Survivor (The Soul Mates Series Book 1) (6 page)

Our days followed a strict theme with a little variation, I was learning that if you changed things up slightly, you didn’t have a predictable routine, but you could still feel if something was wrong. 

First thing in the morning it was up and out for a run, we’d use the time wisely and play the game of questions.  I was just as keen to learn about Jake as he was about me.  This time of the day was when I smiled the most because I could see the changes and difference was me, I was getting stronger.  The strap welts caused by sweat from the knife on my thigh had begun to toughen and harden up, either that or I just no longer felt the pain.  My breathing was more controlled, less
woman in danger from a horror movie
and more
female kick ass warrior
.  The only thing I couldn’t sort out was my involuntary counting, but as I began to see the changes it made me feel amazing, I was finally seeing a more confident me, one that believed I could pull this off.  In a small amount of time I’d soaked up Jake’s targeted training and achieved exactly what I wanted, I was becoming battle prepared.  With my growing confidence came my desire to live again and by live again, I mean live sexually with Jake.  The tension between us was so noticeable that it was taking on a life of its own.  My hyper awareness of every detail was just making me that much bolder and I began to look forward to the time we spent together.

“I think you’re ready for some defense moves,” he suddenly announced one morning when we got back to the junkyard after our run.

“Fighting?  As in Combat?  As in karate chop!, really?”

“Calm down, I’m not talking about desert rat commando shit, but enough that it might buy you a few minutes to get runnin’ again.”

“Is it wrong that I find this nervously exciting?”

“How could it not be?  Rollin’ around with me is serious shit,” he replied with a smirk on his face.  The problem was that the more we became friends and he came out with these lines, the more I really wanted to step over that line and plant myself on the other side of it.  It was only the last few outstanding quivers of self confidence that stopped me in my tracks.

“When?”

“After breakfast, you put some eggs on and I’ll get shit ready out here.”

Doing as he asked, I made my way inside to Old Sam’s kitchen and as I would when he was here, I made fresh coffee and laid out two glasses of juice.  I was nearly finished with scrambling the eggs when I heard a cell phone ring in the kitchen drawer, following the sound accordingly, I located it.  The display simply registered the letters
JD
.  Curiosity was never my friend and I’d learned long ago that snippets of information would either, prepare you for something, disappoint you or kill you.  It stopped ringing so I took it as a sign of divine intervention and closed the drawer on it.  My brain began to spin through its data banks, Old Sam never used a cell phone, I’d not seen one on the counter tops before and the make and model was different from the one Jake used or carried with him.  When it began beeping in the drawer, I decided to investigate further and see what information it was holding.  A text message had been sent to it.

JD:
Jane Doe
info acquired.  Call ASAP.  Red Flag.

Fuck.

The smell of the eggs cooking began to curdle my stomach.  I’d broken my rules, rules I’d set to keep me alive and worst of all, I’d started to trust Jake.  I’d let my guard down.  All this time he’d been working to solve his biggest puzzle, me.

Hearing the shed doors close, I threw the phone back in the drawer and returned to rescue the breakfast.  I needed time to think, I needed to assess whether I was in danger and get the fuck out of here.  Knowing timing would be everything I breathed a sigh of relief when I remembered that I’d brought my money down from the cabin, a detour to receive it would cost me precious time.

“Them eggs burnt woman?”

“Nearly,” I rushed a little flustered to grab the bread from the cupboard and the pan of eggs, before heading toward the table, drawing in a calming breath whilst faking interest in the food in front of me.

“Can you pass that fork babe?”  I handed it to him.  “Ketchup?”  I slid that in his direction too.  “Babe, what’s wrong?”

That brought me to my senses, “Nothing just nervous I guess.”

“No need to be,” Jake laughed, between mouthfuls of food.  “I’ll go easy on you.” 

Picking up my fork, I gave myself a mental talking to, I had to pull myself together and see today through. 

Whilst I was loading the dishes into the sink, Jake nipped back outside to finish the fight zone, as I’d jokingly called it, “Cara, OK, let’s do this.”  Ditching my chores, I nervously walked through the kitchen door, amazed to find the ground area shaded by trees, covered with floor mats.  “Kick off your shoes, we need to assess how well you balance first.”  Almost robotically I leaned down and pulled my sneakers off.  When I returned to an upright position, Jake had shucked off his T-shirt and was standing in just a pair of running shorts in his full tattooed glory.

Magnificent.

“Hey concentrate,” he laughed and right there and then I knew this could be my one and only chance to ever get to feel him.  I’d made my decision to leave at the end of the day and knowing I’d never see him again helped me find the last little smidge of confidence I needed to make a move and actually get to fulfill a desire I’d gone without for so long.

