Succubus Tear (Triune promise) (17 page)

“Why are you spinning scripture to me? These are just emotions, feelings. Aren’t they?”

“You lack faith, Cain. Therefore you lack understanding. Faith, Hope, and Love are not man’s emotions. They are from God.”

“Are you telling me I have to believe in God in order to understand?”

Purity nodded. “Our God is a merciful God, and a loving God. If Faith, Hope, and Love were man’s, then they would not be from everlasting to everlasting. Faith, Hope, and Love come from the Lord. How can you believe in these, if you cannot believe in God?”

Purity knelt down and placed his hand on Cain’s shoulder.

“Man’s emotions are fickle, Cain. They grow and die. They fade and become renewed. They change almost daily. This is not part of anything that has an eternal nature. But what we choose to do with ourselves, with our lives—that is what lasts forever.”

Cain sat up and held his head in his hands. “I hate this. I hate my life.”

“Perhaps this will help bring you into understanding. Cain, why do you continue to live, if you hate your life?”

“‘Cause I am too chicken-shit to kill myself.”

“Maybe, but even if you do not believe in the Lord, humanity and all their knowledge cannot compare nor create the majesty of life and existence.”

Cain looked up; there was something in Purity’s words that appealed to him. The way he didn’t discount Cain’s personal feelings was unlike the ways of most people he ever met. And Purity’s words about life and existence sparked his wonder versus his angst, as they did not directly attack his former worldview.

Purity nodded as Cain met his eyes. “Humanity treats life with such contempt. And yet, there are humans that live in even the most contemptuous circumstances and refuse to let go of it. For life is ultimately unique and sacred, and never comes back when it is gone. Perhaps the answer to the question Taint put to you—‘Why must you live?’—is something as simple as because life is a gift. For yea, though a cup may holdeth water, the cup cannot claim the water as its possession to do with as it pleases. For the water was poured with a purpose, and will stagnate if it does not serve others. And so must all mankind realize that even though they live, that life was poured in them for a purpose greater than themselves.”

Along with the scenery, Purity slowly faded from view into a bright white light that disintegrated all detail.

“Just remember, Cain: what we feel is a result of what happens. And anything that happens to us is a result of choices—choices that we make or are made by others. Choices affect us, and perhaps all of existence. Remember that, Cain. Choice.”

Close to My Heart

“You will come to me. I know you will. I am your Bond.”

—Al’bah

Cain opened his eyes and rolled over to look at the clock; it was two in the morning. He would have to be at work in four hours. He never looked forward to having to be out all day in the cold winter. His thoughts turned to Al’bah and his dream, and he decided to forgo more sleep to look for her. There on the couch was Al’bah’s still form. Kneeling closer he saw her wings were wrapped around her body, and he felt a stab of guilt upon noticing her tearstained face.

He slowly placed his hands on Al’bah’s shoulders; her skin was freezing cold, adding to his guilt. Her eyes opened slowly as he gently roused her, but she didn’t say anything. She just continued to look into Cain’s brown eyes with her own violet-blue.

“Al’bah…I’m sorry. This is still all so new to me. But I want you to know that I—” Cain stopped, feeling disgusted by how inadequate, how empty his words were. He sighed deeply, closed his eyes, and thought for a moment. He had no idea what he was going to say. His emotions were taken for quite the ride the past few hours. But at the very least, he could tell her some truths that he did feel.

“Al’bah, I will never forget the first time I heard your voice. You were screaming in pain, and I couldn’t help but want to help you. So I…” Cain shook his head, almost unable to believe the truth; he was frustrated of his difficulty to express how he felt. “So, yes. I do care for you. I do feel like I want you with me.”

Al’bah’s face remained expressionless, but her eyes lit up slightly. “Your eyes and voice carry no deception. But it was so, when you said you did not know if you wanted me, if you cared for me.”

