wasn't his. He didn't want her to be his. But that didn't stop the hard, driving need that beat inside him. He leaned close to her ear, pressing in on her space, making her uncomfortable. "Then whose Katie are you?" he asked, his voice a low rumble. "Are you really Parker's?" "I don't belong to anyone." Her indignation amused him, and he smiled at her defiance. Then with slow, deliberate movements, he grabbed her chair and pulled her and the furniture around as if he couldn't do anything else. He leaned down and braced his hands against the hard wood arms on either side of her, bringing them face to face. "I think I get it," he mused. "You're modern and liberated. The Gloria Steinem of Meadowlark Drive." Something deep and indefinable pushed him on. He tilted her back until the chair balanced on two legs. Her mouth opened in surprise, a single long strand of curling hair trailing along her cheek. "Does that mean there's still a little bit of the old, wild Katie left underneath all that prim?" "I was never wild," she managed to say. "Do I need to remind you about wanting to punch Billy Weeks in the nose? Or riding your bike like the devil licked at your heels?" He let the chair drop back into an upright position. "What happened to that little girl?" "She grew up." He ran his gaze over her body. "I noticed." The gold that highlighted her hazel eyes flared. But then she shook her head. "I noticed something, too." Jesse tilted his head. "What?" "Another woman in my guest cottage." His thoughts jarred to a halt before he laughed out loud. "Now, Katie," he cajoled, "don't look at me like thatâso condemning. Would it matter if I told you that I didn't have sex with Gwen?" She blinked. "Sex?" she managed with a high-pitched, completely unprofessional non-news anchor voice. "Surely you've heard of it," he teased, running the back of his finger along the line of her jaw. "Sexual intercourse. Having a little feel-good fun. The facts of life. Surely by now someone has told you about the birds and bees." Her mouth fell open as he pulled her up from the chair and everything changed. The air around them crackled with anticipation, his muscles tightened. They were inches apart, close enough that he could lean down to kiss her. And he wanted to. He wanted to strip her naked and teach her all the things he had thought about when they were dancing Friday night. Which was crazy. She might have grown up to be a woman who could easily turn a man's head, but she'd also grown up to be a woman with high standards and a strong moral compass, and that made it easy to resist herâokay, easier to resist her. Katie made him think about things that had nothing to do with his life. Like that damned innocence she wore like a shield. He liked experienced women. It didn't take a genius to know that Katie was not. He liked his women bold, knowledgeable. The kind who expected nothing from him in return. But he couldn't help it when his gaze drifted to her lips. Every trace of laughter and teasing fun evaporated. "You're messing with my mind, sweet thing." His fingertips trailed low along her jaw to the pulse in her neck. The heat was instant, intense, rushing through him like a flash fire. He stepped even closer, one boat shoe coming between those damned flowered sneakers, his thigh brushing against hers. Awareness rode him hard and fast. He let his fingers drift even lower to her collarbone beneath her shirt. He savored her pale silky skin. Her eyes fluttered closed at the touch, one soft breath expelled. And when he couldn't hold back any longer, he lowered his head, their lips a hairbreadth apart, the sweet sound of her whimper making his blood pump. But all of a sudden she sucked in her breath and jerked away, backing into the table edge as her hand came to her lips. "This can't happen," she whispered. She was right. This was insane. But something pushed him on. He reached out and took her hand. "You're right." He pulled her close regardless. Her eyes flashed with an innocent desire that nearly undid him. With their gazes locked, he ran his palms up her arms, need licking through him, making him hard. Framing her face with his hands, he watched her lips part. But before he could dip his head and taste her, she asked, "Does this mean you're going to stay?" His thoughts cemented, his body shuddering to a halt like he'd had a bucket of cold water tossed in his face. "Stay?" He felt the place inside him that he kept locked away close off completely. His jaw tightened and he let go of her. "What am I saying?" she said, pink flaring in her cheeks. "Of course you'll leave." She stepped away from him, tripping. When he automatically reached out to steady her, she slapped his hand away. "I told you, I don't need your help. On top of that, I have no interest in becoming another notch on your bedpost." A nearly overwhelming urge hit him to explain it all to herâtell her about the past weeks, how his life felt like it was unraveling at the seams. He wanted to tell her about the jarring dreams that woke him every night since he had saved that woman. The memory of her lifeless body. Of his mouth over hers, pumping breath into