"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"What?" Lyle's face flushed with embarrassment, like
a
kid who'd been caught looking through his father's stash of
Playboy
magazines.
Roz laughed. "Are you hungry. . .for food?
I
can fix us some sandwiches."
"Thanks, but a beer will be fine for now," he said. "Would you mind if
I
cleaned up a bit? Washed my face and hands.
I
feel pretty grimy."
"Sure thing. The powder room is down the hall and to the right. While you're doing that,
I
think
I
'll catch a quick shower."
"Well, it is late. . .." Lyle backed toward the door.
"I
should probably head on home and let you get to bed."
"No, don't leave. The night's still young. Stick around and we'll fix some popcorn and watch TV. Do you like old horror movies?"
"Yeah,
I
love them. To be honest,
I
'm addicted to them."
Yes, she knew he was. One of the many things Caroline had told her about Lyle that she had stored away for future reference. "There's a movie marathon of classic horror flicks on right now."
"Okay," Lyle said.
"I
'll wash up while you're showering. . . ." He cleared his throat.
"I
can fix the popcorn if you'll just tell me where you keep it."
"Top left cupboard over the sink," she replied, then headed toward him. As she passed him, she deliberately brushed up against him, then slowly moved around him to shove open the door.
She hurried into her bedroom, took several deep swigs from her beer, then stripped off her shirt on the way into the bathroom. She set the beer bottle on the vanity, then tossed her shirt in the open hamper before reaching inside the tub to turn on the shower. When she opened the linen closet to get some towels, she suddenly remembered that she hadn't put out fresh towels in the powder room after she had thrown the soiled ones in the washer this morning. She grabbed a pink towel and matching washcloth, rushed through her bedroom and down the hall. She didn't hesitate when she reached the powder room and found the door closed. She knocked twice, then flung open the door, squinted her eyes shut and held out the towel and cloth.
"You'll need these," she said.
"You can open your eyes, Roz. I'm decent."
She lifted one eyelid and then the other. Lyle was decent, despite the fact that he had removed his T-shirt and stood there with his bare chest exposed. Her gaze settled on that broad chest, taking in every inch. Thick swirls of reddish brown hair formed a T that spanned the area between his tiny male nipples and bisected his freckled belly. Her hand itched to reach out and touch him.
God, if I shouldn't do this, then give me the strength to resist,
she prayed silently.
Of its own accord her hand snaked out and she laid her open palm over his chest, between those tight little nipples that peeked out from beneath all that glorious manly chest hair. Lyle sucked in a harsh, startled breath. Roz dropped the towel and cloth that she held in her other hand onto the edge of the sink, then zeroed in on Lyle. She brushed against him. Her breasts, covered by only a thin layer of lace, pressed against his naked chest She sighed, loving the feel of his body so close to hers.
"Roz, we really shouldn't—"
She placed her index finger over his lips. "You know I'm crazy about you, don't you? I mean crazy in love. I've never felt about anybody else the way I feel about you. You've got to believe me."
He kissed her finger and smiled, then lifted her hand and held it securely in his. "I believe you."
"I won't lie to you. There have been a lot of guys. I've made some bad mistakes."
"I don't care about the other guys or the mistakes you've made," Lyle told her. He reached out and ran the back of his hand across her cheek. "I preach about forgiveness and God's love that washes us clean from past sins. I believe what I preach. I live my religion."
"I've never known anybody like you. You're the most wonderful, kind, honorable, decent—"
"Enough. You make me sound like some sort of saint, and believe me, Roz, I'm just a man. . .a very ordinary man who lives one day at a time doing the very best he can."
"Oh, honey, you're not ordinary. Not by a long shot. You're the most extraordinary man in the world." She draped her arms around his neck. "I'd give anything if you'd kiss me again the way you did that day at Caroline's studio."
"Considering the fact that we're alone in your powder room and we're both half undressed, I'm not sure—"
She kissed him. After huffing loudly, grimacing and shaking his head as if he'd just admitted to himself that he'd lost an inner battle, he pulled her into his arms and deepened the kiss. Their hands went wild, touching, exploring, fondling. And their lips mated passionately, imitating the basic sexual act. When they came up for air, Lyle pushed Roz away and then clasped her shoulders.
