Unexpectedâand perhaps a little disappointingâbut it all worked the same for me. Before I could even act, he thrust himself back between my lips. A surprised sound lodged in my throat, and it seemed to turn him on even more. I no longer had to worry about who was taking the initiative here; it was all him. His hands held my head and neck in place as he pumped away, pushing into me over and over.
The life-force transfer started in earnest, his energy flooding into me with his thoughts and feelings.
Finally, finally, finally,
he thought, aching desire crackling through him. Feeling his mind and soul, I realized then he might not have been so easy a tag as I originally thought.
He loved his girlfriend. Loved her passionately. But she didn't like oral sex, and one of the biggest fantasies of this guy's life was toâbluntlyâfuck her face. Had I started foreplay in some other way tonight, he might very well have been strong enough to decline. But I had given him the one thing he couldn't refuse. It overpowered the guilt lurking in the back of his mind.
I'll never get this chance again. Allison doesn't have to know.
I knew that rationalization well. It was just about the oldest in the book.
He thrust more urgently, that long shaft filling my mouth as his eyes watched me eagerly, and unintelligible, primal noises sounded in his throat. And for me, who had been denied an orgasm, pleasure was building in a different way. Life-force transfer doesn't occur at the point of a physical contact or even orgasm. It's bigger than that, more holistic. Soul to soul. His energy washed over me now in waves, and it was pure ecstasy as I rode that ocean higher and higher. My body burned with it, nearly to the breaking point. Before that crest crashed over, before our connection broke, I caught one more thought from him, plain and simple:
mouth or face
?
Ah, men.
He chose mouth, moaning loudly as he came. Warm, bitter liquid flooded over my tongue as his body spasmed and his nails dug into my neck and scalp. I waited until he finished, then swallowed because I knew it was what he wanted me to do. It was what every guy wanted. And really, it was the least I could do for him, because with his orgasm came a climax of my own.
The full force of his energy hit me like a bolt of lightning at the same time he felt its loss. I broke from him, gasping at the feel of that power, swimming in that bliss, invigorated and alive. He, however, stiffened and paled, suddenly weak and confused at losing something he hadn't even known he had. He groped blindly for support and caught the edge of a table as his legs gave out underneath him. The table saved him from completely falling over, and I caught his other arm, balancing him. Carefully, I eased him down so he could sit and lean his body against a chair.
His eyes struggled to stay open as the shock of his energy loss pulled him toward unconsciousness. Another cardinal succubus rule: the stronger the guy, the stronger his loss would be. “Oh my God . . . what's wrong with me?”
Pushing aside whatever kindly feelings or sympathy I might have, reminding myself he'dâeventuallyârecover, I stared down at him coolly and rearranged my clothes. “I think you drank too much.” I leaned over and tugged up his pants. “I'll go get help.”
He started to protest, but I was already out the door. I strode back to the dance floor, haloed in his energy. I felt like a goddess entering a temple of worshippers, and many sets of eyes seemed to regard me as exactly that. A few quick searches, and I found his friends from earlier. I told them he'd passed out downstairs and left them to deal with it.
“This one's on me,” I heard Hugh say when I walked back up to the bar. My post-sex glamour would be especially obvious to him.
I ordered a shot of Jägermeister and chased it with another shot of Goldschlager. Nothing like funny-named liquor to top off an evening.
“Does it make you feel better?” the imp asked. He inclined his head toward the two empty glasses.
“No,” I said. “But sometimes it helps me not remember as much.”
I went home after that and cooked myself in a long, hot shower, trying to wash away the feel of sex. My buzz soon yielded to my second headache of the day and a slightly nauseous feeling. I had just settled down on the couch for mindless TV watching, back in my normal shape, when Seth showed up.
“I wanted to see how you were doing,” he explained, sitting down next to me.
“Better,” I told him uneasily. “Sort of. I went out with the gang.”
“Ah. Sounds fun.” He didn't sound entirely sincere. I think “the gang” still kind of weirded him out a little.
He leaned his head on the couch and stared at me for a long time, not saying anything.
I laughed in spite of myself. “What?”
“I don't know,” he said, his face serious. He reminded me of a child staring at the tree on Christmas morning. “It's weird. It's just you're so . . . so beautiful tonight. I mean, you're always pretty, of course, but tonight, I don't knowâI can't take my eyes off of you. I want to . . .” He didn't give voice to the urge.
