Authors: Bernard Schaffer
The stripper on stage was in her fifties, easy, Frank thought. He watched her swing around the pole and winced. Other dancers surrounded the bar, pressing up against the men sitting there. Beer bellies covered the front of their
G-strings. Old cartoon characters tattooed on their breasts became long and stretched out, reminding Frank of the times as a kid when he’d lifted impressions with a piece of silly putty, then pulled it apart to start over. The woman on stage slapped her crotch while Lil’ Kim rapped through the speakers about making someone suck her dick.
Frank sat down at the bar and threw a twenty down. There were no taps. The bartender moved from cooler to cooler lined up under the bar, pulling cans of beer off of six-pack rings depending what the customer shouted at him. Frank held up his finger and said, “Miller Lite?”
The bartender slammed a cold can in front of him and snatched the money. “Can I have singles?” Frank shouted. The bartender returned with his change. Sixteen singles. “Four dollars for a can of beer? You serious?”
“Natty Ice is on sale. The good stuff’s more.”
Frank cracked the can of Miller Lite open and laughed. “I’ll remember that. Serves me right for ordering the good stuff.”
A hand came around his shoulder from behind, sliding across his back. He smelled her light perfume and slight perspiration. “It’s not like you’re paying for it,” she purred in his ear.
“What’s your name at this place?” he said.
“Tinkerbell. Same as the other place.”
“I thought it was Venus there.”
“They already had a Venus,” she said. She sat down next to him at the bar and lit a cigarette. The name
Ophelia
was tattooed in cursive over her right shoulder blade. She pulled out a thick bundle of ones and fives and counted them quickly before stuffing them into her purse.
“The
task force doesn’t pay for us to drink,” Frank said. “Just for drugs. You cost me about fifty bucks every time you drag me to one of these places.”
A dark-skinned stripper came around the other side of Frank and propped her elbow on the bar. “How you doing, baby?”
“I’m good, how are you?”
“I’m good,” she whispered. She got close to his ear and said, “I’m real, real good.”
“Great,” Frank said. He smiled and peeled off a dollar bill from the bar. The dancer automatically cupped her tiny breasts and pushed them together. Frank slid the dollar bill between them and tried turning back to Ophelia, but the stripper grabbed his knee and held him in place. She spun around and stuck her rear end onto his knee, gyrating against it until Frank dropped another dollar into the waistband of her G-string. “Thanks, honey.”
“Thank you, baby,” she said.
“You don’t have to tip them, you know,” Ophelia said. “Tell them to take a hike.”
“That
wouldn’t be right,” Frank said. “They’re out here working, just like I am.”
Ophelia
pointed to the woman dancing on the stage, a leftover biker chick with a spiderweb tattoo on her elbow and a teardrop under her left eye. “That one gives blowjobs for an extra twenty bucks during lapdances if you’re interested.”
“Doesn’t this place have cameras in the back rooms?”
“None of them work. What kind of joint do you think you’re in?”
Another dancer pulled on Frank’s elbow. He handed her two bucks and said, “Thanks. Take care”
before turning back to Ophelia. “So where is he?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “He texted me and said he’d be here.”
“Be here in a few minutes or be here maybe not at all?”
Ophelia
turned to him with brown eyes bigger than an animated hentai heroine’s right before the multi-tentacled alien had its way with her. Her long dark hair was braided, so that both braids fell over her olive-skinned shoulders like an Indian Princess. “Are you serious?
I
am dancing tonight. If I invited you to come watch me, would you turn me down?”
Frank sipped his beer and looked her over. He turned back toward the bar and said, “I like girls with big boobs.”
Ophelia covered her breasts so that only her dark nipples stuck through her fingers, “What’s wrong with my boobies?”
“They’re tiny.”
“They’re cute!”
Frank looked back at them. “Yeah, all right. They’re cute. For a twelve year old.”
She punched him in the arm and got up to go to the next customer, an old man who dropped his drink and immediately started to grope her. Frank watched her move, watched her round hips rotate and her legs stretch out in the clunky high-heeled shoes. She turned away from the old man and backed herself against him. She bent over and looked up at Frank.
Frank looked away. He ordered another beer. Not the good stuff.
***
Twenty minutes later, she came back and pressed up against him. “He’s here.”
Frank looked past her hair, trying to scan the bar. “Which one is he?”
“He’s back by the dressing rooms. Tall guy in a black sweater. Aldo shoes.”
“What the hell’s an Aldo shoe?” He looked toward the dressing rooms and saw an olive-skinned man standing by the door, arms folded, watching Ophelia impatiently. Frank looked at his shoes. The guy was either European or gay.
Ophelia
wrapped her arms around his neck and started to sway to the music. “I told him you were my best customer and would give me the cash for it as long as I partied with you.”