"We've got to stop," Lyle said.
"Oh, Lyle, honey, I want you so much." Roz knew she was begging him, but she didn't care.
"And I want you." He gazed at her with hungry eyes.
"Then what's the problem? Sex between two people who care about each other can't possibly be a sin. Didn't God invent sex? With Adam and Eve."
Lyle chuckled, then clasped her face between his hands. "I'm a minister who preaches abstinence for unmarried people. That's the reason I'm still a. . .a virgin. I do practice what I preach. Sex isn't a sin, but for me to give in to temptation would be wrong. Can you understand?"
"Yeah, I understand." Roz frowned. "I'm not going to get laid tonight, am I?"
"No."
"But you'd like to have sex with me, wouldn't you?" she asked, hopeful that she could bring him around to her way of thinking.
"No, I wouldn't like to have sex with you. Not tonight or any other night."
She glared at him, unable to believe what he'd said. He was lying. He had to be lying. "I thought you—"
"I do want you," he said. "I want to make love to you, not just have sex with you. But for me sex and love must be one. And that act must take place within the sanctity of marriage. That's the only way it can be right for me."
Roz reached out, flopped the lid down on the commode and sat. "Well, I guess that leaves me out." She looked up at him and smiled weakly. "Don't suppose you can fool around just a little. I know all kinds of things to do without going all the way."
"If I started fooling around with you, I wouldn't be able to stop," Lyle confessed. "So while we're dating, we'd better keep our relationship under control and stop at kissing. But once we're married, I'm going to keep you in bed for at least two weeks without letting you ever leave the bedroom."
"Just kissing while we're—what did you say?" Roz shot up off the commode lid fast as a rocket blast, almost toppling over Lyle's empty beer bottle. "Did you say when we're
married?"
"Yeah." Lyle blushed a shade almost as dark as his hair. "I'd kind of planned on proposing in a more romantic place, after I'd bought you a ring and—"
"You—" she pointed to him "—want to marry me?" She pointed to herself.
"More than anything."
"Have you lost your mind? What will people say? Those little old blue-haired ladies at your church will never accept someone like me. They'll excommunicate you!"
"The worst the church will do to me is ask me to resign and I don't think they will do that. Not once they see what a wonderful woman you are and how happy you make me. Besides, with your enthusiasm and energy, you'll be an asset to my ministry."
"One of us has lost his mind."
Lyle pulled Roz into his arms and kissed her forehead. "We've both lost our minds because we're crazy in love."
Chapter
19
Caroline
's whimpering cries instantly jolted David from his uneasy sleep. She tossed and turned beside him in bed, obviously having a bad dream. And why shouldn't she? Within
a
few weeks time, someone had tried to drown her, blow her sky high and gun her down. What he found amazing was that she was able to sleep at all. But he credited himself with her feeling safe and secure enough to rest, even if that rest was plagued by nightmares. She knew he would protect her with his life, and not only he, but the Dundee agents he had charged with guarding the house. He reached out and took her by the shoulders as he whispered to her.
"Caroline, sweetheart, it's all right. You're safe. You're here with me and I won't let anyone hurt you."
She stopped wriggling, but she tossed her head back and forth on her pillow as she continued whimpering. "Please, don't leave me. Don't ever leave me."
He flipped on the bedside lamp. "Caroline, wake up." He shook her gently.
She gasped, then opened her eyes and stared at him. Terror turned to surprise and
surprise
to relief. "Wolfe?"
"
Mmm-mmm
." He
swept
the flyaway tendrils of her lustrous black hair
away from
her face. "You were having a nightmare."
She nodded, then snuggled against him as he enveloped her in his embrace, being careful not to press too tightly and irritate her healing gunshot wound. "You were leaving
me,"
she murmured against his
bare
chest. "I needed you, but you wouldn't stay."
"You know that I
'll
stay
with
you as long as you need me, as long as your life
is in
danger."
"But then you'll
leave. Once
I'm safe." She tilted back her head and gazed at
him.
"
What if I'm pregnant, will you still leave me?"
