Authors: Leigh Greenwood
“We’ll finish this discussion later,” Gavin said to Sara, not nearly as displeased as he appeared, but unsure of how to proceed in such an unprecedented situation. “I’ve got something to say to Ian.” He turned abruptly to his friend to cover his confusion. “W hat in hell did you mean by hiding rifles on my land? Do you know what could have happened if the wrong people had found them?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Ian said, feigning ignorance, but there was an ominous hardness about his eyes.
“The hell you don’t,” Gavin cursed, too wrought up to think of Sara’s sensibilities. “If Cumberland, or my beloved cousin, had gotten their hands on them first, I could be swinging from a gallows right now.”
Sara looked from one man to the other, horror and incomprehension in her eyes.
“And what about Sara? After you let her go prancing over half of England with your Prince and the rest of those idealistic fools, not to mention marching into Glasgow at his side, do you think anyone would believe she knew nothing about it?”
Ian’s cold gaze softened only slightly. “I didna mean to endanger Sara.”
“Lady Carlisle to you!” Gavin thundered.
“I said tae hide them where they would no’ be found.”
“Well, I
found
them in a cave on my land, one hundred and fifty Dutch-made rifles. Quite enough to put my family in permanent eclipse.”
“Ah well,” Ian said, recovering some of his composure, “since there has been no harm—”
“Is that all you can say, there’s been no harm? You and that damned foreigner—”
“I willna allow ye tae speak o’ yer rightful prince in that manner.” Ian’s eyes were cold and angry.
“He’s not my prince, and I’ll speak of him any damned way I please,” Gavin thundered back. “That man has no thought—and never has had any—for the lives he’s putting at risk. What will happen to him if you fail? He goes back to Europe and continues to live in safety and luxury. And what will he leave behind? Thousands of men dead, a country needlessly torn apart, and Cumberland on our necks for the rest of our lives.”
“I know ye canna see the justice o’ our cause—”
“Justice be damned!” Gavin practically shouted. “It’s suicide. I can’t stop you from putting your own head on the chopping block, but I’ll be damned if I’ll allow you to endanger Sara. Not to mention me and everybody else at Estameer.”
Ian’s eyes softened to sadness. “I admit I didna think o’ the danger. I told them tae use yer land, because I thought ye would at least be in sympathy with us.”
“Sympathy! After I’ve talked myself blue in the face for—”
“Not the prince. My own family, the ones who were treacherously slaughtered in the ’15.”
“You know how I feel about that,” Gavin said, in a much milder voice. “I will never lift a hand against you, and I’ve told Hawley and Cumberland the same, but I will not help you. You have no right to expect it of me.”
“Nay, I willna ask it of ye. Now, if ye will tell me what ye have done with the rifles …”
“I destroyed them.”
“Ye did
what!”
Ian cried, shock and fury turning him into a madman. He drew his dirk and sprang across the room toward Gavin, ready to strike. “Tell me ye lie. Tell me!” he shouted.
Utter panic clutched Sara’s heart; she felt like she couldn’t move, but she had to stop Ian. He would not hurt her, but in his madness, he might stab Gavin. Her body seemed immobile, then it moved too slowly, but somehow she managed to step between Gavin and Ian. The dirk came within inches of her throat.
In almost the same instant, Gavin pulled Sara aside with one hand and grasped Ian’s wrist with the other, his fingers digging into the flesh with maniacal fury, until Ian’s dirk clattered uselessly to the floor. All three of them froze, the horror of what had so nearly happened, locking them into position like so many mannequins.
“I destroyed them,” Gavin said at last, speaking in a quiet voice. “That was my only choice. I could not give them to you or to Cumberland.”
“I bought those rifles so the men would have some means of defending themselves,” Ian said between clenched teeth, his hand sinking to his side, his face a mask of pain and defeat. “Some have nothing but a dirk, others not even that. They cost me everything I have.”
