Sweet Montana Christmas (21 page)

“Nope. I was scared to death.”

“So what did you say?”

“I told her the truth. Told her eventually I wanted it all—the wife, the kids, the dog, but I wasn't ready to pick the woman yet.”

“Was she satisfied?”

“Not in the least.” His friend got up and grabbed water from the fridge. “But she stuck with me, and now she's got what she wants.” He glanced at Zach as he sat down. “I take it Sue Anne wants more of an answer.”

“Yeah. I told her the same kind of thing, but she's still distant.”

Pat uncapped the bottle and took a long swallow. “Is there something you're holding back?” he asked when he'd finished.

Nothing he wanted to tell Pat.

The other man stared at him for a few moments. “Give it time, bro. You've just made the move from ‘friends' to dating. It may take a little bit for her to loosen up.”

But how could he make a decision about his life if he didn't know she was the right one? Was he willing to give up his dreams of a bigger career to support hers? Would he be satisfied?

“Why so down?” Tony asked as he plunked his bagged lunch on the table.

“Nothing,” Zach said.

Everything.

“Tony. Zach.” The chief stuck his head into the squad room. “My office, please.”

Now what? The stone in his gut gained another ten pounds.

Zach arrived at the store a little before four, a pink Osprey baseball cap in his hand. He handed it to Sue Anne with a smile.

“I figured we'd look the part,” he said, and pointed to the blue cap on his own head.

Sue Anne's body warmed at the sweet gesture.

“Thanks.” She gave him a quick kiss and pulled her hair through the hole at the back of the cap. “How's it look?”

“You're a natural,” he said.

“Then I'm ready. See you later, Julie.”

As they strolled down the tree-lined street, he reached for her hand. “How's your week been?” he asked.

“Good. I got Rosauers to come on board with the chocolates, and the manager said he'd talk to the other stores in the state. He told me these were the best he'd had—even better than Posh.”

“That's great!” Zach squeezed her hand. “So what's next, after you conquer all the stores in the state?”

He was really interested. Didn't that mean something?

“I want to go after the tourist stores—like the MSO Hub downtown. And then there's selling over the web, but that means finding someone who can pack and ship for me. I want the chocolates to arrive fresh, not like they've sat around in 100-degree heat or below freezing temperatures.”

“The weather does get extreme around here.”

“So what about you? Anything new and exciting?”

His grin filled his whole face. “The chief picked Tony and me to go to advanced training in Texas.”

“What does that mean?” How long would he be gone? Was this going to sway his decision away from Missoula? The walk lost some of its sweetness, and her steps grew heavier.

“We'll be in Dallas for a few weeks. There's a number of courses the chief wants us to cover. Only two of us get to go, and one of them is me. That means I'm making my mark. The chief respects what I can do.”

She tried to put some enthusiasm in her voice. “That's great! When do you start?”

“Not until early October. Something about making sure the funding is in place. But it's going to be awesome. These are some of the top courses in the field.”

His happiness spiked the energy around him, and he walked a little faster.

She was glad she was wearing sneakers.

“I'm really glad summer is here,” he said. “We should go to the Bison Range or river rafting up toward Glacier. Would you like that?”

He looked at her, his green eyes alive with hope and anticipation, like a little boy on Christmas Eve.

It had been a long time since she'd gone to see the animals on the range, and floating the Flathead River was on her bucket list. If she showed him all the reasons to like Montana, he'd have more reason to stay.

“Sounds great!”

“After the game, let's go somewhere and make our plans for the rest of the summer.” He patted his pocket. “I have my schedule right here.”

“We can go back to my place. I have some beer and snacks. Now let's see if you can make baseball more fascinating than watching grass grow.” Her heart was a little lighter. If only he would commit to sticking around, she could go all in.

The game proved more interesting than she thought it would. Zach filled her in on the team, including their experience and specialties. There were still moments when she thought the activity slowed to a crawl, but then she'd get on her feet with everyone else when there was a close call or the runners raced around the bases.

Zach treated her to a hot dog and beer, and they chatted with the people around them about the game, the summer weather, and fire season. After the victory for the Ospreys, she knew it wouldn't be her last one.

“In the fall, we can go to a Griz game, too,” he said on their way back to the apartment.

“Are you trying to turn me into a sports nut?”

“Something like that.” He grinned at her.

Contentment wrapped her in its blanket. He was worth the effort.

Once inside her apartment, she grabbed a couple of beers. “Why don't we sit out back? That way Sugar can take care of business, and we can enjoy the fresh air.”

“Okay. C'mon girl. Let's see what fun things we can find in the yard.”

With a backward look at Sue Anne, Sugar trotted out the door behind Zach.

This is what a relationship should be like—casual—not all full of angst.

They played with Sugar for a few minutes before the dog insisted on joining Zach on his chair. He laughed and picked up the pug. “You're very demanding for a little dog,” he said and offered his face for a lick.

She took another sip of her beer. They should keep things light and plan outings for the rest of the summer. But she wanted to know if anything had shifted, if the odds were better he'd stay in Missoula now that the chief had given him a chance.

“What are you looking for in a relationship?” she asked. “What are you willing to give?”

“I thought we were going to talk about summer outings.” He sipped his beer.

“We will, but I want to know this first.”

“Okay.” Another sip. “It's hard for me to talk about this kind of stuff.”

“Because Erin burned you.”

He nodded but didn't say anything.

She waited. No sense in pushing.

Setting his beer down, he reached for her hand.

“I thought I had it all,” he said. “I worked hard to get the training I needed for an airport job. I know it may not seem like much to some—everyone wants to be a Silicon Valley millionaire these days—but it satisfied me. I could be of service, help people have a good day, often without them even knowing it. And an airport is a fast-paced place. Always VIPs coming in and out of a big airport, interesting people to talk with, and a chance to travel as well.”