*****

Jake

“Right, I’m going to slowly grab hold of you, nothing fancy, I just want to see what instinctual moves you make.”  I could see she’d freaked herself out about this over breakfast and I needed to remind her that I was here for her.  I had hoped losing some of my clothes would provide the distraction to stop her brain over thinking it and getting swamped by it all. 

Ensuring that I retained her eye contact, I walked forwards until I reached her and I placed my hands around her throat.  I could feel her pulse quicken in pace and the blood swell her veins in panic.  Although she’d become athletically stronger, I still dwarfed her and training with someone of my size would be good practice for her.  Bad guys rarely picked small, weak motherfuckers to do their muscle work.  Her beautifully long neck was slender and it was a thrill to confirm that I could fully enclose it in my massive hands.  “What do you want to do?” I whispered gently, getting lost in her deep, engaging brown eyes.

Cara reached up and grabbed my wrists, trying to pull forcefully and failing to drag them from around her throat.

“Wrong move baby, let’s swap and I’ll show you.”  Because I was so much taller than her, she had to get close to make her arms reach around my neck.  I could feel every curve of her body against me and damn, if it didn’t fucking affect me.  Swallowing deeply, I felt my adams apple push back against her palms.  Her scent was magical and bewitching, all female and I was beginning to think this kind of temptation would be my undoing.  “Tell me what happens when I try and move your hands,” I asked her as I followed my words and with the actions, encasing her wrists in my palms.

“You’re trying to move my hands, I… If I don’t grip harder to keep them there, you’ll be free,” she whispers.

“Exactly, to make this effective you need to go against your natural instincts.  Watch,” this time when I reached for her wrists I gently pulled her into me.  Because she was braced to fight for her grip, the momentary surprise caused her to relax and it gave me that tiny window, when I could push her sharply back away from me, all while her brain was wondering what was going on.  “Your attacker’s human nature will kick in, their body will act to stop them from falling and injuring themselves.  The natural reaction is to loosen your hold and then brace to save yourself and avoid the pain.”

The spark of intrigue and light that beamed when she learned something new was bright and apparent in her eyes, it had been missing since breakfast.  She’d found that strength, that fighting spirit had returned.  “Over the next few days remember its game time, the moves I teach you could come in handy at any time.  I could choose to fight you at any random opportunity.  You need to condition yourself to be always alert and on guard.”

“Yes,” she confirmed.

As with everything, it was one thing to achieve the moves in training but another to complete them when you were taken by surprise.  “The lesson to take from today is all about reaction.  I’m also just trying to learn what I’m workin’ with so I can figure out what you need in the shortest time possible, OK?”

Cara nodded back at me and for the next hour we grappled around until the morning sun had drained us both of energy.  My shorts were soaking wet from the sweat running down my back and Cara’s hair was plastered to her head.  By the time I returned with a couple of bottles of water, she’d lost her t-shirt and was using it to mop her brown.

My mind just snapped, it had been teased for long enough.  Dropping the bottles at the sight in front of me in frustration, I couldn’t take being reminded that she was stunning in every way, anymore.  Her perky tits, barely contained in a white sports bra, were something that had taunted me for long enough and I needed to feel them. 

End of discussion.

When I approached her I know she was expecting this move to be about combat training.  I plastered my chest against her back and an arm around her front, bringing my palm up to span her neck, yanking her head back.  It affected all of the senses, I could feel her both gulp and breathe deeper in search of oxygen.  I could hear her gasping for air and see her tongue just darting in and out of her mouth between her lips.

My cock hardened without delay, this was my kind of spontaneous enjoyment.  I knew she felt it and for the love of fucking God, she backed up into me, emitting a moan that made my blood surge.

Could I let this happen?

I tell myself no attachments on the job, well, not since the last one anyway.  It’s my golden rule and I rarely break it.  The devil inside me was winning over though when he reminded me that I wasn’t on the clock.

Fuck it, if she doesn’t say no, or fight me off, I’m taking it.

I went to lift her chin further so I could get to her plump lips and when my thumb got in range of her mouth, she latched onto it and bit down hard. 

Fuck!  So arousing.

It was unclear who was dominating who now and my control was nearly at its end.

“Do you want this?” I whispered so close to her ear that she shivered.  Feeling her swallow again around my hands sent another jolt of passion to my cock.

“Yes.”

Her answer gave my horny, frustrated ego the green light.  I’d been suffering watching her from a far and now I’d made my decision to break the golden rule, I figured I may as well enjoy it.

In all honesty Jake didn’t need to do anything, feeling his dick wedged into the small of my back was enough to make my panties get wetter and my mind shut down.  It was heavenly to focus on the moment and not think about everything else for a while.  I’d worked so hard to stay on the straight and narrow, that it wasn’t hard to convince myself that I needed to blow off a little steam and enjoy myself.

