“Every day?” Aunt B said.
“Every day that he made Lily cry. He never fought back, never ran away, and never told Teacher; just stood there and grinned like he thought I was funny.”
“He probably did think it was funny that a sixth grader tried to beat up a boy five inches taller than her,” Lily said.
“I guess,” Poppy said. “He didn't get mad about it. Not like Ben Mast who tattled on me after every recess or Vernon Beiler who gave me a shiner and a fat lip.”
Aunt Bitsy's mouth fell open. “That was Vernon? You told me you fell coming home from school.”
“B, I never fell coming home from school.”
Aunt B shook her head. “I should have known. My visits with the teacher were an almost weekly event.”
“I had to defend my sisters, didn't I? Lily from the teasers and Rose from any boy who scared her.”
“But you know you can't punch Dan Kanagy now?” Rose said, seeming uncertain and a little afraid that Poppy might say no.
Poppy puckered her lips in frustration and blew an errant wisp of hair out of her eyes. “I know. But I'm going to give him a good talking-to.”
Lily wiped the leftover tears from her eyes. “No, you won't. Dan Kanagy doesn't even care.”
When Poppy lifted her chin like that, there would be no talking her out of anything. “We'll see how much he cares after I've yelled at him.”
Lily loved Poppy for wanting to defend her, but confronting Dan might cause a terrible scene at the gathering, and for what? “Please don't yell at him, Poppy. For my sake. Think of the attention you'll draw. Like Aunt B said, cruel words should never be said or repeated. No one needs to be reminded how ugly I am.”
Aunt B looked as if she were an angry bull seeing red. “Ugly? Don't ever say that about yourself, little sister. My girls are the prettiest girls in Wisconsin.”
Lily propped her elbow on the table and leaned her chin in her hand, in a casual gesture meant to show Aunt B that she wasn't upset. At least she could pretend. “It doesn't hurt my feelings that Poppy and Rose are beautiful and I'm not.”
Rose looked positively stricken. “Lily, you are a hundred times prettier than I am.”
“It's not bad to be ugly. Paul says it's hard to be humble if you're pretty.”
Aunt B gave a throaty grunt. “That boy.”
Poppy snorted. “I'm sure all the out-of-town boys at the Memorial Day auction stared at you because you looked so humble.”
“They weren't staring.”
Poppy smirked. “Lily, you can't see what's right in front of your face.”
“Probably because we have one mirror in this house, and it's the size of a DVD,” Aunt B said.
“You'll see,” Poppy said. “At the gathering tomorrow night, notice how many boys secretly steal a look at you.”
Even amidst her frustration, Lily couldn't suppress a grin. “If they do it secretly, I'll never notice.”
Poppy rolled her eyes and gave Lily a nudge. “You know what I mean.”
“I'm not going to the gathering anyway,” Lily said. “So I won't be able to prove you wrong.”
Rose's face brightened. “If you're not going, then I'm not going.”
Aunt B seemed to perk up as well. “
Gute
idea. Keep away from the boys. You can all stay home and help me scrub toilets yet.”
Poppy caught Lily's eye, and her gaze could have seared a hole through the entire
Little House on the Prairie
collection. Lily knew exactly what Poppy was thinking. Lily had just given Rose an excuse for missing another gathering. How were they ever going to help her overcome her fear of people if she locked herself in the house with nothing but her paintings and recipes for company?
Rose had only been five when their parents died in a car accident, and she had barely spoken a word for over a year after. Two years later, she had witnessed an ugly case of child abuse within the community. She'd been so traumatized that she hadn't trusted men ever since. Because of her sisters and Aunt B, Rose had made more progress this last year than ever before. As long as her sisters were with her, she would agree to go to gatherings and
singeons,
and last week, Lily had seen her actually visiting with a boy after
gmay
.