her. The eerily startled gasp she made when air rushed back into her lungs. Then the way her eyes had blinked open and she had stared at him. Frightened. Confused. But Jesse knew he wouldn't say a word. Sharing feelings and fears were for weak men. He had never been weak. Besides, what did any of it matter? Deep down they both knew that she was right. He would leave. He hadn't come back intending to stay. Didn't want to stay. He only wanted a short diversion from the chaos in his head. And he couldn't turn Katie into one of his diversions. She deserved better than that. The doorbell rang, the sound seeming far away as they stared at each other, neither of them moving. "Someone's here," he said. "So it would seem." They heard keys in the lock, then someone barreled inside. "Kate," Suzanne called out, her voice an octave higher than normal. "Kate, where are you?" Kate tore herself away completely, then hurried into the living room. Jesse shoved his hands in his back pockets, and after a second he followed. Suzanne Bloom ChapmanâKate's sister, Jesse's sister-in-lawâstood in her bathrobe and slippers, an unfamiliar young boy with shaggy dark brown hair and dark eyes standing behind her. "Suzanne, what is it?" Kate asked. Jesse felt a low prickle of concern when Suzanne yanked her gaze back and forth between the boy and him. His older brother Derek flew into the house, his hair still damp from his shower. "Why didn't you tell us?" he demanded of Jesse. Years seemed to circle back to when they were young, still at home, always at odds. "Tell you what?" The boy shifted his weight uncomfortably, his shirt ill-fitting, his stiff blue jeans too large. Derek's jaw muscles ticked. "That you have a son."
Four
Jesse took a step back. "What are you talking about?" he demanded. "I don't have a son." They stood in the foyer, the gawky boy staring up at Jesse with an expression of sheer awe. "Hello . . . Mr. Chapman," he said awkwardly, his hands tucked into his pants pockets. "I mean, ah, Dad." Dad . Shock rippled through the room at the word, at the reality of what that single syllable meant. Kate could see the stunned expression on Jesse's face. He was visibly shaken. Suzanne and Derek started talking at the same time, their voices rising in the foyer. Kate watched, hardly able to take it in. A person only had to look at the boy to know that he was Jesse's. He had the same hair and eyes. A hint of the same strong jaw that would one day emerge from beneath the boyhood chubbiness. When no one seemed to know what to do about the child, she kindly said, "Hi, I'm Kate. What's your name?" "Ah, um, Travis." "How old are you?" "Twelve." Kate took in the boy and could tell his too-big blue jeans were brand-new, a belt holding them up. His blue T-shirt still had crease marks on it, as if he had gone to the local discount store on the way over here for a new set of clothes. But his boots were old and brown, with scuffs that needed polish. Then every trace of awe and excitement on his face vanished when another woman marched in the door. "There you are," the woman accused, one long hot-pink nail pointing at Jesse. The boy flinched, his blush going a bright painful red that seeped up into his hairline. Kate didn't know the child, but she could tell how hard he was trying to hide his emotions as he stared at his feet. "Travis," Kate said, "there's a pool out back. Why don't you wait for us out there?" His brow furrowed with a much older man's worry. Then he nodded and walked carefully to the back doors that led to the yard. "Belinda?" Jesse said the word like he wasn't absolutely sure. "Belinda Martin, now Sanders," she stated. "Remember me? We used to date?" She was short, with heavily highlighted blond hair, gigantic breasts, and lots of makeup. Kate had practically memorized Jesse's high school yearbooks, and she remembered that this woman had been in his class at Coronado High. Belinda's brown eyes turned sly. "I've seen you all over the news lately, even saw you on TV here the other morning. And as long as you're in town, I figured it's time you started shouldering some of the responsibility for your son." Suzanne stood to the side, shocked. Derek seemed his usual forbidding, older-brother self. But it was Jesse's presence that was huge and overpowering. "If he is my son, why have you waited this long to tell me?" Belinda fidgeted. "After you left for college and never wrote or called," she explained, "I got married. I didn't want to rock the boat. But Harlan left me six months ago, and as long as you're back in town, I figured what the heck. I thought it was time you knew. You have a son." The alarm on Jesse's face couldn't be anything but genuine. "That's impossible," he said. "I'm always careful. When weâ" He cut himself off, then looked around them. "When we were together," he rephrased, "I used protection. I always do." Belinda whipped out some kind of medical document that showed the boy's blood type. "If you don't believe me, do as many tests as you want," she challenged. "But all you have to do is look at him to know he's yours." Suzanne sighed. "This is about money, isn't it?" The woman's eyes narrowed. "So