Sweet Savage Heart (24 page)

As Travis watched her sleeping form, he realized that Rana was slowly chiseling away at his stony heart. Each day he was finding it harder to be tough and resistant. Taming her was like trying to master a wild mustang without breaking its spirit. It was like tampering with another’s destiny or trying to leash pure spirit and energy, like trying to control the very essence of life itself. He asked himself, how did one capture sunshine in his hand?

He remembered how Elizabeth Lowry and Clarissa Caldwell had tried to ensnare him with their feminine wiles, and how Rana’s own mother had toyed with susceptible men, if he could believe the stories he had heard about Marissa Crandall Michaels. Women’s desires
could prove treacherous to an unsuspecting man, as Pretty Rabbit’s had been.

To make White Eagle jealous and to snare his attention, Pretty Rabbit had used Charge-A-Buffalo; she had driven him wild with desire and frustration. The warrior had loved her and had wanted her as his mate, but she had toyed with him to get at White Eagle. After she had cruelly rejected the warrior and had told him he was nothing compared to White Eagle, the warrior had been consumed by hatred and anguish. To revenge himself on White Eagle and to punish Pretty Rabbit, the warrior had lied about White Eagle’s involvement with his father’s evil deeds. Charge-A-Buffalo had wanted to make certain that if he could not have Pretty Rabbit, White Eagle would never have her and she would never have White Eagle. When he had been captured, falsely accused, tortured, and scheduled for death, Pretty Rabbit had viewed his perilous predicament as the means to finally win him. But though she had died trying to help him escape, her evil scheming had kept Travis from feeling any remorse over her death.

Yet, over the years since that tragic incident, he had thought a great deal about the Hunkpapas’ actions and in a way had come to understand and forgive them. His father had been a malicious enemy, and he had been a half-breed. He had left the Hunkpapas to travel with his father for two years in the white world, and perhaps they had thought he had been tainted by it. He had been at his father’s side when Jeremy had been captured following his vile treachery. A courageous, renowned warrior had made charges against him, one whose hatred and feelings of rivalry were unknown to their people. He had begun to realize that with such “evidence” against him, perhaps their behavior had been logical and natural. Maybe he would have done and felt the same if the charges had been against another half-breed or white man.

Before going to sleep, Travis admitted to himself that he had learned one thing: hatred and bitterness could be a ravenously devouring disease. With Nathan’s help and love, he had conquered the worst of it; and no matter what the Indians had said or might believe about him, he could face the Great Spirit with a clear conscience and an innocent heart.

For two days, the small group continued their journey at the grueling pace that Travis had set for them after his frustrating encounter with Rana. When they stopped to camp that second night, Travis moodily went about his tasks while Rana disappeared to bathe. He made no attempt to question her or to stop her, and Rana did not ask permission to leave camp. During the past two days Rana had been riding next to Nathan and sleeping away from the two men. It had become clear to Nathan that the two were ignoring and avoiding each other, and this behavior intrigued and worried the observant rancher. Too, he was becoming flustered by his obligatory silence, for he knew the best way to solve a problem was to meet it head-on.

Nathan now inquired seriously of Travis, “Don’t you think it’s about time you tell me what’s bothering you, son? You’ve been pushing us close to exhaustion for days. There ain’t no way we can stay alert and strong at this killing pace, and you haven’t even tried to cover our trail. What’s wrong, son? You’re running like a dog with his tail afire. The same goes for Rana. You two have hardly spoken or looked at each other in two days. You’ve been letting her come and go as she pleases, like
you don’t even care if she tries to escape. I feel like I’ve been riding between two fierce enemies traveling under a bitter truce. Is there something you haven’t told me about Rana or our situation?”

Travis tensed in dread. He should have known his actions would call Nathan’s attention to him. How could he explain the truth to his best friend without increasing his worries? “I told you, Nate, I want to get us out of this territory pronto, at least past Forts Kearny and Smith. We’re only two days’ ride from Fort Laramie, and we’ll be crossing over the Mormon and Oregon Trails on Sunday. The Indians could be watching them for wagon trains or troop movements, and the soldiers at those forts are getting plenty nervous. They’re in a mood to shoot first and check around later. Our best strategy is to head overland and stay clear of forts and villages until we’re out of Nebraska. I’m trying to protect you and Rana. I’ll ease up in three or four days, as soon as we make Kansas. I know what I’m doing, Nate.”