“Smart girl,” Frank said. He smiled at her and pulled two twenties out of his right front pocket. They were the only bills in there, kept separate from anything else. “When you get it, bring it right to me. You can’t go in the back room, can’t go in the bathroom, nowhere.”
“Don’t you want to search me first?” she said, smiling. She ran her hands up and down her bare torso, pinching her nipples and giggling.
“I think it should be okay. Go get my drugs.”
“Yes, sir!” she said, firing off a salute.
She bopped across the floor toward the target who smiled and nodded as she reached out to hug him. She pressed Frank’s money into his hand and he unfolded the bills and held them up to the light, checking their watermark. Ophelia cocked an eyebrow at Frank. The target put the money in his pocket and the two of them embraced.
The target left and
Ophelia spun to face Frank, holding up her hands and wiggling her fingers, showing him that they were empty.
“What the hell?” he said.
She smiled as she came toward him, taking long, swaying steps like a model. “You didn’t know I was a magician, did you?” she said.
“You’d better either make my money or my drugs reappear or I’m going to
saw you in half,” Frank said.
She parted his knees and stood between them, pressing her chest against his. “Why don’t you reach inside my hat and see what you pull out?”
Frank looked at her. “You aren’t wearing a hat.”
“Then I guess you’ll have to check somewhere else.” She looked at his money on the bar and said, “Pick up a dollar and pretend like you’re putting it into my panties.”
Frank grabbed a dollar and looked down at the small triangle of fabric covering her crotch. She pressed against him closer. He pulled the G-string forward and saw the bag of cocaine wedged against her sex. She was shaved and smooth against the back of his fingers as he pulled the baggie out. He palmed the drugs in his hand and quickly dropped the baggie into his coat pocket and stood up from the stool. “Nice work. I’ll text you tomorrow.”
“Sit down
.” She lifted his hands to her breasts and said, “Work’s over. Stay and have some fun. I’m so bored here.”
“I have to get home.”
***
He stopped in the hallway outside of the bedroom and stripped, throwing everything into the washing machine. There was glitter on his t-shirt. He crept into the bedroom, feeling his way in the dark, but Dawn turned over before he could put his gun away. “You’re back late.”
“I know. I tried not to wake you up.”
“I can’t really sleep until you get home. I just lay here and toss and turn until I hear the door open.”
He kissed her on the forehead and said, “I’m going to go jump in the shower.” He kissed her on the lips and reached down to caress her breast through her nightgown. “Do you want to come with me?”
“I do honey, but I really need to get some rest. I will if you really want me to.”
“No, it’s okay,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”
He turned on the water to let it warm up. He stuck his hands underneath the spigot and started to scrub.
“What are you all looking at?” Iolaus said.
“Your new squad,” one of them said.
“There’s a landscaper in one bathroom and Vic’s Bitch in the other. Good luck, Jimbo. You’ll make rank in no time with that crew.”
Iolaus turned to look at the bathrooms and cursed under his breath. A voice boomed from down the hallway, “Officer Iolaus! In my office, now!”
The other cops turned to look at him and snickered. Iolaus turned down the hallway and headed toward the Chief’s door. He stopped in the doorway and saluted. “Good afternoon, sir.”
“Come in and sit down,” Chief Erinnyes said. He picked a small box, rolling it around and around in his hands, making sure Iolaus saw that it was a new phone. A smartphone. Just like the one Erinnyes had. “You have a new squad effective immediately.”
“Okay,” Iolaus said.
“One of them is the new hire, Reynaldo Francisco. The other is Aprille Macariah. Neither of them has any police experience.”
“Didn’t Aprille work with Vic on all those drug cases?”
“I said police experience, not rooting through trash cans and sitting in bars.”
“I understand, sir.”
“I want them properly taught the procedures and rules of this police department. They are not to get involved in any police actions until I approve it.” Erinnyes leaned forward and said, “And I want them under strict supervision.
Strict.
Document everything and forward it to me at the end of each tour.”
“So what
would you prefer? Them to be trained or ridden?”
Erinnyes held out his hands and said, “A fine balance of the two
, so long as we get the desired result.”
Iolaus nodded, “Which would be?”
“Making sure this police department is staffed by the finest officers possible, of course,” the Chief said. He smiled at Iolaus and held up the box. “You understand what I’m grooming you for, right? I did all the work around here for years while Midas was jerking off the Township Manager. Now, I’m trying to do both jobs and can’t do it alone.”
Iolaus kept a straight face. He paid attention like he was hearing the most serious words uttered since the burning bush said, “Moses, over here.” Iolaus nodded and said, “I’ll do anything I can to help you, sir.”
“Good.” Erinnyes slid the box across his desk and said, “You are the only person in this department to receive a departmental phone.”
