Surrender Your Heart (4 page)

Actually, I’m
feeling worse by the minute. There I let her wine and dine me, touch me, the
next moment wondering whether she could be working with sex traffickers, or
what’s going to happen to my job. There are real people who are probably
already worried for me. I don’t talk to my parents on the phone every week, but
if they tried to reach me…I don’t know. All of a sudden, my mind is filled with
worse case scenarios.

It hasn’t been
that long. It feels like I’ve already spent an eternity here, with dubious
prospects. Going to the pool. Studying on my own. Pleasure like I’ve never known
it before. To give up resistance, and so soon, is it selfish—wrong?

It takes only a
couple of minutes until Carter joins me. “I know you have many questions. It’s
a lot to take in, I’m aware of that.” Her voice is calm, neutral, without a
hint of apology.

“See, there are
people who’d like to hear from me every once in a while. I’m not sure if the
same is true for you, but that’s the way it is.”

She gets the
jibe, her face falling, but it’s a moment so brief I might have imagined it.

“You know that
your job and studies are taken care of—that covers most of your friends. I want
you to have time to settle in, to become aware of everything this offer
includes. You may call your parents. I will provide you with a cell phone that
cannot be traced, though you might want to wait for a few hours, because it’s
in the middle of the night there. I can tell you that the only calls you’ve
gotten since your absence is from your internet provider, a couple of
telemarketers and one wrong number.”

I pick my jaw up
from the floor, thinking that it’s probably not looking very attractive, and
this entire game kind of hinges on her finding me attractive, doesn’t it?
There’s also some faint disappointment in the realization that no one seems to
miss me. Carter picks up the shift in my mood from cocky to once again
clueless, and she steps closer.

“It’s not you,”
she says softly. “It’s all in the plan, and my people had to be convincing. I
had to make sure there’d be no police involved. Everyone says you worked hard
and deserve some time for yourself.”

“Except it’s not
just time for myself. It’s for you, and you have a high opinion of yourself if
you think you can make all of this look like…”

“…it’s meant to
be?” Carter finishes. “I believe so. I don’t make investments when I think the
end results aren’t worth it.”

“I’m sure. So
that’s what I am—an investment with fairly promising prospects?”

She holds my
gaze as her fingers travel up my arm. I can’t hide my reaction, the shiver
skittering down my spine.

“You are so much
more than that.”

Am I? I want to
believe her. I think I’ll feel better once I talked to me parents, though I’m
not sure what to tell them. It’s not just that the world has changed
drastically. I have changed already.

“I’m sorry I
have to leave you alone for lunch. Marlene will be in the dining room. She’ll
prepare whatever you like. I’ll get you when it’s a better time to call, and
then I’ll show you the pool. Dinner will be more relaxed.”

“Okay.”
Whatever, I almost add, but I don’t want to sound like a brat, even though I’m
obviously being spoiled. I wonder what would happen if I ordered oysters. I
won’t. I’m not a big fan of seafood.

When are we
going to stop this awkward dance and get to what she really brought me here
for?

* * * *

I see Marlene in
the dining room and tell her I’m not that hungry, a sandwich will be fine.
Whatever’s in the fridge. Of course, when she brings my plate, the sandwich
with a side of vegetables and crispy fries is a world from your usual diner
food. Tasty rye bread, salad, mayonnaise, smoky ham. It’s nothing short of
amazing, and I enjoy it, feeling guilty for some reason I can’t grasp. I’ve had
good food before, but not like this, and maybe I think, deep down inside, I
have done nothing to be bathed in this kind of luxury. Sure, it’s only a sandwich,
but there’s the closet full of expensive designer clothes, shoes, accessories.
I won’t go back to university when the semester starts, or work at the café.
This is not like me, this is
not me
. Everything I’ve had so far, I
earned. For Carter, money might not be a big deal, but for me, it is. Being
attractive in someone’s eyes is not enough to merit any of this, is it?

Marlene returns
to take away the plate. “What would you like for a dessert, Ms. Elliot?”

“Oh, nothing,
thanks. I’m fine. Everything was delicious.”

My attempt at
reassurance doesn’t chase the worry from her gaze. I’m not sure whether it’s
because I refused the offer, or she thinks I might ask her some uncomfortable
questions.

I decide to be
up front with her. “You don’t have to worry,” I say. “I won’t ask you any
questions you can’t answer. I’m sure Ms. Forbes instructed you.”