Nathan eyed the younger man. “Do you, Travis? Talk to me, son,” he urged gravely, indicating that he did not accept his foreman’s explanation.

Travis did not like deceiving the older man. Except for keeping the reasons for his originally leaving this territory a secret, he had always been open and honest with Nathan Crandall. Anguish and shame had caused him to keep silent about his father’s treachery, but far different emotions were keeping him silent about this present complicated matter. By now Nathan thought he knew all about the younger man, yet Travis realized he did not even know himself where Rana was concerned.

“What’s gotten into you, son?” Nathan persisted gently.

Travis inhaled deeply, feeling like his neck was in a tight noose. “All right, Nate, if you want the truth. I’ll give it to you. Your granddaughter is a beautiful,
desirable woman. She’s trying her damnedest to become my wife in every way possible, and sometimes I have a hell of a time remembering who she is and what the real situation is between us. The faster we ride and the farther away we get from here, the sooner I can explain things to her and stop all this temptation. By the time we reach Kansas, it’ll be too late for her to try anything rash or foolish. We can tell her who she is and why we came after her; then maybe we can all have some peace. But frankly I don’t think she’s going to understand why I married her or why the council demanded that we join.”

Travis leaned against a tree as if needing its support. “It sounded like a clever idea back in the Oglala camp, like the easiest and quickest way to handle her, but I don’t think so anymore. There are too many complications and feelings involved. Rana had a rough, frightening childhood, traveling from one saloon to another, watching her parents being slaughtered, enduring captivity by the Kiowas. Once she got settled in with the Oglalas and was treated like a princess for years, she became spoiled. We might as well face it, Nate; she’s impetuous and stubborn, and she’s too damn proud for her own good. She’s been living wild and free in the forest and plains. She’s been taught Lakota laws and customs. She’s been taught to depend on her wits and courage—to depend on herself, Nate. Her skin is white and she’s your flesh and blood, but her heart and life are Indian. She’s used to sidestepping her brother to get her way, and she’s had countless warriors begging for her. When she finally obeys her brother and marries a man, he doesn’t come near her. It doesn’t sit well with her that I’m not behaving like a husband. This situation has got to be as confusing and embarrassing for her as it is for me. It’s got her ego in an uproar. Since she was seven, this is all she’s known and loved. Then we walk in and make demands on her, force her to leave and change, to become civilized. It
doesn’t seem fair. But you’re right, Nate; things can’t go on this way. I’ve got to settle down or I could endanger all of us.”

Travis straightened and rested his hands on his gun butts. Clenching his teeth, he declared sullenly, “Hell, Nate, I’ve never been in this kind of predicament before and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s got me plenty worried, and even a little scared,” he admitted. “You’re depending on me, Nate, and I don’t want to fail you.”

Nathan touched his shoulder affectionately. “You won’t fail me, son, and you never have. My life was nothing but hard work and bare existence until you came along, Travis. You don’t know how much you mean to me, son. I know this must be hard on you and Rana, but everything will iron out as soon as we can explain matters to her.”

Travis shook his head and frowned. “I’m not so sure that won’t make matters worse, Nate. She loves her brother and trusts him, and he’s let her down. And we let her down. We made it look as if she didn’t have enough sense or honor to understand the truth or have any say about her life. We treated her like a child or someone who couldn’t think for herself, as if she didn’t have any feelings or didn’t deserve to know the truth. We bought her like a piece of property. We didn’t ask for her understanding or cooperation. We all tricked her. And she’s going to be mad at us, Nate. I know how I felt when I discovered my father’s treachery. All I knew was that he had lied to me and used me. Once she hears the truth, how can she trust us and accept us? We simply expect her to take our word that we did it all for her own good? Hell, we’re strangers to her!”

“I’m her grandfather, Travis,” he argued sadly. “I had to get her back. I couldn’t just leave her there to get tangled up in that war.”

