Authors: Elena Aitken
"Mom?"
Darci turned and looked at her daughter. She seemed so small. So much younger than she was. Darci's heart ached and she swallowed hard to keep the tears back. "What, baby?"
Taylor sat up a little and, her voice hardly more than a whisper, said, "I'm sorry, Mom."
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Darci had forgotten all about Cam. After she spoke the nurses and they began the admitting process, she went to find a vending machine to get a bottle of water and there he was. He jumped up as soon as he saw her.
"How is she?"
Darci stopped walking and stared at him. She bit her lip but had to look away when she saw the concern in his eyes.
"Darci," he said, taking a step towards her. "You're scaring me. Is she okay?"
She swallowed hard. "She's sick, Cam."
He bridged the distance between them and put his hands on her arms, bracing her. "It'll be okay," he said. "What is it? Please tell me it's not cancer."
It took a second for his words to resonate. She shook his hands off and took a step back. Crossing her arms across her chest, she said, "Cancer? No."
"Then what?"
"Diabetes." The word felt foreign on her tongue. Bitter and venomous. "She has diabetes."
Cam let out a sound that was a cross between a laugh and a sigh.
"Is something funny?" She glared at him. "My baby is lying in a hospital bed and you think something is funny?"
"No." He ran his hand through his hair making it stand up at odd angles. "There's nothing funny about diabetes. But it's kind of a relief. I mean, they can fix it."
"No, Cam," she spat the words at him. "They can't fix it. It's not a broken arm. Or even a ruptured appendix. They can't fix diabetes." Her anger surprised both of them, but she didn't back down. "She's sick. Really sick. And, no, it's not cancer. It's diabetes. But that doesn't make it any less devastating." She turned away and put her fist to her mouth to keep the tears at bay.
"I'm sorry, Darci." He put his hand on her shoulder but she shrugged him off. "I just thought...well, I don't know what I thought."
She didn't turn around. "You should go, Cam. I appreciate you being here, but...there's nothing you can do."
"Darci-"
"Just go. The team needs you."
In the silence that followed, Darci thought he might have already left. She took a few deep breaths and waited before turning around.
He was still there.
"Cam-"
He held up his hand. "I'll go," he said. "But I'll be back." Without saying another word, he took her in his arms and hugged her hard.
When he pulled back, he said, "You know, it's okay to ask for help every once in awhile. You don't have to do it all alone."
Darci stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest. He offered her a weak smile and reached for his hoodie that was laying across the back of a chair. Before he left the waiting room, he turned and said, "You might not believe it right now, Darci, but it's going to be okay. I promise."
CHAPTER SEVEN
Cam's words replayed through her head as Darci made her way back to Taylor's bedside. He'd said it would be okay. But that was easy for him to say. It wasn't his baby lying in the hospital. It wasn't his only child facing a lifetime of illness. A future full of medicine and uncertainty.
Darci stopped and leaned against the wall in the hallway. She could see Taylor's area of the ER where a nurse had just pushed the curtain aside and gone in. She took a deep breath and tried her best to calm herself before going on. Things would be better once they got Taylor into a room, she told herself. Then she would be able to process everything.
A sharp cry rose above the bustle of the Emergency Room and straight to Darci's heart. Taylor.
Darci sprinted the few feet to her daughter's bed and tore back the curtain. The nurse she'd seen a moment earlier, stood beside Taylor's gurney where she was jamming a needle into her daughter's tiny hand.
"What are you doing?" Darci reached for Taylor's free hand and gripped it tight. She was shaking and tears streamed down her face. Darci couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her daughter look so little.
"She needs to start IV therapy immediately. It's a mixture of glucose, insulin-"
"I meant," Darci interrupted, "why are you being so rough? She's a child."
The nurse stopped what she was doing and turned to look at Darci, her face was kind and Darci might have softened a little if she couldn't hear her daughter's muffled sobs.
"I'm sorry," the nurse said. "I assure you that I take extra care to be gentle with kids. She's going to be fine, Mrs. Johnson." She turned and spoke to Taylor, "Soon you won't feel it at all and you'll forget it's even there."
The nurse smiled and resumed her duties, taping the IV securely in place on Taylor's hand and plugging in the other end to a bag hanging from a pole next to the bed.
"Mommy, it hurts." Taylor's voice shook and it reminded Darci of when she was little and had an owie that needed a kiss to feel better. Darci longed to make everything better with a simple kiss.
"I know it does, kiddo."
"It feels like I'm sinking and my hand is floating." Tears streamed down Taylor's face and Darci quickly wiped them away. "I'm scared, Mom."
Swallowing hard against the lump in her throat, Darci did her best to keep her voice even. "Don't be scared, sweetie. I'm here." It was all she could manage before she had to look away.
"You're going to feel better very soon, Taylor," the nurse said. "There's nothing to be afraid of. We're going to take good care of you."
Darci looked up into the nurse's eyes and saw nothing but concern and care reflected there. She mouthed a silent thank you.
The nurse smiled at Darci then spoke to Taylor, "My name is Joelle. We're going to take you up to your own room now, okay?"
Taylor managed a nod. "I'm tired."
"Get some sleep." Joelle finished scribbling something in Taylor's chart. "And when you wake up, you'll be on the fourth floor. Then we can talk a bit more, okay?"
Taylor nodded again and closed her eyes. Joelle smiled once more at Darci and then left them alone.
Darci didn't let go of Taylor's hand until the orderlies came to move her a few minutes later. She walked a few paces behind as they wheeled the gurney through the halls. Joelle appeared at her side when they stepped off the elevator.
"Mrs. Johnson, I'm going to need you to fill out some papers. Taylor will be fine. I'll take you to her room as soon as we're done."
