Authors: Leigh Greenwood
“And what would ye be wanting with her this time, no’ tae yell at her some more, I should hope? For I’m telling ye, Gavin Carlisle, I’ll no’ have ye treating that woman shabby again.”
Gavin wondered if he was losing his grip on reality. Just a week before, Colleen had helped kidnap Sara. What was she trying to do now? “I want to talk to her,” he said.
“Like ye did before?”
“No, not like before,” Gavin replied angrily. What right did Colleen have to interrogate him? “I just want to ask her to explain why she—”
“Explain!” cried Colleen. “Why don’t ye
explain
tae her why ye came storming into that room like a madman, ordering her out o’ the house, tried tae kill poor Ian, and him with sword wounds just knitting, and then threw her clothes onto the floor. Why don’t ye explain that?”
“I know I leaped to some stupid conclusions,” he began, feeling himself getting angry at Colleen. He didn’t have to explain anything to her. “I want to try to understand now.”
“Ye have never understood anything about women,
any
kind o’ women, Gavin Carlisle, and I doubt ye ever shall. All ye can see is the hair, the face, and what she will be like in bed.”
“Dammit, Colleen, I haven’t got time to stand here—”
“Ye had better take the time, or ye will never learn the whereabouts o’ yer wife from me.” Gavin was startled by that threat. “Do ye have any idea how hard she worked tae make herself into what ye wanted her tae be? Of course ye don’t. Ye were too taken up with yer own worries. Tis a fool ye are, Gavin Carlisle. Ye don’t deserve her. That’s what I told her. I do no’ doubt she will have ye back, poor lassie, but no’ unless ye go crawling on yer belly, begging her forgiveness.”
“I don’t intend to—”
“I’ve no doubt ye don’t, and I hope she shows ye the door,” Colleen said forcefully. “And all the while she was doing her best tae keep ye from knowing she had the sickness, just because she didn’t want ye tae be bothered.”
“The sickness?” Gavin repeated, all at sea.
“The morning sickness, ye daft man. Lady Carlisle is carrying yer baby.”
Gavin could have survived a blow from Colleen’s fist better than he withstood the news that Sara was pregnant. He thought his legs were going to collapse under him at any moment, but he managed to pull himself together as Donald Fraser entered the room.
“Has Colleen told ye were tae find yer wife?” he asked.
“I was getting around tae it,” she replied peevishly.
“I willna have this family causing any more trouble for the Carlisles,” Donald roared at his niece, his anger formidable for such an old man. “Ye and yer cousin have done enough damage already. Tell him and be done with it.”
“Ian has taken her tae Inverness. She plans tae seek asylum with the Prince.”
Sara sat waiting for Prince Charles Edward Louis John Casimir Silvester Maria Stuart. She had been in Inverness since yesterday, securely lodged and carefully attended to, but her thoughts were many miles away at Estameer. She might as well have been in a mountain cave, for all she knew of her surroundings. Her whole mind was on Gavin, and what she could do to heal this breech. Many times during the last two days, she had relived those few terrifying minutes that had destroyed her peace and driven her from her home. All she had now was hope, and she held on to that with frantic desperation.
Gavin didn’t understand, she kept telling herself. Something terrible must have happened, because she had never seen him like that, not even when his mother died. Once he understood, once she could
talk
to him, things would be different.
She would not allow herself to think of the consequences if he didn’t. She had always loved Gavin, but she had realized in the last few weeks that what she had felt for him as she was growing into a young woman was merely a shadow of the love she held for him now. As she had come to know the extent of his love for Scotland, Estameer, and its people, and to understand his loyalty to his friends, even when they disagreed with him about the Prince, she began to see him as much more than a devastatingly handsome man whom fate had made her husband. Along with love and physical attraction came respect for his principles, and admiration for the way he held to them, even in the face of enormous pressures. This new prospective of her husband was given further impetus by the regard accorded him by both sides in the conflict. And if his work with the coal mines was any indication, he could become every bit as successful in business as his father.
And then there were those nights, those wonderful glorious nights, she had spent in his arms. Even now she would smile as she remembered little intimacies they had shared, the wonder of discovery as she became more familiar with her body and its reaction to his. It had made her feel warm and safe, had made her feel like she belonged, as nothing had done since her father’s death. And he had been more than kind to her. He had
wanted
to come to her bed, wanted to please her.
Then there was the look she had seen growing in his eyes over these last weeks, a look of trust and love, a look she vowed she would see in his eyes once more, if she had to turn Scotland inside out to find the key to his wild behavior. She had almost despaired of anyone loving her as Gavin did, and now that she had seen his love for her come alive in his eyes, she would not rest until it lived there again. And it was for his sake as much as hers. She knew he felt cheated and betrayed, and that unless she could restore his faith in her love, he would have difficulty putting any meaning into his life. And as selfish as she was for her own happiness, she knew restoring Gavin’s belief in her love would give him much more than love. It would give him back his life.
Then there was the baby, though how she could save it until last she didn’t know. She was becoming accustomed to the sickness; it came every day, just as regularly as the sun, to remind her there was a life other than her own depending on Gavin. Whatever her feelings, she owed it to her unborn child to see that it was born into a family, with a father and a mother who loved each other, as well as the child. She had plenty of evidence in Gavin of what a selfish and manipulative parent could do to a child, and she was determined it would never happen to her baby.
“You’ve lost some of your bloom since I last saw you,” the Prince said, as he entered the room where Sara waited for him.
“I carry my husband’s child, and suffer from the sickness,” Sara explained. “You do not look well yourself, your Majesty.”
“Aye, I’ve been sick, too. In fact, Clementina gave me orders to remain in bed until she returned, but I could not let you arrive in Inverness without seeing you. It seems that both our causes have come upon disquieting times.”
