Summer of Love (41 page)

A bottle of champagne was produced and poured.

‘Here’s to the book?’ said Rollo, raising his glass at them both.

‘To the book,’ said Sian. ‘It’s going to be fantastic. And here’s to them giving Gus loads of money for it.’ She looked across at Rollo who smiled and raised his glass again.

‘Yes, and to Sian,’ said Gus, ‘who saved the day.’

‘I didn’t! I just barged in – and, well, made a fool of myself.’

Rollo and Gus were shaking their heads. ‘They had gone a bit quiet,’ said Rollo. ‘We needed an extra element. Lovely illustrations by you, as well as your presence for publicity purposes.’

‘You wouldn’t want me for that. Gus is the star!’

‘A star sometimes needs a satellite,’ said Rollo, ‘and you are a very lovely one, if I may say so.’

‘Hear, hear,’ said Gus.

Fortunately for Sian’s nerves, the waiter returned to pour more champagne and to bring them menus.

The meal seemed to last for ever. Sian kept looking at Gus, who kept looking at her. She felt his foot on hers and wasn’t sure if it was there on purpose or if it had just landed there by mistake. Either way, she didn’t move her foot and just enjoyed the contact, hoping it was a sign they could make things right between them.

‘So,’ said Rollo, when he’d eaten his ‘Dead Baby with Extra Jam and Custard’, ‘What are you two going to do this afternoon? Any plans?’ When neither of them replied he went on: ‘Rather bizarre turn in the conversation towards the end of the meeting, I thought.’ He paused and then turned to Gus. ‘So, are you two together then?’

They looked at each other but Sian couldn’t read Gus’s expression. Was that horror and panic at the very thought they might be seen as a couple? Or something else? Her heart, which had been going up and down like a lift in a hotel all through the meal, went down to the basement and lodged there.

‘Er, well …’ Gus started.

‘Heavens. I haven’t put my foot in it, have I?’ blustered Rollo. ‘Are you sure neither of you want a stickie? I know it’s lunchtime but I think a liqueur is as good a way to celebrate as any. We’ve got a great book deal to wrangle! Or a brandy?’ He trailed off.

‘No, really, I’ll fall over if I have any more to drink,’ said Sian. She’d had two glasses of champagne and her share of a bottle of red. She just wanted to leave now.

‘So, tell us, what’s the next stage with the book?’ asked Gus, getting back to the matter in hand.

‘The publishers do the number crunching, make us an offer which we refuse—’

‘However big it is?’ Sian asked, glad to have something to say.

‘Yup. Never accept a first offer. They’re lucky I didn’t put it out to auction.’

‘I thought they were the only ones interested?’

‘Well, yes, but there were a few I didn’t pitch to. We still could go down that route if they don’t come up with something acceptable.’

‘How long will we have to wait?’ asked Sian.

Rollo shrugged. ‘Dunno. They could be quite quick or they could keep us waiting for days. I’m hoping for a quick response though, while their blood is up, so to speak.’

‘It’s all so nerve-racking,’ said Sian.

‘Yes,’ agreed Gus, ‘and odd. I feel a bit like a slave being sold to the highest bidder.’

Rollo nodded. ‘Quite normal. No need to worry. I’ll see we get a good screw out of them.’ He paused. ‘Now, are you sure there’s nothing else you want? In which case, let’s have the bill.’

Rollo paid the bill with a flourish and a lot of badinage with the staff. ‘Right,’ he said, ‘can I give you a lift anywhere in my cab?’

Sian stuttered something and Gus said, ‘We’re fine, thank you.’ He went on to thank Rollo for all he had done and Sian added hers too. At last they waved him goodbye.

‘He’s obviously a great agent, brilliant at his job,’ Sian began.

‘But we need to talk privately,’ Gus finished for her.

Sian’s heart did a loop the loop and ended in the middle, at neutral. This sounded like good news but could also be bad.

‘Yes. Shall we find a café or something?’

Gus shook his head. ‘I need some fresh air, somewhere green. I don’t think well in London.’

Sian smiled. ‘Fortunately, being a Londoner, I know a place we can go. Follow me.’

It didn’t take Sian long to get them to a little secret garden, hidden behind old buildings and new tower blocks, attainable only along an alley in between an ancient half-timbered pub and a firm of solicitors that looked as if it dated from the same period.

