It was Dr. Rock’s idea that Finn put some of the coping techniques he was learning in therapy into practice in real life, particularly when it came to crowds.
Crowds were another little problem that had crept up on Finn after he’d managed to stop drinking to numb himself—he’d had what Dr. Rock said was a panic attack. It had shocked Finn when it happened, and it seemed to have happened for no reason. He’d been in Austin with Macy, where they had gone so that he could see Dr. Rock and then consult with her lawyer. They were waiting at a crosswalk for the light to turn and several people crowded onto the corner, also waiting for the light to turn. Even though Finn stood a head taller than most people, he was suddenly perspiring. Every movement, every slight jostle made him jump, and in no time at all, he was tightly wound. He felt exposed, and realized he was waiting for someone to produce a gun, a bomb, a knife—
He hadn’t even realized he was breathing like he was until Macy tugged hard on his sleeve. “What’s the matter?” she had asked frantically.
“I gotta get out of here,” he’d said, and had started to back up, but managed to plow into a woman who cried out. He’d really lost it then, flailing through the crowd, unable to breathe, unable to focus.
Macy had managed to get him to Dr. Rock’s office. Dr. Rock had told him to lower his head between his knees and take a couple of deep breaths. When Finn had finally calmed down, Dr. Rock explained he was exhibiting classic symptoms of PTSD. Finn didn’t like hearing that, but even he couldn’t deny it any longer. Either he was going to lose his mind, or he was going to put his trust in Dr. Rock.
They began to work on ways to deal with his reactions.
When Dr. Rock suggested he find a small crowd and practice some of the techniques, Finn had balked. But then he’d read in the paper about the groundbreaking for the Hill Country Spa and Resort. This, he had to see—he had to see Wyatt Clark actually break ground on the land he’d stolen from him. Wyatt could damn sure look him in the eye while he did it.
Finn wasn’t ready to fly solo, however, and he didn’t want to appear weak to Macy. He called Brodie and asked him if he could take some time off work to go with him.
“Dude—get a lawyer!” Brodie said.
“I’ve got one,” Finn said. “But I need money for the retainer.” In the meantime, he wasn’t letting Wyatt get away with it.
The morning of the groundbreaking was hot and hazy, but there was quite a little crowd gathered nonetheless—mostly retirees with nothing better to do, lots of suits, and, oddly enough, a preschool class. The kids were chasing each other in a field.
Brodie looked at the crowd, then at Finn. “You sure about this?”
“Yep,” Finn said. “Let’s go.”
They walked down a slope to where the ceremony was going to be held. It was about a mile from the southern boundary of Finn’s land. They were up on a rise, and from where he stood Finn could see that even more clearing had taken place. His throat constricted. Generations of Lockharts had owned that land. His ancestors had bought it with the money they’d brought from Scotland. They’d worked it and eked out a living, even when there wasn’t much of a living to be had, and now, that land would be torn up for a line of condos.
It was painful to look at, so Finn turned his attention to where the ceremony would take place, as evidenced by eight brand-new shovels with red bows tied around the handles. A space had been cleared and fresh dirt brought in for the politicians to turn so they wouldn’t risk embarrassing themselves by not being able to break ground.
A shriek of laughter caught Finn’s attention and he glanced at the kids in the field. It was hard to imagine a little Macy, but he pictured a little girl with honey-blonde hair like her mother’s running around that field.
Finn had thought a lot about her pregnancy. He and Macy had tried so hard to conceive a kid before he’d gone off to war. Somehow, she’d managed it easily with Wyatt. Too easily. Finn would be lying if he told himself that at first, he hadn’t been completely unnerved that she was carrying Wyatt’s baby. The thought of raising another man’s child—particularly when it meant he’d have that man in his life for the foreseeable future—was sobering. He’d never say so to Macy, not after she’d put it all on the line to be with him. In the end, that was the only thing that mattered. He was beginning to accept that his life hadn’t worked according to his best-laid plans, and the trick to surviving was to go with the flow.
So Finn would love that child—
“Excuse me,” a voice said, startling Finn. “Aren’t you our local hero?”