To my surprise,
her face lights up. “Oh, I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. You can ask
me anything, though I’m afraid nothing I can tell you will be of much help.
This one thing might be. You are safe here.”

“Yeah, I
suppose. For sure, I’ll be well-fed as long as you are around.”

We both laugh,
and I’m baffled at how this situation feels almost normal. “Would you consider
it annoying if I changed my mind on dessert?”

“Not at all.
There’s some fresh cherry cheesecake…various flavors of ice cream…chocolate
mousse, or a piece of pie maybe?”

I never had to
fret over these particular choices. This experience comes with many firsts, my
thoughts starting to wander into a different territory.

“I think I’ll go
with the cheesecake. Thanks,” I say, blushing for no reason. Then again,
Marlene probably has an idea as to why I’m here. That’s not making it better.
Still, I enjoy the slice of delicious cake she brings me with a cup of coffee.

Back in my
quarters—it’s crazy that I’ve started to think of these
rooms as such—there’s so much more light coming
in. Someone opened the
blinds, allowing more stunning ocean views and a glimpse of an infinity pool.
Wow. I might have said it out loud. Palm trees, incredibly blue water, not a
cloud in the sky. I should take Carter’s advice, start to relax. Nothing bad is
going to happen to me here, except for maybe gaining a few pounds. Then again,
knowing her, there’s probably a gym on the property.

I’ll be fine,
right?

Something irks
me still, about having all those day-to-day—and some bigger—decisions taken out
of my hands. I had planned for my near future, to get my degree, to have a
career, to do it all by myself and take pride in that fact. A one-year break
wouldn’t have been so bad, had I made that choice myself.

It’s about
control. For sure, it’s about control for her too, and I’m left to wonder
what’s her story, what she has to prove to me, to herself, to anybody.

The shiny new
books can’t hold my attention. There has to be a way of reasoning with her,
somehow. I can take a few weeks off, but a year? That’s not possible right now.
Carter needs to understand that.

Chapter Four

When she comes
to pick me up, I’m ready though it wasn’t exactly easy to make a choice from
the various bikinis and bathing suits. I went with the bathing suit that had
the most fabric, classic black, all the while shaking my head at myself.

Carter is
wearing a robe, over appropriate bathing gear, I assume, and all of a sudden I
don’t know where to look. It’s ridiculous, the effect she has on me.

“Would you like
to call first?”

Are we going to
talk—about everything? In the pool, or over dinner, at any time before we cross
lines that can’t be uncrossed?

I take the cell
phone from her, wondering which area code I need to press.

“It’s
pre-programmed,” she says. “Just hit call.”

“I take it you
won’t give me privacy for this?”

“I take it
you’re curious enough at this point not to risk our privacy?”

“Funny,” I say.
“I don’t even know where we are. Like that’s not suspicious at all.” However, I
make the call as instructed, and after three rings, my mother picks up.

“Hi Mom. I just
wanted to check in…see if everything’s okay over there.”

“Penny!” She
sounds pleased. “We’re fine. How are you? I hope you’re not working too hard
during the summer. Everyone needs to take a break, you know.”

Carter, a few
feet away, can’t have heard this, but I see her lips curve into a smile anyway.

“I’m taking a
break, Mom. I...I am taking a few days off, at the beach with some friends.”
Little white lies. It sounds better than “this rich gorgeous lady kidnapped me
to a place unknown”. Come to think of it, a person would assume I’m drunk or on
drugs rather than for it to be true.

“Great. You girls
have fun. The coast is so beautiful at this time of year.” Except I’m nowhere
near the coast she’s talking about.

“It is,” I say
with regard to the beautiful panorama spread out in front of me. What am I
afraid of anyway? I’m not forced to take time off studying for terrible
reasons. Plans have changed. I am wary of changes, but it’s hard to argue with
everything I’ve experienced in the past days, save for the drugs and headache.
“Is Dad there?”

“He’s in the
workshop. Should I call him?”

“No, you don’t
have to. I’ll call another time.” I look up at Carter and she nods. “I have to
go. Love you. Bye.” I guess I’ll have another chance to explain why I won’t go
back to university after the holidays, and the job…Yes, it was okay while it
lasted, but my situation has been drastically altered. I might be uncomfortable
being showered with gifts and what it means, but I lost the job because Carter
decided I should be here with her. When the time comes to resume worrying about
tuition, I think it would be okay for her to pay me back in some way.

“See, that went
well,” she says. It’s still hard to believe that a person with a demeanor this
warm and happy could have planned and orchestrated a kidnapping. “Let’s go take
a swim now.”