"I thought you were in the ER?" Darci asked as she followed Joelle to a desk.
"It's a small hospital and we're short staffed. I was just helping out." She slid some papers in front of Darci. "But I'll be Taylor's nurse. At least until the night shift." She smiled and Darci felt herself relax a little. "I just need you to sign these forms," Joelle was still talking, "they're just basic admittance forms giving the hospital permission to treat her while she's here."
"Of course," Darci said, and scrawled her signature.
When she was finished, Joelle scooped up the papers and tucked them into a folder. "Tomorrow, Taylor will be feeling much better. The IV will give her the insulin she needs to regulate her blood sugar. Also, she's very dehydrated right now as a side effect of the diabetes." Darci flinched at the word but didn't interrupt. "Once she gets some fluids into her," Joelle continued, "she'll be more like herself again. You probably noticed that she was acting strangely for the last little while? Maybe grouchy or temperamental?"
"I thought it was just regular girl stuff," Darci said. She thought back to the attitude Taylor had been giving her for the last few weeks. "You're saying that the dia-- the illness made her act strangely?"
Joelle gestured to a nearby bench and the women sat down. "Behavioral changes are very common in children who have diabetes. With their blood sugar and insulin levels all out of whack, their personalities are definitely affected. Her body has been through a lot."
Darci looked at her hands that were twisting the fabric of her shirt into a tight knot. "I just, I can't believe this happened," she said. "She takes vitamins, she's so active." Darci looked up and stared unseeing at the green wall in front of her. "I've done everything right. This shouldn't be happening."
"Mrs. Johnson." Joelle put her hand on Darci's, stilling it. "It's not your fault. Taylor didn't get diabetes because of something you did or didn't do. There's still so much we don't know about it. But what we do know is that Taylor may have a genetic predisposition to it. Is there anyone in your family or her father's family that has diabetes?"
Darci racked her brain, trying to remember. "There might be a cousin on my mother's side. I'll have to ask her. I'm not sure about Ryan's side. Taylor's father passed away six years ago."
"I'm sorry."
Darci shook her head. "It's okay. I'll call his mom and ask. I'll have to tell her about Taylor anyway."
Joelle squeezed Darci's hand again. "Don't blame yourself. I mean it. You'll make yourself crazy. There's more to Type I diabetes than a possible genetic component. The exact cause isn't known, but research suggests that the disease may be triggered by a virus or environmental factors that could have damaged the pancreas."
"Taylor did have the flu about a month ago," Darci said. "Could a flu do this?"
Joelle shook her head. "She could have been exposed to a virus years ago that affected the pancreas. Like I said, Mrs. Johnson, there's really no way to know why it happened. The important thing to remember is that it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have prevented it. It was nothing you did or didn't do."
Darci nodded slowly, letting Joelle's words sink in.
"It's not my fault?"
"It's not your fault."
Darci looked at Joelle. The other woman wasn't much older than she was. "Do you have children?" Darci asked.
"Two boys. Five and seven."
"What would you do?" Darci asked. "If it was your son who was sick. Would you blame yourself?"
"I think it's only natural that as parents, when something happens to our children we look to ourselves first to see what we could have done differently. But what we need to remember is that looking for an answer to a puzzle that can't be solved, doesn't help. Instead what we need to do is focus on the present situation and the future. Sometimes acceptance doesn't come easily."
Darci absorbed the nurse's words. After a moment, she stood and ran her palms down the front of her jeans. "I should be with Taylor. What room is she in?"
###
While Taylor slept, Darci sat next to her bed reading the literature Joelle had provided. There was so much to know about diabetes. Her head spun from the information. She'd have to watch Taylor's diet. No more sugar and soda. Not that she ever had much, but after they were released, there wouldn't be any at all. And insulin. The thought of giving Taylor a needle caused an involuntary shiver to run through her.
Flipping through the pages, Darci had trouble reconciling the pictures she was looking at with the fact that she'd be doing those things for her daughter.
How was she, a woman terrified of a flu shot, supposed to prick her daughter's finger twice a day and inject her with insulin? Her stomach flipped and she folded the pamphlet and tucked it into her purse. She'd deal with it later.
She closed her eyes and tried to relax. It was only early afternoon, but she felt like it'd been days since she'd slept. It didn't take long and Darci too, was fast asleep. She woke a few hours later when Joelle came in to take Taylor's vital signs. She stretched her arms over her head and hastily wiped at her face, trying to erase any lingering signs of her nap.
"Did you have a good rest?"
"I wasn't sleeping," Darci said quickly. "I just shut my eyes for a minute."
Joelle reached over to slip a pulse oximeter on Taylor's finger. "It's okay, Mrs. Johnson," she said. "This is a lot to take in. You need your rest too."
"Do you think you could call me Darci?"
Joelle looked up from her clipboard and smiled. "If that's what you'd like. I'd be happy to."
"Thanks." Darci rolled her shoulders, trying in vain to release some tension. "I guess I figured, if we're going to be spending some time together...well...it's just less formal. You know?"
"I do." Joelle looked back to her clipboard and wrote something down.
"How long do you think we'll have to stay here?" Darci asked. "I mean, eventually Taylor will be allowed to go home, right?"
"Of course." The nurse changed out Taylor's almost empty IV bag for a full one before turning her attention to Darci. "I'm sure she'll only be here a few days. Doctor Wilson will be able to tell you more tomorrow. But as soon as Taylor's blood sugar levels are under control and she's feeling better we can start teaching the two of you everything you're going to need to know to manage the diabetes."
The panic must have showed on her face because Joelle quickly added, "Don't worry. There's a whole team of specialists here that will teach you what you need to know. And you're not alone. If you ever have a question, or need a little help, that's what we're here for. You can call or come in anytime."