What in the world was going on?
He looked directly at me.
“Chantell, I want to tell you that I love you too. I love the laugh in your voice. Your hair. Your scent. Your hands. Your mind.”
He closed his eyes for a long second, then opened them again.
“Chantell, I heard every word that you said to me that day in Boston at my door. Every word. I was trying to focus on my job and move on with my life, but I can’t. At least, not without you. And I love you just as much today as I did last month, if not more. Always have, always will. You are my girl for life.”
Breathe, Chantell, breathe, I thought.
I swallowed hard, and saw beads of sweat forming on his head.
Then he looked at me and smiled.
“Chantell, in spite of all the names you used to called me when we were children . . .” He held out his fingers and counted as he spoke: “Let’s see, Frog Face, Big Head, Ashy Boy . . .” The congregation laughed. “You’ve always had the key to my heart.”
I could feel lines of tears flowing down my face.
“We met right here in this church, and I’ve been in love with you for almost as long as I’ve been alive.” His voice cracked, and a tear fell. “Will you marry me?”
I stood up and nodded yes. I ran up to him and wrapped my arms around him tightly.
Thank you, God.
With my arms still around him, I looked out at the church, and tears were falling and hands were clutched everywhere.
Keith whispered in my ear, “I love you, Chantell, and with God, we can do this. No walls, no mask. Using our hearts and our minds and our spirits we will be okay.”
“I love you, Keith Rashaad,” I said.
We took a seat in the second row, hand in hand, and I thought about that scripture again. Jeremiah 29:11. God had shown me time and time again that He did think good thoughts of us, thoughts of peace and not of evil. All you had to do was to try, then trust and believe Him. He’d give you your expected end.
O
nce upon a time there was a young woman who was spoiled and materialistic and superficial . . . All right, I guess I’ll stop talking in the third person, cuz I know I’m not foolin’ anybody.
Not too long ago, I looked happy. Obviously, however, that wasn’t the truth. My mom was gone, my father had almost died, and Charlotte and I were not communicating. I was desperate for love from Eric because we looked good together in other people’s eyes.
It may sound like a cliché, but I didn’t love myself. How could I? I didn’t even know myself. I felt alone. And to compensate for that seemingly ever-present feeling inside of me, I put on a new Donna Karan dress and held on to my Chanel handbag for dear life.
So much has taken place since that fateful day in the church. I’ll do my best to fill you in.
Two months after Keith Rashaad proposed, Daddy had improved enough to get a doctor’s release, and he returned to the shop to work. Charlotte and I continued to grow closer than we’d ever been before. We went to the movies together, we cooked together, and we even went to church together.
God had stretched me. And He is still teaching me valuable life lessons. Things like: Life is not perfect, for if it were, then what would we have to strive for? And: God wants us dependent upon Him. Perfect balance and moderation are achieved through Him. We can have it all, if we just remember one thing, “And He is before all things, and by Him all things consist.” Colossians 1:17.
Okay, so I was going to bring you up to date—Keith and I are still committed to each other. But for now he lives in Boston. We haven’t set a date yet, but we use our frequent-flyer miles and manage to see each other two or three times a month. Keith is planning to move out to California, but this time apart has allowed me to strengthen myself. We are happily taking things slowly and really working on ourselves. And I can do this in the meantime with peace, because God is married to the world, and Isaiah 54:5 teaches me that He is your husband.
Just about the time that Daddy went back to work, Tia found out she was pregnant. She and Ron are having a baby girl. My goddaughter’s name will be Natalie Ariel.
I recently opened the doors to Studio Z, and at first it was a scary decision. If you’ll recall, I thought that perhaps I’d open an art gallery and send my mom’s paintings all over the world. I’d never owned my own business before, so I was afraid and dragging my feet. I wondered if I could handle it all. I tried to let the whole idea go and focus my attention on myself and my upcoming marriage to Keith. But in my soul, I kept hearing, “Just try.”
Still afraid, with little belief that I could pull off something like this, I remembered Hebrews 11. That night, I read verse six aloud; it said, “But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for He that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.”
The very next morning, I got up and said my prayers. I prayed for the wisdom to make good choices and for the courage to stand and see them through. Then I pulled out the business plan I’d placed on my mother’s bookshelf. I called Keith Rashaad in Boston. He and I prayed together again. Then I got dressed, went down to the Realtor’s office, and signed a three-year lease on a small building in downtown San Francisco.
Zarina’s gallery, officially named “Studio Z,” is growing and doing well.
Keith’s wise grandmother used to say, “Life is not a big bed of roses, and if it is, then you can bet that there’ll be some stickers in there somewhere.” Grandma Edna had a way with words, and how right she was! Things happen, people change. We grow.
I myself had made plenty of mistakes, and I was still learning. And I thank God for a sound mind, a good spirit, and a heart that tells me when to let go. You see, with Eric I was concerned about how the public perceived us. With Keith Talbit, I was hoping that because he and I were together, I could finally be happy. But you can’t depend on your relationship to make you happy. Real happiness, real peace, real love—that comes from God.
Relationships take work. They require communication, compromise, understanding, commitment, honesty, trust, and forgiveness. Mine and Keith’s time apart was so good for me because I was still getting to know me. It was important that I didn’t base my existence on Keith or on the gallery. I realized that if I got caught up doing that, then I hadn’t learned anything. Although being Keith’s fiancée and the owner of Studio Z were important to me, they were
not
what made me important!
I didn’t have all the answers, but I knew this: getting closer to God is what allowed me to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with me. I didn’t ever want to lose that sense of who I was again. I understood very clearly that I was the daughter of the King of Kings!
Life is not always easy, and God did not promise that it would be, but the Bible says that if you believe in Him, He will give you an expected end, so I believe that good things are in store. And after I’ve basked in His greatness a while longer, and I’ve gotten to know myself a bit better, Keith and I will stand before God and the world and vow to be together until the end.
I know that God’s word cannot come back void! I say my prayers often, and I keep my faith fed by studying His words. I trust and believe God, and I lay my burdens at His feet.
Well, that’s it. That’s my story. I’ll keep going. I hope you’ll do the same.
DENISE MICHELLE HARRIS
is an advertising sales executive for a major corporation. A member of Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority, she has a master’s degree in creative writing from New College of California and is listed in
Who’s Who in America
. A former Christian preschool teacher, Denise lives in northern California with her son.
Sweet Bye-Bye
is her writing debut.