Susanna's Dream: The Lost Sisters of Pleasant Valley, Book Two (8 page)

“I suppose it’s important that you move on professionally.” Gran’s tone was grudging, but her comment was a step up from her usual attitude about Chloe’s work. “Are you still seeing that man?”

“Seth Miller,” Chloe said, striving for patience. Gran knew the name perfectly well. “We’re . . . friends.” That was as good a description as any, she supposed.

Gran gave a ladylike snort. “He wouldn’t go to so much trouble for you if all he wanted was friendship. He’s smart enough to know which side his bread is buttered on.” She brought out the old cliché with an air that said it proved she was correct in her assumptions about someone she barely knew.

“Seth is successful in his own right,” Chloe contented herself with saying. The fact that Seth wasn’t interested in her prospective inheritance was one thing she was absolutely sure of in their relationship.

Maybe the only thing. All those hints he’d been dropping—about his obligations to his family, about being tired of the travel his job required—were they preliminary to a decision to return to the Amish?

“Chloe? Are you still there?”

Chloe cleared her mind with an effort. “I’m here. I went out to Lydia and Adam’s place for supper today.”

“I’m not interested.” Gran’s reply was automatic.

“I played board games with Daniel and David, since it was raining. Daniel beat me two times out of three.”

“I’m not interested,” Gran repeated.

Chloe’s control slipped. How could Gran not want to know about her two bright, beautiful great-grandchildren?

“Then I suppose you’re not interested to know that I told Susanna that we’re her sisters.”

Silence for a moment. Then . . . “How did she take it?”

Chloe’s heart gave a lurch at the sign of weakening. “She was confused, of course. Upset.”

“Maybe you should have left well enough alone.”

“She had to know the truth, Gran. Just as I did. Lydia and I plan to talk with her again tomorrow.”

“I see.” Gran’s tone had hardened. “When are you coming home?” The question was almost an accusation.

“Not for a while,” Chloe hedged. Maybe she ought to drive down to see her grandmother for a few days—

“It seems to me that in your enthusiasm for your new family you’re happy to forget the one you already have.”

Before Chloe could respond, her grandmother ended the call. She sat holding the phone between her hands, feeling as if she’d been slapped.

* * *

By
the time she’d picked up Lydia and was driving back toward Oyersburg the next day, Chloe found she was able to think of her grandmother without feeling her stomach clench. She was trying to do her best for both sides of her family, and it wasn’t fair for Gran to make her feel like a tennis ball being batted between them.

“Did you call your grandmother last night?” Lydia asked, almost as if she’d been following Chloe’s thoughts.

“Yes. She’s well.” Chloe hesitated, using the narrow bridge that crossed the Susquehanna as a reason to concentrate on her driving for a moment.

She didn’t want to give Lydia false hope that their mutual grandmother was coming around, but she felt the need to say something encouraging.

“I told her about playing board games with Daniel and David. Honestly, those two are so smart they could beat me every time if I didn’t have a little luck.”

“They’re used to the games, that’s all it is,” Lydia said, with the typical Amish unwillingness to brag about her sons. “You shouldn’t feel as if you have to play with them all the time.”

“I enjoy it.” Chloe smiled, thinking of Daniel’s intent expression as he studied the board. “I love having nephews.”

“And they’re wonderful glad to have you as an aunt.” Lydia seemed to be studying Chloe’s face as they neared the outskirts of Oyersburg. “I think you’re not telling me something about your talk with your grandmother, ain’t so?”

Chloe shrugged ruefully. “You see right through me, don’t you? The truth is that she made me feel as if I’m ignoring her.”
In favor of you.
The words were unspoken, but Lydia probably guessed those, too.

“We would miss you if you went away,” Lydia said. “But maybe you should pay her a visit. Old people get lonely.”

Chloe didn’t think Gran had ever suffered from loneliness, but maybe that was doing her a disservice. Gran had been trained from birth to hide her emotions, so that now it was second nature. Chloe sometimes wondered if all that suppression had robbed Gran of the ability to feel at all.