“I’ll give you the money, but I can’t give you the rifles.”
“I willna take money from a defender of the German usurper,” Ian cried, unreasoning hatred turning his eyes a dark red. “I would kill you first.”
“I think you’d better leave,” Gavin said quietly. “And until you can think of something other than your fanatical loyalty to your prince, it would be better if you didn’t come back.”
Ian looked at him with dulled, listless eyes. “Ridding yerself of all yer dangerous baggage? Fat George would be proud of ye.”
“I won’t have you here, because you might harm Sara.”
“I willna hurt her.”
“You’ve already come too close. I can’t risk it again.”
“So that’s it?” Ian asked, his eyes now empty.
Gavin could not put the excommunication into words, but his gaze never wavered. After a moment, Ian quietly turned and left the room.
“Gavin, go after him. You can’t let him leave thinking you hate him.” Sara’s shock at what had happened between Gavin and Ian far outweighed her joy in knowing that Gavin had been willing to jettison a lifelong friendship for her sake.
“He knows I don’t. Both of us were fools to think this rebellion wouldn’t come between us sooner or later, but I couldn’t have him jeopardizing your safety.”
“They really can’t win?”
“No.”
“What will happen?”
“I don’t know, but I’m afraid it will be worse than anything that’s come before. Hawley is out for revenge, because his own stupidity and arrogance made a fool of him, but I don’t think Cumberland will be much better. This rebellion has posed a serious threat to his father’s throne, and coming on top of the uprisings of ’15 and ’19, they’ve got to feel they must crush the power of the clans once and for all.”
“Can’t we help them?”
“No. I’ve already talked to everyone who’ll listen. They’ve had one victory after another, and they think they can continue.”
“Would Ian’s rifles have made a difference?”
“No. In fact, losing them may actually save some lives.”
Sara couldn’t understand how that could happen, but that wasn’t uppermost in her mind. Her coming to Scotland had caused Gavin to be separated from two of his oldest friends, and she couldn’t help but feel guilty. She didn’t mind too much about Colleen—though she liked Colleen, she couldn’t tolerate the thought of her being with Gavin—but Ian’s friendship was of a much higher order, and she knew that in spite of the wedge of jealousy her presence had created in their relationship, Gavin would soon regret the loss of this friendship.
“You didn’t have to do this for me,” Sara said, raising her eyes until she could look Gavin full in the face. “I could have gone back to London.”
Gavin knew he hadn’t done it
just
for Sara, but he also knew the threat of Sara’s having to return to London would have been sufficient reason in itself for him to ban Ian from Estameer for life.
“It wasn’t just for you. It was for everyone at Estameer, me included. And he would have endangered my father and possibly cast suspicion on Clarice and my friends. No, Ian had no right to jeopardize the lives of innocent people.”
“Would you have done the same thing, if it had been just me?” She shouldn’t push him, but she had to know what was in his heart. In the months since he had brought her to Estameer from Glasgow, her feelings for him had changed from youthful infatuation to a love built on trust and admiration. She
had
to know if there were a chance he would ever feel the same way about her.
“Yes, I would have done it just for you.”
“Why?”
How could he tell her that in a matter of a few short weeks, the relationships of a lifetime had changed so completely, he no longer knew his own feelings? No one could have been more surprised than he that, when he found those rifles, his only thought was of the danger their discovery could mean to Sara. He had been so busy worrying that falling in love would make him vulnerable, that he hadn’t realized he had
already fallen in love!
“You’re my wife, I’m supposed to take care of you,” he said, trying to sidestep her question. “Besides, you were almost forced to marry me.”
But Sara would not be sidetracked. He may have been coerced into marriage, but he was not one to bend to any man’s will. He had opposed his father, the Stuart prince, Hawley and Cumberland, and the leaders of the rebelling clans—all men of great power and influence—and now he had turned his back on his best friend. His treatment of her had always been considerate, even though it wasn’t heartwarming, but something had changed in their relationship, and she was going to make him tell her what it was. “Are those the only reasons, duty and guilt?” She didn’t believe they were.
