“They all left, Mom.”
“Except Master Jarvin, yes, but they all gave me something.”
“Sure they did. There was Karl who gave you a black eye almost once a week, and Lloyd who broke your nose, and Nick who got high and tried to sell you to an encyclopedia salesman. Need I go on?”
“No.” Steel laced the simple word. “I didn’t say they were all winners, but they were all good men in their own way. You don’t have a right to judge them or me, Kate.”
“You’re right. It’s my place to shut up and turn a blind eye.”
“Did you have another question or are we done?”
She scrubbed her hands over her face and tried not to scream. “All right, I’m sorry. Again.” Rolling to her back, she stared at the ceiling. “Why’d you stay with them, Mom? Why put up with the abuse?”
“Because I needed them. I’d like to claim I stayed by choice, but we’d both know I lied. Not all of them were abusive. In fact, most weren’t. Including Lloyd. The nose thing was an accident. I’m not like you, darling. You’re so brave and confident, so certain of everything. I’ve never been strong enough to stand alone. Even now, Master Jarvin has only been gone three days and the walls are closing in. I struggle to sleep at night without him to steady me. In fact, when you called, I’d been cleaning the bathroom so I didn’t have to go to bed alone.”
“Mom, you won’t die without a man to tell you what to do all the time.”
“No, but I don’t live without one either.”
“But is that from years of dependency or personal choice? If you hadn’t started living this way, would you be better off now?”
“I am who I am.” A sound too close to a muffled sob drifted over the phone. “I don’t know if I always made the right choices in my life. But I do know that it’s my life. You might not agree with everything I’ve done or everyone I’ve loved, but at least I have loved—deeply and passionately. You on the other hand, my darling girl, too often hide behind that tough veneer and push people away. You will never find someone to share your life if you never show anyone the real you. Master Jarvin said the same thing the other day.”
“Better to be alone than shattered when it ends. I watched you hurt to the brink of suicide too many times to risk loving the wrong man, Mom. I can’t turn my body and soul over to some control freak and hope he handles it with respect. I need to know that I have some power in my life.”
“So are you contemplating a relationship with someone who won’t stand up to you? Or for you? I don’t think a man like that’s any better, and frankly it sounds boring as hell. You’d walk out before the ink dried on the marriage license.”
Connor had said basically the same thing. Kate laughed but there was no humor in the sound. “Why can’t I find a happy medium?”
“What happened to that friend of yours? The nice guy…the lawyer? Why didn’t you ever hook up with him?”
“Because he scares me half to death. Since the first day I met him, I’ve fought my attraction for him.”
“Why fight it if you love him?”
Because he’s Connor
. She laughed again. “Because if I allowed myself to be in a relationship with him, I don’t think I’d survive when he walked away.”
“Maybe he would stay.”
He’s already gone
. She’d lost her friend, and she wanted to curl up and never leave his room. How much worse would it be if he left after she’d come to rely on him, after they had kids or a mortgage? “He wouldn’t, Mom. We both know that.”
“I hate it that you won’t trust yourself.”
“I know.”
“Master Jarvin and I worry about you, Katelyn.”
“I know that, too, Mom. Tell Jarv hi when he calls next and give him a hug from me when he gets home.”
“All right. Take care of yourself.”
“You too.” She started to hang up and then caught herself. “Hey, Mom…thanks for listening. Go to bed. I love you.”
This time the soft sob was clear. “I love you, too, darling. Goodnight.”
Wondering why the hell she had stayed, Kate continued to stare at the ceiling of Connor’s bedroom.
Because he told you to
.
That was part of it. She admitted that much. A bigger part was she couldn’t bring herself to leave and didn’t want to worry him if he should return and find her gone. Her heart ached with a nearly unbearable pain. He had left and promised not to return. He’d left because she couldn’t give him what he needed even though he represented the only man she’d ever imagined loving forever.
How the hell do I go on without him?
Chapter Seven
Kate’s head pounded. Lack of sleep and too many hours spent arguing with herself had taken a toll. Squinting against the bright sunlight, she handed the cabbie a twenty. The parking area lay empty except for her little red compact and a truck parked near the back entrance to the barn turned reception hall. The thought of seeing someone she knew sickened her. Had anyone watched Connor haul her to his car? Did they think she was drunk or had no one cared since at least fifty percent of the guests were related to him?
