Sweet Surprise (15 page)

“So maybe you should get her one.”

“I plan to. Hopefully, sometime in the next month or so. Honestly, I can’t believe Abby hasn’t brought one home for her from her rescue shelter.”

“Why hasn’t she?”

“Well, not that it’s her responsibility to get my kid a dog, but I imagine it’s because she has so much on her plate right now with building their new house, running the rescue center and the secondhand store that supports the center, and planning the wedding. I’m surprised she can even remember to get dressed in the mornings.”

“Jackson said the house is almost finished.”

She nodded. “I haven’t been over there for a couple of weeks, but it sounds like it’s coming together beautifully.”

As she sipped her coffee, she wondered what kind of past he had. What had made him into the man who felt confident enough in his masculinity to sit in her little pink bistro chair today? “Did you have a dog when you were growing up?”

He shook his head, took the last bite of cupcake, then leaned back in his chair.

“When my father was alive, we never owned our own home. Most landlords aren’t too keen on having pets trashing their place, so they always required a big security deposit up front. My mom stayed at home to raise us kids, so we lived on my dad’s paycheck. Firefighters make a decent but far-from-extravagant living. With five daughters who always wanted the latest Barbie, or new skates, and a son who played in sports, there was never really enough left over to pay that deposit.”

“That’s a shame. Pets are a wonderful addition to a family.”

“Pets are one area I’m completely unfamiliar with. But I do remember wishing for one for companionship after my father died, then again after my sister was killed.”

Buttercream frosting curdled in her stomach with the haunted look obscuring his already impossibly dark eyes.

“Oh my God. You lost your sister too?”

“After my father died, we had to move in with my
Avó.
My grandmother,” he clarified. “She lived in a very bad part of L.A. Most everyone in the neighborhood was Hispanic, and they didn’t much appreciate the half-Brazilian half-white kids who moved into their territory. But that didn’t stop them from coercing my older sister Avianna into a gang. She was shot and killed when she was sixteen.”

“I know they’re just useless words.” Her hand covered his atop the table. “But, I am truly sorry for your loss.”

“They’re not useless. They’re appreciated.” His thumb slid over the tops of her fingers and slowly caressed. “After her death, no one wanted to talk about her or what happened to her. Most of my family acted like she’d never existed. So I learned not to talk about her either. Everyone else seemed to move on, but I guess I never really did.”

“Everyone deals with loss differently. There is no right or wrong way unless you become self-destructive.”

“I probably know a little bit about that,” he said. “I didn’t handle her death all that well. First my father, then my sister. Our way of life completely changed, and our communication shut down. It was hard to find someone to talk to. And I turned to . . . outlets I shouldn’t have.”

“Drugs and alcohol?”

“Never drugs. But I could put away a bottle of Jack Daniel’s like it was nobody’s business. For a lot of years, that became my crutch. And during those years, I let down the people I loved.”

“You’ve beaten yourself up about it for a long time, haven’t you?”

He shrugged. “Probably.”

“Is that what your sister would have wanted? You’ve turned your life around. Don’t you think she’d be proud?” Fiona knew she had no right to be a big buttinski. She’d traveled her own tangled path after her grandmother died, and she hated talking about the subject when it came up. But she’d also seen devastating loss with the Wilders, and she knew exactly how hard men tended to be on themselves when they couldn’t just
fix
something.

“Hard to say. Avianna was only sixteen. Before she got involved with the wrong people, she was warmhearted, and she smiled all the damned time.” Nostalgia tipped the corners of his mouth. “But the drugs and alcohol took their toll, and she turned into someone I didn’t recognize.”

“Deep inside, though, she was still a warmhearted person,” Fiona insisted. “And I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to be so hard on yourself. How old were you when she died?”

“Fourteen.”

A sharp pain hit her square in the chest. “You were just a kid. There’s no way you could have stopped her.”

“I should have tried harder.”

