issue with low self-esteem. Not that she was going to complain about his naked parade.
He hit the light switch as he came back in and she was glad for the shadows. “C’mon, Lola, scoot up here.” She forced herself up and under the comforter. When he wordlessly handed her the cold water bottle, she took off the cap and took a drink, then handed it back. He finished it off, leaned back, and pulled her against his chest. She let out a shaky sigh and closed her eyes.
In the near darkness, she could hear the quiet thud of his heart. She was pretty sure she’d be happy to freeze time right here.
“Now, tell me what’s wrong. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
She gave a small shake of her head. “Not yet.”
He massaged the tense muscles of her neck. “I don’t want to hurt you ever, Laura.”
She tilted her head up to look at him. “I know. Me too.”
And there was nothing more to say. Eventually the slow caress of his hand on her back slowed and stopped and his breathing evened out. Laura fell asleep listening to the beat of his heart.
KT
THOUGHT HE
was dreaming when he felt her hand rub the inside of his thigh. The room was dark and his brain was fuzzy, but if it
was
a dream, he was doing it right. He felt the warmth of an open-mouthed kiss to his chest and her hand on his erection before she whispered in his ear, “Can I?”
He had no idea but he was willing to give it a try. “Mmmm,” was the best he could come up with. He was damn glad he managed that. The slide of her warm skin against his as she moved to straddle his legs awakened every nerve and before he knew what was happening, she’d settled over him and her heat and her warmth made him hiss out a breath.
He wrapped a hand around each thigh and felt the muscles work as her hips moved against his. Then he cursed the damn lamp. He wanted it on. If this had been a dream, she would be spotlighted so he could see her face and watch her body move. But he was afraid to turn on the light, afraid to shatter this illusion. So he used his hands to see her, feel her move against him and then used his thumb where she needed it.
“KT.” His name was a gasp and she was lost. Her hips jerked and her back arched and he felt his own explosion boiling over. She landed in a heap against his chest, her hair a warm blanket that smelled like sunshine and shampoo.
KT combed his fingers through her hair and stretched beneath her.
Laura stirred and whispered, “Sorry.”
He laughed. “For what?” He thought about it for a minute. “We are awake, right?”
She laughed too. “Yes, we’re awake.”
He ran his hands up and down her back. “I thought it might’ve been a dream.”
“Thanks.” She kissed his chest and stretched with a happy sigh.
And if she hadn’t moved, hadn’t jostled his brain, he might have been okay. But she did and the sudden realization that they hadn’t used a condom crashed down him like bucket of ice water. “Shit.” He sat up on the side of the bed. “Shit, shit. Shit!” After she’d spent the time to explain to him about raising a daughter on her own, he’d been bonehead enough to forget the damn condom.
He heard the rustle of sheets and then blinked in the glare of the lamp she switched on.
“What’s wrong?” She leaned against his back and the feeling of those breasts, that stomach, that skin and their time together slipping away broke his heart.
“Damn it!”
She laughed nervously. “Not the reaction I expected.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “We didn’t use a condom.”
“Oh.” Her voice was small as she said it but he heard it as a shout.
“Listen, maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s something, but if there’s a baby . . .” He couldn’t even imagine what he meant to say there. If there was a baby, he’d hate himself, for one thing. Guys like him had no business bringing kids into the world. He knew what he was good at. Entertaining. That was it. He could make people laugh, but he had a short attention span. Stability was the same as boredom in his book. And no kid should live in that world. He knew that better than most. He never meant to be a father, would never be good at it or put a baby through that, but a baby with Laura . . .
She was meant to be a mother. She was good at it even in difficult circumstances. This was why he should have tried harder to get rid of her. This was why she bothered him. She made him want more but he knew that even if she could convince him to change his mind, change his life, he’d never make her happy in the long run. And the memories of his parents’ shouting matches and how they’d made him feel renewed his panic. He didn’t want his kid suffering like that.
“Shit. I never forget the condom. Ever!” KT pounded a fist against the mattress.
The fear made his heart race and he had a hard time catching his breath but he felt her hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t face her, not yet, but she rubbed that hand up and down his arm like she was comforting him.
“I’m sorry.” She kissed his neck. “My fault, but don’t worry. Okay? I’m on birth control. And it’s been fourteen years. We can check, but I imagine any STD I might have picked up from my one and only lover has withered on the vine.”
His heart rate was slowing under the smooth, slow rubs of her hands over his shoulders and arms, but the idea of fatherhood made his knees shaky again.
Finally, Laura sighed and slid from the bed. “I really am sorry.”
He watched her naked back and slim hips as she crossed the room to pick up her shorts. When she stepped into them, he finally managed to say, “What are you doing?”
“Getting dressed. Suddenly I have this urge to not be naked. Ever again.” She muttered, “And to have my head examined and maybe enter a convent.”
KT crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her. “No, I’m sorry. I panicked.”
