Surviving ELE (ELE Series #4) (4 page)

I shiver. Goodbye sounds so final, but in times like this, optimism is a luxury some of us can’t afford to have. “Thank you, Lee.”

He nods his head. His bright yellow eyes soften a tad. “You need to make an attempt at sleeping, Willow. You are going to need to have a clear mind in the morning.”

“Thank you, I’ll try.” I don’t foresee myself getting any sleep tonight but I humor him anyway.

“Goodnight,” Lee says as he heads out of the dining hall.

“He’s right, you should get some sleep. You look exhausted,” Alec tells me once Lee is out of earshot.

“Thanks,” I say sarcastically as I stretch my arms over my head and try not to yawn. “I better head up then.”

“I’ll walk you to your room,” Alec offers.

I shrug my shoulders. “Okay, thanks,” I say, even though it’s not necessary for him to walk with me. I know he’s just trying to be nice though. We both say goodnight to Connor and Claire before they head off to their separate rooms, hand in hand.

Alec’s hand flinches a little as we walk towards my room. Back in the day, his hand would be occupied by mine, but not anymore. When we get to my door I reach for the knob, but Alec stops me by gently putting his hand over mine. I look up at him. I can feel the tug-o-war that is going on with his emotions.

He looks down into my eyes. “Willow, you are sixteen years old.” I cock an eyebrow at him, unsure where he’s going with this. He continues. “You may have some superhuman powers but you aren’t superhuman. I want you to know that it’s okay for you to feel
scared. In fact, it wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t scared.”

I hold my breath and my jaw tenses at his words. “I don’t have time to be scared, Alec.”

“It’s not a matter of whether you have time or not. At the end of the day, you are still going to feel what you feel. I’m not asking you to admit to me that you’re scared; all I want is for you to know that I’m here for you. I
will
protect you.”

I open my mouth to speak but he raises a hand to stop me.

The candle I’m holding reflects in his navy eyes. It makes him look even more impassioned as he continues. “Don’t think I’m saying this out of any ulterior motive. I will protect you, Willow Mosby, because I love you and will always love you. Before you get all freaked out let me add, I love you like a friend. I take care of my friends.”

I exhale. My heart is feeling warm from his words. I’m not sure how true the ‘like a friend’ part of his statement is but I’ll take it either way. “Thank you.” The look he gives me unarms me. I look down at my feet, feeling an ounce of shame when I
add, “I’m always scared, Alec.”

He places a gentle finger under my chin and lifts up so I’m forced to look at him. He says, “Me too.” Then he gives me a soft smile and pulls me into him, holding onto me tightly. I allow myself to feel safe in his embrace. There are no other motives behind the hug so I let the security fill that emptiness inside me. He squeezes a little tighter to let me know that it’s okay. My mind contemplates both of our admissions. He’s right, this is a scary world, and it’s okay to admit it. The fact that we have friends to get us through it is what matters. Thanks to God, we don’t have to be alone in this.

“Thank you,” I say into Alec’s chest.

When I step towards my door again, Alec doesn’t say anything to me about the tears in my eyes. Instead, he gives me an understanding nod and then says, “Goodnight, Willow.”

“Goodnight,” I tell him as I open the door and go into my room.

I close my door and place the burning candle on the nightstand before lying down on the bed. Pulling the covers up to my chin, I stare at the flickering orange glow that the candle illuminates on to the ceiling.

It’s too quiet in this room, so much so that my brain is allowed to run a million miles per hour. My mind wanders towards Tony-land. If I close my eyes and imagine just right, I can feel him lying here next to me. I remember how he comforted me after my mom died. If I try hard enough I can smell him, the smell of earth and soap. I can feel his strong arms wrapped around me, allowing me to feel safe and secure. I refuse to look to my left because if I do, I will see the empty bed. I’m doing so well at conjuring up the memory of Tony that I can almost hear him calling my name.

“Willow.”
His voice echoes in my head gently, time after time.

With each time he calls my name, I feel myself slipping further and further from reality.
“I can’t let myself do this, feel this. I need to face reality. That you are no longer you,”
I say as if I can speak directly to the Tony who is whispering my name inside my head.

“Willow, I’m sorry. I didn’t know this would happen so fast. When you told me what he’d done to me, I had no idea I could be taken over so easily. I almost hurt you. I can’t let that happen again.”

I gasp for air as I sit up quickly in my bed. I just heard Tony talking to me. Not Zack, Tony.
“Am I going crazy?”
I run my hands through my tangled curls.

“You aren’t crazy, Willow,”
he answers me.

I jump out of my bed and run barefooted to the window. Pushing back the curtains, I scan the dark tree line.
“Tony?”
I ask with a mixture of excitement and fear. The cocktail of emotions running through me is hard to understand.

I watch from a distance as he takes a step out of the
shadows. The moonlight illuminates his figure. He’s still too far away for me to see his eyes, but I recognize his silhouette instantly.

“I’m here, Willow.”
He holds his hand up.

“Is it you? I can’t see your eyes,”
I ask, hopeful, yet afraid of his answer. It has to be him. Anytime Zack had control of Tony, the voice inside my head was Zack’s.

“As far as I know, it’s me.”
He puts his hand down but doesn’t take another step in my direction.

“Wait there, I’ll come down.”
I know it’s probably the stupidest, most cliché move ever, but I have every intention of seeing Tony and trying to heal him again.
“Maybe if I try harder this time it will work.”

“No!”
Tony’s scream inside my head startles me.
“You aren’t safe around me. Don’t come down. I’ll leave the second I no longer see you in that window. I can’t chance being near you again...”
His voice trails off and I worry that he’s already left. Then he speaks again.
“I’m so sorry I tried to hurt you, Willow. I don’t know how I let that happen. How could I allow him to take over me like that?”

