Surrender To The Viking (16 page)

When the skalds recited poems about love it was always a mutual passion they described. A man and a woman so deeply committed to each other that nothing could part them save death, and not always then. Great love sometimes transcended death. Did not the warrior Helgi return from the dead to spend one last night with his beloved Sigrún? Did she not weep tears of blood at their parting? There surely was a great and tragic passion. The poems did not mention unrequited love. They certainly did not speak of affection and respect although those emotions were implicit in the relationships they described. Lara sighed. How did a woman inspire love in a man? How did she conquer his heart? Having inspired such a love, how did she then contrive to keep it? Just then she would have given a great deal to know.

Chapter Seventeen

T
he steading seemed very quiet after the departure of the two ships. Those men who remained and were fit enough to work began to occupy themselves with tasks about the farm or else they went fishing or practised with weapons. Finn was very often out of doors with them and in his absence Lara inevitably became far more involved in the day-to-day business of running a household. He encouraged her in this.

‘It’s your home now so feel free to order domestic affairs as you see fit.’

It pleased her that he took such a view of things because it gave her autonomy in one sphere at least.

‘Thank you.’

He held out his hand. ‘You’ll need these.’

She glanced down and realised he was giving her the keys to the stores. It was an important symbolic gesture on several different levels: it did her honour because it demonstrated his trust in her abilities and underlined her status as a wife. It also spoke clearly of the division of labour within the household and it revealed what she was expected to be from now on. For all sorts of reasons it was a momentous occasion and it called for a suitable response.

‘I hope my ordering of affairs will meet with your approval, my lord.’

He bent and kissed her cheek. ‘I’m sure it will.’

Lara attached the keys to her belt. They felt heavy, as though responsibility had suddenly achieved mass and weight.
No more adventures for you, my girl. That’s over.
She took a deep breath. From now on she must try to be a good wife as Alrik had advised.

‘By the way,’ he went on, ‘I’m going on a hunting trip in the mountains tomorrow with some of my men. We’ll be gone a couple of days.’

The casual tone could not disguise the true import of this.
I
and
we
,
but not
you
.
I and we may make choices about where we go. You may not.
It was ridiculous to feel hurt and annoyed but she did all the same.

‘I see.’

‘It’s been a while since we last got up a proper hunting party. I think we’ve all missed it.’

She kept her voice level. ‘I expect you have.’

‘I’m sure Ravndal will be in capable hands while we’re gone.’

A good wife would surely feel pleased that he thought so. She
was
pleased that he thought so. It wasn’t her only emotion though and it conflicted with the rest. A good wife would not feel at all disappointed or resentful that she must remain behind and tend to mundane chores while her husband went off to enjoy himself with his friends. That was the way of things.
You’re not required to like it.
You have to be mature about this.
Lara dredged up a brittle smile.

‘I’m happy to know you have such confidence in me.’

He returned the smile. ‘Of course I do. It’s already clear that you’ve been well trained to fill your new role. I can think of no one who’d do it better.’

Lara feigned to smooth a wrinkle from her skirt and thus occupy her hands. A good wife would never wish to hit her husband. ‘It’s kind of you to say so.’

‘We’re going after deer and boar. Obviously you’ll wish to roast some when we return but, with any luck, there will be enough meat left over for you to salt as well.’

‘I’ll look forward to that.’

A good wife didn’t use sarcasm either but she hadn’t been able to help herself. However, Finn seemed blithely unaware of it.

‘We’ll need some provisions to take with us.’

‘I’ll have the servants organise it.’

‘Well, then, I think that’s everything.’

She was careful to maintain an impassive expression. ‘If you find you’ve forgotten anything be sure to let me know.’

* * *

Finn departed at dawn. Lara was still asleep and he was reluctant to wake her. She’d been busy since Guthrum and Alrik left, which was probably why she’d been looking a little tired recently. It occurred to him that she’d been quieter than usual too. No doubt she was still finding her feet. He realised it couldn’t be easy adjusting to a new life in a new home. It would take a while but she was brave and resilient so she’d get there in the end. He bent and dropped a kiss on her forehead. She stirred but didn’t wake. He’d miss her while he was away but it was only for two days and they could make up for lost time when he got back. He collected his gear and went out to meet his companions.