“I suppose so, but chances are it’s just a ploy to get me back there, and if so, it’ll end in another argument when I try to leave.”

“The only way you’ll know is to go and see for yourself, ain’t so? Just don’t stay away too long. We’ll miss you. And I know someone else who will miss you, too.”

“If you’re talking about Seth . . .” She needed to air her concerns about Seth to someone, but she wasn’t sure Lydia was the right person.

“Ja, of course, who else? Even Adam has noticed how much attention he pays to you, and my husband is not the noticing kind when it comes to romance.” There was a thread of laughter in Lydia’s voice.

“Maybe Seth just feels responsible for me, because he’s the one who found me for you.” But if that were true, how did she explain the chemistry that sparked each time he touched her? Or the sizzle of that kiss?

“We both know better than that.” Lydia hesitated. “If you don’t want to talk about Seth, I understand. I just can’t help wanting you to be as happy in love as I am.”

“You’re a lucky woman,” Chloe said, buying time to think.

“I am, that’s certain-sure.” Lydia smoothed her hand over her belly in that protective gesture that seemed common to all pregnant women. “But you can be, as well, with the right man.”

That really was the point. “Is Seth right for me? I can’t help wondering if he’ll . . .” She let that trail off, not sure she wanted to verbalize the rest of it.

“If he will what?” Lydia leaned toward her, as if conscious that they were running out of time for this conversation. They’d be at the shop in another few minutes.

“If he’s thinking of becoming Amish again.” There, it was out.

Lydia reached out to touch her arm. “I don’t know what is in Seth’s mind. A few months ago I’d have said such a decision was impossible, and I still think it unlikely. But if he did, would that mean you couldn’t love him?”

Chloe could hear the unspoken longing in her sister’s voice, and it startled her that she’d never realized what was in Lydia’s heart until now. Lydia wanted to see her back in the faith and life into which she’d been born.

Chloe’s throat went tight at the thought of hurting her sister, but she had to speak the truth. Falsehoods had caused enough damage in their lives already.

“I might love him, but I couldn’t marry him.” She fought to keep her voice even. “That would mean becoming Amish.”

“Is that such a bad thing? Our mother did it.”

“She must have been a very special person.” Tears stung Chloe’s eyes, and she blinked them back. “I admire you and the family very much, Lydia, but I know I could never be like you. I’m sorry.”

“Ach, don’t be sorry.” Lydia squeezed her hand and sat back in the seat, watching as Chloe pulled into a parking space a short distance from Susanna’s store. “We love you as you are, and we’re not trying to change you.”

Chloe’s tension began to seep away. Lydia had said possibly the best thing anyone could hear from someone they loved. “Thank you,” she said softly. She turned off the ignition and blotted away a tear that had escaped.

“Okay, that’s enough emotion for one day. We’d better figure out what we’re going to say to Susanna.”

Lydia smiled. “You Englisch, always wanting to plan things out in advance,” she teased. “Why not just see what Susanna is saying and feeling, and go from there?”

“Okay.” She opened the door, stepping out into the street. “We’ll do it your way. If I start moving too fast, you’ll have to step on my foot or something to warn me.”

“You’ll know.” Lydia joined her on the sidewalk, and if there was anything incongruous about the two of them being so different and yet so alike in some ways, it didn’t seem to bother her. “All we can do is pray the way I did that first day I came to Oyersburg to meet my Englisch little sister. That God will open her heart to let us in.”

Chloe nodded, and together they walked to Susanna’s shop.

C
HAPTER
S
IX

S
usanna
was giving the shop’s wooden toys a polish in preparation for creating a new display. Much as she appreciated keeping her hands busy, unfortunately the chore gave her mind too much time to wander. Worrying about the future ran counter to her beliefs, but she seemed unable to stop.

It was a relief to hear the bell jingle. She turned, smiling to greet a customer, and her heart gave an unaccustomed jolt. It was Lydia and Chloe.
Her sisters.

No matter how many times she repeated that to herself, it didn’t seem real. Surely she should feel something when she saw her blood kin, shouldn’t she?

