Surreptitious (London) (16 page)

Since I knew what it was like to lose someone you loved, I felt tears well in my eyes at his loss, but couldn’t speak before he carried on.

“I didn’t cry, he’d have been pissed at me if I cried. I spent a year, sold the farm, paid the taxes, left all Jonah’s savings where they were, but now in my name...and I bought ‘Ignite’. Didn’t even buy myself a place to live at first! I ate, slept, fuckin’ everything...did it in that club. I
lived
there six months before I even got myself somewhere else to stay, and even that was after I’d bought ‘Flame’. Got myself a tiny flat in Birmingham, less than a five minute walk from the club. I was scared, the clubs we’re paying their own way pretty much right off the bat. But I couldn’t help thinking it was either all a dream, or something fucked up was gonna come along and take it all away from me. That’s why I didn’t spend hardly any of the money, I bought and re-designed two clubs, but I still didn’t touch the savings. Fuckin’...with ‘Ignite’ I did nearly all that shit myself! Knocked down, moved and re-built walls, installed the dance-floor, decorated the entire place, built the bar,
everything.
Plumbers and electricians, that’s all I spent money on for labour. Jonah taught me that. I might have taken a different route, but I used all he taught me. I wanted to be
that
guy. A good guy. A hard-working guy.” He took a deep breath and laid the rest out for me.

“I waited another six months, and then I knew it was time to go back. And well...you know what I found. I changed then. I wasn’t trying to
be
Jonah anymore. He wouldn’t have wanted that. But I took his advice like a vow. Can’t look back, gotta look forward. And I do that ya know? Instilled that in Mase and Ruben too. I inhale life, I thrive off it, there’s shit all around us, but you fuckin plough through it and you
live.
”

He fell silent after that.
Thinking…I hated his story, but I also
loved
it. It was wrong, it was brutal, it was savage, it was carnal, it was fucked-up beyond all measures...but it was Jackson, it was beautiful because of Jonah…it was fucking
real.

I sat up and watched as his shoulders tensed further, bracing for my
reaction, but I shifted over to him, put my legs on either side of his, and wrapped my arms around him from behind and rested my head against his back. His frame slumped with relief and he clutched my hands to his chest. We sat for ages...maybe minutes...maybe hours...who knows? But we just held on.

“I love you babe. Do I think you did the right thing? Not at all. But it was for the right reasons, and I love you even more for that than I did before. But it’s over babe. Mase and Ruben ain’t fucked up kids anymore, you did your job with them and look at what you’ve made for yourself and them!? Three businesses!! At twenty-eight?! Babe that’s amazin’! You don’t need the darkness anymore. Let it go.”

He pulled in another shaky breath before he whispered, “I thought you’d leave. The shadows, they weren’t there before you. I don’t feel bad for what I did, not at all. They were there because I felt…I thought I knew…that when you found out, and I knew you would…I knew I’d have to tell you, I thought I’d lose you forever.”

“Never.” I declared fiercely. And for once, there was no doubt. None of it mattered, we were there, we were breathing, we were
living.
He didn’t say anything else, neither did I. I just squeezed him tighter and clung on.

Clinging to our hope, our future...our
real.

Epilogue

Taylor

“Babe, I’m back!!” I shouted as I walked through the front door.

“Be out in a sec!!” I heard shouted back.

I’d been travelling back and forth to Manchester recently, usually with Jax, but I’d just got back from my first trip up there on my own. As soon as I finished university, he asked me if instead of going to get a different job first, I’d re-design and coordinate the interior of ‘Ignite’ for him. Seeing as he offered to pay me a shit load of money for doing it (even though he refused to let me pay for anything to do with the house so I didn’t need it!), I jumped at the chance to complete my first real project.

Things were not easy, not for a long while...they are now...but they weren’t then. For weeks, I awoke in the middle night, panting and reaching for Jax. Dreaming about him being in the middle of a fire, I kept trying to reach for him, but couldn’t without getting burnt. Maybe it was a sign?! Maybe it
was my subconscious telling me that’s I felt?! I didn’t know. But it drove Jax crazy, he wasn’t mad at me of course, he felt guilty. I tried saying and doing whatever it took to convince him that I was okay, but he wouldn’t believe me

Was I happy that the man I loved had killed people? No.

Was I going to pretend the fact didn’t really exist? Of course!

But eventually, life moved on, the nightmares stopped and we just...
lived
. What difference did it really make? If I’d have decided that I couldn’t live with what he’d done...I’d have been lonely, so would he...I’d have been miserable, so would he...only he’d feel even worse because I knew he’d blame himself for the fact that we weren’t together.

Truthfully, I figured even if I’d attempted to leave then he wouldn’t have let me anyway. Everyone has a past, some worse than others, but right now, it’s our future that counts.

I dumped my suitcase, bags and my keys by the sofa and threw myself down on the cushions. About a month after Jax had confessed what he’d done, he asked me to move in with him...no scratch that...he
told
me I was moving in with him. I fought him on it, I didn’t want to live with three men, in a glorified bachelor pad! He told me I was being stubborn, pathetic and that ‘it wouldn’t be a fucking bachelor pad if I was living with him’. He stormed out, came back a few hours later, apologised for snapping at me...and I moved in!

I punished him though. He might win the battles, but the war was mine. I decorated the bedroom with Harp and Mase when he was working at the club the first weekend after I’d moved in.