He jerked around. “Ah…”
“You
are
!” The gray-haired woman beamed up at him. “Frank! Over here, Frank! It’s the hero!” Several heads turned and looked at him.
“My goodness, it is!” another woman said.
“I, ah…I—”
Breathe. Just a bunch of senior citizens. Not enemy civilians. No guns, no suicide vests.
“Hey, hey,” Brodie said, sensing Finn’s discomfort, and tried to put himself between Finn and the curious crowd.
“How are you getting on?” one man asked, sidling around Brodie.
“Good,” Finn said. He cleared his throat and clenched his hands. When this happened to him, it infuriated and perplexed him. He knew it was happening, that his fears were irrational, but he was powerless to stop it.
I’m okay
, he told himself.
“We’re so glad to have you back,” said another woman.
“And we’re so proud!” another woman trilled.
Finn felt hot and unsteady. “I…I, ah…” His throat was closing up.
“Finn’s been getting back into the swing of things,” Brodie said quickly.
“Well, that’s to be expected after what he endured,” the older gentleman said. “The local paper indicated it was pretty bad. What were the Taliban really like?”
“Hey, it looks like the master of ceremonies has arrived,” Brodie said.
All heads turned to a white pickup that had just arrived, pulling right up to the rope that separated the crowd from the parking area. Wyatt got out of the truck, along with Milo. He stepped over the rope and strode to the front while Milo scampered ahead, his nose to the ground.
The assembled throng began shifting to the front, including Finn’s well-wishers.
Wyatt walked up to the microphone while Milo sniffed around the shovels. “Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention,” he said.
People began moving forward more urgently, taking Brodie and Finn with them. Finn’s pulse quickened again; to keep from flipping out, he kept his gaze fixed on Wyatt, focused on his breathing, and repeated in his head,
No one is going to kill me. No one is going to kill me.
I am not going to kill him.
I am not going to kill him.
He didn’t really hear the short speeches that every one of the politicians made. He kept his gaze on Wyatt Clark. Wyatt didn’t smile, didn’t make eye contact with anyone. He seemed to be looking at something in the distance. He seemed, Finn slowly realized, like a very miserable man.
The mayor was the last to speak. She had to pull the mic down and began with a thank-you for all the assembled people. She then launched into praise for Wyatt Clark. “It takes all different kinds to make a community unique and strong,” she said. “It takes men like Wyatt Clark, who can see what Cedar Springs has the potential to become. And it takes people like Sergeant Finn Lockhart, whom we are so fortunate to have returned to us, who would give his life to defend places like Cedar Springs. I understand he is here today. Sergeant Lockhart, are you out there?”
Wyatt’s head snapped around at that; someone pointed at Finn and a round of applause went up.
Finn tried to smile, God knew he did. But he could not unclench his fists.
“And it takes men like Simon Daniels,” the mayor continued, “who has been the president of the First Bank of Cedar Springs…”
Wyatt did not turn his attention from Finn; nor did Finn look away. But something happened to Finn as he stood there looking at Wyatt, at the man whose life he had destroyed by living. Perhaps he imagined it, but he could see the sadness in Wyatt’s eyes, the edginess in his demeanor. It surprised the hell out of Finn that he felt sorry for Wyatt. He knew how heartbroken Wyatt had to be, because he knew what a treasure Macy was.
It wasn’t until a heavyset woman hurried to hand out the festooned shovels and Wyatt was forced to look at something else that their silent standoff was broken.
Wyatt and the city council and the mayor lined up, put their feet on the shovel blades, and, on the count of three, all turned dirt. The crowd applauded, the children yelled
hooray
, and the heavyset woman began to direct everyone to a tent where refreshments had been laid out.
As the crowd cleared, a few of the kids chased butterflies. Brodie and Finn remained behind, Finn watching Wyatt. He didn’t see Milo until the dog came bounding up to him, his tongue hanging almost to the ground.
“Here he comes,” Brodie said softly as Finn squatted down to pet the dog. “Want me to get rid of him?”
“Nah.” Finn stood up. “I’ll talk to him.”