“Must be the wet hair and pajamas,” I said lightly. “Always a turn-on.”
But I knew what was bedazzling him. The guy from the club. Or rather, that guy's stolen life. Humans couldn't resist it. Immortals couldn't resist it. Racking my brain, I realized Seth had never seen me so soon after a fix. He'd seen me the same day sometimesâand also commented on my attractiveness thenâbut this was the first time he'd received its full effect. It made me feel guilty to see him looking at me like this.
His hand reached for mine, and I tried not to flinch as he took it. Even after the shower, I felt dirty and cheap. I didn't want him to touch me after what I'd done, even if it had been in a different body. I didn't deserve such love.
Seth sighed, still enchanted. His long fingers traced warm, whirling patterns on my skin. I felt my breathing grow heavier. “I wish I could put your beauty into words. But I'm not that good of a writer. Guess I need some work.”
I stood up hastily and tugged at his hand. “Now you're just being silly. I think you're the one that needs to go home and rest.”
He blinked. “Oh. So no more, uh, attempts at sleeping?”
I hesitated. I wanted to do it again but still didn't trust myself. Or Seth actually, not with the way he kept watching me with such rapt admiration, that heat burning in his eyes. One would have thought a backroom fling might have sated my lust for the night, but I wanted Seth just as much as ever. Of course, in retrospect, maybe that wasn't a surprise after all. Said fling hadn't exactly addressed
my
physical needs.
“No,” I told Seth. “Not yet. Too soon.”
He looked like being separated from me would hurt him physically, but he finally conceded when I let him kiss my cheek. It was long and lingering, more sensuous than one would expect, making me inhale and then exhale a long, shuddering breath. I wouldn't return the gesture, however. Not with these lips. He waxed on about my beauty a few more times before finally leaving, and I went to bed shortly thereafter.
Lying there, I told myself over and over that I had done the right thing at the club. I had done what I needed to do to keep myself strong and capable. After all, Seth had said he loved my “whirlwind.” Sex was the means of keeping it strong.
I had done the right thing
. And I had done the right thing with Doug too. Everything I'd done today had been for the best.
And yet . . . if that was true, then why did I feel so terrible about it all?
Chapter 9
“
N
ice glow,” Bastien told me when he answered the door the following afternoon.
“Yeah. Tell me about it.”
I traipsed into his house wearing the Tabitha body, and pulled up a stool at his kitchen counter. He handed me a Mountain Dew from the refrigerator.
“Why so glum? Couldn't have been all that bad.”
“It was okay. In that sleazy, backroom sort of way. Seth came over afterward and couldn't stop telling me how pretty I was.”
“Of course he did.” Bastien was sporting a glow of his own today. “How could he help it? He's a weak mortal, just like they all are.”
I ignored the jibe and took down half the can in one gulp. “On the topic of âweak mortals,' how'd your football game go?”
“Ridiculously boring. Bill must have fantastic speech writers because his conversation is on the same level as that cupboard's over there. But, on the bright side, I did talk to Dana several times, and I think I repaired the damage you did.”
“Ye gods, will you get over this? I didn't do anything. You have no one to blame for that but yourself.”
“Hey, I didn't fall down the stairs. Anyway, I took your advice and played sympathetic brother. She really seemed to go for it. Except . . .”
“Except what?”
He frowned, blue eyes perplexed. “She seems to like me well enough. She asks about my job, she asks about you. But something's weird. I just don't feel like . . .”
“Like she's going to throw herself at you any time soon? Huh. I never would have guessed.”
His expression hardened, doubts banished. “It's just a matter of time, that's all. Like that convent in Brussels. Remember how well that turned out?”
I grinned. “Just a matter of time. Sure. So what are your plans today?”
“Nothing. I'll probably go out later, but now I'm just sort of hanging around. Mitch is supposed to be at work, after all.”
“Well, let's sneak you out and go see a movie or something.”
Frankly, I was eager to do something semi-fun. I had finally made it to my day off, and it hadn't come a moment too soon. The only thing that bothered me was not knowing what had happened at the bookstore whenâor rather ifâDoug came in this morning. If Warren or Paige had been around, they might have banned him for a while. But I certainly didn't have that power, and I hated to lose the coverage anyway. I'd finally resorted to calling Janice, telling her to ring my cell immediately if there were any repeat problems. I hadn't heard anything so far.
