Sweet Annie (36 page)

Annie
slid from her chair to her knees beside the window seat and sobbed out her
grief and shame and regret. When had she become this spineless traitor who let
her husband bear their burdens alone?

Every day after that she
got out of her chair and exercised her aching body, strengthening her legs and
her resolve. When Charmaine came to call, Annie surprised her by asking her to
drive her to the livery.

Charmaine
clapped her gloved hands cheerfully. "Oh, you've come to your senses! Are
you ready? Do you want your chair?"

"No. Just hold my hand."

Charmaine assisted her into
the wagon, climbed up beside her, and guided the horse through the streets. The
ring of the hammer met their ears before they ever saw the building. Charmaine
stopped the wagon in front of the open double doors. She jumped down and helped
Annie to the ground. “Want me to walk with you?''

"No.
Wait here, please." Annie gathered her courage and her hem and limped
into the shaded building, following the hammering back into the humid depths,
toward the forge.

He stood
silhouetted against the blaze of the fire, turned without seeing her and held
long tongs which gripped a horseshoe into the flames. Reaching up, he pumped
the bellows, the muscles across his bare shoulders rippling and shining.

Annie drank in the sight of
him. He was leaner than he'd been before last winter, before she'd lost the
baby and deserted him. He did everything alone now, with no one to cook for
him—to do his laundry—to rub his shoulders at night.

Turning
back, he placed the horseshoe against the anvil and pounded. Annie resisted
covering her ears, instead let the punishing ring fill her senses. After several
blows, Luke inspected his work, then plunged the shoe into a bucket of cold
water.

Hissing steam rose around
his torso.

Annie
let her hand fall from her breast, and the movement must have caught his eye,
because he looked up. He seemed startled to see her there, finally setting down
the shoe and the tongs and coming forward. "Annie?"

Chapter Seventeen

He
grabbed
a rag and wiped his hands and face.

"Hello, Luke."

"What are you doing
here?"

"I
came to see you." Now that she was here, she didn't know quite what to
say. He was covered with soot and perspiration, but he looked so good and familiar,
she wanted to grab him and hold him. "How have you been?"

"All right."

"And
the house?" This felt silly.
I'm sorry! I've been so
wrong!
"How are things there?"

"I
haven't been there for a while. Several weeks actually."

She hadn't known that.
"You've been staying where—here?''

He
wiped sweat from his hair, making it stand up in ebony spikes. "It's
easier for me."

"Oh.
Are you—do you want to live there again?"
With
me,
was what she meant.
Can
we start over?

"I
think things are probably better this way," he said. "I was away too
much. I can't erase anything that happened before...but I can make sure you're
safe now. I want to help take care of you...send money."

"I don't need your
money." I
need you!

He
stiffened. "I'll send it anyhow. You're my responsibility."

"Is
that all I am now? A responsibility?"
What
about wife? What about lover?

"No."

They
stared at each other. The heat from the forge had begun to seep through her
clothing.

"It's
because of me that you were hurt," he said finally. "Because I was so
determined to make things work my way, in my time. I was a fool. I pushed you
too hard."

Pushed
her too hard? Or expected her to be someone she couldn't be? Did he think he
was a fool for ever wanting her in the first place? "So, you're
sorry," she said. "Sorry you married me."

She turned and limped from
the room, wishing she could ran gracefully, wishing she didn't humiliate herself
at every mm.

"Annie!"

She
kept going, her heart aching with his rejection. Charmaine met her outside the
doors. "What's wrong? What did he say? What happened?''

"Nothing,"
she said, wanting to cry, but not wanting to do it here. “Just help me up and
get me away from here."

"Okay."
Her cousin obeyed as quickly as she could, assisting Annie and shaking the
reins over the horses' backs.

Annie didn't look back.

Nothing
was the same as it had been before Luke. No longer was she satisfied to be the
doted-upon daughter. Nor was anything the same as it had been since Luke—or
since they'd lost their hopes. She couldn't go back to either life, so what was
left?

Charmaine
helped her down from the wagon and Annie made her own way into the house,
through the doorway and to her room. Burdell had told her she was feeling sorry
for herself, and she'd taken that to heart and tried to help herself. But now
Luke seemed to think she was better off here than with him—how could he think
that? Didn't he know? Didn't he care?

She sat abruptly on the
window seat, glanced aside and observed the row of angelic-faced porcelain
dolls. Here she was back in the bosom of her family, back in this room, back in
her chair like a pretty, useless, lifeless doll!

Angry
at Luke, angry at life and at her helplessness, she lashed out and swept a doll
from its resting place and smashed it against the floorboards. Another followed
and another, until only two remained, staring at her as though they knew how
crazy and helpless she really was. Turning, she kicked the lifeless broken
bodies across the floor.

"Annie!"
Her mother appeared in the doorway, Charmaine on her heels.

"Go
away!" Annie flung herself on the bed and cried tears of frustration and
anger. "Leave me alone!"