Rose had even said a few words to Dan Kanagy. Lily stopped to consider how unusual that had been. Why hadn't she noticed the day it happened? When Aunt B or one of her sisters was around to speak for her, Rose seldom said anything, yet she had asked Dan about his
mammi
.
Strange and wonderful-
gute
.
Lily would have to swallow her selfishness and go to the gathering. Rose's happiness was more important than Lily's pride. Paul would disapprove of pride. But he would also disapprove of her attending the gathering when they had both told Dan earlier today that they wouldn't be going.
She took a deep breath. It didn't matter about Paul. It didn't even matter about Dan Kanagy. They
had
to go for Rose's sake. “You know how eager I am to scrub toilets, Aunt B,” Lily said. “But Lorene asked Rosie to bring a cake. We don't want to disappoint her.”
Rose's lips drooped. “I could send the cake with Poppy.”
“Nonsense,” Poppy said. “You're going. You have to take your cake, and I have to pick a bone with Dan Kanagy.”
Lily shot darts at Poppy with her eyes. “Don't you dare. I'm already embarrassed enough as it is.”
Aunt B's eyes seemed to be dancing beneath all that scowling she was doing. “Keep away from the boys. They fall in love with you girls and come over and trample my dandelions. I'd rather they stay home.”
A puff of air escaped from between Lily's lips. “Don't worry, Aunt B. Nobody is going to fall in love with âCoke Bottle.'”
Aunt B shook her finger in Lily's direction, making her rather large earrings tinkle softly. “That's precisely what I'm afraid of.”
Rose caught her breath and squealed as if she'd been pinched. “A mouse! Aunt Bitsy, did you see that mouse?”
Lily jumped from her chair as a tiny streak of brown fur raced along the wall and disappeared into the storage room. Rose leaped onto the window seat. Poppy, who prided herself on not being afraid of anything, ran to save her bread even though the mouse hadn't been on the cupboard. Cradling the lump of dough in her arms, she hopped in the air like a bunny rabbit and landed sitting on the counter, sending a puff of flour into the air. Poppy was brave, but even she couldn't stand mice. Sometimes they crawled into the hives in the winter and were killed by the bees. A dead mouse at the bottom of a beehive was never a pleasant sight. It gave Lily the creepy-crawlies.
Aunt B was the only one who didn't panic. She jumped from her chair and snatched the meat cleaver from the block. “Oh,
sis yuscht,
where is that cat?”
Right on cue, Farrah Fawcett strolled into the kitchen as if she hadn't smelled a mouse in the house for years. She sauntered to the window seat, looked up, and eyed Rose indignantly. Rose was perched on Farrah Fawcett's soft, fluffy bed. It was obviously an insult to her dignity.
“Farrah Fawcett,” Aunt B scolded. “You have one job in this house, and you are failing miserably.” She pointed the meat cleaver in the direction of the storage room. “Go get that mouse.”
Farrah Fawcett merely twitched her whiskers and stared up at Rose, waiting for an apology.
Aunt B narrowed her eyes and shook her head. “You are a testament to my failure as a cat trainer.”
Rose stepped down from the window seat and gathered Farrah Fawcett in her arms. “You poor little kitty,” Rose said in her most sympathetic voice. Farrah Fawcett merely turned her face from any affection and tried to ignore the disgrace of being treated like a baby.
“B, we should set some traps,” Poppy said.
Aunt B nodded. “Either that or I'm going to have to get very fast with this meat cleaver, because that cat is no help.”
Lily laughed. “Farrah Fawcett might not be useful, but at least she's pretty.”
“Useful is much better,” Aunt B said.
Lily took a deep breath. Useful was much better. She should be happy with what
Gotte
had allotted to her.
Chapter Eight
He shouldn't have come. Gatherings were for teenagers, and Lily had said she would be
busy
. There wasn't any reason for him to be here. Mamm liked it when he went to gatherings with Reuben and Leanna so he could watch out for his brother and sister and make sure they didn't get into any trouble, although what trouble they could get into in the deacon's backyard was a mystery to Dan.
