Styrofoam Throne (20 page)

Renaldo finally showed up, wide-eyed and smiling.

“He scarfed the bait,” he said.

The point of no return had been reached. I was excited to watch it unfold but a shred of guilt had crept in, spoiling the seeds of pending victory.

“Are you sure this won’t really fuck him up?”

“Dude, what? That’s the whole idea!”

“Yeah . . .”

“Get pissed, bro!”

“Yeah.”

“It’s gonna be great, there’s no backing out now. All we have to do is sit back and watch the show. He’s never gonna fuck with us again.”

“Wait, wouldn’t that mean he knew it was us?”

“Dude, stop thinking so much. Do you want to see him pay for all the fucked shit or not?”

“I do,” And I did. He was right—Colin had to pay. We weren’t beating him to the brink of death, we would just fuck with his head for a little while. I decided I’d rather be a part of psychological warfare than any other kind and ditched my worries.

We went and bought tickets to Dracula’s meltdown. Renaldo had us wait in front of the Castle as he checked his watch every few minutes.

“Alright, it’s time,” he said and we lined up at the gates to go inside.

The druid working the door spotted me.
 

“Dono! How scary could this place be when you know what’s behind every corner?” he said.

“I’m here to grab some ass, bro,” I lied. But maybe I’d do that too. First thing’s first though.

“Right on, doing tickets sucks. I never get laid. Slay someone for me.”

“Yeah. Cool, man.”

We shuffled in with a group of about twenty-five people and hung in the back. The thunder and strobe lights started up and Renaldo elbowed me.

“Get ready, dude.”

The tape announced Dracula’s arrival but when he was supposed to pop out of the portrait, nothing happened. We looked at each other and smiled. The crowd started jeering.

The portrait slowly opened with no one behind it. More plebes started heckling for Dracula. Finally, Colin poked his head through it like a timid groundhog. He looked terrified. People started outright booing him.

He crept out of the portrait onto the mantel and just stared at everyone. Kids in front yelled at him.

“Dracula sucks!”

It jarred some reality into him and Colin tried to do his schtick while being completely pie-eyed.

“Who dares . . .” he said, tilting his head quizzically at the crowd. The acid had him in a vice grip. He was under its crippling spell. Renaldo and I couldn’t hold our laughter in. Colin scanned the crowd and locked eyes with me. Then with Renaldo. The acid must have given him a telepathic edge. I could see his psychedelic gears turning as his eyes rolled around like marbles.

“You!” he cried out.

“He knows!” I told Renaldo.

“Who cares? This is great!”

Colin looked like he was going to stage dive off the mantel but fell off instead. The whole crowd erupted in laughter. He staggered to his feet and started ripping his way through the crowd, throwing kids to the side in a wild rage. One of the plebes tripped him and he fell flat on his face, right in front of us. Renaldo was right, this was awesome. Colin tried to prop himself up and started screaming.

“You did this! You’re all going to die!”

The crowd went from amusement to horror as his promise sounded convincing enough. Everyone ran out of the Castle through the entrance as Colin chased us as best he could, staggering through the vertigo and cartoon hell he was battling. The crowd was confused, but they knew this wasn’t part of any act. We bolted down the entrance ramp as Colin swatted at things that didn’t exist and screamed, “I’m going to kill you all!” The people lining up for the Castle had no idea what happened and laughed at him. Colin started throwing punches at kids but couldn’t land any of them.

The fleeing crowd joined the rest of us on the sidewalk. Renaldo and I lost our breath from laughing so hard. We turned around and saw that Colin had picked up a small, long-haired kid by his shirt. He stared into the kid’s eyes as if he was a miniature Satan and began to lift the kid over his head. One of the kid’s fatter friends tackled Colin and sent the long-haired kid crashing down on top of him. Colin was practically foaming at the mouth now and I began to see how bad this acid really was. He was totally unhinged.

Colin got back up and grabbed the fat kid that had knocked him down. All the pier patrons had gathered around and started taking pictures. Some knew there was something clearly wrong and others thought it was a performance to stir up more business. Colin wound up a huge punch, intended for the fat kid, as a camera flash went off. He missed the kid’s face by a mile. By now, everyone knew this was as real as it was bad, and they started yelling for help. Some nearby cops swooped in and took Colin down with an immediate burst of force. This was supposed to be vigilante justice but now it was official.

