Suckers Bite Back (San Francisco Vampires #5) (Vampires of San Francisco series) (12 page)

“I’m so sorry, Aidan. I know I’ve been unfair…”

“Shh… Lilith, I put myself there and even encouraged it. I haven’t been fair to you. I’m sorry about that. If I hadn’t pushed you in New Orleans, we might not be in such a mess now. Both a shell of what we are.”

“No! I wanted New Orleans as much as you did, Aidan. It is what it is. Please don’t regret it or I will feel cheap and dirty.”

“There is nothing that I regret about New Orleans, Lilith. It was the most exquisite night of my existence. I will cherish it and you forever,” he says hoarsely.

“I will too.”

“Good. But where do go from here?” he asks.

“We strive to be the best kind of people we can. We fill ourselves and the world with love. That’s all we can do, Aidan. Right?”

“Right, love.” He smiles at me, regaining some of his confidence. “I think that you’ve found that with Sebastian.”

“Perhaps. I’ve always loved him. I never stopped. I’ve just been confused.”

“That’s my fault. I can’t say I wouldn’t have done anything differently, though.”

“Me either.” I take his hand and squeeze it. “Now what about, Manda?”

“She makes me laugh and I feel peace around her. I’m happy when I’m with her.”

“Then you should be with her. Explore your relationship, Aidan. With my blessing, if you needed that.”

“I did. Thank you, my love. I want to introduce you in a few minutes if you are up to it.”

“I am. I can’t say it won’t be difficult. But I would like to meet her.”

“Okay, I’ll pop over and get her. Just remember, Lilith, I will always love you,” he says so earnestly. He leaves then with a caress to my cheek.

The doorbell rings and I hear Andrew and Aidan come down the hall. I also smell a human. Her sweet scent reminds me that I need to feed. I look at Sebastian and he is furious. The anger emanating from him is palpable. I don’t understand it until I look over and see Aidan walk in with a beautiful girl holding his hand and who, like his heart, is lit up from the inside.

18 LILITH

I quickly hide my pain. I don’t want Aidan seeing how he affects me. He must see some of it because he stumbles and his smile tones down a notch. He slips his arm around the girl. She is dressed in a faded pair of jeans and a designer shirt. A pair of NIKEs on her feet. A very easy going outfit yet stylish. Aidan is wearing a retro tee and jeans and NIKEs too. I haven’t seen him so relaxed for a long time. The beautiful woman is radiating adoration at him yet she is not the groupie type. It’s easy to see they are very well suited and happy together.

“Lilith, I’d like you to meet Manda. Manda, this is Lilith Goodwill, she is a good friend of mine,” Aidan says.

I choke back a sob and cover my mouth and eyes with one hand. Is that all I am? A good friend? I’ve saved his life. I’ve savored his body. He’s held me while my life shattered around me. I can’t deal with this in front of Manda.

I feel Sebastian put his hands on my waist and I instantly realize that I don’t want to depend on him to make me feel better. I do appreciate his strength. I straighten myself and shake Manda’s hand.

“How do you do, Manda.” I remember where I’ve seen her. “I loved your work with Ralph Lauren.”

“Thank you, Lilith,” she says. She’s looking between Aidan and me like she is missing something but has better manners than to say anything.

“Please call me Lily, only Aidan calls me Lilith. I find it so formal,” I say.

Manda smiles a smile that truly lights up the room. “Thank you, Lily.”

Sebastian squeezes my waist and kisses my head.

“If you all would excuse me. I have an appointment and if I don’t leave now, I’ll be late.”

“I’ll take you, Lilith. I wanted a moment to talk to you anyway,” Aidan says.

“No, Aidan, you’ve said everything that needs to be said and this appointment is of a personal nature. Thank you anyway. Are you ready, Helena?” I ask. I ignore Aidan’s hurt look as I walk out of the room. I hear Helena’s heels following me. I also hear Manda ask Aidan what isn’t he telling her about me. Good for her. She deserves the truth. I had warning but it still hurt to see them together. I don’t know where it is coming from.

Once we get in the car, I start to shake. Helena gathers me in her arms. I realize we really are going to be late.

“Helena we’re going to be late. Let’s get going, I’ll be okay. Besides, who better than Sophie to talk to right now?”