“Unless you’re wearing a Superman cape under that shirt, I don’t see how. We all make our own decisions–good, bad, or ugly. A fourteen-year-old boy can hardly be prepared to deal with something of that magnitude.” To know that at such a young age, when he should have been enjoying life, he’d suffered so much loss nearly broke her heart.

“Doesn’t feel like it from inside my skin. Anyway . . . she’s not the only one I’ve let down.”

“Not that I believe you’d purposely ever let anyone down, but as long as we’re getting to know each other . . . who else?”

He shook his head. “It’s a pretty long list.”

“Then give me just one. Maybe I can help you understand that most likely you only let them down in your own mind.”

His hesitation shoved a huge lump in her throat.

“My ex-wife, Heather, would probably disagree with you.”

Fiona leaned back in her chair. She hadn’t known he’d been married. And she really didn’t know why the revelation stung. But she definitely recognized the signs of shame and remorse he held on to like a shield.

“How recently an ex?”

“A little over three years.”

Her stomach clenched at the haunted look in his eye. While the timing of his divorce closely matched hers with Jackson, the tension around his mouth showed he’d clearly not resolved the issue in his head and heart.

“I’m really sorry to hear that.” And she was. Because divorce sucked. And it seemed he’d been left with a lot of scars. “Divorce is really devastating.”

“Especially when you break the promises you made.”

Yeah. That was the worst part.

“Do you still have a good relationship with her?”

“Define good.”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Friends?”

A harsh bark burst from his throat. “Definitely not friends.”

“Can I ask why?”

“Because I ended the marriage. She didn’t want the divorce.”

So was the wife still in love with him?

“Then why did you end it?”

He took the last sip of coffee, which had surely grown cold. She poured fresh from the carafe while he talked.

“We met in high school. I was out of control, and she was stuck in a violent cycle with her family. When we turned eighteen, I foolishly thought if we got married, I’d be able to rescue her from her troubled life. Little did I know how badly two ignited fuses could explode, and that all I managed to do was move her to a different level of hell. I tried to get my act together by joining the Army. But between the long deployments and the effects of the war after I came home, whatever we’d had was lost. One day I realized we’d never been in love. We were just codependent on each other.”

He set his cup on the table. “Hell of a thing to figure out after ten years of marriage.”

Ten years. Wow. “No children?”

“No. Thank God.”

The comment hit her hard. She’d never been happy about the state of her marriage, the reason they got married in the first place, or the divorce. But she’d never regretted having Izzy for one single moment.

“They say the best thing for a bad experience is to move forward and make the best of your life.” Which was exactly what she planned to do with her own. Albeit at a slower pace than most.

“I’m trying to,” he said. “One day at a time. That’s about all I can manage these days.”

At this point, it became obvious she and Mike had little in common other than divorce and a very strong sexual attraction to each other. Well, maybe that wasn’t all, but clearly there wasn’t enough at this time to put any kind of hope or future on the table. She appreciated his honesty. But whether he realized it or not, she got the feeling that he wasn’t really looking for a relationship.

She was.

End of story.

“Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out then.” She flashed an empty smile as she got up and took their plates into the kitchen. He followed and stood close by while she dumped everything from the sink into the dishwasher.

“That’s why I try to be as open as possible,” he said. “I think it’s best if someone knows your intentions right from the start.”

“And what, exactly, are your intentions here? With me?” Dishes done, she turned to the prep counter and flipped the cooled pans upside down. Cupcakes spilled out onto the counter. She picked up each one and set it upright, placing them in neat rows to make the frosting process go quickly. “I mean, you said I intrigued you, and you couldn’t stop thinking about me. And you drove all the way here from San Antonio for what, a cupcake? What were you thinking?”

“That I like you,” he said. “And I think we could have fun together.”

Her own bucket of icy validation dumped over her head.

“Like going-to-the-movies fun?” she asked. “Roller-skating-through-the-park fun? Getting-naked fun?”

He smiled. “Whatever works.”