He thumbed his suspenders as he ambled around the yard and watched
die youngie
play croquet and volleyball, games he didn't have the enthusiasm for tonight. Not only had Lily not shown up, but neither Luke nor Josiah, his two best friends, were there. He should just go and take the buggy with him. Reuben and Leanna could catch a ride home with one of the neighbors. Dan could go home and do some dishes.
But that probably wouldn't make him feel better.
Suddenly, like the clouds parting after a storm, Lily Christner and her sisters strolled into the backyard. Lily looked like morning sunlight in her pale yellow dress. Dan couldn't take his eyes off her, even though he knew he shouldn't stare into the sun.
Lily with Poppy, in a royal blue dress, walked on either side of Rose as if they were her guardian angels. Dan wouldn't be surprised if Lily were an angel. She was pretty enough. Rose looked young and innocent in light pink. She carried a cake as if afraid she'd drop it, a mixture of anxiety and reservation on her face.
He didn't know quite what came over him, unless it was plain, unbridled happiness, but he lost all sense of restraint. “Hey, Amtrak,” he yelled, so loudly that all the dogs in a twenty-mile radius could have heard him. Lots of heads turned as he jogged toward the sisters.
Okay, he didn't jog. He ran. He shouldn't have run. It made him seem pathetically desperate, but in all his elation, he couldn't hold back.
When he got closer, he realized he shouldn't have charged at them with so much enthusiasm. Rose's eyes widened, and she raised the cake in front of her like a shield. Poppy scowled and propped her hands on her hips as if preparing for a fight, and Lily turned pale.
When he saw their reactions, he slowed to a walk and willed his lungs to quit pushing against his rib cage and his mouth to quit smiling so wide. This was no way to sneak up on Lily Christner's heart. He couldn't do anything about the smile. Whenever he saw Lily, his lips naturally spread to their maximum length. She could probably count all his teeth.
“Hi, Lily. I didn't think you were going to come.”
She wouldn't look at him. Poppy grunted her disapprovalâprobably at the way Dan had come running up like a wild manâand stepped between him and Lily. “The only reason I haven't socked you yet is because Lily made me promise I wouldn't and because Aunt Bitsy says godly people do not hit.” She stuck out her chin. “But mostly because I promised Lily.”
With that, Poppy wrapped her arm around Lily's shoulders and led her away.
Dan tried to scrape his jaw off the ground. All this because he'd made a fool of himself? Or was it because of Paul Glick? Maybe he'd warned Lily to stay away from Dan.
Dan took a deep breath in an effort to keep his blood from boiling over. If Lily took her orders from Paul without fail, Dan was all but finished.
To his surprise, Roseâthe girl who never talked to any boy if she could help itâhung back from her sisters and leaned close to him. “It's going to take some time to forgive you,” she whispered. “Just give her some time.”
Time to forgive him?
She gave him an uncertain half smile and followed her sisters. At least one of the Christners was willing to throw him a bone.
Lily was mad about something.
Nae
. Not mad. Hurt. That was the emotion he had seen in her eyes. As he stood alone in the middle of the deacon's yard, Dan's mind raced through every possible thing he might have done to hurt Lily's feelings.
He ate one of her doughnuts yesterday.
He thumped his palm against his forehead. How could he have been so greedy?
Nae
.
Wait
. She had offered it to him. Should he have said no?
He'd bought her books. She said she couldn't accept them. He'd pushed her to take them. Was she mad about that? He had taken the books to her house without getting her approval. Had Paul been mad about that? Had he taken his anger out on Lily?
Dan tamped down his irritation. He shouldn't jump to conclusions. Even Paul Glick deserved the benefit of the doubt.
He needed to talk to Lily, ached to talk to Lily. He'd get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness for whatever he'd done. He couldn't bear to think he'd lost his chance with her when the chance had just been given to him.