He picked up his beer again without releasing her hand.

“Very different from Missoula,” she said.

“In some ways. We still have VIPs here—probably not as many as Kalispell or Bozeman. People flying in want to be closer to the parks. But they still come through. Tech people, environmental people, and the inevitable movie people.”

“But not quite the same.”

“Different adrenaline rush.” He looked at her. “But I'm not really answering your question, am I?”

She shook her head but smiled. Sometimes people had to take the long way around to answer something they didn't really want to answer.

“I just wanted to give you some background. I was on top of my game career-wise, heading in the right direction, or so I thought.”

Sugar gave a worried whimper, as if sensing his internal angst.

“I met Erin one day when she was coming back from a nursing convention in Las Vegas. She stopped to ask me where the luggage claim office was. Her bag hadn't made it to Denver. One thing led to another, and I asked her out.”

He scratched the pug, who was still restless in his lap.

Sue Anne rubbed her thumb on his hand, trying to reassure him.

Looking over at her, he smiled.

“You're easy to talk to. I don't feel like you're judging me.”

“Thanks.” A warm glow filled her as she stared out into the fading light.

“Anyway, Erin and I hit it off. She liked the same things I did—at least I thought she did. I know that at the beginning of a relationship, everyone's on his or her best behavior, but she took it to the limit. It was only later I found out she didn't like half the things I did.” He squeezed her hand. “And she was never as much fun at a baseball game as you were tonight.”

“I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.”

“See, that's what I mean. You didn't pretend that you liked baseball, but you were willing to give it a try.”

“How about you? Did you pretend to like things you actually didn't?”

He looked into the night for a few moments then shifted in his seat. “I suppose I did. I guess I wanted her to like me, too. She was who I thought was a good match—a woman who wanted to work until the first baby came along and then stay home to raise children, just like many of the girls I'd grown up with in Iowa. I thought everything was lining up for me the way I'd planned.”

Sue Anne hadn't realized how old-fashioned Zach's perspective was. No wonder they were at odds sometimes. Sure, she wanted kids someday, but she would always have a business, too. Was he looking for someone who would follow him for his job? If so, that wasn't her.

Anxiety made her heart squeeze shut a little.

He was quiet again.

“Like I told you earlier, after the incident at the airport, our fights became worse. Between the treatment the squad gave me and the tension at home, I couldn't stand it anymore. I moved out.”

He'd left Erin, just the way he'd walked away from the problems at the Denver airport.

She stood and scooped Sugar from his chair. Cuddling the sweet dog, she leaned against the other post.

“It takes two,” she said, “to make a relationship work. If one person just leaves, problems can't get resolved.”

“I know.” His hand whitened around the beer bottle.

“So what do you want now? And what are you willing to do to get it?”

“I guess I still want the dream relationship. Right now, I'm looking for someone I can have fun with.” He brought his attention back to her. “I want to find someone I can trust. I know I screwed up before, but I want to try again. Of course, lot of it depends on where my career takes me.”

“I won't move,” she said. It had to be laid on the line.

“I know.”

“So ... we just break up when you decide there's more opportunity somewhere else?”

“Jeez, Sue Anne, I don't know. I thought I had everything planned out before.” He rubbed his hands through his hair and shifted from the pole. After setting his beer down on the table, he placed his hands on her arms and stared directly into her eyes. “Can you be patient a while longer? I promise I'll give you an answer after Dallas.”

Just in time for the holidays. A great time to get dumped.

She looked at him, debating her answer.

“Look,” he said, “I know it's a big risk for you. And if you say you want to break up right now, I'll understand. I wish I could just walk away from you, but I tried that and it didn't work. I know I'm being selfish, but I enjoy our time together.”

“Why can't you make a decision right now? You say you want a chance, but you're not willing to commit.”

“When I came to Montana, I had a plan—a new plan—one that didn't involve meeting anyone like you. I thought I was done with women.” He stood again and started pacing. “Just so you don't think I'm a total jerk, I did realize that I hadn't given Erin a fair deal.”

He picked up the beer bottle again and started picking at the label.

“I went back one day to talk with her, to see if we could give it another go. A man answered the door—some doctor.” He stared up at the sky. “She'd already moved on. I'd made my move too late.” The ache in his voice told her how much he hurt.

The pieces all fell into place for her. He simply wasn't ready for anything more than they had right now. Would he ever be? Was she willing to take the risk?

Everything she knew about him said he was a decent human being. She liked him. She wanted more, and it might be possible—in time. Everything was a risk—opening a store, starting a new relationship, crossing the street.

“Okay,” Sue Anne said, a bit of icy fear clutching her heart. “I'll wait.”

• • •

“Thanks for helping out,” Sue Anne said as she led Zach back to the tiny store kitchen. “I can't believe Julie has the flu when we need to get ready for the next three months. With Halloween right around the corner, and supplying stores for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I feel like I'm losing my mind.”

“I doubt she planned to get sick.”

“No, and she's got it really badly. She hasn't been out of bed in days. I brought her chocolate and chicken soup yesterday.”

“Odd combination.” He grinned at her. “Almost as good as lima beans and chocolate.”

“I still can't believe you like the mushy things. Here, put this on.” She handed him an apron.

“Do I have to?” He held up the full-length garment covered in bright red poppies.

“On,” she told him.

“I'm going to miss you while I'm gone.” He slid the apron over his head and gave her a quick kiss before tying the straps in the back. “How do I look?” He twirled around.

“I think my quirkiness is catching.” She held up a tray of pumpkin molds. “We'll start with Halloween.”