“Sure. We probably could have fun. But it would be a complete waste of time.”

His dark brows pulled together. “Why’s that?”

“I already know how to have
fun.
I had
fun
through most of my twenties, and I made some really bad mistakes. I had
fun
the night I got pregnant with Izzy. It’s all that afterward stuff that isn’t any
fun.
Like being a single mom. Or spending your nights alone without someone to talk to or keep you warm. Or knowing someone you trust is there to have your back.” She sucked in a lungful of air. “So I apologize, Mike, but as much
fun
as I think we could have, that’s not all I’m looking for anymore.”

“Then what?”

“Honestly?”

He nodded.

“I’m looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. Someone to share hopes, dreams, and challenges. Someone who will love me whether I’m young and fit or when I’m old and gray. Someone who will be good for Izzy. I want a best friend who’s also my lover. Someone who will stick around through good times and bad. Someone I can build memories and a family with. Someone I can trust to always be there and who will never let me down.”

She took a breath. “Call me crazy, but I want to be sure that
this
time the man I’m with is
in
love with me.
Not
that he loves me like a friend. I want someone who will give me his whole heart, not just a portion.”

Mike’s serious gaze searched her face. And though she’d expected nothing more, his silence verified she’d been smart to take a huge step back from her attraction to him and be honest about her goals.

“I’ll bet you’re sorry you asked, right?”

“Not sorry I asked.” He shook his head slowly. “Just sorry I can’t be that man. I locked my heart away a long time ago.”

“Well, that’s sad for you. And I appreciate your honesty. But I’m going to remain optimistic that there’s a guy out there who
will
be that man for me. And I don’t think I’d be in the market to find him if I’m just out there having
fun
with someone else. I hope you understand.”

“I do. And I appreciate your honesty too,” he said. Then, for what seemed like an eternity, he stood there looking at her before he gave her a nod. “I wish things were different. But I also wish you much success with your business venture and all the best with fulfilling your hopes and dreams.”

“Thank you. I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for too.”

Her heart sank a little as he walked toward the door. At the last moment he turned and, at least, solved a specific mystery when he said, “Enjoy the flowers. They were beautiful and bright, and they reminded me of you.”

O
n an ordinary night driving back to San Antonio from Sweet was fast and trouble-free. But as the stars shone brightly in the sky, Mike concluded that this might be the longest, most tedious journey he’d ever taken. And that was saying a lot for someone who’d been to the war zone in Afghanistan four times.

As the miles flipped over on the odometer of his SUV, he had way too much time on his hands to chastise himself for his sheer and utter stupidity.

What the hell had gotten into him?

He’d purposely waited until near closing time to stop by Fiona’s when he should have gone this morning right after his shift ended, then hauled his unable-to-commit self back home.

But no, he’d gotten some demented idea that he wanted to be able to spend a few minutes alone with her. To share in the celebration of her opening day without actually sharing
her.
To get to know her just a little bit better.

For what purpose?

The move only proved what a dumb-ass he really was.

Fiona was sweet, and funny, and she seemed as solid as they came. She handled being a single mom with love and devotion. And somehow she managed not to let a divorce faze her friendship with Jackson or intrude on his future with Abby. She’d weathered a pretty bad car accident like she’d simply stubbed her toe. And she did it all with a smile. Although there was enough fire in her that he could imagine if she got passionate about something, everyone plus God would know.

Yes. Fiona was sexy. And solid. And admirable. And inspiring.

He, on the other hand, was like a fucking rubber band that couldn’t figure out which direction to snap. He didn’t know what the hell he wanted. He only knew he was drawn to her. And as wrong as it was for him to feel that way, he couldn’t stop.

As he’d stood there listening to her catalog what she wanted in a relationship, the demons in his head had about climbed the walls of his brain to get away. Her expectations were tremendous, and he didn’t know if any man–especially him–could live up to them. So he’d bailed out of there about as fast as he could go.