Cain nodded. “I don’t know. Maybe it has more to do with not wanting to admit I was wrong…about a lot of things I thought were true. All I can say, Al’bah, is it hurts to hear you cry. It’s worse when it is my fault by action, inaction, or by words. I don’t want you to cry, I don’t want to ever hurt you, and I did. I’m sorry.”

Al’bah’s face went from an expressionless mask to a bashful grin. Her wings unfurled from her body, and she reached out and pulled Cain to her. “Cain, I need
you
, not your apologies. When you are near, I am whole. When you desire my touch, I am warm. You are my Bond,” Al’bah said softly, her breath caressing his ear. She pulled back slightly to stare into his face. “I can accept that my namesake was by accident, and our union a mistake. I can because you care for me, you want me. But could you—would you—still call me your Al’bah, with a heart full of peace and truth?”

Cain stared at Al’bah for a moment; he was reminded of what Purity had told him.

“Remember that, Cain. Choice.”

“You
are
Al’bah,” he said with a slight grin. “I couldn’t imagine calling you anything else.”

Al’bah closed her eyes and let out a relieved sigh. “Such miracles,” she breathed.

“Al’bah, I was curious about something. If I could have freed you without us being Bonded together, would you still want to be here, with me?”

“Yes, I would,” Al’bah said without hesitation, her voice confident yet light.

“Why?”

“How does one explain a feeling? Or describe a soul? Regardless of the circumstances of our beginnings, there exists between our souls a paired chorus. And if we could have met on this realm naturally, this chorus would have brought us together; you and I would be like the moon and the sun.”

“The moon and sun? You mentioned that before. What does that mean?”

Al’bah ran her hands through Cain’s hair. “It is an ancient love adage that my people had. Would you like to hear it?”

“Sure.”

Al’bah sat up happily and her wings stretched and fluttered for a few moments, causing her hair and scent to swirl about. “Let the sun shine, let the moon sing. Let love be the song of our hearts’ bliss. Moon and sun, we are one; our hearts sing this. Our hearts are one, or our hearts are none; we wait for the mercy that was promised.”

“I’m gonna make a guess and say that some of the beauty of that is lost in translation.”

Al’bah smiled and nodded. “You would be correct in your guess. There is so much that I—” Al’bah’s brow furrowed. “Cain, what is wrong? I feel something dark within you.”

Cain had been thinking about his dream. “I had a dream,” Cain said with a small shudder. “It was about Taint and—”

Al’bah gasped and flinched violently. “Cain, please! I do not wish to hear.”

“But there was something else that—Al’bah, you have to hear this!” Cain tried to speak of Purity, but Al’bah had grabbed her hair and pulled it savagely, wailing much like she had done before when they first met.

“
Do not touch my wings!
”
she screamed over and over again at some horror that her eyes were transfixed upon. With a sickening ripping noise, Al’bah had actually pulled her hair out and was about to dig her hands back into her beautiful locks if Cain had not grabbed her.

Al’bah
pulled, thrashed, and screamed as Cain quickly grasped her body and pinned her arms between their chests to prevent her from hurting herself. “Foul abomination! Do not touch my wings!” Al’bah wailed as she buffeted Cain harshly with her wings.

“Al’bah! Stop! It’s okay! I’m here! Please, stop!” Cain said, amazed at how strong she was in her flailing.

After a long time of gasping and crying, Al’bah calmed down at last. She trembled as Cain now held her in his arms like a small child. “Cain? Oh, I am so sorry.” Al’bah hiccupped; her eyes were closed and pouring tears. “Please, Cain, I beg you, do not mention…oh. Please, do not mention.” She rubbed her eyes, and Cain could see that her sclera was an alarming pink. “At least, not for some time.”

“Okay,” Cain breathed. He ran his hands through Al’bah’s hair, noticing it was damp with blood from the tufts she had pulled out. “Oh God, Al’bah, you’re bleeding.” He quickly went to the bathroom cabinet and got a wet washcloth, antiseptic, and his brush.