‘Oh wow!’ said Gus. ‘Who’d have thought this was here?’ He looked at the trees, tall and old, and the flowerbeds; there was a bit of grass, benches and a bird-bath consisting of a draped maiden holding a basin in her arms.

‘I had a job just by here once. I used to come here with my sandwiches,’ said Sian. ‘I’m not sure that it didn’t used to be a graveyard or something.’

‘It’s an oasis.’

‘Yes. Shall we sit down?’ She indicated a bench near where some pigeons were looking for crumbs. ‘To talk?’ It was time.

Gus looked apologetic. ‘Do you mind if we walk? I’m better when I’m walking.’

Sian smiled, falling in next to him, wondering what he meant by being ‘better’. But she was horribly nervous.

Gus might be about to thank her for all she’d done for the book, or tell her that he was going to marry Melissa, despite what Fiona had said.

Gus took hold of her hand and pulled it through his arm in the old-fashioned way, keeping her close to him. She felt a tiny flutter of hope. ‘I want to say thank you for coming,’ he said.

‘It was the least I could do. I said I’d help and then … I took it back. That was wrong. I had to put it right.’

‘Does Richard mind you coming?’

‘No. No, he doesn’t know.’

‘You came without telling him?’

‘Yes.’ Gus had stopped, released her arm and was looking at her sternly. ‘Gus, Richard and I aren’t together, we never really were.’

‘You’re not?’ He looked confused. ‘But you slept with him!’

‘I didn’t! I slept with you! I just let you think that I had because I was angry and hurt and I thought you were with Melissa.’

‘Lissa? Good God, whatever gave you that idea?’

It seemed very slender evidence now but at the time it had seemed definitive. She let them walk on in silence for a bit while she considered what to say. ‘I saw you together, after you hadn’t been in touch, you weren’t available when I called you …’ Although Fiona was sure that he and Melissa weren’t together, until she heard it from Gus, she couldn’t be certain.

‘She just introduced me to someone with land to rent and money to invest. She’s a great girl and all that but –no. I can’t believe you thought we were together all this time and you didn’t say anything. You should have done.’

‘Fiona said that, but at the time, well, I was terribly hurt. And you didn’t take my calls. I turned to Richard.’

Gus didn’t appear to think her reason was valid. ‘Oh yes, Richard, aka Mr Darcy.’

This was unfair; she had to stick up for him. ‘He’s a good man and I feel terrible about it.’

‘Why? He’s got a big house and a fast car, why are you worried?’

‘Because I broke his heart. When I told him—’ She stopped.

‘What did you tell him?’ he asked quietly. He’d taken back her arm and was holding on to it as if she might escape.

No woman wants to be the first to use the word ‘love’ in a relationship. ‘I said I couldn’t be with him. Not when – Well, I finished it.’

He looked at her intently. ‘What are you saying?’

‘I think you know.’ She met his gaze but she couldn’t say it.

‘Are you saying, or rather refusing to say, what I want to say?’

This was stalemate. Neither of them seemed to want to be the first to say it, but until she’d heard those all-important words she couldn’t be absolutely sure he did love her. Her own feelings were too battered for her to take the chance. ‘Then why don’t you go first?’ she said gently.

He swallowed and took a breath, bracing himself. ‘I’ve never thought of myself as a coward before but this is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I love you, Sian. When I came home and saw you I fell in love with you all over again, long before I knew about Rory.’

Sian didn’t speak for a while. She couldn’t think of any words and thought she might cry. He’d said it. He’d finally said he loved her. The last tiny piece of her that had been clinging on to doubt let go.

‘Oh, Sian! Darling, please! I’ve told you how I feel. Please don’t keep me in suspense.’

She hadn’t meant to torture him. She just had to be sure. ‘I’m glad. When Fiona showed me the flat – don’t be angry, she was desperate – I thought you might have done it so Rory wouldn’t be homeless.’

‘Of course I didn’t want him to be homeless but it was you I had in mind. It was you I wanted to save, not Rory, because Rory had you.’

‘That’s lovely,’ she said quietly.

‘Well, you’re a good mother.’ The corner of his mouth twitched. ‘I know why Rory likes dragons! He lives with one!’

Sian took a breath and turned in indignation towards Gus. ‘I am not a dragon!’