‘A good day for it, my lord,’ said Vigdis.

‘That it is,’ he replied.

‘I’m looking forward to some hunting. It’ll make a change.’

‘A change is as good as a rest,’ said Unnr. ‘That’s what my father used to say anyway. After a winter at home he was always ready to put to sea again.’

‘You’re right,’ said Vigdis. ‘And we all need a change, don’t we?’

‘I’m not ready to stay in one place all the time,’ replied Unnr. ‘I reckon I’m good for a few more adventures before I decide to settle down. No offence, my lord.’

‘None taken,’ replied Finn. ‘Marriage is a different kind of adventure, that’s all.’

‘My brother, Sveinn, would likely agree with you.’

‘But you don’t?’

‘I’m willing to be convinced—just not yet.’ Unnr grinned. ‘In the meantime, let’s go and have some fun.’

* * *

When Lara woke Finn was gone and when she reached out a hand to touch the place where he had lain, the linen was cool. She hadn’t heard him leave. By now he and his companions would be far away. She sighed and climbed out of bed. There was work to be done, instructions given to the servants. Mentally she ran through the list.

By now she was familiar with Ravndal and the people who lived there. Most she knew by name, others by sight. Soon she would know all the names. It was her duty to do so. In the meantime, between the hearth and dairy and weaving shed, there was plenty to keep her occupied. Like all girls she had been trained to competence in everything pertaining to household duties. However, it wasn’t stimulating or challenging work and it left her mind free to roam.

In her mind’s eye she could see Finn striding through the forest with his companions, perhaps pausing to admire a fine view or to examine the trail for spoor; could imagine the conversation and laughter when they stopped to make camp. His thoughts would be on the here and now. The steading would be relegated to the back of his mind and she along with it. In truth she was little more than a convenient steward in his absence.

She wondered where her brother was now and what he was doing. Not churning butter or making cheese or spinning wool that was for sure. The repetitious nature of the tasks involved meant that each day at Ravndal had begun to blend and blur with all the rest until they became indistinguishable. Having briefly tasted adventure the contrast was all the more pointed. She tried to put such thoughts to the back of her mind. They wouldn’t help. Nothing was going to change the situation. This was all there would ever be.
No, not all. Soon you’ll be pregnant and then you’ll have children to take care of as well.
That would have been a pleasing prospect if Finn had loved her but he didn’t. In that respect she was the equivalent of a brood mare.

For one brief moment she wondered if it wouldn’t have been better if Kal had run her through. Almost immediately she upbraided herself.
Self-pity is no good. You need to snap out of it and accept the fate that the Norns have woven for you. It is the same fate they weave for all women. No one cares whether you like it or not.

Her present state of mind gave her a fresh insight into how Bótey must have felt. If a brief hunting trip could bring on such gloomy thoughts what must it have been like to be left for months on end? Lara swallowed hard, reminding herself that she wasn’t being left for months or even weeks. It was a couple of days. Men went hunting sometimes. That was all. Finn would be back soon enough. She just hadn’t expected to miss him so much. It was downright foolish because he certainly wouldn’t be thinking about her. He’d be enjoying male companionship and the camaraderie that went with it. He’d only think about her again when he returned.

* * *

The rest of the day passed uneventfully and came to a weary conclusion. Lara retired to the sleeping quarters and drew the curtain screen across the entrance. Then she went to her personal chest and opened it and took out the sword. It felt good to hold it again. She hadn’t practised at all since coming to Ravndal. A good wife had no business with a sword and her abstinence had been out of deference to notions of appropriate behaviour. A flicker of rebellion kindled to life and she smiled to herself. Finn wasn’t here and what others didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

* * *

The following morning she rose early and slipped out unseen. Finding a quiet and sheltered spot well away from the steading she unsheathed the blade and, closing her mind to everything else, put in an hour’s practice. It felt liberating, as though, for a little while at least, she was herself again. She didn’t know how Finn would react if he knew about this: the topic of sword practice had not arisen since their coming here and she hadn’t mentioned it. Would he consider it incompatible with her position as his wife? Surely he couldn’t be so hypocritical as to stop her now, not after what had gone before?
I’ll look after his hall and do what’s required, but I need something for myself too and this is it.
If that meant standing her ground she was prepared to do it. Otherwise the old Lara would be lost completely and she would become a mere cipher. Her jaw tightened and she slashed at a clump of thistles, slicing off the heads.
Over my dead body.

