Suspending Reality (81 page)

As soon as the words left my mouth, I was stunned. There I was, on my doorstep, dumping the hottest guy I’d ever known. As open-minded as I tried to be, I simply couldn’t handle who he was. I was suffocating, finding it impossible to breathe as he stared at me with those blue eyes of his. 

“Taylor…”

I loved the way he said my name, and that made it all the harder. “This isn’t the movies, television, or a novel,” I said. “It’s not just some little road bump. I’ve got a lot to process here. This is huge, and I need some time.”

His gaze softened. “You know what?”

“What?”

“Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere. I will wait, and I will only go far as you let me.”

He held his hand up, and my palm touched his right at the imaginary line. I could feel the invisible shield, yet I could feel Jesse’s warm hand. Electricity and warmth sparked through my hand, as if I’d touched a live wire. It was weird, something I couldn’t explain it. It was absolutely, 100 percent paranormal.

“You feel…human,” I said. I worried that I was being slowly sucked in, compelled by the darkness that I was sure lurked inside every single one of us. He possessed a mystery and darkness that drew me in slowly, breath by breath. Though I was weary, I was drawn in by his tall, dark, handsome beauty. But I had to remember one thing, and that was just how dangerous he was. 

“We have more human traits than any other vampire. Even still, I drink blood once a week.”

“Does that mean you’ll drink mine?”

He stared down at my neck. “Is that an invitation?”

“I’d rather you just run your tongue and mouth down my neck.”

“You have no idea how badly I want to suck and devour your neck…”

“With your teeth?”

“With my tongue.”

“Will you bite?”

“I’ll lick, suck, and nibble, but I won’t break your skin. You’d enjoy it.”

The way he stared at me tripled the rhythm of my heartbeat. His gaze was so sensual, so sexy that I could feel my body flooding with heat. “I can imagine your mouth against my neck,” I said, meaning every single word.

His eyes flickered with desire. “I need you so bad, Taylor.”

“I need you worse.” More hunger, more need flooded through me, sending goosebumps all over my body.

“Then let me run my lips up and down your neck and whisper your sweet name in your ear.” When the words froze in my throat, he continued. “Let me give you those sparks and that fiery passion your ex could never give you.”

My nerves were electrified, dying for his touch, for his kiss.

“I want to kiss your earlobe, then trail my tongue down your jaw and your neck.” He stared at my mouth. “Just two steps, Taylor. I promise you won’t regret it, but it seems we have a trust issue now that you know my identity.”

I couldn’t move my gaze from his face. “You’re a bad influence on me, Jesse.”

Ever so slowly, he leaned as close as he could to the invisible wall. “I could be the best thing you ever had, but you’ll never know if you don’t give me a fighting chance,” he said with great and convincing determination in his voice.

I couldn’t breathe, and the room seemed to grow hotter and four sizes smaller. 

Chapter 22

I stood inside my house with the door open, safe inside my sanctuary. The vampire couldn’t come in because I hadn’t invited him, one part of the lore that was working to my advantage. 

Jesse looked into my eyes. “I can hear the loud crash of every single beat of your heart.”

“What!?” I gasped and clutched my chest.

He stared at me intently. “I can hear your heart beating, racing, thundering.”

I inhaled deeply to steady my pulse, but it didn’t seem to help much. “What do you want with a mere mortal?” I asked. “Surely entanglements with us are bound to cause you trouble.”

“Yes, we live by a code that requires our existence to remain secret, and I slipped up by getting shot. But what am I supposed to do? Keep my shirt on for the rest of our relationship? I’ve never desired to tell anyone my secret to before, but I want you to know everything about me. I don’t want to lie to you, to keep secrets from you. You’re special, Taylor, someone who will keep my secrets safe. Why wouldn’t I want to be with a mortal like you? You’re beautiful, funny, caring, intelligent, and…” He smiled. “Do you want me to keep going?”

“Please do. You’re doing such a fine job.”

“You’re amazing. And it’s just not your physical beauty. You have a wonderful personality. I’ve never met anyone like you before in my life.”

Emotion overwhelmed me. “I’m moved. I really am, but what if this isn’t for me? Will you let me go on my merry way? And how can I when I know what’s out there, now that I know humans are at the bottom of the food chain?”

“What if you were destined to be in my world?”

“No. I want to grow old, Jesse, and you’re not gonna want me when I’m eighty. I know I’m taking it to extremes, though, ‘cause we probably wouldn’t even last that long.”

“Who says?”

“Tell me what to expect…and please don’t sugarcoat it. Be upfront.”

He let out a long breath. “You’re walking into a major train wreck,” Jesse said.

“I love your honesty.”

“I’d be lying if I told you everything will be roses and candy. Nothing about our relationship would be typical.”

“You know it will be hell, yet you still want me to walk down the fiery path?”

He towered above me with a desperate look on his face. He peered into my eyes, as if I was his only hope. “It’s your choice, and it won’t be easy, but I can’t stand to be apart from you.”

“Jesse, please tell me you didn’t kill those women I keep hearing about in the news.”

He sucked in a breath, then let it out slowly. “I didn’t.”

“If you say you didn’t, I believe you, but have you ever killed anyone? I have to know.”

“No. I’m not a murderer.”

“That makes me feel better.”

“I’m also not perfect, Taylor. A war rages in me constantly between human compassion and the vampire urges I was born with. I feel like I need to make more changes for you to even consider being with somebody like me.”

“You don’t need to change a thing,” I said. “You’re the most wonderful person I know. When I see how you act with those animals at the zoo, I couldn’t imagine you hurting anybody.”

He lifted his hand to the invisible barrier, his lips settling into a serious line. “I’m broken.”