“Finn—”
“It’s okay. I’m not going to kill him.” He gave his brother a sort of half smile just as Wyatt strode over to them.
Finn looked him square in the eye. “Hello, Wyatt.”
“What the hell are you doing here?” Wyatt demanded, looking at Finn, then at Brodie.
“Not much. Just watching a groundbreaking.”
“Yeah, a groundbreaking. We’re going to take that piece of ranchland and finally make some money off of it. What do you think about that?” Wyatt asked, folding his arms across his chest.
“Okay,” Brodie said. “That’s my cue to leave. Come on, Milo,” he said and whistled for the dog.
“Milo!” Wyatt called.
“Stay.”
The dog sat instantly and looked up at Wyatt and Finn.
“On that note,” Brodie muttered, and walked away.
“You need to leave,” Wyatt said to Finn. “You’re only here to cause trouble.”
“I’ll admit I probably had that in mind when I decided to come,” Finn said calmly, “but I’m not going to cause you any trouble, Wyatt.”
Wyatt looked confused. And furious.
“Look, man, I owe you an apology. I went off on you when I first got back into town, and you didn’t deserve that. In all honesty, you don’t deserve any of what’s happened. I see that now, and I’m sorry.”
Wyatt’s face darkened with angry confusion. “What in the devil are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about Macy and the ranch. I know why you sold it, and I don’t really blame you. I’m not going to let you get away with it, but you know what? I think I might have done worse if the situation had been reversed.”
Wyatt took a menacing step forward. “Look, pal, I am looking for a reason to knock you into Travis County. You’ve ruined my life. Are you happy?”
“That’s what I’m saying, Wyatt—I’m not happy about that at all. In fact, I am sorry to the bottom of my soul for it,” Finn said, clapping his hand over his heart. “It’s clear that I ruined your life, and I promise you that I never meant to. I just wanted my wife and my life back. Man-to-man here—you can’t really fault me for it, can you? Any more than I can fault you for falling in love with her.”
“I don’t give you as much as a moment of thought, Lockhart,” Wyatt sneered. “But if you think you’re getting your land back, or Macy for that matter, you’re wrong. I’m not through with the two of you.”
“Now, Wyatt,” Finn said, “you know what they say—evil deeds are like chickens in that they all come home to roost.”
“Don’t hand me some barnyard bromide, Lockhart. I’m not worried. Macy will come home to me once she figures out that she can’t go back to her old life again, and I will build condos on that land and make a fortune, and
you
—” He snorted. “
You
should be looking for property way out of Cedar Springs because I intend to make your life a living hell.”
Finn didn’t like the sound of that, but he couldn’t ignore the pain in Wyatt’s eyes. “I don’t think so,” he said calmly.
“I
know
so,” Wyatt snapped as the heavyset woman hurried toward them. “Get a lawyer if you think you’ve been wronged, but I’ll guaran-damn-tee you that you won’t get an inch of that land back.”
“Wyatt?” the woman said, reaching them. She looked at Finn, then at Wyatt. “Everything okay? They’re cutting the cake.”
“Great,” Wyatt snapped, and turned around. “Milo!” he called.
Milo, who had slid from a sitting position down onto his belly, perked his ears toward Wyatt, then looked up at Finn.
Wyatt stopped and glared at the dog.
“Milo.”
Finn watched his dog hop up and trot alongside Wyatt, who was striding so hard the woman had to jog to keep up.
Brodie, who had taken refuge under a tree, looked back at Finn. But Finn was watching Wyatt. He didn’t think that even he, in his years of captivity, had known the sort of loneliness of soul and spirit that Wyatt Clark was feeling right now. At least Finn had had hope. Wyatt had nothing but empty threats to cling to.
Macy had naively believed that once she’d made her decision, everything would fall into place. Life would go back to normal—granted, a new normal—but at least a normal without all the drama of the last few weeks.
That was hardly the case—it seemed as if everyone in town had an opinion about what she should have done, and the running tally, as reported to her by Emma, was that about half the populace of Cedar Springs thought she had wronged Wyatt, and the other half thought she’d taken too long to return to Finn.
