“Jesse asked me to come up and talk to you. He said you might have some questions.”
Boy, did he have questions
. Sam had a million of them. He just couldn’t think of which one to ask first.
“And before you ask, yes, I’ve known about the McCaffreys since a few months after we moved here.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Sam asked. He smacked himself on the forehead and groaned. “And how did I not know?”
Sarah sighed deeply. “In the beginning, I didn’t want you to know. You were just a child, and children speak the truth when asked. I was afraid that you would say something to someone and bring the authorities down on us, or worse.”
Okay, he could see that. Images of government experiments gone wrong flashed through his mind. He could really see that. This was not a secret that could be let out. But that still didn’t explain how he had gone so many years without knowing about it.
Was he that oblivious?
“And when I grew older?” Sam asked.
“By then, so many years had gone by and you never seemed to have a clue, so I just let things be. On nights when everyone needed to run, I sent you to spend the night at friends’ houses or put you to bed early. And everyone was given strict instructions not to shift around you or say anything.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?” Sam growled.
“I would have told you if the need had arisen. Until you were twenty-one, it didn’t matter. You were oblivious, and then you were gone before I could say anything.”
Sam frowned, narrowing in on one word. “Twenty-one? What was different when—” Sam suddenly knew. “That’s when Jesse kissed me for the first time and when Mr. McCaffrey made me leave.”
“That’s when things changed.” Sarah looked partly sad and partly glad. It was a confusing combination of emotions.
“What changed?”
A slight smile came to Sarah’s lips. “Jesse challenged his father for one. He didn’t kill Andrew, but he made him leave. The ranch has been a much better place since he left. Andrew McCaffrey was not a good man.”
Sam didn’t like the small shudder that went through his mother’s body when she said Andrew McCaffrey’s name. “What did he do to you?” Sam asked because he knew Andrew had done
something
to his mother. Sarah Bishop wasn’t afraid of much.
“Andrew McCaffrey made me into what Jesse is.” A single tear slid down Sarah’s face as she raised her head. “I’m Lycan, Samuel.”
“Wha—” Sam stiffened when his mother reached for him. He felt like his heart was going to jump right out of his chest when Sarah sniffled and dropped her hand. This was his mother, the woman that had given birth to him, but… “Te–tell me what happened.”
“I answered the ad that the McCaffreys placed in the newspaper for a housekeeper. It was right before Mrs. McCaffrey passed away and Jake was born. You were just a toddler. The position seemed like a dream come true, a salary and our own little house in back. Plus, I could have you with me.”
“So, what happened? How did you become a Lycan?” That still made Sam’s head spin. His mother, a Lycan.
“In the beginning, everything was wonderful. I loved working here, and you thrived. And then Rachel McCaffrey died. Andrew wasn’t the same after that. He spent hours just pacing outside, never eating, never talking to anyone. He wouldn’t hold Jake or even look at him, as if he blamed the boy for his mother’s death.” Sarah stood up and started pacing herself, stopping to stare out the window.
“Mom?”
Sarah jerked as if she were lost in dark memories. “I had just put Jake down for the night, and I was in the kitchen cleaning up when Andrew came in. He had this look on his face…I could tell right away that something was wrong. He attacked me before I could get away.”
“Oh my gods, Mom, why?”
“I think he was heartbroken over Rachel’s death and had some sort of plan to put me in her place.” Sarah shrugged as she turned back to Sam. “It makes some sort of weird sense, I guess. I was taking care of his home, his children. Maybe in his grief he thought I was Rachel.”
“That doesn’t give him the right to attack you.”
“No, but what’s done is done, Samuel. We can’t go back and change it. I am Lycan. I have been for almost twenty years. And even after all of this time, if I had the chance to go back and change it, I’m not sure I would.”
“What?” Sam shouted. He tossed back the blanket and scooted to the edge of the bed then stood, pacing madly back and forth along the side of the bed. “You’re crazy. How could you want to be one of those…those things?”
“I am not a monster, Samuel Bishop, and I’d thank you to remember that.”
Sam instantly felt chastised. He was way out of line talking to his mother in this manner, but she had just dropped a bomb of epic proportions in his lap. What was he supposed to say? “I’m sorry, Mom.”
Sarah sighed deeply and walked back over to sit on the bed. She patted the spot next to her. “Come sit down, Son.”
Sam hesitated for about two seconds before he crossed back over and sat down next to his mother. He was relieved when she gathered his hand between both of hers. That usually meant he was forgiven for whatever fuckup he had done.
“I’ve been this way for a very long time, Samuel, and in all of that time, have I ever hurt you in any way?”
“No.” He knew that answer instantly. His mother had been strict growing up, but she had never raised her hand to him. A stern voice was usually enough to make him get in line.
“Have any of the McCaffreys every hurt you?”
“Just Mr. McCaffrey and Jesse.”
Sarah’s eyebrows shot up. She seemed truly surprised. “Jesse actually hurt you?”
Sam started to squirm under his mother’s intense stare. “He didn’t hurt me exactly, just kind of scared me, and he wouldn’t let me leave.”
Sarah chuckled lightly. “That’s because he loves you, Samuel. The thought of you leaving probably tears him apart inside.”
Sam’s jaw dropped. “Jesse does not love me.”
Did he?
Sam’s heart started pounding faster as he relived every moment he had ever spent with Jesse McCaffrey. He knew he cared for Jesse. He always had. But except for the one kiss they had shared, and earlier in this very bedroom, Sam couldn’t think of a single instance where Jesse might have showed he cared, too.
“He doesn’t love me, Mom.” He was sure of it.
“Honey, Jesse McCaffrey has loved you since you were twenty-one years old.”