I touched his hand that was resting on the invisible wall. “Who isn’t?”

He took a deep breath, then continued, “You couldn’t begin to fix me.”

“Who says you need fixing?” I said. “Perfection is overrated anyway. For me, you’re perfect just the way you are. I want you for you, the guy I’m staring at this very second.”

“But I’ve messed up, and—”

“Who doesn’t? Heck, I’ve messed up a million times. When I do, I just get back on my feet and try again.”

“It’s hard to keep moving forward when life has thrown so many disappointments at me. Sometimes I think I’m, uh…”

“Misunderstood?”

His lips pressed into a grim line. “Yes.”

Our eyes connected, and we held the gaze for a long moment.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re the only one who gets me.”

“You get me too,” I said. “We can’t use our mistakes as an excuse to avoid getting back up. We can’t undo the past, but we can always start over again.”

“Let’s forget all about our pasts.”

“And begin again…together?” I said softly. “Do you believe in fresh starts, in new beginnings?”

“Yes.”

“Just remember, Jesse, that life is what you make it. Even if you’re gonna live for thousands of years, you must make every day count.”

“Do you believe in fate?” he asked.

“I do.”

“You and me are already set in motion, Taylor. We couldn’t stop if we tried.”

I stared into his eyes, and I couldn’t deny the truth of his words. “You’re far more than the charming vampire from Big Bear Lake, California.”

“Do you trust me, Taylor?” he asked.

Emotion flooded his features, and tears welled up in his eyes. I could see how much he cared about me. We were clearly meant to be together. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt it all the way to the core of my being. I knew life would be better with him by my side, in spite of what he was—or maybe because of it.

I stared deeply into his eyes. “Of course I trust you.”

His penetrating gaze pierced my soul, and my knees threatened to buckle.

“Then prove it,” he said.

The intensity between us began to grow. I drew another breath, deeper than before. A thousand flames coursed through me, threatening to consume me; I could actually feel the heat rising.
I’m dying for his touch
. Even still, I knew if I stepped out that door, I’d have no defenses against him. I had promised Julie, my new best friend, that I wouldn’t risk too much, but the inexplicable connection between us was luring me with fierce temptation.
Should I take him up on his dare? Should I take the risk when every logical impulse is screaming for me to run? If I step out that door, am I walking into danger’s arms?

He had a gravitational pull I couldn’t deny, like a tractor beam, pulling me in. I was drawn to him in every way. I had never believed in that kind of attraction; I’d always thought it was exaggerated for books and movies because I’d never experienced it for myself. Now, standing there in front of him, I felt helpless against its pull, against that butterfly-flying-to-the-moon-and-back sensation. Jesse was
him
, the guy I’d been looking for, the one who ignited a fire inside of me, the person with whom I felt the strongest, most amazing connection I’d ever felt before.

He held out his hand, and I inhaled deeply. I didn’t know if I was going to die or not, but I trusted him with all my heart.

I stared at his beaming smile as I stepped through the doorway, into his strong arms. His twinkling eyes shone as he gazed straight into my brown ones. The chemistry between us was electric and mind-blowing, but our bond was stronger than that and was steadily growing. I could feel his heart, his love, his emotion, and his strong affection.

Our eyes locked, and everything around me disappeared. I breathed in the scent of his skin. In a flash, his strong arms lifted me off the ground, and within milliseconds, my back was pinned against the outer wall of the house. An electric shock shot through me as his lips crashed into mine. His body pressed against mine, and I let out a soft moan. His breath was hot on my skin, and heat rushed to my cheeks. I tugged at his shirt, allowing him to deepen our kiss. My entire body ignited. Hunger roared inside me as I burned with desire. He tasted so good that I couldn’t stop.

Hot tingles flooded through my body like a giant tidal wave. I loved when his mouth crushed mine, when his strong hands cupped the back of my head as his soft tongue swirled around mine in circles. I slid my hands up his back and wrapped them around his strong shoulders. The mesmerizing kiss grew bolder, turning into something so passionate, so intense, so wild and crazy and everything Jesse represented. The Earth stopped, and everything around me faded other than the beating of my racing heart. I felt like I’d been scorched by a bolt of lightning. When we pulled away, I was gasping for air and breathing heavily. It wasn’t every day I’d met a myth, let alone kissed one.

I had never, ever been kissed like that before, not even in my sexiest fantasies. I’d heard people talk about fireworks, symphonies, and electricity when describing kisses, but the sensation of our lips meeting was a million times more amazing than anything I’d ever imagined. My heart continued beating faster than the wings of a humming bird. I had him in my arms, and I was never going to let go.

I tangled my fingers through his thick, soft hair as the kiss deepened into a passionate lip-lock—long, fast, and intense. He poured all of his mind, body, soul, and emotion into the mind-blowing moment, then kissed me again. This time, it was slow, tender, and passionate—so perfect, so right, and so romantic. Sparks flew as I opened and closed my mouth to the rhythm, wanting to devour him.

He rested his forehead against mine as we took long, slow breaths, his intense eyes burning as he gazed into my very core, right into my soul.

“You stole my breath,” I said, “but I should’ve expected that. You’re supposed to give hot, deadly kisses. It’s what your kind are known for.”

He touched his forehead against mine, and every inch of my body tingled, desperately longed for his touch.

“You’re trouble,” I said.

His winter-blue eyes held mine. “Yet you stay.”

I drew another breath. “I should go.”

A grin creased his face. “But you won’t.”

“When I see something I want, I don’t run just because of a few hurdles.”

“Lucky for me.”

I smiled.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you that deeply from the very second I laid eyes on you in the forest,” he said.