Charmaine
backed out of the room, but Mildred came to stand beside her bed. "I'll
leave you alone after I've had a word with you."

"Oh,
Mother, please, what could you say that you haven't said already?"

"Maybe
that you need to pick yourself up and decide what you want out of life."
She stuffed a scented handkerchief into Annie's fist. "You were happy before,
Annie. Don't let anything stop you from getting what you want. Even if it's
him."
Her lip curled a little at the pronoun.

Annie wiped her eyes and
nose. "Are you telling me to go after my husband?"

Her back was straight and
her eyes didn't quite meet Annie's, but Mildred spoke the words all the same.
"I'm telling you to live your dream."

The door closed behind her a moment later.

Annie curled on her side
and thought about her dream.

After Charmaine had gone,
after Annie heard the sound of the stove lids clanking in the kitchen, she
pulled herself together and went to her writing desk. She pulled out a piece of
paper and uncorked the ink. She hadn't given up. Not by a long shot.

Dear Luke,

You
taught me courage when I was afraid. You showed me I could do things I only
dreamed of. You gave me confidence to stand up and walk in front of people without
shame. Which one of us is the cripple now? Who was hiding behind their fear
today? You are cordially invited to my birthday celebration. I think you know
the day—and the place.

With
love,

Annie

She found Glenda wiping the kitchen  floor. "Glenda,
will you please do me a favor?"

"Of
course. Are you all right?"

“I
am now. Will you please deliver this to my husband at the livery?"

Glenda took the letter with
a smile.

“Oh,
and these—'' she extended the two remaining dolls "—are for Gwen and
Gerta."

"They'll love them.
Thank you."

Five
days later, on the day of Annie's birthday, the sky was a vivid blue. Fleecy
white clouds hung above the mountains in the distance, but the air here was
clear and clean.

"You
surprised me by wanting a birthday party," her father said, tucking her
hand in the crook of his arm and leading her across the verdant lawn. "I'm
glad you're feeling up to it."

"Actually, it was
Mother who convinced me."

“Your mother?'' he asked in
disbelief.

"Well,
not in so many words, of course, but because she got me to thinking about the
rest of my life."

Friends
and neighbors arrived, Burdell and Diana and their family, the Renlows, Lizzy
and Guy, even Dr. Martin and Glenda's family. Annie had invited Luke's Uncle
Gil, and he surprised her by showing up wearing the shirt she'd made him, with
Mrs. Kren-shaw, the librarian, on his arm.

Burdell
set up the croquet hoops and Annie tried her hand at the game for the first
time. She enjoyed herself, but underneath the surface was the underlying question
of whether or not Luke would come. She was working on not worrying when the
crowd grew quiet. Turning to observe the source of their attention, she saw the
rider stop at the gate and dismount.

Tall
and handsome, black hair shining in the sunlight, Luke opened the gate and
walked forward. Annie's heart hammered and welcoming joy spread through her
like a healing balm. She took a few steps to meet him, then a few more.

She
met him halfway, a giddy bubble expanding her chest.

"Happy
Birthday, Annie," he said.

"Thank
you."

"I
have presents for you."

She
glanced at his empty hands. "Where are they?"

“Want
me to take you to them?''

Wrangler
placidly munched grass along the fence. "Go for a ride, you mean?"

"Uh-huh."

"All
right."

He
took her hand and led her out the way he'd come, out the gate, then walked her
all the way to the flower cart at the edge of the yard and helped her on the
horse's back. He climbed up behind her.

"Where are we
going?"

"Home."

Her
heart leaped with joy at the words. She turned and waved at her family who were
all watching. They returned the wave, even her mother.

Luke
wrapped his strong arms around her and Annie leaned into him, feeling safe and
protected within his embrace. The horse moved beneath them, nudging Luke's chin
against her hair. Could he forgive her? Could she make it up to him for
allowing him to suffer their loss without her?

Their
home came into view, a thin curl of smoke trailing from the rock chimney.
Instead of leading the horse to the house, Luke led him to a grassy area on the
hillside above, tethered him and lifted Annie down. Annie noted something
colorful spread on the ground and several items hidden beneath blankets.
"What is this?" she asked.

"A
private birthday party," he replied. "Look, I bought you a rug."

What was spread upon the
ground was indeed a Brussels carpet in greens, blues, tan and wine with a
border and tassel trim. "It's lovely, but why is it out here?"

“Because your other present
is definitely an outdoor present and I wanted you to enjoy both at once."

She glanced around, noting
the mysterious bundles. "Okay."

He went to one and withdrew
a long rifle.

"A gun?" she
asked.

"A rifle. And I'm
going to show you how to load it and use it. Next time a wolf comes around you
won't have to be afraid." He gave her a quick lesson, showed her how to
hold the butt against her shoulder and fire. She tried a few practice shots,
scaring birds from the underbrush.