Authors: Melissa Hill
W
ith that Grace
took off towards her cottage and the four of them were left standing there unsure of what to do next.
“Do you know how to play football?” one of the twins asked Donal. “My dad does.”
Donal looked at Marianne and she shrugged. Let him handle this one.
“Sure, I know how. Spread out, let’s kick to each other,” he said, and then whispered to Marianne. “I said I know how soccer is played, not that I’m any good at it.”
She smiled. “I’ll just sit here on the grass and watch you boys play. Here, give me your phone; I’ll hold it for you,” she offered, and when he did so, she switched it off.
Donal was surprisingly good with the kids and soon had them screaming and cheering.
“Don’t forget to call me if my phone rings,” he called out after a little while and she mouthed ‘OK’.
She felt a twinge of guilt at this but shook it away. They were on holiday weren’t they? Donal had no business working full time while they were here. Besides he was breaking his side of the bargain. He had promised to spend quality time with her, yet everyday he was putting in more or less the same hours at work as he did back home.
They played for about an hour, after which Donal collapsed on the ground beside his wife. His pale demeanour had left, in its place glowing skin and twinkling eyes.
Despite himself, he was enjoying playing with the boys.
“Will you play hide and seek with us?” one of the twins asked her then. Marianne couldn’t tell who was who.
“Sure I’d love to.” She stood up and followed the little boy to where the other twin was waiting.
“I’ll count first and you boys hide.” Marianne said, “But not too far away mind you. We don’t want anyone getting lost.”
She turned away from them, and stood against a towering elm tree, and buried her head in her folded arms.
“One, two...” she counted out loud.
When Marianne reached twenty and all was quiet, she tentatively lifted her head, and when she saw no one she started searching. She found Josh first, hiding behind a tree, and they raced together to see who would tap the tree first.
Josh got there first and Marianne feigned disappointment. She found Jake and Donal next, hiding behind a rubbish bin.
To Marianne’s surprise, she found herself laughing out loud at the boys’ antics and enjoying herself. It was fun to be silly and not have a care in the world.
They played for another half an hour and she could see the boys were getting worn out. Not to mention poor old Donal.
“Let’s go to the cafe for a bite and a drink,” Marianne suggested.
“Yay!” The boys said in unison.
“Let’s go then, my treat,” Donal said. “Give me my phone, honey.”
Without giving it a second thought, Marianne reached into the pocket of her denim shorts and handed the phone to him.
“It’s off. I could have sworn it was fully charged,” Donal frowned.
“I switched it off.”
“What? Ah, why did you do that? You know how important it is that I keep abreast with what’s happening at the office,” he said tightly.
“Let’s go boys,” Marianne said, and shepherded the boys along towards Ella’s cafe.
When they were not paying attention, she scowled at Donal, and whispered harshly. “I’m tired of this; in fact if you’re that worried about work, you can go back to your ‘office’ right this minute!”
She knew she had a temper, but she never got a warning or felt it coming. It was like an undetected tornado. Once in the grip of it, she recognised it and most times managed to calm herself down. But now she felt so fed up, she could have howled in frustration.
Donal looked taken aback. “Hey, calm down, what is all this about?”
“It’s about you and your unwillingness to leave your work behind,” Marianne hissed. “The idea of coming here was to spend time together.”
“We
are
spending time together.”
“No we are not. You wake up early every day and work on your laptop most of the morning,” Marianne said.
“But we always have lunch together and spend afternoons together,” Donal said, looking confused.
“No, we might have lunch in the same spot but we are never together. You’re always on your phone as you eat, or while we take walks in the afternoon. What’s the point?” she said softly, her anger abating.
Donal did not respond and they walked silently the rest of the way.
B
eing so close to lunchtime
, the cafe was packed, but there was one table on the outside patio area. The boys went with them to the table, but then raced over towards the swings while they waited.
“They have so much energy,” Donal commented.
Marianne was still too annoyed to respond and she ignored him.
Ella came over to serve them. “Hello Donal and Marianne,” she greeted with a smile. They’d eaten here almost every days since their arrival and were on first name terms with the friendly host.
“Hi,” they both echoed. Marianne felt embarrassed that today neither of them bothered to look cheerful and hide that fact that they were fighting.
Of course Ella must surely have come across fighting couples before, not that it was much of a comfort.
“Are you watching the twins for Grace today?” she asked.
“Yes, she was a bit overwhelmed this morning; we said we’d watch them for a couple of hours. Do you have something they can eat?” Marianne said.
“Yes, they love milk and Colm’s cookies or Twix cake. What about you two?”
“Sounds good. I’ll give the Twix cake a try too. And some tea please,” Marianne asked.
“I’ll have the same.”
“Great, I’ll be back soon.”
The tension between them was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Right this moment, Marianne was sure that Donal had no idea what the big deal was. He was so clueless sometimes, but for now she was not budging and would not until he understood by himself what the matter was.