Gus took her face in his hands and kissed her for a very long time. Sometime during the kiss she became glad she had taken a breath; it was coming in useful.

Sian became aware of someone entering the garden and broke away. Gus moved back too. ‘So, we can face our uncertain future together?’

‘Oh yes. I’d rather have an uncertain future with you than a life of luxury and security with Richard. And I do want you to know that it was only ever for Rory that I wanted it. It was never for myself.’

‘Really? I thought he lived in a mansion.’

Sian nodded. ‘It’s a big house but the kitchen isn’t all that wonderful.’

Gus frowned, obviously confused. ‘Are you telling me—’

‘I mean,’ went on Sian, determined to pay him back for calling her a dragon, ‘if you’re spending that much on a house the kitchen should be more than “OK”.’

Gus was looking a bit worried now. ‘The kitchen in the flat is minute. Is this going to be a problem?’

Sian was enjoying having the upper hand – she knew it wouldn’t be for long. ‘As you should know, size is not important. His kitchen had the wrong sort of marble worktop. It reminded me of chopped-up meat – like those very coarse terrines you get in France.’

Gus struggled to take this in. ‘Are you telling me you turned Richard down because the marble in his kitchen, in a mansion, with swimming pool and stabling, wasn’t to your taste?’

‘How do you know about the swimming pool?’

‘Don’t you remember, Rory told me at tea that day. Now, come on, tell me, which was it: the kitchen, the pool or the stabling …’ he teased.

‘I told you. The marble. And I wasn’t too sure about the fireplace in the sitting room either.’

‘And that’s why you rejected him?’

She looked up at him, wide-eyed and innocent. ‘What other reason could there be?’

‘You’re a minx! But you’re definitely better off with me, marble or no marble. I’m glad you made the right choice.’

‘But no, Gus, I didn’t.’ Sian became serious. ‘You don’t get it. I didn’t make a choice between you and Richard. It’s more that I just chose not to be with Richard. I couldn’t choose you, you see. I didn’t think I was being offered a choice.’

‘What choice?’ He looked confused.

‘Well, Richard was offering me security and the love of a good man, but you …’ She stopped for a moment. It was important that he understood. ‘I didn’t think you were offering me anything.’

‘You didn’t know I loved you?’

‘No! How was I supposed to know? You never said it, not even at times when – they tell me – most men are willing to tell the woman they’re with that they love them. I mean when they’ve just had amazing sex. I thought that for you it was, well, just great sex.’ She looked at her feet, hoping he wouldn’t think that great sex was enough, even though sometimes she thought possibly it was herself.

‘Oh, God, I’m such a fool for not letting you know, for making you feel I didn’t love you. I thought if I used the L word it would frighten you. It frightened me!’

‘I thought it was commitment that frightened you.’ Even now she felt vulnerable expressing her own deepest fear, that he was a wanderer, emotionally as well as geographically.

‘No. I’ve never wanted to commit to an employer, or a career that I haven’t created for myself, but after I met you … I knew that once I’d found my soul-mate, I wouldn’t want another.’

She sighed and, as the park was now empty again, he took her back into his arms.

‘I do love you, you know?’

There, she’d said it too. They both knew how they felt about each other and it was wonderful.

Later, after they’d sat on a bench and talked and kissed and kissed and talked some more, Gus said, ‘So what are your plans?’

She looked at her watch. ‘Oh my God, my train! I must dash.’

‘We’ll get you a taxi. I’ll come with you to the train.’

‘To think I nearly forgot! What sort of mother am I?’

‘You know Mum’s looking after Rory, you don’t need to worry about that.’

‘And you don’t need to come to the station with me. What have you got to do now?’

‘Just pick some things up from my friend’s flat where I stayed last night. Could you get a later train?’

‘I’d have to pay a huge amount extra.’

They left the park and hurried along, him holding on to her, easing her way through the crowd until they got to a street corner where they could hail a taxi.

She turned to him. ‘You don’t have to come with me, I’ll be fine.’

‘I don’t want to spend a moment apart from you if I can help it. I’ll come.’

‘Gus, do be sensible!’

Just then someone from behind jostled her a little and she stepped off the kerb awkwardly. The next second pain seared through her ankle and she landed on the ground and there was the screech of brakes.

‘Oh my God!’ said a woman.

Chapter Twenty-Five