“I hope yours is only temporary.”
“I greatly fear we shall have the answer to that question before I’m fully recovered. You know that Cumberland has left Aberdeen?” Sara nodded. “I’m told his army is more numerous than my faithful Highlanders. I know none of them have the heart of these courageous men who have risked everything for me, yet I know that heart and courage do not always carry the day. Is it not so?”
“I’m afraid it is. Truth and honesty often suffer badly at the hands of greed and guile.”
“It sounds as though you have learned a difficult lesson.”
“No, merely been forced to review one I had already studied. Now, tell me of yourself and Clementina since Glasgow. I have been told that you were gravely ill.”
So they talked of many things, being careful to avoid the issues which touched them most closely. They talked with the ease and honesty of old friends, and it was thus that Gavin found them, when he burst in upon them unannounced.
“This is too bad,” the Prince said, rising. “Am I never to enjoy a conversation with Lady Carlisle without your interrupting us?”
Gavin’s eyes never left Sara. “Stay or go, I don’t care, but I must talk to my wife.”
A single look, and Sara had the answer to the only question that mattered. It was all there in his face—the fear, the pain, the love. Whatever remained to be said could be left to some other time. She was out of the chair and into his arms almost before she knew it. Then she was trying to talk, trying to breathe; Gavin’s grip was so tight she feared he would break her ribs.
“Don’t say anything,” Gavin said, covering her face with kisses. “I don’t care what you did or why you did it, I only want you back at Estameer. I don’t know what came over me—madness I suppose—but I didn’t mean anything I said. I love you, Sara Carlisle. I love you so much I can’t stand the thought of your not being wherever I am. I know the hell my mother went through, but I don’t care, as long as I have you.”
“When you hold me in your arms like this, it is pure heaven.” Sara laughed aloud as the tears poured down her face. “It’s only hell when your love is not returned.” She didn’t know why happiness had to be bought at the price of such bitter pain, but she decided not to question fate. For the moment, she was happy and that was all that mattered.
“There’s one thing I have to tell you.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything. I don’t care—”
Sara put her fingers over his lips. “I’m going to have a baby,” she said. “You’ll have to want both of us back.”
After all he had gone through these last few days, Gavin was surprised that anything had the power to affect him, but he was amazed at the impact of Sara’s words. Even though Colleen had warned him, there was something magical about hearing the news from his wife’s lips.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“I don’t know. I’ve said and done so much that was wrong, I’m afraid to do anything anymore.”
“Just tell me you are pleased.” She was afraid she had told him too abruptly. Maybe he still wasn’t ready.
“I’m
very
pleased. That’s what I don’t understand. Maybe it’s knowing that it will be your child, but it’s not at all what I had thought it would be like. It’s wonderful.”
“Everything won’t be wonderful. I will grow fat.”
“I’ve always thought you were too thin.”
“And I shall become very short of temper.”
“Betty has always said you were far too reasonable and understanding.”
“I shall demand all manner of strange foods.”
“I shall hire a French chef.”
Sara laughed joyously. “Is there nothing! can say that will make you regret your child?”
“Only that it will drive me from your bed.”
“You will never leave my bed or my arms.”
“I’m pleased to see that one of our ventures has reached a happy conclusion,” remarked the Prince. They had forgotten about him. “I realize I should have withdrawn. I apologize, but I was determined to see that Lady Carlisle was not mistreated. I am very fond of her.”
“No more than I.”
“No, well, I should hope so. And now, if you would not scorn my counsel, I suggest that you either return to your home, or remove to Cumberland’s camp immediately. There will be a reckoning very soon, and I doubt he would understand your being here.”
“We shall remove to Cumberland’s camp. My father travels with him, and I have much to say to him.”
Betty entered the room at that moment. She took one look at her mistress firmly held in Gavin’s arms, and charged down on them like a vengeful tigress protecting her only cub. “God almighty, milady,” she snorted, her face a picture of disgust, “haven’t you been injured enough by that man to know not to put yourself in his way again? You might as well lie down in front of a runaway wagon as to take up with him. At least the Fraser never made you cry.”
“I’m crying with happiness, Betty.”
“Nobody cries from happiness, unless they’ve cried from misery first,” decreed Betty. “And this man is certainly a misery, but I suppose you’re as determined as ever to have him.”
“Aye,” said Sara, smiling up into Gavin’s eyes. “I am.”
Tuesday, April 15, 1746
Sara didn’t like Cumberland; she liked Lt. Gen. Henry Hawley even less; she liked being with the English army as it readied itself for battle least of all. They had none of the high spirits and feeling of camaraderie that made the Highlanders a joy to be around, and very little of their manners either. Betty had more than once threatened to brain one of the soldiers, none of whom accorded her mistress the respect she felt was due a lady and a future peeress. Sara’s most fervently expressed wish was to be back at Estameer, but she and Gavin were unable to leave. The Earl had been absent when they arrived, and Cumberland had asked them to remain for the celebration of his birthday.
“I never know where you’re going to turn up next, dear boy,” he told Gavin, “and I have even less idea what you’re going to be doing. Not everyone has my faith in you.”
Sara wondered just how much faith the Duke really had in his old acquaintance, but she made no comment. At twenty-three, William Augustus, Duke of Cumberland, was his father’s second son and his greatest favorite. He was a tall, forceful man with a fleshy, porcine face, long nose, and sensual mouth.
“He has been brought up to be a soldier,” Gavin had explained to Sara later. “He is brave, forthright, confident, aggressive, and quite brisk of manner. He never shirks danger, but faces it head on, thereby winning his men’s respect and achieving a deserved reputation for heroism.”