Lydia looked much as usual with her maroon dress and matching apron, the black bonnet over her kapp hiding her hair. Instead of her usual blue jeans, Chloe wore a pair of tan trousers with a deep green sweater, green earrings dangling from her earlobes. It seemed so unlikely that they could be sisters, and yet seeing them side by side, she couldn’t help but see similarities in their faces. And similar to hers? She wasn’t ready to look for that yet.

“Lydia, Chloe.” She nodded, not sure what to say.

“It’s gut to see you, Susanna.” Lydia’s voice was as soft and friendly as ever as she came to where Susanna had been working at the counter. “All this time it’s wondered me how to tell you, but now you know, and I’m glad.”

It was impossible to doubt anything Lydia said—sincerity shone in her eyes. She was the same person Susanna had known for months, and yet she was different.

“I talked to Bishop Mose,” Susanna said abruptly. She’d best get this out quickly, before they started trying to convince her again. “He confirmed that the story Chloe told me was the truth.”

“Ja, we heard you had been to see him,” Lydia said. “Not from the bishop,” she added quickly. “He would not discuss your business with anyone else.”

“No, I don’t suppose he would.” Something that might have been anger flickered through her, startling her. She didn’t get angry, did she? “He knew all along.”

“You’re thinking he should have told us. It seemed to me he regretted agreeing to the idea to begin with, but your mamm . . .” Lydia hesitated, as if not sure whether she should go on.

Susanna picked up a small wooden locomotive and began polishing it with unnecessary force. “Go on and say it. You’re blaming my mother for all the secrecy.”

“Nobody’s doing that.” Chloe sounded as if she’d been quiet for as long as she could stand. “After all, my grandmother . . . our grandmother . . . was just as determined that I would never know.” With one of her quick movements, she snatched the cloth from Susanna’s hand. “Please, Susanna. Talk to us.”

“I . . . I have work to do.” It was a pitiful excuse, and all three of them knew it. She felt outnumbered. This relationship was being pushed on her whether she wanted it or not.

“We’ll help, ja?” Lydia removed her bonnet as she spoke, smoothing her brown hair back under her kapp. “Many hands make light work.”

“My mamm always said that.” The memory pierced Susanna’s heart, softening her response to them. “You didn’t know her. She was the sweetest person in the world. She would never have done anything wrong.”

“I don’t suppose any of them thought it was wrong.” Chloe picked up one of the carved wooden dogs, straightening the bow around its neck.

“My adoptive mother, your aunt Anna, told me that your mamm had had several miscarriages and had begun to despair of ever having a child.” Lydia hesitated. “I don’t know if you ever knew that about her.”

Susanna shook her head, trying to wrap her mind around the fact that she had not only sisters, but also an aunt who had known something about Mamm that she hadn’t.

“I asked her once why I didn’t have any brothers or sisters. She said that God had sent them only one child, but that I made them as happy as if they’d had a dozen.” She flushed a little, wondering if that sounded like bragging. “I didn’t mean—”

“Ach, I know what you mean.” Lydia’s smile broke through. “Mothers are like that, that’s certain-sure. Anyone else might think my two boys very ordinary, but to me they’re the most special kinder in the world.”

“They are special,” Chloe declared. “Daniel is so smart and serious, and David makes me laugh every time I talk to him.” She grinned. “I guess I’m a prejudiced aunt.”

An aunt. That was another new role for Susanna, but at least it was one that appealed to her. To have some claim to the kinder, to have a special relationship with them . . . that would be worth a great deal, maybe even taking on a lot of new relatives with them.

“They sound like dear kinder,” she said.

“We would like you to come to supper and meet them,” Lydia said, sounding as if she were feeling her way. “They’re excited at the idea of having another aunt.”

“So they know?” Again Susanna had the sense that things were moving too fast.

“Ja, well, once Chloe and I found each other, it was hard to keep the news from going around Pleasant Valley.” Lydia’s tone was apologetic. “It would be different in a bigger town like Oyersburg, I suppose, but everyone knows everyone in Pleasant Valley. Some of the older people knew our birth parents well, you see.”