He closed his eyes and called himself all kinds of a fool, as he'd done again and
again
over the past few days. He hadn't meant to take
her without
protection;
he
had made sure he was always
prepared
But the night at the cabin, when he had made love to
her
quickly, standing up, both of them still dressed, reason
had
taken
a
back seat to passion. He had tried not to think about
what he
'd done or the possible consequences. Surely God
wouldn't
punish Caroline for his mistake.
"I'm sorry that I didn't take the proper precautions that night." Wolfe kissed
her
temple. "But I think it's highly unlikely that you're pregnant, don't you?"
"The timing was all wrong," she admitted. "I'm sure I'm not pregnant. I had my
period
while I was in the hospital. I just wanted to know that if you had gotten me pregnant, would you stay when this is all over?"
He lifted himself
up
and braced his head with his elbow as he looked down at her.
She
lay halfway beneath him, gazing up at him as if he were the beginning and end of her world. The last thing
he
wanted was to leave her. But he would have no choice. Because of who he was, because of the part he had played in her tragic past, they couldn't have a future together. No matter how much he wished for a miracle, there would be no happily ever after for Caroline and him.
If only he could tell her the truth—that he was her benefactor, the man who had safeguarded her from afar, the David who had loved her and provided for her and longed to be near her. But that would be only half the truth. He could not confess to one without confessing to the other. She would want to know why he had taken on the role of her keeper all those years ago. He could never tell her that he was Aidan Colbert, the Peacekeeper executioner assigned the task of eliminating a rogue agent who had just happened to be her stepfather. He could never look her in the eye and say, "I'm the man you came face-to-face with in Preston Shaw's study. I'm the man you thought was going to kill you."
"Wolfe, what's wrong?" Caroline asked. "You have the most peculiar look on your face. Was my question that difficult for you to answer?"
He covered her with soft, light kisses. Adoring her. Worshiping her. Wanting her more than he had ever wanted anything. "If you were pregnant, I'd take care of you and the baby, but—"
She kissed him to silence him, then pulled back, her face only inches from his, and whispered against his lips, "I love you."
Her confession took him aback. Heat swelled up inside him, pervading every inch of his body as the meaning of her words became a part of him. He knew that she cared deeply for him, that she was infatuated with him due to their sexual compatibility. But he figured that was only because sex was new and exciting for her. He had not expected her to fall in love with him. Wasn't she in love with
her David?
Wasn't her phantom benefactor the man she truly wanted? Wasn't he just a substitute for the man she couldn't have?
But you are that David, he reminded himself. And even if Caroline doesn't realize that fact on a conscious level, isn't it possible that subconsciously she knows that you and he are one and the same?
"You're in love with the way I make you feel when we have sex," he told her. "You've never been with a man before and you're mistaking great sex for love."
"Maybe you can separate the two in your mind and heart," she said. "But for me the two things go together. Don't you realize that without my being at least halfway in love with you, I wouldn't have had sex with you?"
What would happen if he told her that half truth right this minute? What would she do if he told her he was her benefactor? If he did that, then he could tell her how much she meant to him, how deeply he cared. He could find a way to kept the other half of the truth from her, couldn't he? Would it be so wrong to take what she was offering? They could go away together. Far away, where no one knew her and no one had ever heard of Aidan Colbert.
But his conscience got in the way, as it always did. Hadn't he caused Caroline enough harm already? "I can't offer you anything beyond what we have now," he said. "I'm sorry. I wish. . ."
You don't know how much I wish that I could give you the moon and stars, that I could lay the world at your feet. This is one time, my sweet Caroline, that I cannot give you what you want.
"Then I have no choice. . .I'll take what you can give me." She reached for him, all the love and longing she felt alive in the depths of her blue-violet eyes. Eyes that had haunted him for years and would continue to haunt him until his dying day.
"You're recuperating from surgery," he reminded her. "I don't want to do anything that—"
"You won't hurt me," she said. "You know how to make gentle love. I need you so. Once I give you the key and you feel that I'm no longer in danger, you will leave me and we'll both be alone. Let's not waste what precious time we have left together."