Bastien allowed himself grudging interest in a movie. “Anything good playing?”
The doorbell rang before we could check.
“Geez, Bas. It's like Grand Central Station whenever I'm here.”
“Probably a Jehovah's Witness,” he decided, checking out the door invisibly. “Huh. It's Jody. Wonder what she wants.”
I supposed Dana visiting would have been more serendipitous, but I found Jody's presence a relief. “Well, let her go. You're supposed to be at work.”
He nudged me. “You answer.”
“Me?”
“Sure. Make up some reason to be here. She's chummy with Dana. You can do some reconnaissance.”
“Oh, for goodnessâ”
The doorbell rang again, and Bastien looked at me pleadingly. I had a good opinion of Jody, but I didn't like him mixing me up in his affairs. Grumbling, I went to the door. Maybe she was just dropping off more baked goods or something, I thought. Her face burst into a grin upon seeing me.
“I was hoping it was you! I thought I recognized the Passat.”
I smiled back at her. “Good memory. Did you need Mitch? He's at work.”
“No, not really. I just saw the car and wanted to say hi. Are you hanging out here?”
“Uh, yeah. It's my day off, and I promised him I'd . . . do some yard work.”
Bastien, hovering invisibly nearby, got a kick out of that.
“It's a great day for it,” she agreed. I supposed it was, in that crisply sunny sort of way that sometimes shows up in winter. At least we had no rain today. “What were you going to do? It looks like the lawn service took care of most of the leaves.”
That it had. I tried to think of something superfluous that suburbanites wouldn't have already underpaid someone else to do. “I was going to plant some flowers.”
“Oh!” She clasped her hands together, brown eyes alight. “That's a great idea. Do you want some help?”
“Uh . . .”
Beside me, Bastien nearly had a seizure. He nodded his head vigorously and mouthed the word
reconnaissance
.
Yard work was the last thing I wanted to do on my day off, but now I'd gone and boxed myself in. “Sure. I don't really know what to do anyway.” That had to be the understatement of the year.
“Let me grab my coat, and we'll go to my favorite nursery,” she squealed. “This is going to be fun.”
She dashed back to her house, and I glared at Bastien. “I hate you.”
“Don't I know it.” He clapped me on the back. “I'm sure you have a green thumb somewhere, Fleur. If not, you can shape-shift one.”
“You owe me. Big time.”
Jody drove us to some gardening place that looked like a maze of greenery to me. Actually, greenery wasn't quite the right word. Many of the trees and plants had lost leaves, turning brown and yellow as winter deepened. A maze of vegetation, I guess.
“They're still alive,” she told me, assessing plants with an expert eye. “Although, this isn't exactly the best time to do plantings. Still, we should be able to manage something since the ground isn't too hard yet.”
I grimaced. “Sounds dirty.”
She laughed. “How'd you get slated for this?”
“My brother doesn't . . . always think things through. And he's pretty persuasive when he wants to be.” And annoying. And pushy.
“I can see that. He's pretty cute too. Bet he gets women to do anything he wants.”
“You have no idea.”
This made her smile again. “Well, hang in there. Once you get started with this kind of stuff, you get into it. And it's not that dirty. You want dirty, I'll tell you about Guatemala someday.”
“When were you in Guatemala?” Whoa. Somehow I managed her circle picking places like Malibu and Paris for vacations.
“When I was in the Peace Corps.”
“You were in the Peace Corps?”
“Yup. When I was younger.”
I stared after her as she continued checking out the selection. Jody had been in the Peace Corps and worked as an art teacher. She was clearly talented creatively. She was smart and had a good personality. How the hell had she gotten mixed up with Dana?
We ended up buying several plants she called Christmas Roses, plus some bulbs she warned might or might not come up in the spring. Once back at Bastien's, we bundled up in coats and gloves and set to digging in his front yard. I saw him peek out the window and wave at me at one point; I stuck my tongue out at him when Jody wasn't looking.
Jody was only too happy to tell me about her past. I'd ask the occasional clarifying question, and she'd then go on for a while more. I listened, commenting occasionally, andâas much as I hated to admit itâfound the afternoon passing pleasantly. She had been right: garden work wasn't so bad once you started. Inevitably, her chatter turned to the CPFV, and she both surprised and relieved me by admitting some discontent.