“You’re right,” she pats my knee and drives.

It takes us a while to find parking so we have to run to the office to make it in time. Aurora greets us with a sweet smile. I smile back and am about to sit down when Sophie comes out of her office for me.

“I’m ready for you now, Lily,” she says. She nods at Helena.

“Okay,” I say.

When I get in her office I curl up in a tight ball in one of her chairs and snuggle into a blanket. She notices my vulnerability.

“What’s happened since we last met?”

“Well, remember Aidan?” I say.

“The djinn, your confidant and lover.”

“I thought.”

“What makes you say it like that?” She gives me a quizzical look.

“He hasn’t been over to the house like he usually is this past week. Then right before we left to come here, he tells me about this girl he has been seeing and how wonderful she makes him feel. He also told me that he would love me forever and that he regrets nothing from our relationship. Then he shows up with this model named Manda. His whole face lit up when he looked at her and hers when she looked at him,” I sob.

“That must have been very painful to watch, Lily.”

“It was but even I could see he was happy and I wanted that for him. But then he introduced me as his good friend without a second look. I felt like he had slapped me. I had to hold onto myself, it felt like everything was trying to fall out.”

“Oh, Lily, what did you say to him?” Sophie asks.

“I said I had an appointment and that I was late. He wanted to bring me here so we could talk but I don’t want him to know I’m coming to see you so I told him it was personal and left.”

“How do you feel now,” Sophie asks.

“I am so pissed,” I practically shout. I pound my fist on the arm of the chair. “I’ve been through everything with him and him with me and I’m a good friend. How dare he? How dare he!” This time I do yell and it feels good. “Ugh! And Sebastian and I are starting to rebuild something and I think I want to but at the same time I want to discover who I am first or maybe at the same time, I don’t know. I know I don’t want to be poor little Lily that everyone has to worry about and save.”

“Good. That’s a good place to start. How are you going to make that happen?”

“I’m trying to make some friends that are just friends, not boyfriends. Although I think he would rather be more. I’m strictly guiding him into the friend zone, though. And I’m taking kick boxing so I know how to defend myself and to get some of my aggression out. I went into the “zone” yesterday.”

Sophie smiles at this. “It’s going well, then?”

“Helena and I both were moved up to the intermediate class. We have to go back tonight because the schedule is different so we have two nights in a row. I don’t mind. I loved beating up that bag and Helena thinks we’ll be able to spar soon,” I say.

“Oh, you’ll love sparing. I’m in the advanced class and that’s what we do two out of three nights. It’s a great workout.”

“I have something and someone to look forward to then,” I say.

“Let’s talk about this friend that wants more.”

“He’s the Demon that gave me brimstone. I know, before you yell at me, he was devastated. He really was worried about me and cares. We’ve had coffee and it was really nice to talk to someone outside my circle,” I say.

“First, I would never yell at you,” Sophie says. “Second, doesn’t a Demon know the side effects of brimstone on a vampire?” she asks with a raised eyebrow. She’s not letting me off easy.

“Yes, but…”

“But what?”

“You’re right. There is no excuse for it is there?” I ask.

“No, I don’t think there is.”

“Well, shit. What do I do? He’s apologized. He said he got caught up in the moment. I was so anxious to have a good time and he desperately wanted to give it to me.”

“So now it’s your fault?” Sophie asks.

“I never looked at it like that.”

“Let’s talk about Sebastian,” Sophie says, doing a one-eighty.

“He’s been very gentle with me and tentatively courting me. I’ve been reciprocating. It feels good and right. We’ve talked about his protective nature and that I need room to make my own mistakes,” I say.

“Good, good.”

“He is trying harder than I’ve ever seen him try. He has warned me about Mark but has said if I feel I need a friend then he won’t stand in my way. He just made me promise I would call on him if I needed help if I got in over my head.” I shake myself and grab the blanket closer. “I feel guilty but I lied when I told him I promised to call on him. I won’t. I intend to get myself out of my own trouble from now on.”

“We all need a little help from time to time,” Sophie says holding her hands out, palms up. Her multitude of rings reflect the sun coming through the windows.

“I guess, but we’re vampire. Shouldn’t we be able to handle things that come our way?”

“Lily, we’re not invincible. Hardly so. You can do a lot to become more independent but at some point you will need someone’s help. It’s the way the world is. How much help is up to you.”