* * *

Finn looked at the two dead boars with satisfaction. The hunt had gone well and not only for his group. Vigdis and Folkvar had brought down a fine deer. There would be meat to spare in the days to come. No one would go hungry. His thoughts turned to Ravndal and to Lara and he smiled. No doubt she had everything under control while he was gone. It was a relief to be able to leave the place in trusted hands. Much as he’d enjoyed the thrill of the chase and the company of his sword brothers he’d missed her over the past couple of days. He’d missed her fiery beauty and quick wit and her mischievous smile. He’d missed her in his bed at night. His smile widened. It would be good to get home.

* * *

Lara was in the weaving shed when a servant announced the return of the hunting party. At once, gloom was forgotten.
He’s back.
Pausing only to tidy her hair and gown she hurried off. The huntsmen were standing in a group around the trough. Most of them had stripped off their tunics and shirts to sluice away the sweat and dirt from their recent expedition. Her gaze searched the assembled group and found Finn at once. For a moment or two she studied him unnoticed. With his lightly tanned skin and gold-brown hair and easy smile he was heart-stoppingly handsome and his athletic frame exuded rude health and energy. Water droplets glistened on his breast, enhancing the powerful musculature of his torso and the thick corded biceps beneath his arm rings. Just to look at him created a fluttering sensation in the pit of her stomach.

As though sensing himself watched he looked round and saw her and then she was the one under scrutiny. His smile widened. Detaching himself from his companions he crossed the intervening space to join her. The fluttering sensation increased. With an effort she controlled it.

‘Welcome home, my lord.’

He drew her close for a resounding kiss on the cheek. ‘It’s good to be back. Did you miss me, wife?’

She had missed him terribly and there was no point denying it when every fibre of her body tingled with awareness of him. ‘Of course.’

‘I’m glad to hear it. I missed you too.’

‘Did you?’

‘Can you doubt it?’

She
had
doubted it. Part of her still did. ‘I thought you’d be too busy.’

‘Not that busy,’ he replied.

‘Did you have good hunting?’

‘Very good hunting—two boars and a deer. Some of the servants are flensing the carcases now.’

‘Oh.’ Then mindful of what he’d said in an earlier conversation, ‘Perhaps I should go and supervise.’

‘It can wait a while. Let’s go indoors. My men and I would like some ale.’

‘Yes, of course.’

They walked together to the hall and then Lara went off to organise the required refreshments. The men smiled at her as she filled their cups and then resumed their conversation. Once or twice she caught Finn’s eye and he smiled at her as well but he made no attempt to keep her by his side. Disappointment swelled like a tide. He hadn’t missed her at all. It had been words only, the outward form of courtesy. Suddenly she felt an absurd desire to cry. Furious with herself she fought it. A glance around revealed that everyone had a drink, and two of the servants were refilling cups. The room was filled with the sound of conversation and laughter. It would be a good moment to slip away. No one would notice.

She was barely fifty yards beyond the door before she heard Finn’s voice behind her.

‘Lara? Where are you going?’

She turned around to face him. ‘I thought I’d check on that meat.’

‘That’s very diligent but there’s no hurry.’

‘Now or later makes no difference. It’ll still have to be done.’

‘Well, then, why not stay awhile longer?’

There were several reasons she might have given but, equally, knew that she wasn’t going to. After all, she had her pride.

‘I think I’ll deal with it now. It’ll be one less thing to think about.’

Finn closed the distance between them. For a moment or two he surveyed her in silence and his eyes narrowed.

‘You look a little pale, sweetheart. Are you all right?’

‘I...yes, quite all right.’

He traced a finger lightly across her lips. ‘That cut looks to have healed at long last.’

‘Cut?’ She forced her brain to catch up. ‘Oh, that cut. Yes, it has.’

‘I’m very glad to hear it.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Don’t thank me. My reasons are entirely selfish.’ Seeing her puzzled expression he smiled. ‘It means I can kiss you properly now, you see.’

Her heart gave a sudden erratic lurch. He was too close and this conversation was becoming dangerous. Dangerous because of his nearness and because of the sensations it awoke.