“Cassandra, you haven’t changed a bit.” He surveyed me from head to toe. “Well, I amend that statement—you have changed, and for the better.”
I blushed and clung to his arm, gazing at him with admiration. Not a tall man, he was slight of build, but strong.
“You have changed, though, Robert.” I touched the end of his golden mustache. “That’s new.”
“Cassandra!”
I turned to see why Mabel was outraged. Griffin stood awkwardly behind her.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” I said, and introduced Joshua to Griffin.
“And this,” I grabbed Robert’s arm and led him to Griffin, “is an old friend, Robert Hunter. Robert and I grew up together. Next to Emma, he’s my oldest and dearest friend, and one whom I have not seen for many years.”
The men shook hands, while I beamed at first at Robert, then at Griffin, delighted that the two men I loved most were together. Griffin was pleasant, but I noticed he watched Robert closely.
“I met Mabel and Mr. Garner in Jo’burg,” Robert said, turning to hold my hands. “I was on my way back to England when they convinced me to delay my trip and travel with them.”
“Now Robert, let’s not have any more of that discussion. You will stay here with us as well,” Mabel told him. She appealed to me. “He wants to stay at a hotel! Come, girls, I want you to get washed up. It was very nice meeting you, Mr. St. John. Will we have the pleasure of having you dine with us one night?”
Griffin
bowed stiffly. “Thank you, I would enjoy that.”
He excused himself, and started for the door.
“I will be back in a moment,” I told Robert, and hurried after Griffin. I caught his arm at the front door, and stopped him.
“I am sorry about the interruption,” I said with a wry smile. “I do want to thank you again for having me released. I will always be grateful to you for your kindness.”
“No gratitude is necessary,” he said coldly, not looking at me.
I gazed at him with dismay. One minute he was making love to me with a fire that would put hell to shame, the next he would not even look at me. Who could explain the minds of men?
He stepped forward to leave, then apparently thinking better of it, turned and looked towards the library door. In one swift, violent movement he gathered me into his arms and kissed the breath right out of my lungs. Releasing me just as quickly, he left.
I stood with one hand on the door, the other around my bruised ribs, out of breath and surprised.
“Will someone,” I asked the empty hall, “explain to me what goes on in the mind of that man?”
The sound of my unanswered echo sent me running upstairs, where I had a quick wash and changed my dress.
Chapter Fifteen
Robert and I sat in the library after dinner, gossiping like two old women, fondly remembering the good times. It was from Robert that I received my first kiss, the day he sailed to South Africa to work on a farm owned by his older brother. I was sixteen at the time, and had thought myself in love with him.
When I recounted this, he looked sad and held my hand. “I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Robert, I wasn’t in love with you. I was bereft because I had lost a friend, not a lover. Mabel had married Joshua that spring, you remember, and Emma was away at school. I was alone with Father.” I paused, remembering the anguish I had felt. “You and Emma were all I had. I was devastated when you left. I thought my heart would break, but later I realized I was just grieving for a very dear friend.”
He looked at me curiously. “Do you…do you think you could love me now?”
“Oh, Robert! I
do
love you,” I said with tears in my eyes, pressing his hand. I opened my mouth to tell him just what a dear friend he was to me when a blast of cold air swirled around my ankles.
Mullin was in the open doorway. Behind him, in shadow, Griffin stood with an impassive face. Our eyes met briefly. I gasped, feeling as if I had been struck when I saw the agony in his eyes. Suddenly, he was gone.
“Oh, blast!” I exclaimed, leaping to my feet. Pushing Mullin aside rudely, I grabbed Griffin’s sleeve as he was going out the front door. “Griffin!”
He shook my hand off, and strode out the door. I paused for a minute on the doorstep, looked behind me to see Robert coming out of the library, then turn and ran down the steps. Griffin was mounted on Winston, urging him forward. Gathering my skirts, I leaped off the curb and grabbed onto his stirrup.