Ella returned with their order after a few minutes, and Marianne called out to the twins to come back and wash their hands.
They settled down to eat, with the boys chattering aimlessly about nothing in particular. They were good kids, Marianne thought.
Under the table she felt rather than saw their little feet kicking each other. She smiled, remembering that she used to do the same thing with her sister Carina when growing up. She remembered how difficult it was to keep still when you were little.
She hid a smile and continued with her meal, pretending not to notice what the kids were doing under the table. Sometimes they would erupt into giggles and she laughed too at the joy of hearing the laughter of children. It made her feel a sharp longing for one of her own.
The boys finished their milk and Twix cake, and as Marianne was gathering their plates and cups together, she looked up and saw Grace, standing from a distance, at the other edge of the patio.
The look on her face made Marianne freeze. Her hair looked wild, like she had woken up without combing it. But her eyes were even wilder, and her body was so still; Marianne wondered how long she had been standing there. She was just about to wave over, when one of the kids caught her attention, and she looked away for a moment.
But when Marianne turned back to the boys’ mum to beckon her inside to join them, Grace was gone.
E
lla shepherded
the young mum into the café, and guided her across the room, down the hallway to her office.
Grace was like a docile doll, and she followed her willingly.
“You look as white as a sheet,” she said when Grace sat down. “What is it?”
In response, Grace buried her head in her hands.
“I had a scary moment in the park this morning when I thought I’d lost Josh. Turns out he was behind a tree all along, and it was Marianne who found him. She and her husband volunteered to watch the boys for a couple of hours, so I could get some rest.”
“That was kind. They’re lovely people,” Ella said.
“Yes they are. I went back home and fell asleep and when I woke up they were nowhere to be found. They were not at the park and they were not home. I’d forgotten that Marianne mentioned they might take them here for a treat. I thought they’d kidnapped them and all I could think was what would I tell Kevin? That I was so selfish for my time that I gave the boys to total strangers?”
“Aren’t they your neighbours though?” Ella said. “Summer visitors at the cottages always end up mixing while on a stay here. Nothing selfish about that.”
“Yes, but look at how content and happy the boys look with them out there? They’re
never
like that with me,” Grace sniffed.
Ella smiled reassuringly and contemplated telling Grace her true thoughts. Someone needed to talk to this woman otherwise she would drive herself crazy.
“Love, you can’t think like that. It’s nothing personal. They’re enjoying the novelty of having someone else take care of them in a different place. They are typical kids; all they want is food, a little discipline and the space to play.”
“But I
do
all that for them, don’t I?” Grace said.
“Yes, but based on what I’ve seen, you’re such a bundle of nerves with them, it’s almost like … like they’re not your kids,” Ella said. She didn't want to be harsh, but this woman was obviously struggling, and she needed to help her put things in perspective.
Grace looked at her startled. “Of course they’re mine.”
Ella smiled. “I know that, but you’re so worried about them all the time, it’s almost like they’ve been foisted on you.”
Grace sighed. “Well, right from the beginning when we first found out we were having twins, all anybody told me was how much more difficult and troublesome things were going to be. And I suppose that’s always how I’ve viewed them, as a lot of additional hassle.” She sighed. “To be honest, I’ve never really handled them all by myself like this. There’s always been the nanny, and Kevin of course. He’s great with them. You’re right though - sometimes even I feel like they are strangers.”
“Well, why don’t you try to get know them better then?” Ella said, but she could see Grace’s mind had already wandered.
“If only Kevin could manage to come down even for a couple of days…Maybe if I tell him how tired I am…” She stood up. “In the meantime I’d better go and rescue Marianne and Donal - I’m sure they’re exhausted.” She gave a nervous laugh.
Ella shook her head.
Evidently, Grace had convinced herself a long time ago that her twins were nothing but trouble, and it seemed there was no persuading her otherwise.
M
id-morning
, the café was quieter again. Nina was standing behind the counter catching her breath after the lunchtime rush.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Ella asked, having noticed that her friend seemed very preoccupied lately.
Nina smiled. “They are definitely not worth that much.”
“How is your dad?” she asked casually.
“He’s great - watching Patrick today actually.”
“It’s so cute how much he adores him.”
“How much they adore each other. Which is a turn up for the books…” Nina added with a mirthless laugh, obviously thinking about how her pregnancy had initially been very difficult for her father to process and had caused major upheavals in both their lives.
Thankfully their relationship had come on in leaps and bounds since Patrick was born.
Ella was concerned though. Nina was typically a jolly person but lately she seemed more subdued. “Are you OK? You’ve been kind of quiet these days.”
The younger woman looked at her and smiled brightly. “I’m fine, everything’s just fine,” she said, and picked up a cloth for wiping the tables.