“Wow,” Macy said. She had her own opinions about what she’d done, and none of them were very good. It was supposed to be easier now, but it wasn’t. She ached for Wyatt.
“Who cares? I know how hard this has been for you,” Emma said with sisterly earnestness.
Macy looked up from writing a list of things she needed for a nursery and smiled. “Thanks, Emmie. I can always count on you. What about Mom? Is she still mad?”
“Mad is not the right word,” Emma said with a roll of her eyes. “You know how she is; she gets so bent out of shape when people don’t instantly agree with her. Did I tell you? One of the interviews I had last week looked really promising until I got there. It was supposed to be a finance job, but it was basically a telemarketing job. I told Mom, and she wouldn’t believe me. She said I had misunderstood. Macy, I was
there.
I didn’t misunderstand, but try telling Mom that.”
Macy smiled.
“But hey, she’ll come around to your decision.”
“I don’t know,” Macy said. “She never liked Finn.”
“That’s not true! She liked Finn, but apparently she liked Wyatt a whole lot more.” She grinned. “So what are you guys going to do next?”
Macy sighed and looked at her book again. “I don’t know. The first thing we have to do is pay for the legal proceeding. My lawyer says it is best that Finn and I stay apart until she can get it in front of a judge. Then there is the matter of the property. Wyatt will definitely have to pay the value of it, but Lucy doesn’t think we can get the land back without a lawsuit. We would need money for that, which I thought I had, but then I got this,” she said, and reached across her book and a stack of magazines for an envelope that she tossed to Emma.
Emma picked it up. “The army?”
“They want back the life insurance they paid for Finn when they thought he’d been killed. Now that he’s not dead, their bean counters couldn’t wait to ask for it.”
“You’re kidding!”
“I’m not,” Macy sighed. “I haven’t told Finn yet.”
What Macy didn’t tell Emma was that things had been a bit strained between her and Finn the last few days. She couldn’t put her finger on it, exactly, but guessed it was a combination of things. After all, he’d been home a month now, and he was still living with his parents. Really, who could live with Karen Lockhart without losing their mind? The money situation wasn’t good, either. Macy hadn’t worked in a while and was having trouble finding a job that matched her skills. Emma wasn’t exaggerating—it was tough finding employment out there. The two times Macy had found a promising lead, someone with more experience had gotten the job. She had another lead for a position as a social worker—but it meant working in South Austin, which would require an hour commute each way.
Finn wanted to work, but he was struggling with some of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress. When she tried to talk to him about it, he clammed up, refused to acknowledge the difficulties she knew he was facing. He continued to do what work he could around his parents’ ranch. Brodie was trying to get him on at the lumberyard with him.
The news about the life insurance money could not have come at a worse time. Macy didn’t want to add to the burdens Finn already carried. She just wanted him to relax and learn to enjoy life again. She still had abundant hope that things would fall into place for them.
Everything will be all right
.
With that hope, she’d planned a little surprise for Finn. Late that afternoon, she packed up her Jeep and drove out to the Lockhart place.
When she knocked on the door, Karen Lockhart opened it. “Hello, Macy,” she said tightly.
“Hello, Karen.”
“Is that Macy?” Rick called from somewhere inside the house. A moment later he appeared at the door. “Hi, Macy. Come on in,” he said, pushing the door open and nudging Karen out of the way.
“Thanks,” Macy said, and stepped inside. “Is Finn here?”
“He’s out back with my crusty old horse,” Rick said. “That boy could never stay away from a horse.”
“I was just fixin’ to call him in,” Karen said. “I’ll go get him.” She walked away.
Macy looked at Rick, who smiled warmly. “Don’t mind that old girl,” he whispered, and put his arm around Macy’s shoulders, pulling her into the house. “She’s just a mother looking out for her boy.”
“I’m not going to hurt Finn.”
“I know that, Macy. But Karen worries when the baby comes, you’ll feel guilty and will want to go back to Wyatt.”
God help her, sometimes Macy worried the same thing.