“Wait!” I gasped. “What you saw…it wasn’t…Robert is an old friend—”
Griffin
looked down on me, his face in shadow. “I quite understand. There’s no need to explain.” His voice was stiff and cold.
“No,” I said. “You don’t. If you will just give me a chance to tell you—”
“Let go of my stirrup. You do not owe me an explanation. You do not owe me anything.”
“Of course I don’t owe you anything, but I want to tell you—”
“Release my stirrup, woman!”
For a moment I had a picture of what a ridiculous scene we presented.
“Oh, this is stupid! I will not stand out here in the street begging you to listen to me as if we were two characters in a badly written novel. If you wish to deliberately misunderstand the situation, then do so. When you’ve returned to your senses, I will be happy to explain everything to you.”
I turned on my heel and went back into the house. Stepping through the door I looked at Robert hovering ineffectually, and burst into tears. Robert, appalled at the scene, urged me back into the library where he offered me a handkerchief and brandy. I accepted the former, refused the latter, and indulged in a good cry.
“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” Robert sat next to me, concerned by my outburst.
“Nothing other than shaking some sense into that horrible man.”
“St. John? Why is he horrible?”
“Because…he heard me say…oh, it’s too complicated,” I sniveled into his handkerchief, annoyed at myself for being so weak. “I will just say this: I had never been fond of those novels whose plots revolved around foolish misunderstandings between characters, but it’s a thousand times more intolerable in real life.”
“Ah, I begin to see.” Robert sat back and watched me with a smile tugging at the edges of his mouth. “Could it be that your answer to my question was going to finish
but
I love you like a brother
?”
“Yes. You know that, Robert, I do love you like a brother.”
He grimaced, thought about it for a moment, then smiled. “I guess being loved like a brother is better than not being loved at all.”
I sniffed.
“And St. John, he is the object of your affections?”
“Yes.”
“Ah. So when he heard you say—”
“—that I loved you—”
“—he misinterpreted the statement.” Robert smiled again. “This is a problem easily solved. I will go to him in the morning and explain everything.”
“You will do nothing of the kind. I tried to explain the situation to him, but he is the most obstinate man I have ever met. When he is tired of playing the martyr, then I will tell him what I meant.”
“Ah, Cassandra,” he shook his head at me, “you are playing a dangerous game. It’s best to clear up misunderstandings like this before they grow too big.”
I thought about that for a few moments. “I suppose you are right. I could write him a letter explaining it.”
He patted my hand. “There’s no need. Since I was the unwitting stumbling block in your romance, I will go to the man and explain. Now, tell me about him.”
I spent the rest of the evening talking to Robert about his life in South Africa, suffrage work, and Griffin. He was an excellent and compassionate listener, so it came as no surprise that by the time I retired I had agreed to let him call on Griffin. On my way up to bed, I encountered Joshua. He stood outside my room, fidgeting with the doorframe.
“Come in and sit down,” I said, tired and annoyed with his nervousness.
He left the door open, and sat on the chair nearest it. “Cassandra, you know that your sister and I have the greatest affection for you.”
“Why, yes, Joshua,” I said surprised, “as you know I have for you both.”
“Hmm. Yes. You know also that you will always have a home with us?”
“I do, and I thank you for that.” I had a suspicion of where the conversation was heading.
“It has come to my attention that—ah—that you did not return home last night. I don’t want you to think I am prying, but the servants were worried.”
His round face was red with embarrassment at having to mention such a subject. I had wondered what the servants would tell him about the past evening, and the evening before, when I dragged Griffin into the library to have my wicked way with him. Joshua’s household staff had the burden of being unusually conservative in their beliefs, but I believed they were genuinely fond of me, and wouldn’t carry tales unnecessarily. I was pleased to find I was right. Mullin had only mentioned the one incident.
“Ah. Last night. Yes, well, I can explain that,” I said, dreading what was to come. I disliked lying outright, but I did not see any harm in filtering the truth slightly. “I was unexpectedly required to be away from home.”
Joshua looked at me blankly and waited for a further explanation.
“I was with a friend, who had been injured slightly, and I was…detained.”