Ella shrugged. If Nina had something to share she guessed she would do so when she was good and ready.
She went outside to the patio area, to see if any customers needed attending to. There was a couple lingering beneath a parasol on one of the tables, and Marianne was still sitting at another - now minus Grace’s boys from earlier, and indeed her husband.
To Ella’s surprise, Marianne was crying, although it seemed she was trying hard not to. Walking quickly, she went over and slid onto the chair next to hers.
“Are you OK sweetheart?” she asked. “Where’s Donal?”
Marianne blew her nose and attempted to repair her face by wiping off the mascara dripping down her cheeks. “He’s gone back to the cottage. I’m OK, really.”
“You know it does help to talk it out,” Ella coaxed, smiling at the younger woman.
Marianne looked away, but before she did, Ella caught the look on her face.
She looked so sad, as though she carried the weight of the whole world on her shoulders. She was young, probably only in her late thirties. What could be so terrible that she would look so sad, Ella wondered, especially when in the short time she’d known her she always seemed so cheery.
“I … I think my marriage is in trouble Ella, no—I
know
it is. Donal is just not the person I married ten years ago. Or maybe it’s me, I don’t know,” Marianne sniffed.
“Of course he’s not the same person, love. People change over time,” Ella pointed out.
“I think that’s what’s happened. Do you know he proposed right here in Lakeview, out on the lake, under a full moon.” Marianne said, her eyes brimming with the memories of that time. “We were so in love back then, we saw nothing but each other.”
“You were here? Ten years ago?” Ella scratched her memory for Marianne and Donal’s faces but so many tourists had come and gone in the interim….
Or perhaps she was just growing old, she thought with a wry smile.
“Donal is obsessed with his work, and he’s forgotten about us. Coming back here was my chance to get him to see what’s happening to us. I want us to have children one day too, but at the moment that’s such a far-fetched dream….” Marianne’s voice faded away.
It was difficult. Ella knew the pitfalls of being career focused. People lost track of the important things in life in the search for success.
“What were your goals when you got married? As a couple?” she asked.
Marianne was silent as she contemplated her question. Ella took this time to look at her. She had cover girl pretty looks, with sleek hair that fell to her shoulders.
Ella had noticed that she always had her make up perfectly applied, and was constantly smartly dressed, even in casual wear. But more than that she had a good heart. Look how she had volunteered to watch Grace’s twin boys earlier?
“We wanted to work hard, and build our lives. We were just starting out in our careers and had nothing to our names, so success was a big goal. For one we wanted to buy an apartment in a good part of Dublin, which we have. Secondly, both of us wanted to climb the corporate ladder in our respective companies.”
“And have you?”
“Almost. Donal wants to reach to the very top, and as for me, just before we came here, I had been invited to interview for a big promotion.”
Marianne went on to narrate to Ella the events of the day she had cancelled the interview with Ms Walker.
“OK, so he might be ambitious but love, from where I’m standing, I’d say Donal hasn’t done anything wrong,” Ella pointed out.
Marianne turned to her in disbelief. “How can you say that after everything I’ve just told you? We came back here to try recapture our romance. Donal just doesn’t get that there are more important things than work.”
“What I mean,” Ella clarified, “is that Donal hasn’t changed the goalposts but you have. You told me yourself that when you got married, your goals at the time were to achieve success. Perhaps you feel that you’ve already done that but clearly Donal hasn’t. Seems that
you’re
the one who decided that you want out of the race now. As far as he’s concerned, the two of you are still chasing promotions and looking to climb the corporate ladder, and why would he think otherwise?”
After a long moment, Marianne looked at her unblinking. “I think I see what you mean. I’ve changed, and I’m expecting Donal to suddenly change as well.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Ella said. “Donal is also being a little thoughtless. The two of you do need to spend quality time together, after all that’s what holidays are for. To bond and remember why you’re together. So he’s not entirely off the hook.” She smiled.” I’m just trying to be devil’s advocate, try and see things from his point of view. So perhaps we should try to wear his shoes for a moment and look at things as he might.”
They were both quiet, and Ella knew that Marianne was trying to absorb all that she had told her. After several minutes, she spoke. “What can I do, what’s the way forward for us now in our marriage, if our life goals are suddenly so different?”
Ella laughed softly. She wished things were as simple as that, but they weren’t. Marriage was not like the work place, where colleagues could sit down together in the conference room and brainstorm.
“I wish I knew. This one you have to work out for yourself. I’m sure you will though.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because you’ve already done the most important thing in any relationship or marriage,” Ella said, standing up.
“Ah, don’t leave me in the dark like this,” Marianne pleaded.
“You’ve shifted your outlook from yours to his. You understand his side of the story. You know why he’s the way he is, and it’s definitely nothing personal.” With that, and a parting squeeze on the younger girl’s shoulder, she glided away.