I painted three walls pastel pink, I then added wallpaper on the fourth wall, that was black and had darker shade of pink swirls running vertically along the length. I bought new sheets and duvet covers, all in satin, some black, some pink and some silver, which matched the bed frame.

I bought new voiles for the window, they matched the walls perfectly and tied at the corners with black satin bows. I added throw pillows on the bed a furry black rug for the floor. And finally, I bought some of those little decorated boxes that are too small to actually fit anything in, and organised them in different displays around the room.

Harp kept giggling at me and warning me that Jax was gonna hit the roof, but seeing as he
told
me I was moving in, I said he was just gonna have to suck it up! It was my perfect room and I loved it.

He
hated
it!! I pretended to be asleep when he got back from work, waiting for his reaction, but I was disappointed when he didn’t even turn on the light, he just threw his clothes on the floor and slid into bed beside me, wrapped his arm around me and whispered in my ear...

“New sheets babe? Feel good. Wanna make love to you on them...right...fuckin’...
now”

Safe to say, he didn’t notice that night, and I instantly forgot all about it when my insides warmed and he reared over me.

However, I was blissfully dreaming about family, foreign holidays and I think, some sort of flying car? When a voice broke through my sleepy haze and I heard...

“What the fuck?! Taylor Corsi, you better wake your ass up quick time!!” I blinked a few times to clear my vision, tensed and croaked, “I’m awake.”

“Good, then would you mind explaining what the fuck you were thinking, turning my room into something that looks like it a fucking teenage girl lives in it?! Jesus babe, seriously, what the fuck were thinking?!”

“You said you’d do anything to make me happy.” I pointed out and he replied slowly...

“Err, yeah...”

“Well then seeing as this is now
my
room too, I like it, it makes me happy, and therefore you shouldn’t mind.” I knew he’d mind, that was my plan...but he didn’t need to know that!!

“Babe, you do
not
paint a man’s room
pink
!!” He told me, something I was already aware of. But I still defended my actions.

“No, but like I said, this is my room too now. So suck it up macho-man! It’s done.”

He sighed and then slapped my ass, moved out of bed, pulled on a pair of fleecy pyjama bottoms, but no top of course and declared...

“You’re a pain in my ass baby girl. Mase and Ruben are gonna give me hell for this.” I wasn’t sure whether I should tell him
what I did, but I did anyway...

“Um...Mase helped!”

He growled under his breath and I heard him mutter sarcastically as he walked out the door...

“Of course he did. Fucking brat.” I chuckled and rolled over to admire my work!

So yeah, I had firmly imprinted my mark on the bedroom and over the next few months, I added small feminine touches to every room in the house, with the exception of Jax’s office and Mase and Ruben’s bedrooms. I pushed my luck often, but even I wasn’t that brave!

Jax stalked out of his office, came right to me, grabbed my face and took my mouth in a searing kiss. Didn’t matter how long we’d been together,
which was going on two years, every...single...time... my breath caught in my throat, goose-bumps broke across my skin and I melted into him.

He broke away from an
d I automatically groaned at the loss of his mouth so he chuckled and muttered... “Missed you too baby girl!!”

He glanced down at my suitcase and the four other bags I’d bought home with me before holding my eyes and asking...

“You got something to tell me babe?” My breathing hitched and I bit my lip because I
did
have something to tell him and I wasn’t sure he knew that, or if he was talking about something else entirely different, so I ventured cautiously...

“Um...I don’t know...do I?!” I asked.

He threw a hand out in the direction of my bags and replied, “Jesus babe! You used to avoid shoppin’ like the plague, now every time you leave the house you come back with more shit you don’t fuckin’ need! You’re spendin’ money like it’s going out of fashion!! You got an illness or addiction or some shit?!”

My body relaxed as I realised he was joking with me but I knew it was my opportunity to tell him what I had been hiding. I forced a laugh and then patted the seat beside me, so he sat and I began.

“Um babe, you know I’ve changed my views on shopping, and we have money, too much money, I wanna spend some! But listen, there’s something I really did need to talk to you about...” I paused and he frowned but I continued...”So, okay...well here’s the deal...see the thing is...just...okay, okay, the thing is...”

“Fuck sake babe...spit it out!!” He encouraged.

“I’m pregnant.” I blurted. Yep, big news, huge news...
life-changing
news and I just threw it out there.

He stilled and his mouth dropped open, then he snapped it shut and then repeated the motion three more times before he declared...

“We’re getting married.”

“We are?” I asked.

“Hell yes, we are!! You’re carrying my baby!! You need my ring on your finger and you need my last name!!”

“I do?...you’re happy about this?” I asked again stupidly. And I knew it was stupid when he scowled and replied.

“Of course you fucking do!! And happy ain’t even the word babe!! We’re havin’ a baby!! But I’m not having no kid of mine grow up without a proper home. So start organising babe, you’ve got two months. Tops.”

See? Alpha-macho bullshit!! It’s marriage, it’s babies...it’s supposed to be beautiful and loving and happy...and I got demands!! He didn’t ask me to marry him. He told me I was.
Dickhead.

Still...
WOOP!!
I’m gonna have me one big-ass wedding!!

This might be the end of Taylor and Jackson’s story, but you can still hear from them in the next book of the London series.

The story of Mason and Harper will be out soon
...keep an eye-out!!