From the room,
she leads me to an elevator. In the mirror, I study our reflections, her,
excited, a soft blush to her cheeks. Me, in a constant state of bewilderment—though,
that’s not the whole truth. In Carter’s plan, does the three-date-rule apply,
and does this morning’s breakfast count?

She’s driving me
crazy, her attitude, her hunger for control, her…promise. I’m going back and
forth between the facts, my mixed emotions about them. I try to be a decent
person and to fulfill my obligations. I still feel like there’s nothing I’ve
done to deserve to be…elevated to this luxury life. Carter must at least run a
business and do it well to get to where she is now or, at the very least,
inherited a fortune and managed to make smart choices. I just happened to catch
her attention. That seems so old-fashioned, so wrong. I didn’t choose to be
here, even though I would have probably said yes if she’d asked me. To dating
her, to sex, to spending a few days in this rich person getaway place—if not a
year.

We’re here now,
no chance to undo first impressions, and part of me wants to go further, to put
her to the test and see what she has to offer me in exchange for taking away my
freedom.

For one, I get
to leave the house for the first time since I got here, though we don’t get
far. The pool is fenced in, no obvious escape route.

The leisurely
pace, something I am not used to, seems to have slowed my brain as well,
because I haven’t even thought about it in a few hours. The warm air feels
amazing, the size of the pool allowing me to do a real workout and shake the
feeling of being caged, even with the fence. Beyond it, there’s the ocean not
far away and a stretch of what I assume to be a private beach. I always knew
that people like Carter and the lives they lead exist for real, I just never
thought I’d get a taste of it. Once in a while you dream of winning the lottery,
but you never think it can actually happen.

I got the
jackpot, because Carter Forbes decided that’s the way it should be.

She joins me
when I take a break in the shallow end of the pool, waiting for me to speak. It
seems like she always knows when I need to.

“What if we do
this for a while, and then you get tired of me? You throw me out? Revoke the
unwritten contract? Would you even pay for my ticket home?”

She holds my
gaze, unflinching, reaches out to brush a wet strand of hair from my face.

“First of all,
I’ll never get tired of you. I know myself, and I know enough about you to be
able to say that.” Her hand moves to my cheek, her thumb brushing over my lips.
“If at some point this doesn’t work out, I’ll pay you back for everything I’ve
taken from you, I promise,” she continues. “Everything in the closet is yours.
I’d get you settled in a new apartment and make sure you’ll have a job to
continue paying for tuition. I just hope it won’t come to that.” Her gaze says,
I know it won’t come to that
. Her absolute confidence is a turn on as
much as it is a source of frustration. My eyes meet hers, then, move to her
mouth and I’m startled to admit I wish she would kiss me. I’m not going to ask.
I can’t. However, I’m much aware all of a sudden that there’s very little
fabric between us, and I wish it wasn’t there at all.

“That’s a
relief,” I say, sounding inappropriately breathless in reaction to the
undeniable sensations caused by imagination and suggestion. She had good eyes
when it comes to gauging my size, but maybe the bathing suit is a little tight,
the fabric pressing into sensitive places—or maybe that’s my imagination too,
because all my attention is heading to the gutter fast. There’s still staff in
the house. She won’t do anything out here.

As I said, I
won’t be asking her.

“I want you to
feel completely secure. Whatever’s been troubling you until now, you can let
go.”

Warm, sexy,
seductive. She knows her game. I’m not a virgin, but I have to confess I would
probably not be a match for Carter on a leveled playing field. I haven’t dated
anyone in too long. I miss the excitement, the intimacy, and being far from
home and everything I know is starting to erase inhibitions I’d have under
different circumstances.

“It’s not easy.”

“Believe me, I
know.” She changes the subject rather abruptly. “What do you say we come back
outside in a bit for dinner? After that, I’ll show you the media room and the
cocktail bar. I know you love to read, but maybe you’d like to catch the news
or a movie. I don’t want you to get bored.”

“Don’t worry.
Getting kidnapped is the least boring thing that’s ever happened in my life.”

It’s nice, this
relaxed atmosphere between us, but nevertheless we have some difficult conversations
ahead. I owe it to myself not to forget about them, not to yield so easily,
like the women in the romance novels…because as surreal as it seems, this is
reality, and I have to make sense of it.

* * * *

It’s incredible
what a difference sunlight and fresh air makes. As we have dinner, an
incredibly tasty fish dish with herbs and butter and white wine, I tell her.