“You had no choice, Tony. Zack did this to you. It’s not your fault.”
I want so badly to run to him, but I believe it when he says that he will disappear the second I move from this window.

“I should be stronger!”
I can hear the inner struggle in his thoughts.

I wish I could look into his eyes. Would they be yellow or red?
“You are strong, Tony. You fought it for a long time. If you just let me come down, I can try to heal you again. Maybe it’ll work this time.”

Even from this distance, I can see him shaking his head.
“No, Willow,”
he says with conviction.
“You’re not safe around me. I just came to tell you that you have to stay away from me. Don’t try to find me.”
I watch his hand move up to his hair.
“Most important of all, don’t trust me. Ever! Promise me, Willow!”
he demands of me.

Something inside me breaks. How hard must it be for him to tell me this?
“I can’t, Tony. I can’t just sit here and do nothing. I have to try and help you.”

“NO!”
This time his command is so loud it reverberates in my head.
“Stay away from me! I don’t want you around me.”

His words sting.
“You don’t want me?”
I know those aren’t his exact words, but I can’t help but single them out.

He doesn’t answer for a moment. Finally he says,
“No, Willow. You need to move on. Don’t come near me again.”
His inner voice is monotone and emotionless.

I clutch my hand to my chest
. “You don’t mean this, Tony!”
A thought pops into my head.
“Is that you, Zack? Are you taking over again?”
It’s the only explanation. I try to convince myself of the lie. But deep down, I know its Tony, not Zack.

“No, it’s me, Willow. I mean it. Stay away from me, please,”
he begs of me.

I shake my head as tears come to my eyes. Then as quickly as he appeared, he’s gone. I look for any sign of him, but see nothing.
“Tony?”
I ask.
“Tony!”
I yell stronger. He doesn’t answer me.
“Tony, please come back!”
Nothing.

I break down and crumple to the floor near the window. How can he just leave me like that? How can he tell me that he doesn’t want me around? He won’t even give me the opportunity to try to help him.

I am too tired to cry. Instead, I curl up in a ball and fall asleep on the floor, thinking of Tony.

When the first rays of sun trickle in through the window above me, I wake up. Realizing it’s a little past dawn, I hastily get ready.

Most everyone is downstairs already when I arrive. Claire runs up to me and gives me a hug. “You still look so tired, Willow.”

“You don’t look so amazing yourself, Claire-Bear,” I try to joke back but I can’t quite bring a smile to my face. The wounds from last night’s encounter with Tony are still too fresh.

She can see the weariness in my eyes and opens her mouth to say something, but she’s distracted by her boyfriend, who’s jogging towards us.

“Hey, babe. Hey, Willow.” Connor captures us both in a big bear hug.

Claire giggles and I grunt. I missed this big old goofball.

I look around for Connor’s parents and Lily. “Are your parents coming with us?”

He shakes his head. “No, they’re going with Lee. They think it’s what’s best for Lily.”

I make a mental note to tell Lee to keep an eye on them. I hope they won’t turn into one of Zack’s puppets, but they were part of the most recent group of people that we saved. “What do they think of you coming with us?” I ask him.

“Mom’s not too happy about it. Dad wants to come with but that would break Lily’s heart. I think he’s secretly proud of me though.” Connor smiles, then adds, “I’m ready to kick some bad guy butt!”

Claire hits him in the side jokingly. “Don’t you mean
we
are ready?”

Connor looks down at Claire, who is so petite and fragile-looking when standing next to him. “Uh-huh. That’s what I meant, babe.”

I laugh, which surprises me. I didn’t know I had it in me this morning.

“It’s a good thing you’re cute,” she says to Connor.

He winks at her, and then leans in for a kiss. That’s my cue to look away.

“Hey, Willow,” Candy calls from behind me.

I turn to look at her. She wasn’t around at all last night so I hadn’t gotten a chance to check on her. Thankfully, her blue eyes are shining much brighter than the last time I saw her. I hope she’s working through everything that has happened with her brother. “Hi, Candy.”

“I heard he’s still alive.” She certainly doesn’t beat around the bush. “I want to help you though. He may be my brother but I know now that he needs to be stopped.”

I’m surprised that she wants to be involved. I had assumed she would split off with Lee. I look behind her and see Jake only a few feet from her. He would be a good addition to our team, not that Candy wouldn’t be. Her skills may come in handy. “Thank you, Candy...but, are you sure? I mean, I would completely understand if you wanted to go with Lee.”

She shakes her head. “No, Willow. I need to do this. He’s my blood and I feel responsible for helping to stop him.”

“Okay.” I relent since she’s obviously given ample thought to this decision. “I’d be happy to have you on our team,” I tell her.

She gives me a half smile and waves Jake over. He says a quick hello to me and then they both go to stand on our side of the room.

I notice then that everyone has begun dividing into two sections. Assumingly, one of them will be going with Lee and the other with me. In the middle of the room, a few people say their goodbyes.

I find my dad and Sabby in the middle. “Don’t go, Wello,” Sabby says as he reaches his hands up to me in the air, begging to be picked up.

I scoop him up into my arms and hug him tight. “I have to, buddy. Remember, secret mission?” I whisper into his ear.

He pulls back and nods his head. “I be brave, Wello,” he tells me.

I wish he could just be a kid instead of having to be a brave four year old. “I know you will. Love you, bud.” I kiss him on the cheek and then set him down.

His hand reaches up and wipes my kiss away from his face but he doesn’t give me a grossed-out look. “I wuv you, too.”

I purse my lips to contain my laugh and turn to my dad. “Be safe,” he tells me.