Authors: Delia Delaney
“He doesn’t know you very well.”
“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. I do like spending time
with you, and I guess I knew it might create
a problem between the two of you, but I suppose I felt a little selfish about it and wanted to be friends with you anyway.”
“Well I wanted to be friends with you, too. It was mutual.”
“Then maybe Gage just needs to realize what he’s giving up. I guess that’s the part I don’t get, Ellie. If he felt threatened about our friendship, why would he do the opposite of what would normally be done in that kind of situation?”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s upset because you’re friends with another guy? And then he decides you guys should see other people. That, to me, doesn’t make sense. If it were me I would be doing all I could to preserve the relationship, not speed up the
downfall.”
“But what if he just did it as a defensive move? Maybe he was afraid I’d find another guy so he just wanted to change up the rules so he wasn’t the one that got hurt?”
“That makes sense too, but really, Ellie…
If he loves
you…”
I didn’t want to hear him finish the sentence, and I was glad that he didn’t. I already understood what he meant; I just didn’t want to accept it.
“I have no idea what he’s going through because of his dad,” I said. “He could be creating more misery for himself just because he can. Sometimes people do that.
He even said something about not holding me back. I thought he meant from dating other
people
. Maybe he meant something different. Maybe he meant he didn’t want me to…I don’t
know,
go through what he’s going through or something. He’s still struggling, so maybe he didn’t want me to be unhappy because
he’s
unhappy.”
Tyse
only looked at the ground and didn’t respond.
“I know; that probably doesn’t make sense,” I said.
“No, it makes perfect sense. You push people away so they don’t have to be a part of a world you yourself don’t even want to be in. It’s pretty common actually.”
“Do you think that’s what’s going on with Gage? He thinks he’s doing me a favor?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure. I guess you’ll have to talk to him about it.”
“I’m kind of nervous about it,” I admitted.
“About him coming back for a while?”
“Yeah, and about… Well…”
He patiently watched me squirm, but I guess I didn’t have anything to lose by talking to him about it.
“I just wonder what things are going to be like. Last time he stayed with me, at my house, but that was when we were still together…”
Tyse slowly nodded his head. “And you’re wondering if he’s gonna want the whole ‘friends with benefits’ deal?”
I could feel my face flush. “Yeah, I guess.”
Neither of us said anything for a while, but I was surprised when he said, “I have to admit I was a little stunned that you were already at that point in your relationship. From my understanding
,
you had it all figured out and wanted to wait because Gage was such a respectful guy.”
I almost felt like my dad was admonishing me, or my older brother at least. I wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“Things just kind of evolved that way, I guess,” I said quietly. “And I had even put the brakes on it because I kind of thought Gage was just struggling emotionally, and I didn’t want it to be for the wrong reasons.”
“But it was?”
Man, I was not equipped to talk about this stuff with another guy. Dawn, maybe—if she beat it out of me—but not Tyse. It was really awkward, even though I didn’t feel it should be.
“
No, not then. To tell you the truth, I was actually thinking about the conversation we had in the kitchen.”
“The conversation you and I had?” he asked, motioning between us.
I nodded. “I
guess I was just thinking about what you said—about
every relationship being different—and I knew I wasn’t quite ready to take on that step yet.”
“Then. At that point, right? But somewhere along the line something changed.”
“Mmm…”
“What do you mean, ‘
mmm
’? You still weren’t ready?”
“It wasn’t that—
well maybe, but… I don’t know. I was, but I think my reasons were a little off. Gage was having such a hard
time, and because we weren’t able to be together consistently it just made it a little more…intense when we finally were together.”
He gave me a look that seemed to say, “
uh
,
okay,” but then he said, “Understandable, I guess. Disappointing, but understandable.”
“Disappointing? What do you mean?”
“That you felt that way. That it just kind of…‘happened’ that way.”
“Wait, if you’re saying that I regret my choice…”
“Do you?”
I only stared at him for a few seconds. “No. I mean I don’t if… Well, if he’s decided…”
“If he’s decided he’s done with you, then yeah you regret
it, right?
Because now that he got what he wanted—”
“Don’t even say that. You don’t know Gage.”
“He’s not like that?”
“No.”
“It doesn’t run in the family?”
I just stared at him.
“I’m only trying to be objective, Ellie. It just sounds a bit coincidental to me. It’s not the first time a guy has used grief to his advantage.” He saw me roll my eyes and chuckled with, “What? Don’t tell me that didn’t cross your mind.”
I didn’t say anything, and I was wondering if he really should come with a filter. After
half a
minute of silence he said, “Ellie, I’m not trying to be a jerk or make him look like a bad guy or anything. Personally I like Gage, but I can’t really look at him the same way when talking about his relationship with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I take on different feelings. Gage as a teammate, a roo
mmate, a guy to hang out with…he’s a cool guy.
I really like him. Gage as your boyfriend is a different story. I’m a little more judgmental, I feel very defensive for you, and I have a hard time seeing you get hurt. I don’t really like him right now. I won’t apologize for feeling that way, but this is your life that he’s affecting and it bothers me. If I were to see Gage before I left town, I would probably have a few words with him.”
“That might not be such a good idea.”