If they saw her now, they’d know where she spent the night. His running pants hung on her hips and his T-shirt dwarfed her, not to mention how ridiculous the whole thing looked with heels. Anyone could see she hadn’t been home. Two men strolled from the barn, one with distinctive red-gold hair, the other dark. Suddenly, everything became clear…the ass grab, the obnoxiousness, probably even the invitation to a three-way. Connor had set her up. And the cocky bastards sauntering to their truck were as responsible as he was.
She stood near the end of the sidewalk before it even registered she’d moved. “I want to thank you two for being so much fun last night.”
They stopped beside her and took in her outfit with nearly identical grins.
Al winked. “Happy to help. Looks like you enjoyed the rest of the evening.”
“Oh, I did. In fact, I had so much fun I thought I’d continue it today. Marc and Darcy have a cabin on grounds. They invited me to join them last night. Maybe the three of us could see if they’re still around.”
Kurt searched the empty parking lot with a scowl. “Where’s my little brother?”
“Con?” She shrugged and sidled closer to her prey. “You know him, probably off doing some legal crap. Short and boring, that’s our Connor. You two on the other hand are anything but…” Kurt’s eyes grew wide when she walked her fingers up his chest. “Short.” Turning to his cousin, she smiled like he was a hot fudge sundae on a summer’s day. “Or boring.”
They both practically stumbled away. The darker one even held out a hand to ward her off. “Hey, now. I think you have the wrong idea, Kate.”
“What happened to calling me, baby girl?” Batting her lashes, she moved in on him again. “I so love feeling innocent and helpless next to a dynamic man like you, Alonso.”
Kurt stared at her then burst out laughing. “She’s shittin’ us, Al. Aren’t you?”
“I don’t know. Were you
shitting
me last night?”
“Yes.” He smiled. “Sorry about that. Looks like things turned out all right though since you’re wearing my brother’s clothes.”
“Maybe they belong to someone else.”
“Nope. I gave Con that Packers’ shirt as a joke. He hates football.”
“Guess you got me.” Why had she thought it would be a good idea to talk to them? Kurt sounded so much like her lost friend she didn’t know if she should hug him or cry. “I have to go. I’ll see you around.”
She spun on her heel and hurried toward the safety of her car. She almost made it, but long brown fingers circled her arm and stopped her.
“Whoa. You don’t look like a woman pleased with her night.” Al studied her face, and she looked down to hide the hurt that had to linger there.
Defense seemed the best chance of survival. “Let go of me or I’ll make you regret it.”
“Uh-uh. You look upset.” Kurt took her other arm, and they boosted her to sit on the trunk of her car. “What did you do to Con?”
“Me? He’s the one who stormed off in the night.”
“So again. What did you do?”
Neither man seemed to doubt she had caused the problem. They wouldn’t though. They’d have their family’s back…especially a man like Connor, who’d sell his soul if he thought someone he cared about needed it. The man would never intentionally hurt anyone he loved, would set up elaborate schemes or risk everything to prove that love.
Her lungs squeezed against the cool morning air, and she fought to inhale. “Oh, God, I fucked up, didn’t I?”
Al sat beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Come on, now. It can’t be that bad. My little cousin has the Wallace curse for you. He’ll forgive you anything short of murder.”
“What?”
Kurt scooted her closer to the other man and leaned against her car. “He has the family curse. Wallaces fall hard and fast for their one true love. It’s happened repeatedly through the years. The latest being Darcy and then Gavin.”
“And now Connor?”
He shook his head. “No, if my brother has it, which all the signs point to, he fell the day he met you.”
Guilt swamped her. “But that was three years ago.”
Al simply stared.
Kurt nodded. “Now you got it. The curse doesn’t let up. Which means, he’ll never stop loving you. If he left last night, he felt it was what you wanted or needed.”