“We’ll see. I don’t plan on getting into any life threatening situations any time soon. If I do, I definitely want help,” I say.

“I’m glad you have self-preservation as a priority. I think it’s time to end for today, Lily. I want you to think about healthy relationships and what that means to you until we meet again. Make a list, write a poem, do research, whatever you want but have something to show me you did some work next time,” Sophie says.

“Thanks, Sophie. Are the relationships romantic or friendly?” I ask.

“Aren’t they all friendly?” she asks, eyebrows raised.

“Well, yeah, I guess so. I should probably start with that and then write down what I expect from a romantic relationship.”

“Sounds great to me. Just write what feels right to you. What you truly want. Be honest with yourself, Lily,” she says as she walks me to her door. “Have a nice weekend. See you on Monday.” I gently close the door behind me, leaving with more questions than answers.

“Helena, I need to pay and then we better hurry home to get ready for class,” I say.

“I already paid. I knew we had to hurry. Let’s go, sweetheart. Bye, Aurora,” Helena says as we run out the door.

“Thanks for paying,” I say once we get settled in the car. “Let me know what I owe you.” I take out my check book but she lays her hand on it.

“My treat today. Aidan really hurt your feelings and mine too. I know he needs to move on but he did this in a stumbling way that hurt too many people. I’m sure Manda was confused and upset too.”

“Yes, I heard her question him as we left,” I say.

“I heard too. What was he thinking?” Helena says slapping the steering wheel.

“He was thinking with his heart, Helena. He is beyond happy. Couldn’t you see that?” She nods. “Even in my pain I saw that. It’s all I’ve ever wished for him,” I whisper.

Helena reaches over and grasps my hand tightly and then takes it back to drive. When we pull up to the manse, Sebastian is standing on the front steps in faded jeans and a cable knit sweater, hands tucked in his pockets. Just waiting for us to come home. He walks to my side of the car and opens my door. I smile at him when I see the tight lines around his eyes. I insert myself inside his arms and hug him tightly. He hesitates then holds me so closely I doubt that the air can pass between us.

I pull back slowly and he leans down and kisses the corner of my mouth. I touch his face.

“Thanks, Bast. I really needed that. Thank you.”

“Any time and always, cherie,” he says hoarsely.

He follows me closely as we enter the house. Helena and I go upstairs to change for class. I’ve put on tight black pants and a tight pink sports bra to kick box in. They have to be tight so they don’t get snagged by our opponent or trip us up. I go back downstairs to the library. Andrew is in Liam’s lap kissing his amour. I have to clear my throat three times before they come up for air.

“Oh, Miss Lily, sorry,” Andrew says. He hops up and walks over to me. “Damn, Girlfriend, you look serious about this kick boxing thing.”

“I am, Andrew. I’d watch myself if I were you,” I say as I fake a jab at him.

“Make it count, Cherie, or don’t waste the energy. I want to know you can kick some ass,” Sebastian says as he is studying my posterior.

“Uhm, Sebastian, my face is up here,” I say jokingly.

He laughs loudly but doesn’t apologize. He walks past me and whispers in my ear something about liking both views.

Julian comes walking in with Helena. She’s wearing calf length pants and an electric blue sports bra like mine. Her hair is put up into a pony tail.

“You ready, Lily?” Helena asks. She bounces on the balls of her feet and throws some punches. “I’m so ready to spar. I hope we get to tonight.”

“I love this side of you, ‘Lena,” Julian says as he smacks her on the bottom as she walks by him. She winks at him and his grin gets bigger.

“OMG I do not want to know what that was all about,” Andrew says throwing his hands up. “It’s like walking in on my parents. Eeuw.”

Sebastian and Julian both laugh at Andrew. Helena just scoffs at him and pushes me through the front door. We take my car and I drive. We park in the same parking garage and make it to class early this time. We have plenty of time for the retina scanner security. Then we take the elevator to the level three.

We get a treat as we see Katie, our beginner instructor, sparring with another teacher. They finish up when Katie throws a roundhouse to the thigh of the man she is fighting and he goes down. He gets back up and they bump gloved fists. Katie spits out her mouth piece and waves to us.

“Hey guys, good to see you. What do you think?” Katie asks.