That must have made the situation difficult for Lydia, living there and feeling as if everyone was aware of her business. At least in Oyersburg no one knew except Dora and Nate.

Susanna realized she’d been polishing the locomotive so hard it was a wonder she hadn’t rubbed the paint off. She set it down, trying to frame the words that would show Lydia and Chloe how she felt.

“Bishop Mose pointed out that none of the secrecy was your fault.” She looked up to find both Lydia and Chloe watching her so intently that they seemed to be touching her. “I know that’s true, but . . .” Susanna’s breath caught in her throat. “I can’t suddenly start feeling like a sister, even if I am. It’s just . . . not possible.”

“I understand,” Lydia said, but regret filled her voice. “Once I’d learned the truth, I realized that if we’d known about each other all along, you and I would have been friends, or maybe like cousins, all this time. We’d have written to each other and shared things about our lives. Maybe . . . maybe we could start there and see how it goes, ja?”

Susanna hesitated. It was reasonable, she supposed, but somehow it still felt disloyal to Mamm. She glanced at Chloe, noting that her normally lively face was serious.

“Was that how you and Chloe started getting acquainted?” she asked, trying to imagine how that would work with an Englisch person.

Chloe’s smile returned. “I was pretty tough, actually. I threw Seth Miller out of my office when he came to tell me the truth about my parents and sisters. And when Lydia finally got me to come to Pleasant Valley, I got into a fight with Adam and went storming home again.”

“Really?” Susanna tried to imagine herself quarreling with Lydia’s husband, the man who made the lovely clocks she sold. She couldn’t. That would never be her way.

“Yes, well . . .” Chloe paused, and Susanna had a sense she was struggling. “I was raised very differently, you know. My grandmother . . . our grandmother . . . always felt that the Amish had lured our mother away. She couldn’t accept any other explanation.”

Susanna considered this unknown grandmother. “That must make her very unhappy, ain’t so?”

Chloe’s green eyes seemed to darken. “Probably so, although I don’t think she’d admit it.”

The hurt in her voice touched Susanna’s heart. “It’s hard for you, too, ja?”

Chloe nodded. “For a time I thought I could just go back home and forget about Lydia, but I couldn’t. As difficult as it is to change the way I think about my family, I wouldn’t go back to not knowing for anything.”

I’m not you.
That was what Susanna wanted to say, but those words would be unkind. “I know you meant it for the best when you told me.”

Chloe looked rueful. “I shouldn’t have blurted it out the way I did. I realize that now. Obviously I’m not very good at keeping secrets.”

Lydia and Chloe were both looking at her as if they expected something—more than she could give, she suspected.

When she didn’t respond, they exchanged glances. “We would like to be friends,” Lydia said, as carefully as if her words were breakable. “Is that all right with you?”

Susanna was swept with a longing to refuse—to try to pretend none of this had happened. Chloe had said she’d tried that, and it hadn’t worked. It probably wouldn’t for her, either. Once a secret was out of the box, it could never be stuffed back in again.

She felt as if she were taking a giant step into the dark. “Ja,” she said. “Friends.”

* * *

Seth
set the clean supper dishes back in his mamm’s kitchen cabinets, well aware of the protest in Mamm’s gaze. Never mind that her son had been Englisch for the better part of ten years; to her mind washing up after supper was women’s work.

He grinned at her. “I know what you’re thinking, but I like sharing the chores with you and Jessie. It gives us a chance to visit.”

Mamm’s expression lightened. “Ja, well, as long as you enjoy it. You know we love having you here.”

“I know.” Guilt flickered. He hadn’t yet told her that his boss wanted him in San Francisco next week for an extended stay as he worked with a new client.

Mamm would insist they’d be fine without him. But with his mother’s slow recovery from her hip surgery and his sister’s recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder, he couldn’t shrug off his responsibilities as easily as he used to.