No man alive could refuse such a request. Not from a woman like Caroline. She had no idea how alone he would be once he left her. Although he had been alone most of his life, the loneliness in his past couldn't begin to compare to what lay ahead for him.
Tears gathered in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. He kissed them away, tasting their sweet saltiness with his tongue. "Don't cry. Please, don't cry."
He undid the buttons on her silk pajama top, slowly, prolonging the pleasure for both of them. She lay still, her chest rising and falling with each expectant breath she took. When he released the last button, he spread apart the shimmery, soft garment and bared her breasts.
He touched her.
Featherlight
. Hesitant. Her nipples puckered. His mouth could not resist. His lips closed over one nipple while his fingers played with the other. She moaned and squirmed. His hands traveled beneath her breasts to the flesh below. Licking. Nipping. Kissing. Careful to avoid the small bandage that covered the stitches in her side, both front and back, and sealed her recent wounds. He hooked his fingers beneath the elastic of her pajama bottoms and eased them down and off, leaving her totally nude.
"You are the most beautiful thing on earth," Wolfe said.
"Please. . .I want to see all of you, too."
He could refuse her nothing. He lifted his hips and removed his boxer shorts, leaving himself totally exposed. His erection thrust forward as if searching for Caroline's body. She was everything to him. Without her— No! He wouldn't think beyond the moment. She was his tonight.
He touched her everywhere, his hands examining and petting. Her face. Her breasts. Her belly. The inside of her thighs. He eased her to her uninjured side and became intimately acquainted with every inch of her back, her hips and buttocks. He lavished attention on her body, arousing her and at the same time arousing himself. Almost beyond endurance. But this loving was for her. His lips joined his fingertips, kissing her mouth and then moving to explore her neck, her ears, her throat. She shivered and his tongue came out to play, traveling over her arms and legs, painting trails between her fingers; then under, over and around her breasts until she lifted her hips and arched her back as her heels dug into the rumpled covers at their feet. Placing his hand in the middle of her belly, he soothed her while he spread her legs apart with his other hand and lowered his mouth to kiss her intimately.
Only a few strokes of his tongue and she was crying out for him. Close, so very close to fulfillment. He ached to be inside her, free from all barriers, but he had risked too much that one time at the cabin. In the last moment of sanity before he could no longer control his actions, he reached out for protection and found the box of condoms he'd picked up at the drug store the other day when he'd picked up Caroline's pain medication, the day she came home from the hospital. The box was still inside the nightstand. He hurried, his hands unsteady, his fingers fumbling. Need rode him hard. The moment the sheath was in place, he braced himself over her, his knees on either side of her legs, and looked down into her eyes as she gazed up at him and held open her welcoming arms.
"I'll be. . .very. . .careful," he said, his words strained.
He lifted her hips, bringing her up to meet him, and took her with one quick, powerful thrust. And then he waited, unmoving, except for his labored breaths. Being inside her was heaven. Her body was home and comfort and incomparable pleasure.
He moved. Slowly. Back and forth. Teasing her with gentle strokes. Tormenting himself. Wolfe made love to Caroline with the utmost tenderness, savoring each moment their bodies were one, knowing that she would be a part of him forever. His sweet Caroline.
Her moist folds tightened around his shaft, squeezing and releasing until he thought he would die. When he sensed that she was on the verge of coming, he increased the tempo and deepened the lunges until she bucked and cried out, her climax hitting her hard. He pumped into her, not letting up until the moment of completion. In those seconds after he convulsed with shattering intensity, their bodies wrung every ounce of satisfaction from the culmination of their mating. It was a moment that Wolfe wanted to last forever.
Completely drained and totally sated, he eased himself up and off her, then settled at her side. Being extra careful, he pulled her close. They shared a kiss that held them bound together beyond the sexual experience.
"I love you, Wolfe." She snuggled against him. "Please, don't ever forget me and what we've shared."
Forget her? Impossible. She was a part of him. His mind, his heart, his very soul. "I won't forget you. I promise."
Long after she fell asleep in his arms, he held her and looked at her and savored each precious second. He stored up memories to last a lifetime. Finally, hours later, he slept.