Con had tried so hard in the beginning to get her to go out with him. But she’d pushed him away, sensing from the start he’d be her downfall. He was always too self-possessed, too controlled except when he smiled. Behind his ready grin, she caught glimpses of a different man, one who wouldn’t mind if she couldn’t give herself over to him completely all the time. One who might appreciate her independent streak. The kidnapping had confirmed his controlling side, but it also proved that he cared about what she needed. He could be her destroyer, but maybe he could be her savior, instead. “He said he didn’t want to see me again.”
Alonso stood and glared at her.
“Knock it off, Al.” Kurt took her hand and squeezed her fingers. “Whatever made him leave had to be pretty serious. Do you think you can undo it?”
“I don’t know. I tried to call him this morning, but his phone must be dead.”
“No, it isn’t.” Al pulled his cell from his pocket and checked his log. “I talked to him to see if he’d help clean up. He claimed he had things to do.”
Kurt squeezed her hand again. “I called him earlier, too. He answered on the first ring.”
“So he doesn’t want to talk to me, then. He said he wouldn’t, but he always answers my calls.”
Al handed her his phone. “Try again with my number.”
She reached for it then pulled back. “No, I can’t trick him.”
A grin spread over Kurt’s handsome face. “Why not? He tricked you last night, and I assume it broke down some barriers. Why not try again? What’s a phone call…if you’re actually interested that is?”
The night came back in a tantalizing rush. He had pushed her to accept her fantasies but nothing more. Connor would never hurt her, she’d known that from day one, but years of dodging the kind of relationships she’d witnessed growing up ensured she kept her walls in place. Just like Savannah’s new husband had until she’d said yes and married him. Gavin had feared her sweet and innocent friend would manipulate him, but it would never happen.
Lying back, she stared at the nearly cloudless sky. “How do I convince him I was a fool if he won’t talk to me?”
Kurt patted her leg, and she turned to look at him. “You could sneak into his house and refuse to leave until he listens.”
“No. He’ll just walk away.”
Al nodded. “You could get him drunk and have your way with him.” A scowl darkened his handsome face. “Except Connor never gets drunk. He hates losing control.”
A plan started in the back of her mind and bloomed quickly. Sitting up, she grinned at the men who would be her accomplices. “That’s perfect. You guys take him out for a drink.”
“I just said—”
Waving off Alonso’s protest, she jumped to her feet. “I need you to get him to my place. If you can get him drunk, great. Otherwise, slip him a sleeping pill or whatever it takes to get him out long enough to bring him to me.”
Kurt shook his head. “Hell no. He’ll never forgive us.”
“He will if I get it right.”
Indecision wavered on their strong faces.
“Please. You’re the ones who said he’ll never get over me. If I can make him listen, then he won’t have to. We all know that once he decides how he’s going to handle something, he won’t change his mind without drastic measures.”
Al snorted. “Drugging him is beyond drastic.”
“He won’t talk to me on his own, and like I said, he’ll only walk out if I go to his place.”
Kurt shifted uncomfortably, and she repressed a grin. “What keeps him from taking off the moment he comes around?”
“Leave that up to me. The less the two of you know, the less likely you’ll be to spill the beans.” She stood to her full height, as meager as it was even in high heels, and stared the two of them down. “You both owe me for last night. Do this, and I promise not to ever bring your poor behavior up in front of your mothers or sisters.”
They both groaned. And Al looked around, perhaps seeking an out.
Knowing she’d won, Kate opened the car and dug a small notepad and a pen from her purse, scribbling quickly before they chickened out. “Here’s my cell number and address. Have him there by eight.”
Taking it by the corner, Kurt held the paper as if it were poisonous. “What if we can’t get him to cooperate?”
“Failure is not an option, but call if you’re going to be late so I don’t worry.”
Chapter Eight
Connor traced the condensation on the side of his beer. Bernie’s Bar pulsed with the obnoxious beat of a local rock band entertaining the Saturday night crowd. How the hell had he let himself be talked into this? When his cousin or brother got a hair up his ass, there was no turning him down. Together, they were worse. Still, he had no desire to sit and watch while Kurt and Alonso flirted with any set of boobs. Every place he looked, someone was planning, hoping, or praying to get lucky. He struggled to rein in the bitterness and disillusionment compressing his chest.
Al strolled past with a tall blonde on his arm, her shy smile far outshined by his cousin’s grin. “Hey, Con. Come dance. Whiskey and wild women await!”