“I know, Nate, but we’re asking a lot from her. She’s
hardly more than a child. I think the best thing for me to do is to apologize to Rana and start being nicer and easier on her. I can’t blame her for acting on a lie I created. Until I can tell her the truth, I need to go along with it, at least halfway. As soon as we finish eating, I’ll ask her to take a walk—see if I can’t straighten things out a little bit.”

“What are you going to tell her?”

“I don’t know, but I have to tell her something. The longer I let her stay mad, the more she’s going to be tempted to run off just to get back at me. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, Nate, it’s that women can be spiteful and selfish. They’ll go to any lengths to get their wishes, or make you sorry they didn’t… Tell me about that necklace you gave her. It seemed to make her nervous,” he remarked carefully.

“I gave it to Marissa on her last visit. She wore it every day. Sometimes, when she was rocking Rana to sleep after a bad dream, Rana would hold it and rub it. It always seemed to calm her down, so I was planning to buy her one. I never got the chance. After Marissa was killed, the housekeeper found it and a doll I had given to Rana in the bottom drawer in Marissa’s bedroom. I guess she left them behind so Raymond wouldn’t take ‘em and sell ‘em for a poker stake.” He paused for a moment, then continued. “Marissa and Rana both became edgy after he showed up at the ranch. What was I supposed to do, Travis? The law is on the husband’s side, and she was willing to leave with him. If she had said one word against him, I wouldn’t have let him take them away. I had this gut feeling she was planning to come back home. She never had a chance, but now we’re giving Rana one. I kept that necklace all these years and gave it to Rana while you were gone. You think she remembers it?”

Travis replied candidly, “I think she doesn’t want to remember it, or anything else about her past.”

“Does that include me, son? I know she only saw me a few times, but I was hoping…” Nathan did not finish his wistful thought.

“You said she was happy at the ranch. Maybe it will spur her memory. One thing for certain, you need to get as close to her as possible before we reveal the truth to her. I think I’ll speak to her before supper, then maybe we can all eat better. I’ll return soon.”

At a secluded area near the stream, Rana was also thinking and planning. She finally understood that there would be no going back to her old life and that she would have to make the best of this baffling situation. For two days she had been thinking about her new life and Travis. Somewhere out there a new destiny awaited her, and it included her mysterious husband. To keep from making herself and the others unhappy, she would have to accept the way Travis wanted things, or seemed to want them. She would have to show complete control and patience, and behave like a woman, not a child or a wild vixen. She was tired of her cold, self-imposed silence. It was making her miserable and tense, when all she wanted was to smile and be happy again. She yearned for him to like her and accept her, to be proud of her and his choice. She hated the way Travis was treating her and the way he was pushing them. His troubled spirit seemed to be driving him and she had no doubt that she was somehow to blame. Maybe she had said or done something to offend him or displease him. Maybe he believed those ugly stories about her. Maybe he doubted her reactions to him. If only he could explain his feelings and his reasons for rejecting her, perhaps they could come to some understanding.

Rana was terribly bewildered. She recalled the few stirring moments of closeness they had shared: the
incident in her tepee, the kiss at the beginning of their journey, and their passionate embrace near the river. Each time, things had gone well between them until she had yielded to passion or had tried to inflame him. For some inexplicable reason, feeling desire for her angered him and caused him to lash out cruelly at her. If there were to be peace between them, she would have to keep her distance from him; she would have to live as his sister, as he had so contradictorily requested. Perhaps if she showed him her best face and ceased “tempting” him, he would settle down so they could get closer. One day she might even convince him to take her as his wife in the true sense.

With this enticing thought in mind, Rana completed her bath. Wrapping herself in a drying blanket, she washed her soiled dress so that it could dry during the warm night. Afterward, she slipped into her white garment, which she knew was her most flattering dress. She brushed her hair and allowed it to hang free down her back. Above her left ear, she secured the tiny medicine wheel made from quills in the sacred colors of blue, yellow, white, red, and black with a breath feather attached to its center. Seeing that it was nearly dark, she collected her possessions and headed toward the camp to join the men.