The moment I agreed I wanted this, I felt his tongue poke out of his mouth and lick the back of my neck.  The wetness of it combined with the stubble of his beard was enough to make my legs sway, so much, that Jake pulled me closer to him to stop me from falling.

The hand at my throat ventured back down my chest, to cup my breast and tease my nipple, whilst the other hand made light work of popping the button and lowering the zipper on my shorts.

God…
God!
I’d never had attention like this, my one and only venture had purpose, not passion.  I needed to enter womanhood and lose my virginity on my terms and not my family’s.

I began to shamelessly moan as I leaned back into him to signal I wanted more, I didn’t know what
more
was on offer, but I knew I needed it.  I desperately wanted a kiss, so I offered my lips to him and he understood straight away, driving his between them and forcing control over my mouth.

Control, was everything I’d always hated and resented, but this, this was different.  This was the type of control I yearned for.

I felt his hand venture lower past the edge of my panties and my thighs responded accordingly by shamelessly widening, to give him access.  I felt him hum his approval into my mouth and then couldn’t decide which of his tongue in my mouth, goatee beard ravaging my chin or fingers teasing my sex below, felt the best.

Although I’d gained some muscle, I was nothing compared to Jake, even his fingers felt huge, knowing the complete package that I’d seen in the shower made me nervous and excited all rolled into one.

Jake lightly tapped the front of my most intimate area, over and over, indicating his intentions but being respectful enough to give me the chance to shut it down.  “Please,” I begged.  I was wet, so wet that his long thick finger slid straight inside me and after a slow and precise start, it quickly progressed to the point that I was grinding up against him.  I’d never felt it so intense like this and if I died tomorrow, at least I’d die having had an orgasm induced by someone other than myself or a vibrator.

“Let it go,” I heard him command my body and with no hope of doing anything else, it finally reached the point it had been rushing towards as he worked me through it.  My head was silent as it worked to exhaustion, following my body and for a while all I could hear was my own heavy breathing, sensing he was ready for more, he slowly dragged his fingers out of my body.  Still aware that he was holding me up, I felt him push my shorts and panties down my body, as he lowered me to the floor mats.

“Remove the top, let me see all of you.”  I didn’t argue with him and loved watching his eyes go frantic when the fresh air made my naked nipples pucker, “Beautiful.”

“Let… let me see you,” I bravely said and watched as his fingers positively removed the running shorts his dick was desperately straining to escape.  When he came down to bended knees beside me, I felt a momentary shred of panic, wondering how he was going to fit inside me and that soon he’d figure out I was inexperienced.  Feeling the need to give him a heads up, “I’m… I don’t… I’m not,” damn! I couldn’t get the words out.

“I get it, it’s been a while.  Unless you’ve been with my old man?” His raised eyebrows made me laugh, “Just go with it baby,” he whispered and picked up my foot as he knelt in front of me.  I watched his fingers progress gradually up my leg, enjoying the sensations he caused.  I adored that I felt he was being respectful, trying to prove he’d taken on my fear and would stop if I needed it.  I knew he was using that moment to reassure himself that I was on board with proceeding.

My fingers were demanding the opportunity to touch him, I needed to feel his girth and test the weight of his dick, shit, I just wanted to hold a real man.  I may never get this close to such a fine specimen again and I knew I needed to be more involved.  I leant forward, my intention clear, “Let me,” I whispered and he immediately sat back on his haunches making his divine erection protrude.  Taking in the sight of it, the washboard abs and the tattoos, I nervously touched it with my finger tips.  Its reaction was to bob up and down in a demand for more, wrapping my fist around it caused Jake to hiss in pleasure and although I wanted to see the lust in his eyes, I was too mesmerized by the beauty in my hands.  Finding a rhythm I liked, I became invested in seeing this through. 

“You watched me, I know you saw me fuck my own fist, you’ve remembered how I like it,” I couldn’t deny his compliment on remembering how he manipulated himself.  Of course I remembered, I remembered everything.  Every God damn thing.  It was the forgetting that I hadn’t mastered.   “Stop,” Jake pleaded, “You’re going to unman me.” 

Feeling like I’d done something wrong, I withdrew quickly until I realized what he meant.  I had to stop letting my own inexperience drive this, if I was to get the life shattering experience out of it, he needed to control it for both of us.

Jake guided me to my back and then licked his own palm before transferring that lubrication to his dick.  He knew I’d struggle, even with the result of my own pleasure, fitting that dick inside me was going to be a stretch.  “Tell me to stop,” he pleaded as he was positioned at my entrance, “Tell me to back off and I will.”