Enlightenment filled his eyes, and he nodded his head with sudden comprehension. “You were helping a sick friend. That is understandable and most admirable. I knew it must be something like that. I will inform your sister so she will not continue to worry.”
“Thank you,” I murmured.
He stopped at the door. “If you are called away again, please let us know if you will be gone during the night.”
I hadn’t been aware that Mabel was worried; she certainly had not said anything to me on the subject. I felt guilty about deceiving Joshua, but decided it was better for everyone’s peace of mind if they were not exposed to the full truth.
Worry about Helena strengthened my resolve to speak with her and see how she was recovering from our experience. Knowing that any letter from me would never reach its recipient, I decided I would have to go through Griffin for that information.
“Griffin,” I sighed, sitting on the bed and hugging my knees. I hadn’t even questioned Griffin as to how he managed to get us released early, but however he had achieved this end, I was sure it must have been difficult. If only he weren’t so pigheaded, I might be expressing my gratitude to him at this very moment in a very pleasing fashion.
“How on earth can a man be so warm, so loving, yet so obstinate and stubborn at the same time?” I asked my knees before crawling under the blanket and punching my pillow a few times.
We were in the drawing room after breakfast the next morning when Helena came to see me. Mabel was talking about South Africa, describing the many trials (as she called them) with which she had been forced to deal. I gave little notice to her chatter, paying attention only when she described some place of beauty. She had turned the discussion to my attendance at the evening’s masquerade ball when Mullin announced Helena.
I jumped up at the sight of her unhappy face. “Helena! Whatever is the matter? Have you been crying?”
She looked with distress at Mabel. I introduced her, and Mabel, with a knowing glance, excused herself to look over the household accounts that I had so long neglected. I gave her a grateful smile as she left. Whatever else her faults, Mabel had a kind heart.
Helena
gulped a few times, then grasped my hands in hers. “Oh, Cassandra, I’ve had the most awful row with Griffin. He had a terrible argument earlier with Harold about you—”
“About
me
?” I interrupted, astounded.
“Yes. Harold…oh, it was horrible, and Griffin said terrible things to him. I’ve never seen them so angry with one another.”
“What were they arguing about?”
“Nothing! Everything! You, me…oh Cassandra, Griffin has forbidden me to participate in the candidate’s meeting next week. He has forbidden me to attend any more of the Union’s meetings, and—” She choked to a stop. “He has forbidden me to see you anymore! I had to tell them I was going to my costume fitting to come here now. What shall we do?”
She sobbed uncontrollably as I did my best to calm her. I sat her down and ordered strong coffee, feeling we could both use the stimulant.
“I have to say that I am not surprised, although dismayed with Griffin’s attitude. If I may speak frankly, his arrogance in giving you orders as to your behavior is completely uncalled for. However, after the events of the past few days, well, I can hardly blame him for not wishing you to involve yourself with another protest. I think it would be best if you stayed away from the candidate’s meeting at Exeter Hall.”
She dabbed her eyes with a lovely and completely useless lace handkerchief. “You will be there, won’t you?”
I hesitated, thinking of my family. “Yes, I will. I feel I must after our early release yesterday, if for no other reason than to show the Union that I support the cause whole-heartedly. But I don’t recommend it for you because your family is so very opposed to your involvement, and further contact can only result in more strife at home.”
“If you are attending the meeting, I will be there as well,” she said firmly, and wiped her nose discreetly. “There is…something else I must tell you.”
“Oh?” I looked at her warily.
“Griffin came home last night in a terrible temper. I’ve never seen him so angry, so cold. He frightened me. I couldn’t find out what had happened, but oh, Cassandra, he’s planning on leaving! He wants to sail in three days for Brazil. He even refused to go to the St. Alban’s ball tonight after I told him you would be there.”
“Oh, that stupid man,” I said softly to myself. “That stupid, adorable man.”
“Cassandra, you have to stop him. You’re the only one he will listen to!”
“I think not,” I said dryly. “At this moment, I fear I am
persona non grata
with him.”