what if I came here for money? I need a job, a good job, and I've got a chance to make something of myself in Vegas. But it takes cash to get out there to start a new life." "Good Lord, Jesse," Derek stated, looking tired and far older than his thirty-nine years. Jesse and Derek stared at each other, tension sliding between them. How many times had Kate seen them this same way? Two brothers who were so different, one conservative, one wild. For as long as she could remember, their relationship had been strained. But Kate had seen the deep love that served as a sort of glue that kept them from severing their relationship completely. They existed in a place of love and frustration, yearning to be close but the differences in each other's personality and lifestyle making it hard. Judgment and impatience competing with the need to accept, underlined by a true caring that even their differences couldn't completely erase. The unexpected appearance of an illegitimate son didn't help the situation. At length, Derek exhaled sharply, then became the practical, responsible man he was. "Jesse will not be blackmailed." "Derek, I can take care of this," Jesse stated tightly. "Can you?" A spark of always suppressed fury flaredâa fury that Kate had never entirely understood. She wondered, not for the first time, what had caused the rift between them. With effort, Jesse turned away, focusing on Belinda. "Let me see the document." Belinda handed it over, along with an entire file. He glanced through it with quick competence, then he gestured for them to sit down. Suzanne started toward the table. "Suzanne, not now." He looked at his brother. "I can deal with this from here." Suzanne started to say something, but Derek stopped her. "Come on, love. He's right." He looked back at Jesse, his expression undecipherable. "If you need anything, you know where to find me." The brothers stared at each other, then Jesse nodded. "Thanks." Kate started to leave as well. But Jesse surprised her when he caught her hand. For a second he just stood there, then he looked out the window toward the pool. She could see Travis lying like a rag doll on a wooden chaise lounge, one booted foot on the ground, the other hiked up on slats. Discarded. Forgotten. Jesse's tension was palpable before he turned his attention to the folder and began to go through the papers in earnest. Birth records, blood reports. Report cards and baby pictures. Belinda started explaining them all, pointing out the unmistakable resemblances between the boy and Jesse. Finally, he sat down and dropped his head in his hands. When he straightened, his gaze was drawn back to the window as if he was trying to understand something. "How long do you think it will take to find a job?" Belinda seemed caught off guard by the question, as if she had been prepared for more of a fight. "Well, ah..." She toyed nervously with her hair. "I'm thinking a month, max. A girlfriend of mine works at Caesars Palace and she said she could probably get me a job if I come out and interview. She's going to let me stay with her until I find a place of my own." Jesse waited until she was done speaking. "Will two thousand help you get started in Las Vegas?" Belinda's eyes went wide. "Well," she said, seeming surprised by her good fortune. "Sure, that'll work." Tension sliced through Jesse as he looked out the window again to where Travis sat by the pool. "Then I'll write you a check." "Oh, okay. Good. Well then, um, great. If I could get that from you now, the car's packed, then I'll get out of your hair." She started to stand. "What about the boy?" Jesse asked, stopping her. "He'll stay with you in Las Vegas?" "Actually, no. Not until I get a place of my own. But I have someone here who he's going to stay with." He glanced back at her sharply. "Who?" "A ... um .. . friend." She became nervous. "A good friend?" he persisted, his expression exacting. "Okay, no. It's with a lady who lives down the street from us." "You're leaving him with some lady?" "Not just some lady. A neighbor lady. And I know her . . . sort of. At least I know her good enough, since I don't have anywhere else to leave Travis, and I can't take him with me and have him stay in a tiny apartment with a bunch of gals who work at Caesars Palace!" Her face was red now with irritation and frustration, and probably with more than a little guilt. Jesse pressed his eyes closed, something deep and emotional riding through him. "Then he should stay with me." Belinda gasped. "With you?" Kate felt surprise ripple through her. He'd just seen the boy for the first time, and now he was offering to take care of him? It hardly made sense. The muscles in Jesse's jaw worked, a fierceness coming into his eyes that would have given any sane person pause. "Yes, with me." "Listen," Belinda said, growing concerned, "I didn't come here looking to make you a father." "Then why did you come?" he asked harshly. "Just for money? Is that it?" Belinda blushed red. "You can't walk in here, announce I have a son, then turn around and disappear. It doesn't work that way." The woman looked at the file and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "I thought it would work that way with you." His jaw ticked. Then she shook herself. "I'm not interested in giving up my boy. The arrangement with the lady might not be perfect. But it won't be for long. A month, tops. And I won't let you take Travis away from me." Jesse visibly calmed himself. "I understand that, and I'm not asking you to give him up. I don't want you to give him up. As soon as you're settled, let me know and I'll send him out on a plane." He looked her directly in the eye. "Do you really think it's wise to leave him with some lady for a month?" Panic battled with practicality on Belinda's once-pretty face. "Damn it all, you swear you won't try to keep him?" "You have my word." She studied her ex-boyfriend for a minute. "Well, maybe that could work. But I'll want him back as soon as I'm settled." "Just tell me when you're ready." She hesitated for one last second, before she conceded. "Okay, let me go talk to Travis." She pushed up from the table. As soon as the door closed behind her, Jesse went to the kitchen. Kate found him at the sink, looking out the back window. She stood in the doorway for a long second, taking him in. The unfortunate incident regarding her, a pot of tea, and the publicity queen Gwen was forgotten. She focused on this man, someone, she realized, she didn't even know anymore. He might still laugh and tease, but all traces of the boy she grew up with were gone. Standing there looking at him, she saw that his expression was no longer carefree, his smile no longer easy. That was one of the things that always surprised Kate about Jesseâthe way he walked through life with a bad boy's grace, his smiles and teasing quips making him seem as if he didn't have a care in the world. But now, looking closer, she saw something darker beneath the sunny facade. For the first time since he had shown up with Julia at the television station, Kate wondered why he had come home. After so many years of living away, staying away, why come back now? She walked up to stand beside him at the sink, her Keds silent on the tile, and she looked out the window with him. She watched as Belinda walked over to the boy, then sat down on the edge of the chaise. Kate could tell that neither of them said a word, but Belinda placed her hand on the tip of his boot awkwardly. Close, but still separated by a strained distance. Was that the way it was with most families? She knew Jesse's relationship with his own father was complicated. Not as much father and son as buddies. Carlen Chapman had turned Jesse into his friend at a young age, taking him everywhere, while Derek had been left behind. She guessed that it was this that had divided the brothers. But she had never known why Derek had been left out. It would have made more sense for Carlen to be friends with the older son. "Why, Jesse?" Kate asked quietly. "Why are you doing this?" Jesse didn't answer for a long while. When he finally spoke, this rugged bad boy amazed her. "What kind of man would I be if I wrote her a check and sent them away when all you have to do is look at him to know he's mine?" He shook his head. "Me, Katie. I have a son." She was moved, her throat tightening. But she couldn't tell from his voice what he felt. "Is that a good I have a son , or a bad I have a son ?" He laughed, a scoffing, bittersweet sound, and straightened. "I came back here to wwcomplicate my life. And what do I get? First you, too damn hot and sexy for your own goodâ" Her mind spun at the words. Her, sexy And hot ? "âand now this boy. It's like someone's playing a joke on me. What was I thinking when I said he could stay with me? I can't stay in El Paso. I have to get back to Florida. I planned to be here no more than a week or so. I don't have time for this. But the way he looked out there by the pool, lost, forgotten ... Hell." "You always did have a soft spot for lost little kids." He swore. "I guess I'll have to rent a house or an apartment. When I showed up, Derek said I should stay with them. But I could feel the tension and reluctance in Suzanne." "I can't believe my sister." Jesse gave her a look. "Okay," she conceded. "I can believe it. It's vintage Suzanne. But it's your house, too." "Not anymore. I deeded my portion to Derek as a wedding present." "You really are full of surprises today. Suzanne never told me." He shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I just need to figure out where we can stay." "Here." She could do the right thing, too. "Katie, I can't askâ" "You're not asking. I'm offering." "There's not enough space in the guest cottage." "I'll put him in my extra bedroom." He seemed to consider. "Are you sure?" "Absolutely." He leaned over, bracing his hands against his knees. "A penny for your thoughts?" she asked. He looked up at her as a single heartbeat passed. "A kid, Katie. I have a son." This time he didn't hide the emotion he was feeling. He seemed as surprised by the whole idea as he seemed amazingly wowed. "I don't know the first thing about taking care of anyone, much less a child." She didn't respond at first, then she repeated the words he had said to her when she was faltering