Iolaus picked up the box and said, “I will only use it for emergencies, I promise.”
Erinnyes waved his hand, “Use it for whatever you want, Jim. It’s got unlimited everything. You can download a movie a day on it. It is your phone in every possible sense, only you don’t have to pay for it. The way I look at it, that’s the cost of doing business for me to be able to reach my right-hand man when I need him.”
Iolaus thrust out his hand and said, “I won’t let you down.”
“I already knew that.”
***
Aprille Macariah walked out of the women’s bathroom fidgeting with the bullet proof vest under her shirt. “Whoever designed these things didn’t have boobs,” she said. The other officers looked at her silently as she walked past. “What’s up, guys?”
She walked into the roll room and saw James Iolaus sitting at the table, waiting for her. There were three binders on the table, all marked
Policies and Procedures.
She sat next to Reynaldo and said, “How you doing?”
Iolaus said, “You’re late. We start at
oh seven hundred hours sharp, and it’s seven-oh-two. You will be here, in uniform, and ready to hit the street on time. Am I clear?”
Aprille shrugged and said, “Well, maybe if there was a locker in the women’s bathroom I wouldn’t have had to run out to my car to secure all my things.
Are there lockers in the men’s bathroom, Jim?”
“Don’t sass me
, officer.”
“Did you
really just say
sass?
And aren’t we both still just officers, Jim?”
Iolaus pulled out the notepad from his pocket
and started to write in it. “No, we are not both just officers, because I am your supervisor.” He slid two of the binders toward them and said, “We’re going to start each shift by reviewing a different departmental policy. I’ll be testing you on your knowledge of the policies on a weekly basis. I suggest you keep your binders with you at all times to review.” He stopped speaking as he looked up to see that Reynaldo was looking through his binder but Aprille was staring at his forearms. “What are you looking at?”
“Do you shave your arm hair off?”
Iolaus sighed and said, “We’ll start with the Use of Force. Reynaldo, please read aloud until I tell you to stop.”
Aprille leaned over to
Reynaldo and said, “And I bet you thought police work was for grownups.”
Two hours later, they’d taken turns reading the Use of Force policy (Only shoot when necessary, but shoot to kill), Vehicle Pursuit policy (Essentially, don’t do it), and half of the departmental rules and regulations that listed the penalties for various infractions. Aprille looked down in amusement at the last two. “So, drinking alcohol on duty is punishable by a written reprimand, but using insulting language toward a supervisor is a one-day suspension for the first offense?”
“That’s right,” Iolaus said.
“Typical.”
“All right, the two of you go hit the street. I want you to familiarize yourselves with the town, but under no circumstances are you to take any police action. Do not stop any cars, do not respond to any calls, until you get my clearance. Understood?”
The new officers stood up and headed for the door. Aprille held the exit open for
Reynaldo and said, “I’m going to grab us some coffees. Meet me around the back of the school.”
“But Officer Iolaus said to familiarize ourselves with the town.”
“The school’s in town. See you over there.”
Iolaus walked out of the building and saw that both of his new officers had already left.
Good,
he thought. He got into his patrol car and pulled out his new phone. He typed in his wife’s number and wrote, “Guess who?”
“Enrique the hot pool boy?”
“Close. It’s actually the soon-to-be second in command of the PD. The Chief gave me my own phone.”
“Nice! Congrats, hon.”
“That’s like getting a $100 a month raise.”
“It’s just for work though, right?”
“Nope,” he wrote. “It’s mine for whatever. I told you this was all going to work out. I can feel it.”
“That’s great sweetie. So proud of you.”
Iolaus grinned. “So what are you doing?”
“Your son just spit up on me after I finished nursing him.”
“Mmmm…big milky boobies.”
“Lol. Big milky boobies covered in baby vomit. Hang on, I have to put my shirt in the wash.”
“Let me see!” Iolaus wrote.
“The baby vomit?”
“Ha ha. Very funny. I meant you with no shirt on. I need a few good pics of you on my new phone.”
Inside the station, Chief Erinnyes walked over to the coffee machine and poured a cup. He felt something buzz, and pulled out his phone from its case.
Incoming message batch from PD2.
He put his phone away and carried the coffee back to his office. He shut the door and sat at his desk to log into his computer and click on the Celletex Corporate Security Services website. He entered his code and clicked on the blinking red message button that said,
Incoming message batch from PD2.
He scrolled down to the last message, Sent Message 0909 hours:
Ha ha. Very funny. I meant you with no shirt on. I need a few good pics of you on my new phone.
The next message was a picture icon, received two minutes later. Erinnyes clicked on the picture and opened it, making a pair of heavy pale breasts appear on
the screen. He leaned forward,
was that milk leaking from one of the nipples?
Erinnyes chuckled and clicked save.