Renaldo and I stood with our jaws open.

“We fucking did it!” Renaldo said, giving me a high five. My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard but I could also tell we’d gone too far.

The two cops held Colin down on his stomach and pulled his arms back while cuffing him. Writhing around with supernatural strength, Colin bucked one of the officers off, throwing him to the curb. The other cop nightsticked him in the head, and it seemed like Colin didn’t even feel it. Some blood ran down his face and his Dracula makeup looked more horrifying than if it were expertly done. He locked his wild eyes with mine again and I saw what true madness looked like. I stopped laughing.

“I’m going to kill you! You’re going to die!”

The cops didn’t take to that and nightsticked him again, knocking him out.

“Lights out, motherfucker!” Renaldo cheered.

Everyone outside the pier had gathered in a circle around the scene and snapped more photos. They couldn’t believe what they were watching. “That’s the guy from the commercial,” they said.

Another set of cops showed up and threw Colin in the back of their car. Jack ran outside and accosted the police officers.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

“Jack, your boy’s gone insane. He was beating up kids and threatened to kill everyone. He’s on something. Lord knows what.”

Jack was baffled.

“This isn’t something Colin would ever do, something’s wrong,” he told them.

“You got that right,” they said. As they took Colin away, the cops told Jack to shut the Castle down for the night. Jack was crushed and dumbfounded. He spotted me.

“Dono, what the fuck happened?”

“I don’t know,” I said way too innocently. He could tell something was fishy and Renaldo’s snickers weren’t helping. Jack looked us over hard and threw his cigar down on the ground. He told the ticket booth to start giving refunds and stormed off.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here, man,” I said to Renaldo.

“Yeah, bro. Time to celebrate!”

We went to Castle Liquor. I bought a twelve pack and a bottle of Jägermeister. We retreated to the dunes, where Melody and I used to go, and sat on top of the tallest one. Renaldo cracked the Jäger open and took a huge slug.

“Jäger is the best chaser to revenge. That fucker will be lucky if he’s even able to pick a strawberry after that,” he said, passing it to me. Renaldo unburdened himself of all the insults he had taken. The revenge made perfect, justified sense to him.

I was torn. Part of my anger was quenched but it was replaced with a “what did I do?” type of paranoia. I thought I was good at mentally dismantling my enemies. I wouldn’t fight but I could rip them a new one. Even if it was only in front of my bathroom mirror. But now I thought maybe that’s where confrontation belongs.

“What’s wrong, man?” Renaldo said. He seemed pissed he was the only one high on revenge.

“Dude . . . he looked insane. Like, gone.”

“No shit, dude. Who gives a fuck? That guy made you drink his piss, humiliated you at every chance, and fucked Melody. Should we have thrown him a party?”

“No, you’re right,” I gulped the Jäger and cracked a beer. “Yeah, our punishment fit the crime,” I told myself a few times, trying to make it sound right.

“Dude, this should be the greatest night of our lives and you’re fucking sulking. He’s gonna be fine, dude.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, man.”

I wasn’t sure but agreed. Renaldo knew acid better than I did.

“I’m gonna kill yooou guuuuys!” Renaldo said, quoting Dracula. “Dude, that was classic.”

I laughed. The Jäger was making me see the funny side of it. Even if it was the smaller side.

“When he ate shit off the mantel? Fuck!” I said, easing into my victory and buzz.

“It’s a long way down when you’re that high . . .”

“And fried!” I said, still attempting to loosen up. I was really trying to enjoy the moment but guilt kept gnawing its way from the back of my mind.

“Dude, you should be Dracula now. You’d kick ass. You’d get so much pussy, dude,” Renaldo said, pissing off the dune.

I liked the sound of that and would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it before. I leaned back into the sand.

“I vant to suck . . . your tits!” I said, laughing.

“Hahaha, see?”

“Yeah,” I said. Then my thoughts froze. Did I dethrone evil to prop myself up in its place? Was it simple vengeance or a bigger, subconscious plan? Both? I always hoped he wouldn’t show up one day and the cape would be mine.