“Here,” Cain said as he patted her hair. “This might sting a little.” He noticed Al’bah’s face. Oh, how desperate her face was; the way she carried her eyes and lips had the feel of a small child. A child whose hopes and dreams teetered on a promise made in desperation. A promise that could somehow be broken or realized at the same time as one traveled the path of life.

Al’bah wiped her eyes and lowered her face and sobbed softly. “Shai-bel-lai-tu-ren-yu-yah.”

Cain stopped as Al’bah’s words floated across the air. His eyes were drawn to her wet gaze. He noticed smears of blood that must have come from her wiping her eyes, and they were now mingling with her tears.

“I’m sorry, Al’bah, but I don’t know what you mean when you speak like that.” Oh, how Cain wished he could know the things she said, as she knew them. Though she had overwhelmed him before with her spoken words, Cain could tell these were directed without the power as before.

Al’bah edged closer and placed her hands over Cain’s heart. “Let the moon sing, the sun shine. And let the stars hear the refrain of love.” A brilliant glow enveloped her, but it was an unnatural thing. Though it appeared Al’bah was coated in a brilliant white light, the living room did not grow brighter, nor did the light cast any shadows.

Al’bah held her open hand and allowed a tear to fall upon it. With her other hand, she traced some of her blood through it, and
placed her palm upon Cain’s chest.

“Do you see?”

Cain was dumbfounded; now he was glowing, but his light was brighter and somehow more complex.

“I am the moon—you shine upon me.” Al’bah sighed and raised her arms. Tiny motes of light broke away from her luminescence and sparkled about the room.

With a powerful moment of inspiration, Cain raised his right hand. “I am the sun that shines upon you,” he said with an even voice, noticing his luminescence joining Al’bah’s.

The sparkles of unnatural light swept upon unknown currents, mingling and dancing about, bringing a universe of sorts within the small apartment living room.

A million questions raced through Cain’s head. What was this light? How was all this possible? Why didn’t the light make the room brighter, or cast shadows? He wanted to
know;
he wanted to
understand
. But the lights began to fade, like a vision behind the closed eyes of a dreamer now beginning to awake. No! It wasn’t fair! He wanted it to last longer!

The light dimmed and Cain sighed deeply, and he didn’t even know he wept until Al’bah wiped his cheek and kissed his lips. He was about to ask her so many questions when he saw a drop of blood ooze into the corner of her eye, making a different kind of tear, prompting him to resume his care for her.

There. The blood was wiped clean. Cain could even see new hair starting to grow from the freshly closed wound. He brought the brush forward and started to run it through her hair. She touched his chest and sighed, resting her head into the soft strokes of the brush.

“Al’bah.”

“Cain.”

“That was so beautiful.”

“And I thank you for it, Cain.”

“What?”

Al’bah gently grasped Cain’s hand that held the brush and kissed his fingers. “Such beauty does not come from me, my Bond. You are the one with majestic potential and unclaimed glory. I am overwhelmed.” Al’bah placed the brush down. “Can we go to bed please?” She hiccupped. “I am cold, I am tired, I am scared, and I need to feel your warmth.”

Cain nodded, picking Al’bah up, and he carried her into the bedroom. “Are you okay?” Cain said and almost laughed as the moment brought back a serious moment of déjà vu.

“I am well—you hold me still in chaos. You shine upon me, and I feel your light.” Al’bah sighed. “I am just so cold, so very cold.”

“Are you sure you feel cold?” Cain asked, as Al’bah’s skin now felt feverish.

Still hiccupping occasionally, Al’bah eased into the bed after Cain and quickly made herself comfortable, clutching his torso, her head resting upon Cain’s shoulder. “It is sometimes hard to accurately express myself in your language, Cain. When I say that I am cold, it means I am lonely—but more than that. It means I am sad—but less than that. It means I…” She sighed and rolled over with her back to him, pulling his arms to bring him closer.

Al’bah’s wings draped over Cain like a soft blanket. “It means I have need for your touch, your attention. That I have a need
for
you. That I need you. I need to
be
warm—need to
feel
warm. That I am cold here.” She pressed his hand to her chest, where he could feel her heart.