“Yeah. And I’ve felt that panic before.” She leaned her head against his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.” He shoved her shorts off and pulled her back to the bed. She flopped down and covered her face with both hands. “We’re both out of practice. As long as you’re okay, we’re okay.”
Laura shook her head. “I can’t believe I was so stupid. I don’t get carried away. I always do the right thing.”
He pulled her hands down. “Sleep. We’ll wake up tomorrow and everything will be clear. Promise.”
He turned off the light and sighed when she settled against him. He never heard the soft humming snores start.
W
HEN THE SUN
outside the tiny bedroom window was impossible to ignore the next morning, KT rubbed his eyes and slowly sat up in the empty bed. He looked around the room to see that Laura had started her latest neatening binge. Her clothes from the night before were gone and his pants were folded over the footboard of the bed. He pulled on his boxers and hit the bathroom on the way down the hall. Then he smelled bacon.
“Mm, something smells good.”
Laura spun with one hand on her chest. “You scared me!”
“Forget I was here?” KT crowded her against the counter and kissed her hard on the lips before he snagged a piece of crispy bacon off the counter. He crunched and groaned at the bacony goodness as he slid onto the stool to watch her pour him a huge Coke.
“What time does Holly get home?”
Laura looked at the clock over the sink. “Probably after dinner tonight. I think they were planning to leave Nashville around four.”
And that was it. Feeling a little unsure of exactly what was happening, KT said, “And what time do you have to be at work?”
Laura dished up a plate with eggs and toast and blessed, crispy bacon. “Eleven. I only have the lunch crowd today.”
KT nodded. “I’ll be working with Bob. He’s got some interviews set up this afternoon with some of the contestants and Miss Willodean. But maybe the three of us could go out for a late dinner or dessert, something just to talk.”
He had no idea what he was doing. His damn panic at the thought of accidentally becoming a father the night before should have told him something, something like get the hell out of the Rock’n’Rolla Hotel while he still could without destroying either one of them. Throwing Holly into the mix was just a stupid idea.
No matter how he lectured himself on the right thing or the wrong thing or the things he wanted or didn’t want for his life, he couldn’t bow out. He didn’t want to miss a single, scary, possibly life-changing minute with her. He couldn’t say goodbye at this point. The look on Laura’s face said she was going to do it for him.
She took a tiny bite of toast and chewed it thoroughly before she looked at him.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, KT. And believe me, it kills me to say that. More than anything I want to cancel today and just sit here with you. We could eat toast and talk about television shows or movies or music or a million different things and I would be happy because I know you would make me laugh. You might also make me mad, but along the way I’d probably laugh so hard that my drink would come out my nose.”
KT wrinkled his nose and smiled at her.
“But you need to be in Hollywood. And I can’t . . .” She shrugged. “I can’t just say ‘oh, sure, let me go and put my whole life on hold, while I take my daughter halfway across the country to rely completely on someone I’ve known for a week.’ I can’t. And we could try a long distance relationship, I guess, but then I think about last night. You were panicked over the thought of a baby. I sort of get that over something we didn’t plan, but I just . . . maybe I don’t think it would be such a bad thing to have another baby.”
KT slid the plate back, rested his elbows on the counter and put his face in his hands.
“I feel like I should explain, but I can’t really. It’s just that, I think I had such rotten parents and they seem like they should have been great. But it’s like . . . once I got the show and money started coming, everything changed. And that change ruined them and nearly killed me . . .”
He leaned back and rolled his shoulders. “Then there’s me. And I only really feel okay, like I’m me, when I’m doing something crazy, something wacky, something I’ve never done before and will never do again. My parents . . . getting their attention took something major. Maybe that’s where the need for living on the edge started, but I’m stuck. I can’t let it go. I need to work. Hollywood wants the wild. That’s how I got this job. Every episode was supposed to be extreme, but swimming with sharks and extreme skiing are expensive so we dropped in some low-key adventures . . . celebrity impersonators and pirate festivals, things like that. I thought I’d hate working on those. Too slow. But the stories I’ve heard here in Memphis . . . they’ve been good entertainment. And even if I stumbled a little as the producer, I feel like we’ve got a show to be proud of. Thank God.”
Laura reached over to squeeze his hand. “KT, you should be proud of the work you do. You’ve got a million fans who’d watch you read the newspaper because you’re you. Always charming and full of life. If you want to make a change in the work you do, you can do it. Forget your parents. Nothing you do can change who they are, but you can have the life you want.”
He nodded. “Remember the asshole who took out his bad temper on a waitress because his job was stressful? Yeah, that’s the me we’re working with here. How’s that guy going to handle the inconvenience of a baby?”
He sighed. “And then there’s you. You make me feel like me but in a different way. And I can’t explain that. I just can’t imagine that guy, the one I am when I’m not with you, the one who jumps out of planes and needs that adrenaline, that guy would make a truly awful father, a world-class disappointment. I couldn’t live with myself if a kid of mine ever felt about me the way I feel about my father.”