“Jesse may have wanted me since I was twenty-one, but he doesn’t love me. There’s a big difference.” Sam just wished there wasn’t. He couldn’t think of what he wouldn’t give to have Jesse McCaffrey care about him as more than his little brother’s best friend.
“Yes, Sam, I do love you.”
Sam’s eyes snapped up, and he gasped. He hadn’t realized that Jesse had walked into the room until he spoke. Sam’s first instinct was to run. After remembering how large and powerful Jesse had been when he became transformed, that thought instantly died. Jesse just would have hunted him down, and he knew it.
“Why do you think I kissed you?”
Good question, and one Sam didn’t really have an answer to. “Because you were curious?”
Jesse chuckled. “Yes, I was, but it was more than that. I was courting you.”
Sam couldn’t have been more shocked if Jesse had told him he was…well…a Lycan. “What do you mean courting?”
A self-deprecating smirk crossed over Jesse’s face as he walked farther into the room, heading over to one of the chairs by the fireplace. He sat down and then stared down at his legs for a moment as if gathering his thoughts.
Sam barely noticed when his mother slipped out of the room, but he did hear the door close behind her. He swallowed hard then looked between Jesse and the door. Could he reach the door before Jesse caught him?
“Would you prefer me to sit by the window, Sam?”
Sam glanced at the window on the far side of the bed. Jesse would have to run around the bed, or jump over it, to get to the doorway. It might just be enough time for him to escape if he needed to.
Sam felt shame shoot through him when Jesse sighed and stood up, lifting the chair and carrying it to the far side of the room. He sat back down, this time facing Sam.
“I do have handcuffs if you would prefer me to be tied up while we talk.”
Sam felt his face flush as he shook his head. He wasn’t to the handcuff stage—yet. On the other hand, he wasn’t sure the heat in his face came entirely from being scared of Jesse. The thought of tying the man up was playing havoc with his libido.
Sam quickly bunched the blankets up over his waist so that Jesse couldn’t see the signs of his arousal. He could feel his face flushing hot, but he hoped Jesse just assumed it was because of the situation. Sam wasn’t quite ready for Jesse to know how attracted he was to the man.
“I don’t want to scare you, Sam.”
“It’s kind of hard not to at this point.”
“Ask me whatever questions you have, and I will answer them openly and honestly.”
“All of them?”
Jesse nodded. “No question is off-limits.”
“Why did you kiss me?”
Jesse smiled, and it seemed like a real smile this time. “For as long as I knew you, you were just the housekeeper’s kid. My little brother’s best friend.”
Sam grimaced. He remembered. He couldn’t get Jesse to give him the time of day when he was growing up, even more so when he was a teenager. It didn’t help that Jesse was six years older than him and hanging out with the older crowd. Sam was just a pesky little kid.
“And then one day,” Jesse continued, “I was walking around the side of the house. You were sitting on the porch steps with Gabe. He said something to you, and you tossed your head back and laughed. It was like the sun had suddenly come out to shine just for you.”
Wow.
Um.
Yeah.
Damn.
“I wanted to bask in the joy that seemed to naturally surround you. I wanted to be the reason that you laughed, the reason that the sun shone for you.” Jesse chuckled softly. His face lit up as he talked as if whatever memories he was thinking about were good ones, happy ones. “I was jealous of my own damn brother because he had made you laugh.”
“I’m sorry?” It came out more of a question than a statement because Sam wasn’t sure what he was sorry for. He just felt like he should be.
“I decided to make it my mission to get you to laugh like that for me. I thought it was working, too, when I finally got to kiss you. I was elated. And then”—Jesse swallowed hard—“and then—”
“And then I was gone.”
Jesse nodded as he stared down at his hands again. “Yes,” he whispered, no longer looking as happy as he had a moment ago. “You were just gone, no note, no good-bye, just gone. You wouldn’t tell anyone why you had left, so until a little while ago, I had no idea that my father had threatened you.”
“He threatened you, too.”
“I would have stopped him, Sam.” Jesse’s gaze was intense when he looked up. Sam swallowed hard at the underlying hunger he could see in them. “I hope you know that.”
Sam nodded. He was pretty sure that Jesse would have done exactly what he said. He just wished he had known about it before he had left all those years ago. Maybe it would have changed things. And maybe not.
“Tell me about being Lycan,” Sam said after a moment of silence. “What’s it like?”
“It has its good points and its bad points.”
“Like?” Sam asked as he started to relax back against the pillows stacked against the headboard. He loved listening to Jesse talk, and right now, he seemed to be the center of the man’s attention, something he had wished for more years than he could count.
“The running is the best, I think. The feeling of the wind blowing through your fur, the moon up above you, and the scents that linger in the air, there’s nothing like it.”
“Do you have to shift every full moon like in the movies?”
“Yes. We can’t not transform during the full moon. The moon forces it on us whether we like it or not. But luckily, it’s just from dusk till dawn. Except for that one day, we have complete control of when we shift.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Shifting?”
Sam nodded.
“It’s not exactly comfortable, but it doesn’t hurt.”
“Are all of the things they say in the movies about werewolves right?”
“Lycan, Sam, not werewolf.”
“I know but—”
“A lot of them are true, though. Silver can kill me just like a bullet or having my head chopped off can. However, I am not a mindless beast when I shift. I am fully aware of myself and others.”
“Really?” Sam leaned forward, his interest growing. The idea that werewolves…er…Lycan lived in the world was as fascinating as it was scary. “You even know who I am?”
“I most definitely know who you are.” Jesse grinned. “It doesn’t matter what form I am in.”
“I guess I’m just confused by all of this. It’s like you all had a secret that only you knew about and I’m just now finding out.”
“I never meant it to be that way, but I suppose what you are saying is true. I truly thought you knew, Sam. How you could live here all of those years and not know is what confuses me.”