Jessie, busy sweeping the wide wooden boards of the kitchen floor, paused when she reached the door, and looked out. “I see Chloe’s over at Lydia and Adam’s again. It seems like she’s there all the time.”

There was a discontented note in Jessie’s voice that had Seth exchanging worried glances with his mother. Despite the hope that Jessie was doing better on her new medication, he sometimes felt as if they were walking on eggshells around her, always afraid she’d lash out over some imagined slight.

“Chloe is Lydia’s sister, for all she was raised Englisch,” Mamm said mildly.

“I heard she was driving Lydia over to Oyersburg today so they could visit with Susanna,” he added, hoping to send the conversation in a different direction. “She probably brought Lydia home and stayed for supper.” He held the screen door so that Jessie could sweep a few crumbs outside. “Your Englisch bruder is always coming to supper, too, ja?”

Jessie usually smiled when he reverted to the Pennsylvania Dutch he hadn’t spoken in years, and she did now.

“Ach, we can never get rid of you when Mamm is cooking, ain’t so?”

“If you’d eaten as many restaurant meals as I have, you’d know why.” He stood at the screen door, looking across Adam and Lydia’s orchard, the trees heavy with fruit, toward their house.

Chloe’s blue compact car was parked in her usual spot by the oak tree. It had rained earlier, but now the setting sun slanted across the valley, giving it a haze of gold.

He was still uneasy about the way he and Chloe had parted on Saturday. What was going on with her? He knew she was worried about the situation with Susanna, but that didn’t explain her coolness to him.

Trying to understand women was a futile act, he sometimes thought. Why couldn’t Chloe just come out with whatever was bugging her? Was he supposed to guess?

“Seth.” Mamm said his name with a tone that suggested she’d tried more than once to get his attention. “I said, if you’re going to walk over to Lydia’s, you can take a loaf of the nut bread I made this afternoon.”

Why not? Why not go over there, corner Chloe, and get some answers?

“Sure, Mamm. I’d be glad to. You want me to pick up some apples from them, too?”

“If they have any to spare, you might bring a bag back with you.” Mamm started to reach for her change purse, and he shook his head.

“I’ll take care of it.”

“Ja, Mamm, he’ll probably eat most of the pie anyway,” Jessie said, surprising him. It was a sign of progress, he thought, that she could tease him. Maybe the little sister he’d left behind when he bolted for the Englisch world was finally seeing him as her brother.

Mamm handed him the wrapped loaf of nut bread. “Give them my love, ja?”

He nodded. “Will do.” He’d taken a step toward the door when he glanced toward Jessie and saw the disappointment in her face. He hadn’t asked her to go along, and he knew how much it meant to her to be included.

“You coming, Jessie?” he asked, as if it was a matter of course that she would.

“Ja, sure.” Her face lightened, the sparkle back in her blue eyes.

They headed toward the orchard together, and he matched his long stride to his sister’s shorter one. Not that Jessie was all that little any longer. She was in her early twenties now, and most of her friends were married. How much did her still being unmarried have to do with the depression that sometimes seized her in such a grip? He’d been struggling to understand the medical implications of her problems, but the personal were even more important.

Jessie was pert, smart, and pretty, with those big blue eyes and her lively expression. But her problems seemed to have separated her from the other young people her age, and that had to be painful.

They had reached the orchard, and the grass was wet underfoot.

Jessie took a deep breath. “Smells wonderful gut, ain’t so?”

After the rain, the air seemed perfumed by the fruit all around them. “Smells like autumn, I think. All that time I was away, if I passed a fruit stand and smelled that aroma, I remembered this place in the fall.”

“You’ve missed it.” Jessie darted a sidelong look at him.

“I have,” he admitted. “But I don’t need to anymore, do I? I’m here now.”

Daniel and David, who’d been lingering near the wagon filled with baskets of apples, came dashing to meet them. “We sold three baskets of apples all by ourselves today,” Daniel burst out.

“I helped put them in the lady’s car,” David added, eager not to be left out. “She said we were gut helpers and gave each of us a quarter.”

“That was sehr kind of her,” Jessie said, smiling at them.