Rick showed her to the living room, where a row of windows overlooked the back. She could see Finn striding up the back path ahead of Karen in boots and jeans and a T-shirt. He was wearing the straw hat again and there were spurs on his boots. He’d been riding.
When he entered through the screen door, he didn’t speak, but strode to where she stood, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her.
“Hello to you, too,” she said with a smile.
“I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I know. I was hoping you could tear yourself away—I’ve got a surprise for you.”
Finn quirked one brow. “Now that’s an invitation no man could refuse,” he said with a wink. “Where is this surprise?”
“You have to come with me,” she said.
“And it just gets better and better. Let me grab a shower,” he said, and kissed her cheek. “Mom, don’t devour Macy or her young while I clean up,” he said as he strode out of the living room. Rick chuckled. Karen frowned.
“Sit down, Macy. You like baseball?” Rick asked, his attention on the enormous flat panel television that took up the west wall.
Macy sat.
Karen did, too. She picked up some knitting and made a halfhearted attempt to knit for about ten minutes while Macy sat stiffly next to her. But she finally put it down and looked at Macy. “So…when’s your baby due?”
“Late February,” Macy said.
“I can’t help but feel bad for Wyatt Clark. That must have been a real blow to find out you were having his baby but with another man.”
The image of a devastated Wyatt flashed in Macy’s mind. She swallowed and looked at the television screen.
“I was down at the Envy, the hair salon on the square, and Carol Richardson told me that your mother thought you ought to be with Wyatt,” Karen continued. “That true?”
Macy looked at Karen. “My mother has always had her own opinions. But I’m not my mother.”
“Well, I
know
you’re not Jillian,” Karen said. “I’m just wondering how much influence she’s going to have with you, because I guarantee you, Macy, when this baby comes, you’re going to want it to be with its natural father. And where will that leave Finn?”
“Karen, leave it alone,” Rick said.
But Karen looked at Macy, expecting an answer. Macy knew there was no answer she could give Karen that would change her opinion. “You’re too hard on me, Karen,” she said.
“Amen to that,” Rick muttered.
“What do you mean?” Karen demanded. “I’m only thinking of my son.”
“You’re too hard on me,” Macy said again. “I am doing the best I know how to do. I have made a very difficult decision and I don’t intend to walk away from it. You can fear the future all you like, but I won’t. I cannot begin to describe how ecstatically happy I am that I can share my life with Finn. This is what I have wanted from almost the moment I met him, and I am so blessed to have a second chance. I am not going to ruin it—I’m making my life with Finn.”
“Well said, baby.” She turned around to see Finn standing at the door from the hallway. His hair was still wet, but he’d put on a clean pair of tight-fitting jeans, some decent boots, and a clean T-shirt that hugged his arms and torso. “You ready?”
“I am,” she said, and stood up. She glanced down at Karen, who was staring hard at her cross-stitch. “There’s one other thing,” she said softly. “Wyatt’s mother isn’t around much, and this baby is going to need two grandmas.”
Karen’s hand froze. She glanced up at Macy wordlessly.
Finn put his hand out for Macy. She slipped her hand into his. “See you,” Finn said to his folks, and led Macy out of there.
As they walked to her Jeep, he pulled her into his side and gave her a reassuring hug. “The sooner we get out from underfoot, the easier it will get.”
Macy could not agree more.
Finn paused to peer in the back window of her Jeep. “What’s my surprise?” he asked, changing the subject.
“Don’t look!” she cried, and playfully pushed him to the passenger door. “Just get in.”
In the Jeep, she turned the radio to country music, which Finn preferred, and ignored his guesses about where they were going; when she turned on the road that led to his ranch, his smile faded. “Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“It’s not home anymore.”
“It’s not his; I don’t care what he says.” She pulled up at the gate and opened the driver’s door.
“Macy—this is trespassing now.”
Macy laughed at Finn. “What’s he going to do, sue me? Wait. Don’t answer that—he just might.” She winked at him and hopped out.
She unlocked the gate, but Finn was out before she could push it back. “You’re pregnant. Will you try to remember that?”