Carter looks a
bit guilty, which is highly unusual for her. Maybe I’m getting somewhere, in
trying to make her understand that the details of whatever this is between us
need some renegotiating. Of course, the sentiment doesn’t last long.

“I already moved
this step up. I had to make sure I could trust you too. Nothing in your history
suggests that you would try to harm yourself or anyone else in this house, but
I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“What did you
think, that I’d hit you over the head with a lamp?” I remember there are no
sharp objects or medication of any kind in the bathroom. Well, if I was that
desperate, I might have swallowed some soap? The thought makes me cringe. I am
lucky. My situation is odd, confusing, but in no way desperate.

“You could have
misunderstood some things. I think you did, at first. I don’t blame you—this is
unusual.”

“You can say
that. Marlene is an amazing cook,” I say. “Beware, I might be falling in love
with
her
.”

Carter laughs,
but I see something other than humor flash in her dark eyes…jealousy? It’s
completely irrational. That’s my mind talking. It’s hot. That’s my body,
stealing my breath with a jolt of heat.

“Wait until you
taste her cocktails,” she says, “and don’t get any ideas. Marlene is happily
married to a great guy, two kids, one grandchild. As much as I think you’re
irresistible, you wouldn’t have a chance with her.”

This brings me
to another question, if only briefly—Marlene apparently knows all about my
presence here, which makes her a witness, accomplice, to a crime. Legally
speaking, in any case, because I’m not exactly in acute need of help. Is Carter
such a great employer that they look the other way, or does she hold something
over them? I push my uncomfortable musings aside. How easy I’ve become,
placated by a gourmet meal and the lure of cocktails. Over the rim of my wine
glass, I study Carter, trying not to be too obvious about it. What I’d really
like to know is whether she’ll come to my room again tonight.

* * * *

The media room
is modest, Carter says, but she thinks it will do. Taking in the huge LED TV,
the slightly curved screen, and the additional furniture including a
soft-looking dark blue suede couch with cup holders, I almost roll my eyes.
Sure, for watching the news every once in a while, it will do.

I can’t be
completely oblivious for a year, close my eyes to what’s happening in the
world, but frankly, I feel the temptation. Said world has become too crazy, too
little that we can change about it, too much suffering. Building a fence and
retreating into a bubble might not be a brave way to deal with it, but it’s
understandable.

Carter doesn’t
ask. We leave the room quickly, head for a less ambiguous space next: The
cocktail bar.

It’s silly,
because it’s been just the two of us, and Marlene when we dine, but I’m
grateful for the wardrobe Carter has provided me with. In my usual gear, I’d feel
seriously underdressed in these sparkling, exquisite surroundings. We’re on one
of the higher floors, fourth or fifth I’m guessing, the beach and ocean laid
down below and the skylight above…

 “Wow. Those are
real stars.”

I can see
Marlene trying to hide a smile while Carter isn’t shy about it. “I wanted as
much natural light in the building as possible. I’m glad you like it. What
would you like to drink? There’s nothing Marlene cannot mix.”

“Pina Colada,” I
say, then I get daring. “No wait. Sex on the Beach.” Whatever insinuation this
might carry, it’s also a very tasty beverage. If Marlene’s mixology talent
matches her cooking skills, I’m in for a treat.

“I’m sure that
can be arranged,” Carter says.

I’m doing a
little better after having been able to move around more, talk to my Mom…Upon
closer examination, this arrangement looks a little less crazy. It seems
doable. At least, until I’ve figured out where to go from here, because I still
have a hard time imagining a whole year in this place.

Everyone seems
to think it’s the right choice to take a timeout. In a way, I do have many
choices now about how to spend my day, a freedom not deterred by classes or
work shifts. In some way, it’s terrifying, because I’m not sure what to do with
all that empty space. It’s a chance that has been dropped into my lap, but part
of me still rebels against it, because it wasn’t my choice.

Am I the crazy
one? Maybe I should make the most of it, lie back and enjoy. Our conversation
regarding ties comes back to me, and I’m grateful Marlene arrives with our
drinks.

A few sips of
the fruity cocktail go a long way to calm my nerves. This is more like
something I’m used to, going out with the girls, have a few drinks and good
conversation…but of course, it isn’t, can never be the same. We’re all on equal
footing in our little group. I wonder what they would say if they knew about my
situation. As it is, they have probably heard I’m taking a time-out. Haley,
always juggling kids and the job, and Lara who works longer hours than the rest
of us…would they envy me?