“Exactly, so I’m glad we won’t be crossing paths.”
“Unless he comes earlier.”
“Isn’t he supposed to come Wednesday night?”
“Yeah, as far as I know.”
“Well I’ll start walking if Nate doesn’t come before noon.”
“
So I’m not going to get to hang out with Nate?”
He smiled, and I was glad the previous conversation was over. “Should we drop by your place of employment?”
“Uh…”
“We’ll bring cookies.”
I laughed. “I don’t think that would help.”
“No?”
We talked about Nate for a few minutes, and I got the impression that he was kind of a goofy guy. Yeah he wanted to kill me in the parking lot, but apparently he comes across pretty strong at first.
“You just have to get to know him. He’s a good guy. Pretty bad family life growing up—when he was fourteen he watched his dad kill his mom right in front of him. He was in foster care for four years, and Lindsey for six. Nate was in and out of jail until he was about twenty-two, and then one day he just kind of…changed. You hear Nate tell the story it’s kind of funny: ‘And here I was, just
beatin
’ the hell out of this guy—I didn’t know who he was or why I was even
kickin
’ his ass—but I thought to myself, Nate, what the hell are you doing? Why are you such
a
shithead?’ ”
I laughed at the way Tyse had changed his voice to sound just like his buddy.
“So I guess he just kind of had an epiphany,” I concluded.
“Yep, I guess he did. He got his act together and him and his
buddy Quinn
built their shop from the ground up.
”
“In California? How’d Quinn end up in Seattle?”
Tyse smiled. “A girl.”
“Ah, I see.”
“He sold his half of the business to Nate, and then started another one up north. In Tacoma, I think?”
“Yeah, Tacoma is just south of Seattle.”
He nodded. “Yeah, so Nate’s got his business running pretty well. Well enough to spend the summer in Washington. He’s got another
buddy looking after it for now
.”
“Do you like working with him?”
“Oh, yeah. We have a lot of fun. Uh, I mean we work a lot t
o
o…” He smiled.
“Yeah, sure.”
“You should come visit,” he said.
“The shop?”
“Well, I was thinking California in general, but if you want some body work done…”
I laughed. “Yeah I might need some
‘
body work
’
done to fit in
in
California.”
“Oh, bull.
If y
ou came you could tip the scale a bit.”
“You’d really want me to visit?”
He looked at me with confusion. “What do you mean? Of course I do. Am I ever going to see you otherwise? I’ll try to make it up here again.”
“Really?”
“Sure. I think I’m going to miss it. I like it up here.”
“Maybe you should mo
ve here after college. You know
if things, uh, work out that way. Oh wait, we mustn’t map out options publicly.”
“Oh whatever,” he smiled. “Now if I were to say that out loud—that I’d consider moving back here if, uh, my career goals don’t work out—then I would feel pressured to make it happen. What if I’m a complete failure and you say, ‘Now you can move to Portland, Tyse,’ and then I feel like I have to?”
“Oh gosh. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. It was just an idea because I would selfishly love the possibility.”
“Well I love that you love the possibility, but what about you coming down to California? I could find you a radio station to overtake.”
“Oh yeah?”
He shrugged. “It’s a very big possibility. You should look into it.”
We talked about several
‘
possibilities
,’
but
my future was pretty dependant on
my relationship with Gage
,
and Tyse knew that.
We ended up getting ice cream, and then I took him over to the planetarium across the river. I loved the laser light shows
there and we had a lot of fun. At the end of the night, as I was taking him home, I asked, “What are you doing for dinner tomorrow night?”
“Uh…n
othing, I’m sure. Why?”
“Well remember how I told you about my brother and his new girlfriend?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to come with me? I’d love for you to meet the rest of my family. As long as you’re not put off by my mom’s over-concerned nature.”
He
lightly laughed
. “I’m sure I’d like your mom.”
“So will you come with me? Actually I was going to head there straight after work, so I guess it would be a little longer than just dinner…”
“No, that’s okay, I’ll come. Thanks for the invite.” Then he decided to add, “Uh, what do your parents know about me? I mean most people really don’t like having an ex-con in their house—”
“I wish you wouldn’t call yourself that. It doesn’t sound right. And no
,
my parents don’t know you’re a criminal,” I smiled wryly.
“Okay, so should I break that out before dinner, or during?”
I laughed. “Whatever is comfortable for you.”
I had no doubt that my parents would be friendly to Tyse, and
they were. I’d called my dad at
lunchtime
the next day
to let him know I was bringing a friend, and I pretty much made sur
e he knew it was a ‘guy friend,’
just so no one was surprised.
I think Tyse
was
su
rprised with my folks, though—p
articularly my dad. I knew Tyse noticed his tattoos right away,
and I wondered what he thought.
Whereas
Tyse
just had tattoos that were usually covered up by the sleeves of his t-shirts, my dad had tattoos on his shoulders, his back, and his forearms. And if he’d been wearing shorts, you could even see the one he had on his leg.
At some point during the night I knew he’d bring up something about the Navy, and when he did, Tyse was pretty interested in hearing about which ships he’d served on, and what it was like to be a medical officer. I could tell that my dad liked Tyse right away.