He watched helplessly as the sisters walked to the eats table and deposited their cake before going to the part of the yard farthest from Dan and picking up three croquet mallets.
Poppy was the problem. She wouldn't let Dan get within ten feet of Lily, and she looked especially frightening with a deadly mallet in her hand. He'd have to be tricky.
Mahlon and Moses Zook must have thought Dan looked lonely standing all by himself in the middle of the yard. “Hey, Dan,” Moses said. The Zook brothers were sixteen-year-old, redheaded twins. They had both just finished eighth grade when Dan had left for Pennsylvania, and now they were in
rumschpringe
. Dan liked them because they were kind to everybody and never took offense when people did stupid things. Rose Christner seemed to have formed a tentative friendship with Mahlon, who was about as fearsome as a potato.
Dan held out his hand. “Moses, Mahlon, how are you?”
“We haven't seen you for two years,” Moses said. “How did you like Pennsylvania?”
“Fine. Lots of tourists. I'm glad to be home.”
Moses nudged Dan's shoulder with his fist. “Dat says you went to find a wife.”
Dan chuckled even though he felt numb after his encounter with Lily. “My parents wanted me to find a wife. I didn't want to cooperate.” He glanced in Lily's direction. “Moses, do you like croquet?”
* * *
Lily found it hard to concentrate on croquet when Dan stood there staring at her. He was probably trying to decide what kind of dog she looked most like. A bulldog? A hairless Chihuahua? A mutt?
She couldn't understand why a boy who found her so repulsive always seemed so happy to see her. Maybe he was a naturally cheerful person. Maybe he secretly made fun of her in his head. Whatever the reason, she certainly wished he'd quit staring.
The three sisters played croquet by themselves, while most of
die youngie
played volleyball or sat and listened to music on Benji Schmucker's portable CD player. Benji hadn't been baptized yet, and he took his music everywhere. Lily thought the blaring noise messed up a perfectly good gathering, but many of the younger teenagers enjoyed it.
Poppy hit her ball right at the wicket, only to have it stall in a divot in the grass. She groaned. “Your turn, Lily.”
Lily had never been good at croquet, but it was the one game Rose seemed to like, so they played. Of course, if Rose had known they were only playing for her benefit, she never would have agreed to it. She hated to impose on anybody and went out of her way to make sure no one ever knew what she truly wanted. She would have much rather accommodated everyone else.
For Rose's sake, Lily and Poppy both pretended they liked croquet, but Lily did a lot more pretending than Poppy did. Lily had always been clumsy and uncoordinated and would much rather have curled up with a good book than run around the yard chasing balls.
Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Mahlon and Moses Zook each pick up a mallet. “Can we play?” Moses said.
Lily glanced at Rose. Rose had talked to Mahlon at the last gathering. She was probably as comfortable around him as any boy, probably because he was young like a little brother. Rose gave Mahlon a weak smile and nodded.
The boys put their balls down and took their turns. Since Lily, Rose, and Poppy were in the middle of a game, the boys took a few extra turns to catch up. Just as Lily thought she might die of boredom, Moses hit an impressive ball through the wicket, and it came to rest touching Lily's. His eyes darted between Lily and some thick bushes to the side of the deacon's house.
“Sorry, Lily,” he said before planting his foot on his ball, hitting it with the mallet, and sending Lily's ball into the bushes. He grinned sheepishly. “No hard feelings, I hope.”
“Not at all,” Lily said, grinding her teeth together and forcing a smile. “It's all part of the game.” Part of the stupidest game on Earth. She dragged her feet to the bushes with half a mind to get lost in the foliage and escape out the other side. Getting on her hands and knees, she tried to find her ball. She couldn't see it anywhere.
She stood and squeezed herself through a gap in the bushes just wide enough to accommodate her and found herself in a small open space surrounded by tall bushes. And Dan Kanagy.