“I mean,” she was saying, “I stand by them. Absolutely. It's just sometimes, I wish we were doing things in different ways.”
I looked up, happy to take a break from hacking at the hard ground. “What kinds of things?”
She pursed her cute lips together. “I guess . . . like . . . we spend a lot of time telling people what to do and what not to do, you know? Like we're trying to help them lead better lives, and I think that's good. After all, Dana says an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”
Ugh. Cliché anyone?
“But I also wish we were doing something for those that need help now. Do you know how many families in this area don't have enough to eat? It'd be great if we could work with local food banks to do something about thatâespecially with the holidays coming up. Or like . . . we do a lot to help teens make smart choices, but I visited some shelters for girls that are already in trouble. They've run away. They're pregnant. Dana says they're lost causes, but . . .”
“You don't think so?” I asked gently.
She had stopped digging too and stared absentmindedly at the bulb she held. “I don't think anyone's beyond help. But Dana . . . I mean, she's so smart. She knows more than me about this stuff. I trust what she says.”
“Nothing wrong with questioning.”
“Yeah, I suppose. It's just, well, she's been a good friend to me.” Her eyes focused on something not here, something far away and long ago. “A couple years ago, Jack and I had some, you know, problems. I mean, it happens right? No relationship's perfect.”
“No,” I agreed grimly.
“Anyway, she helped me work through that. I feel sort of . . .”
“Obligated?”
Jody fumbled. “I-I don't know. I guess so. Sometimes, she's hard to know . . . like she can surprise you with things you never saw coming. Other times . . .” She shook her head and gave a nervous laugh. “I don't know what I'm saying. She's wonderful. The most amazing person I've ever met. She does so much good.”
She changed the subject abruptly after that, and I let her. We moved on to happier topics, and I found myself laughing along with her and enjoying her company. At one point, I ran into Bastien's kitchen and made us hot chocolate. We drank it outside as we finished the last of our plants, finally sitting back and admiring our handiwork. Despite my initial misgivings, I kind of liked accomplishing something so tangible.
“Look,” said Jody. “Dana just came home.”
Sure enough, Dana's Explorer pulled in next door, and a moment later, the woman herself strolled over. She graced us with one of those ice-bitch smiles.
“This looks cozy.”
Jody's earlier bubbly nature seemed somewhat diminished. “Tabitha needed some gardening help, so I came over.”
“Wasn't that nice of you.”
Dana gave the other woman a look I couldn't interpret, save that disapproval and possibly anger underscored it. Although I had been arguing to the contrary with Bastien, I got the feeling I might truly have pissed off Dana more than I'd suspected, creating the bad impression he kept accusing me of. It looked like Dana may even have voiced her opinions of me to Jody.
I watched Jody's face pass through a range of emotions. I felt pretty confident there was more iron in there than her surface showed, and for a half a second she looked as though she might lash out in defiance. Then, after a moment's eye contact, she looked away, backing down.
Perhaps I should have simpered just then and tried to weasel into Dana's good graces, but mostly I felt angry at what I perceived as her chastisement. She had no right to do that Jody.
“It was incredibly nice,” I said sharply. “Jody's one of those rare, honestly good people in the world. Not just one who pretends to be. But of course you already know that.”
Jody blushed furiously, and the edges of Dana's smile twitched a little. “Yes. Yes, she is. How's your ankle doing?”
“Good as new.”
“Glad to hear it.”
We all waited in awkward silence. I decided I would wait out Dana this time, no matter how scary that stare. She, of course, was a master of waiting, so it wasn't a surprise when Jody was the one who cracked. Honestly, I couldn't blame her.
“Well. Jack should be home soon. I should get going.”
I stood up with her and helped her gather the tools. We all exchanged a few more stiff remarks, then parted ways.
“What happened? What happened?” exclaimed Bastien when I came back inside. “I saw Dana out there.”
“Nothing new. Jody's a saint; Dana's a bitch. I hope you hurry up and get this done with.”
“Damn it, I'm trying! I don't suppose you found out anything useful?”
“Not really . . . although, I think Jody knows something about Dana. Something juicy enough even for you. She wouldn't tell me exactly what.”
The incubus clung to this piece of information like a dog with a bone. “You've got to find out what! Call her up tomorrow. Take her to lunch.”