I got up and brushed the sand off. Too bad my thoughts wouldn’t brush off so easily. I hadn’t considered the burden of guilt in our plan. I didn’t want to answer the questions I was asking myself. The Jäger sloshed in my stomach as I swayed around. Then I got really dizzy. My mouth quickly started to water and I knew what was coming next. I puked a fountain of black all over the sand.

“I gotta go, dude,” I said and staggered home, amused and horrified.

12

Jack held up the “Dunes Times” front page in front of everyone at roll call. It featured a picture of Colin with crazy eyes, swinging on a little kid. The boy looked terrified. The headline read, “A Castle in Ruin.” It went on about how Colin was representative of the whole Castle and how it had become an unwanted scar across the face of Dunes.

“We are fucked,” Jack said, throwing it on the table. “Someone tell me what happened.” He was looking right at me. I stared right back, pretending to wait for an answer with everyone else.

“Dono, you were outside. What happened?”

“He just went nuts. Like he was on something.”

The druid working the door that night backed me up.

“Yeah, he just ran out of the Castle, attacking people like crazy.”

“Colin didn’t do any drugs. That’s one of the reasons why I could depend on him. Next answer.”

“What happened to him?” I asked.

“He’s gonna be fine. He’s locked up but he’ll be out tomorrow. They have to keep him there until he comes back to Earth.”

I realized that when he did come back, he would pin it all on Renaldo and me. This is something I didn’t think about before. But I also knew it’d be impossible to prove. That was the evil, semi-genius of the plan.

“What’s gonna happen with the Castle?” Melody asked. She had positioned herself on the opposite side of the cast members, away from me.

“That’s yet to be seen. But we all know the city hates us. The administration that approved this place is long gone. Probably because of us. I’m not gonna lie, I think we should tone it down from now on.”

Everyone objected and groaned. Because we’d poisoned Dracula, the Castle was going to be watered down. I began to fill with regret. Even more than before.

“I don’t want to hear it. It’s your summer job but it’s my ass. Just stick to cheesy shit and don’t make anyone piss their pants until this blows over, if it even does.”

I had gotten so wrapped up in the Castle that I hadn’t even seen an end to the summer. Or that the ripple effect of bad acid would reach City Hall and dictate how our jobs would proceed. Or affect Jack’s livelihood.

“We need a new Dracula,” Jack said.

A bunch of guys raised their hands.

“Let’s try out a few of you guys and see who works out the best,” Jack said.

“What about Donovan?” Melody said. I couldn’t believe it. I thought we were all fucked up but here she was, nominating me for the mantel. I looked over at her and she just shrugged like nothing happened between us. A few other cast members agreed, some of them I didn’t even know.

“Maybe,” Jack said, staring at me. He knew something was up. “Donovan, today you’re on Electric Chair. We’ll check out your Dracula tomorrow.”

My Dracula. I didn’t even know if I wanted that anymore. Something was up. And Electric Chair? That had to be a bad sign.

“TJ, get the cape on, you’re in there today. I need you to seriously not fuck anyone back there, okay? We gotta wait for the”—Jack cleared his throat before continuing—“smoke to blow over, if it does. Then we can all act like jerks again.”

Being in the Electric Chair room might be the worst job in the whole place. Worse than cleaning up rats and puke. You were seriously tied into the thing with leather straps across the wrists and legs. Like the coffins and Jack’s hearse, the origin of the chair was probably real.

The job relied on the cast member working the room next door to come in and check on you frequently. But I was screwed—the clown was working next door. When he was tying me in, he kept grinning with his head tilted.

“Hey, dude. Are you still mad about the whole kicking thing?” I asked.

He tilted his head in the other direction and stuck to his intense, unblinking stare.

“So you’re gonna, like, check in on me, right?”

He tilted his head again and left.

“Bro, I’ll buy you a churro!” I pleaded as he disappeared. I could always ask a plebe to untie me, but they might think it was part of the act and just keep going. I got worried. The plebes started coming in and I repeated the same punishment over and over. Strobe lights flashed with a loud, electrical crackling sound and I’d convulse around and then die. The tape comes back around, sets me up again, and I’d do it all over. And over. This job, or punishment, was true torture. Because being tied down meant that if someone wanted to rush into the room and mess with you, they easily could. Pretty much anything bad that could happen, would happen.