“Dammit, you know I didn’t do it out of duty and guilt.”
“No, I don’t. You’ve never told me what you feel about me.
He hadn’t told her, because things had happened so fast he wasn’t sure himself. But now he was. “You have become very dear to me, even necessary,” Gavin said, as he reached out and put his arms around her. “No matter what other reasons I might have for being angry with Ian, I couldn’t let him do anything to hurt you.”
Sara’s eyes were so filled with tears of happiness she could hardly see, but she refused to blink, to miss even one sliver of this wonderful moment.
“At first, I was so busy hating my father, I was filled with hostility and distrust. I thought you only married me for my position in society, and I didn’t
want
to like you. But when I saw you in Glasgow, and saw how everyone liked and respected you, I was forced to open my eyes and see what everyone else had been able to see from the first glance. I found I had married a beautiful woman of sufficient grace and courage to inspire admiration wherever she went. It didn’t take me long to see that no matter what your reasons were for marrying a virtual stranger, you were determined to devote yourself to making me happy. I don’t say you haven’t given me a couple of shocks, like banning Colleen from Estameer, but I could never doubt you did it because you care for me.
“I love you,” Sara said, barely able to articulate the words for the choking feeling in her throat. “I always have.”
“I thought so, but I couldn’t admit it until now. It made me feel even more guilty.”
“But why should my love make you feel guilty?”
“Because I didn’t love you, and I knew what that could do to a person’s life. My mother loved my father utterly and blindly. He was punctilious in his attentions to her comfort, but he never cared for anything but her money and the empire it enabled him to build. You can’t know what it’s like to pour out unquestioning love year after year and receive nothing in return. I had to watch my mother literally die of emotional starvation. I’ve fought against my feelings for you, because I learned to equate love with suffering and betrayal.”
“I will never betray you,” Sara declared, her heart wrung at the thought of what he must have endured all those years.
“Never!”
“I know you wouldn’t intentionally.”
“But I won’t, not for any reason,” Sara declared, hoping her earnestness would convince him of her sincerity.
“I believe you.” Gavin’s assurances were a little too hurried; he didn’t want to distress her, but he knew people’s feelings could change. Nothing lasted forever.
Sara saw this distrust in his eyes, and her happiness lost some of its luster. I’ll show him, she vowed to herself. I don’t know how just yet, but I’ll show him.
Gavin looked at her youth and her beauty, the body he could still visualize with aching clarity, and wondered if
his
feelings would last forever, or if he would tire of her as he had done of every other woman he had known. He was powerfully drawn to her—even now, just sitting next to her had thrown his blood in a fever—but he was just as powerfully drawn by her courage, determination, loyalty, and her willingness to accept people as she found them and like them anyway. He found his appreciation of these qualities affected him just as strongly as her physical attractions. He was a little surprised to realize that hadn’t been true of anyone else. Maybe it
would
be different this time. He told himself not to hope too strongly, but he was learning a lesson that many had learned before him: when you want something badly enough, you never give up hope of finding it someday.
A wave of nausea swept up from Sara’s stomach. This was the third morning in a row she had felt this way, but it was the first time she had been so strongly affected she couldn’t eat. It was bothersome, but nothing could disturb her happiness. For two months she and Gavin had lived in utter contentment, and she was satisfied that though he still might not know he loved her, he did know he would never willingly let her go.
Sara pushed her breakfast away and settled back in bed with a pleasurable shiver. Though a recent warm spell had melted enough snow so that Gavin could go see how the mines were coming along, it was still bitterly cold, and she luxuriated in the warmth provided by the several down-filled comforters on her bed. It wasn’t as warm as when Gavin lay next to her, but then she expected him home tonight. Not even once in the past two months had he failed to spend the night in her bed.