Well, she wasn't really surrounded by Dan Kanagy. It only felt that way because he stood well over six feet tall and had broad shoulders, and she felt small when she thought of all the things he'd said about her. He smiled and held up her croquet ball as if it were a prize. “I found your ball.”
Why did her ball have the misfortune of rolling under this particular forest of bushes? And why was Dan Kanagy lurking here? Her face must have been glowing bright red. He'd probably take one look at her and call her “Beethead” or some other equally cruel name.
She reached out and practically snatched her ball from his fingers. “
Denki
,” she said, turning around to squeeze out of this horrible place.
“Wait, Lily,” he said. “Please wait.”
It wasn't really the words he said but how he said them that made her hesitate. His smug smile had disappeared, and his voice sounded like a mixture of gravel and dejection, as if he were really sorry for something. As if he knew he deserved her disdain and felt bad about it.
With more reluctance than she'd ever done anything besides play croquet, she stopped, pulled her arm back from between the bushes, and took a tiny step toward him. She folded her arms around her waist and squared her shoulders. Poppy wasn't here to protect her. Paul wasn't here to scowl. She'd have to be strong on her own. “What do you want?”
Her look seemed to pain him, as if she'd stuck him with a pin. “
Ach du lieva,
” he said. “It must be really bad.”
“What must be really bad?”
He took off his hat and ran his fingers through his golden hair. “Lily, I don't know what I've done, but I want to apologize. You look like you want to kill me.”
She frowned. “I would never wish to kill you or anybody. That's a horrible thought.”
He held up one hand. “I know. You're right. We were getting along so nicely. You showed me your beehives. I stepped on your dandelions. But now you're upset. Can you please tell me what I've done so I can make amends?”
Lily felt as if the foliage closed in around her. Dan Kanagy didn't deserve an explanation. Dan Kanagy didn't really want an explanation. “I've got to get back to the game.” It spoke volumes that she'd rather play croquet than spend another minute with him.
She might as well have stuck him with a hundred pins. “Is this about Paul? I didn't mean to make him mad yesterday. I just really wanted to give you those books. I'll take them back if that will make it better.”
The thought of his nasty insults made her ill, but if she'd learned one thing about Dan Kanagy, she knew he was as persistent as a bloodhound. He'd probably camp out all night amongst the bushes until she took pity on him.
Lily sighed in surrender. “Paul told me what you said.”
Something came to life behind his eyes, something almost like hope. She couldn't begin to figure this boy out. “What I said when? What did I say?”
She couldn't look at him. It would be humiliating to see the truth of what he said in his eyes. “You said I'm as ugly as a dog and that I should go live with the pigs.”
Silence felt like an avalanche between them. When Dan spoke, his voice sounded stiff and hard, as if someone had sucked all the emotion out of his lungs. “When did Paul hear me say this?”
She looked up. He'd wrapped his hand around his opposite arm and gripped it tightly. The muscles of his jaw flexed, and though his face was blank, she could tell he was angry, so angry he seemed like a taut wire about to snap.
Lily lowered her eyes again. “In eighth grade.”
“You've been mad since eighth grade?”
“He told me yesterday.”
“Paul has an amazing memory,” Dan said, with a tinge of bitterness in his voice.
Something shifted on his face and his anger seemed to melt away, leaving an emotion profoundly sad and deeply hopeful at the same time. He reached out as if to touch her, but must have thought better of it. His hand fell to his side. “Lily, I don't know if Paul thought he heard something he didn't or if his memory is playing tricks on him, but I would never in a million years say that about anybody, especially you.”
“Are you . . . are you sure?”
“Never in a million years,” he whispered. Now he did touch her, gently cupping his hands around her shoulders. For some inexplicable reason she didn't pull away. “Those words must have hurt you something wonderful.”
He looked so concerned that if she'd tried to say one word, she would have started crying in relief and humiliation. Even if Paul had told her only yesterday, it had happenedâ or not happenedâeight years ago. Dan must have thought she was incredibly childish.