I knew it was wrong to continue, especially with what I was planning, but I still couldn’t bring myself to stop him.  Jake let as much time pass as his passions and frustrations would allow him and I began to mewl with contentment as his continued to enter my body.   “God, fuck, gorgeous.  Tight, so tight,” he muttered to himself and I realized that I’d never been involved in any act of sexual pleasure with a person who was actually enjoying it. 

When I arranged to sleep with Rocco, he did it because I was the daughter of the boss and not complying with my order would have gotten him into as much trouble as actually going through with it did.  In the end, my experience was a rushed activity based on necessity and not really enjoyed by either of us.

Jake brought me back to the here and now, he’d moved up onto his hands and skillfully encouraged me to wrap my legs around his waist.

“Oh God,” I cried, the feeling of this new position only made him feel deeper, he was touching spots I’d never discovered before.

“I can feel you,” he panted, pumping into me.  “I can feel you suckin’ me inside you.”  I could feel it too, I knew what I doing to him.  I was coiling and tightening my insides because they were ready for their next release.

“More Jake, more,” I begged, I needed to feel that high my body was chasing and fall over that cliff with it.  My request was rewarded with his compliance and the sounds that Jake began to make were my undoing.

“That’s it, fuck baby,” he grunted and stopped so abruptly, I could feel the throb and swell of his dick within me as he finished.  I encouraged him to collapse on top of me, I needed to feel the intimacy of his close contact.  I needed to commit it to memory for the future and try to convey words that I was just too scared, too weak to voice.  Inside I screamed I’m sorry, I shouted that I couldn’t trust him and I didn’t think I could ever trust anyone again.  I wanted to cry because of this gift he’d given me.  For once in my life I was going to have a memory of something that I’d want to remember and relive again and again.

Jake touched my face in a gentle manner, his eyes were searching, hoping I was OK and didn’t regret what we’d done.  I returned what I hoped was a smile of reassurance.  Trying to form words would have been my downfall, words would have lead to tears and I didn’t want that.

“You OK?” He finally voiced.

“Yeah,” I whispered, knowing he sensed the conflict within me.

“I’ll let you get showered and freshen up, we can talk then.”

I waited for him to move, but wondered what he thought there was left to talk about.  It was ingrained deeply not to trust and the mysterious mobile phone meant he was hiding something and I had to leave whilst I had the chance.

I didn’t shower when I visited the bathroom and managed to avoid looking in the mirror a moment later as I put on fresh clothes. I transferred my money to a back pack and waited.  When I was sure he was in the house, I crept across the yard, through the gate and jogged to my trusty old sedan, my parking lot savior. 

To my dismay, once again the keys were missing.  Emotionally, I’d taken all the knocks I could, so I collapsed to the floor and admitted defeat.  My tears came finally and they weren’t cathartic, they were a jumble of emotions I’d worked hard not to feel for months now.

I made the decision to just start walking, if I did that I could be on my way and away from the pain I was feeling.  It was a mixture of betrayal and sadness, “Why are you still runnin’?”  I heard from behind me.

I didn’t answer.

“Tell me.  I don’t regret what we just did, but talk to me.”

I still couldn’t answer.

He’d won, they’d all won.  They’d finally broken down my fighting spirit.

“Just tell me somethin’ and I’ll give you the keys.”

Unable to hold in the pressure that had built for so long, I let him have it.  “Because you lied, I wanted so bad to trust you and I can’t.  I’m so fucking alone and I’m as good as dead no matter what I do,” I screamed.

“I lied?”

“I found the phone in the kitchen.  I know you checked into me,” I said, starting to sob.

“Of course I did Cara, that’s just me being smart,” he explained rationally.

“Well this is me being smart too, I want my keys.”

“I want to help you babe, Cara come on,” he was talking to me gently, like a parent placating a child.

“You can’t and I’m not Cara.”

“I guessed that already but I’m not Jake either.  I’ll tell you if you stay.”

“No, it’s all lies.  Everything is false.  I did it to protect you and your dad, but you didn’t you played me.  Made me trust you and then deceived me.”  He gave me my keys and I made to get in the car.

“Don’t drive off like this.”

“I can’t stay!” I wailed, “I can only rely on me.  It’s always down to me.”

“At least calm down before you go and then check into a motel, take this number and call later.  When you’re ready we’ll talk.”  I took the paper from his hand and memorized the digits in an instant, balling up the piece of paper and throwing it at the ground by his feet.  I started the engine on my getaway car and left the parking lot.  I cried as I looked in the rear view mirror, he’d been helping me, he was the second person in a long time to help me survive.

Leaving hurt so much but I had to be smart. 

Watching him, as he faded into the distance behind me, the guy who’d snuck in and stolen my heart, was just one other thing I’d never be able to forget.