“I’m pregnant, not bedridden,” she said with a laugh, and hopped back into the Jeep and drove through. Finn closed the gate and climbed back into the passenger seat.
Macy drove down the road, but instead of turning to the right to go to the house, she turned left and followed a very bumpy road until she got within walking distance of their favorite part of the creek. “This is it; here’s your big surprise,” she said, and got out of the Jeep.
Finn did, too. “What are you doing?” he asked as she opened the back hatch.
Macy’s answer was to shove a pair of fishing poles at him, salvaged from Brodie’s garage.
Finn looked at the poles. “Fishing?”
“Our favorite spot,” she said, and tried to heave the picnic basket over the tailgate.
Finn stared at her. Macy laughed. “What’s the matter? Are you scared?”
He gave her a stern look and shoved the poles at her. “You carry those. I’ll carry this.” He grabbed the blanket she had and stacked it on top of the basket. “You know, if the sheriff comes, I’ll have to do my duty as a law-abiding citizen and turn you in,” he warned her with a wink.
“Oh, yeah? I have brownies in there, the kind you like.”
“On second thought, I’ll take the fall.”
Together, they walked down the path that led to the creek, Finn teasing her by telling her to watch out for snakes. He led her through a thicket—it amazed her that he still knew this land like the back of his hand—and on the other side, they emerged into the little green clearing where the creek turned deep enough for fishing.
He helped her lay the blanket down on the banks of the creek, then set the poles with the bit of bacon she’d brought while Macy laid out supper: cold chicken, grapes, and cheese. She’d brought beer, too, and opened one, passing it to Finn.
Finn stretched out on the blanket and propped himself on his elbow. Macy sat cross-legged, watching the tops of the trees as they brushed against the sky.
Finn took a swig of beer, then pointed the bottle neck at Macy. “You look like you’ve got something on your mind, baby.”
She laughed. “Do I?”
“Man,” he said with a shake of his head. “That laugh of yours has always made me want to do something insanely foolish, like ride a wild bronc.”
“Please don’t. I want you in one piece.”
“So what’s on your mind?” he asked.
“Anh,” she said with a wave of her hand. “Nothing that can’t wait. Next question.”
Finn suddenly sat up and leaned forward. “Do you know how much I love you?” he asked, and kissed her.
Macy laughed against his mouth, put her hand on his chest, and pushed him back a little. “Do you know how much I love you?”
“I never doubted it.” Finn said and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Even when you came home and found out I’d married Wyatt?” she asked dubiously.
“Even then.”
Her smile faded. “Even when I told you I was pregnant?”
With a soft smile, Finn caressed her cheek. “Especially then. Anyway, the past doesn’t matter. What matters is that we are here, right now—all three of us. That’s all we need to think about.”
She knew he was right, and that’s what she wanted to think about…but she couldn’t stop thinking about Wyatt and how she’d ruined the happiness of a wonderful man. She looked down at the blanket. “Who would have guessed your homecoming would have so many…issues?”
“It couldn’t have been any other way except if time had stood still, Macy. Nothing remains the same,” he said, and fingered a bit of her hair.
“I got a letter from the army,” she said. “They want the money from the life insurance back.”
Finn’s hand stilled as that sank in. He sighed, let go her hair, and fell onto his back. “Figures,” he said. “But I guess it makes sense. I’m not dead.”
“Still…you’d think for all the pain you suffered, they’d let it go.”
He laughed a little. “I damn sure don’t want money for that.” He glanced at her. “Macy, don’t worry. That’s nothing we can’t overcome.”
“But how are we going to buy another ranch so we can set up the animal rescue operation?”
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I did that interview for the
Austin American-Statesman
about the idea. We’ll start by getting donations. And I’ve got one last trick up my sleeve.”
“What?”
“A book deal.”
“No, Finn,” Macy said. He’d told her more than once he didn’t want to talk about what had happened. But this evening he grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers. “I talked to Dr. Rock about it. He said he thought it was a great idea, said it might even be cathartic. You know, I can get it out of my system. And it’s hard to turn down that kind of money, Macy. The guy from New York is talking seven figures.”