Read Sweeter Than Honey Online
Authors: Mary B. Morrison
to hear his voice
to hold his hand
to caress his chin
to have a man
to put him first
to put my girlfriends on hold
just to hold him at night
to set the table by candlelight
to cook his dinner
to reassure him everything would be all right
to please his dick
to nurture him when he got sick
all those things I used to do
because I simply wanted to
have now become chores
I don’t want to do them anymore
the more I give
the more he takes
the less he gives
the more I cry
the less he tries
the more I die inside
the harder I try
the more I die inside
the more my heart aches
the more I die inside
now I’m numb
but why
I no longer care to try
Once upon a time before him
I was happy
when did I stop
being happy
how did I lose myself
caring so much for someone else
why did my family and friends disappear
where did the time go
when did my spirit grow old
where was the person I used to know
as I look in the mirror
a stranger stares back at me
she’s not me
she’s cold
she’s bitter
she’s aged
she’s sad
she’s trapped inside herself
Once upon a time before him
I was happy by myself
I want to be happy again
I want to laugh with my friends
I want to dance, to sing, to smile again
I want to swing my hips
I want to curve my lips
Hug my child
I simply want to chill for a while
Smell the roses
be free
to love those
who love me
It’s not too late
for me
to be me
again
I lost everything
trying to be his everything
but from this day forth
Today
is the last day
that I live with myself
without being myself
Once upon a time
has come
for me
to be
happy
again
I’m smiling
inside and out
because there’s no doubt
I am worthy
of joy
of happiness
of love
Place of Pain
There’s a place of pain
within my soul
that makes me want to cry
live another day
I heard Him say
and He’d make me whole again
There’s a place of pain
inside my mind
that makes me tell lies
Be true to yourself
I heard Him say
and everything would be okay
There’s a place of pain
inside my pride
that makes me want to kill
myself
more so than anyone else
There’s a place of pain
inside my spirit
that makes me believe
I’m better off dead than alive
but if I can hold on
just one more day
to God’s unchanging hand
I know God has got a plan
There’s a place of pain
inside my heart
if I can survive another day
I know the pain will go away
I Am Worthy
While I was dining in Philadelphia with my mentor and friend, we stumbled across a very important topic for women: I am worthy. Asking ourselves and one another the question, “Why do we feel worthy?” we all had unique responses that paralleled in some aspects. The more we talked the more we thought, what makes us worthy?
I’ve asked several of my sisters-in-pen, Naleighna Kai, Gloria Mallette, and Marissa Monteilh, to share their views of worthiness. Before reading what they had to say, I strongly encourage you to take a moment and write about why you feel worthy.
I’d love to read your response and you can also encourage your family and friends to submit why they believe they are worthy of greatness. E-mail me from my Web site at www.MaryMorrison.com. Once a month I’m going to highlight a different person on my Web site along with a photo (optional of course) and your journey to worthiness. Submissions are limited to five hundred words.
As you read remember, money doesn’t determine or sustain self-worth. I want to hear from you. At the end of each year, voters will determine which spotlighted woman will be honored at my I Am Worthy banquet. Women of all nationalities are welcome to attend this joyous celebration of Womanhood on Mary B. Morrison Day. For details, visit me online at www.MaryMorrison.com.
Mary B. Morrison Day is March 1. It’s a day of recognition and appreciation not of me but from me to all women. I look forward to reading your submissions. And I look forward to meeting you. Without delay, here’s what we’d like to share.
Naleighna Kai
I Am Worthy…
It has taken forty years for me to realize that I am worthy of many things—unconditional love, harmonious relationships, abundance, and prosperity—to know my purpose and to fulfill it during
this
lifetime. My experiences—from pain to pleasure and everything in between—have strengthened me, expanded my understanding, and made me a woman who knows I Am Worthy.
You Are Worthy…
Woman, you are worthy. You are a nurturer, lover, life-bearer; confidante, head of household, sports coach, organizer, maintainer, referee; you are all this and more. You understand that the Creator is your source—not a job, not a career, not family or friends, not the child support or alimony that has been as hard to get as pulling a lion’s teeth. You are worthy because everything in your universe comes from the Divine; and you consistently acknowledge this through prayers, intentions, and affirmations that flow from your lips to God’s ear. All it takes is a mere request and the angels, ancestors, teachers, and guides go before you and place people, resources, and the right situations in your path. All because…you are worthy.
As spiritual beings having human experiences, worthiness is not defined by our physical makeup. Your body is strictly a vessel in which you choose to enjoy the ride. You may have the luxury models (plus-size frames), SUV, or sports car edition. Either way is perfect, whole, and complete. So thank every lover/soul mate who caressed each curve, each roll, each inch, and appreciated the wonderful women we are in body, mind, and spirit.
You are worthy and deserve a relationship filled with compassion, friendship, and spiritual growth—the kind of relationship that is about respect, harmony, and balance; the kind of love that many admire, seldom attain. The kind of relationship that is defined only by the two interconnected parties. Your life, your choice, your love, your way. You are worthy of this and more.
I Am Worthy…
The fact that I am able to embrace those three words means I have overcome the biggest obstacles in my healing—not what was done to me, but what I felt as a result. I will share a bit of my story with you.
My birth certificate says: “Single Parent Adoption.” My biological mother didn’t take me home from the hospital; she decided that my interest, and hers, could be better served by passing the motherhood torch to someone else. Eighteen months later my biological mother stood in front of a judge, telling him that she had lied and wanted to adopt me back—not because she loved me or decided she had made a mistake. Fate had other plans that landed my “chosen mother” in a place she definitely did not want to be—jail. So I was back where I should have been in the first place—or maybe not. Years of abuse and a disconnectedness that no one could explain followed.
At fourteen I ran away from my mother to seek a safe haven with my father. What I found instead was a man with a sick mind who saw in me only the physical pleasure he could derive. I survived the dozens and dozens of the times that my innocence was stripped away by him and later another male relative who felt it necessary to take what I would never freely give to them. Those moments shaped the way I viewed myself, my body, and my worth, as well as my initial view of men.
Thankfully, the Creator does not leave anyone broken and splintered. A supervisor entered my life and she later became my minister, sexual abuse counselor, and friend. She pointed me to the tools and affirmations necessary to help me understand I deserve every good thing that comes to me. That redefining myself not by my pain, but by the fact that I can be and am healed of everything that has been done to me or any situation that has brought me low. The Creator makes me worthy.
And just to make sure I understood, the Creator gifted me with a son who has taught me more than being in any intimate relationship; a son who has caused me to take more risks than I would for myself. For every friend who has spoken an encouraging word, the type of friend who said, “If I have a dollar, then you’ve got fifty cents.” Small things to some, but they have made me feel worthy and I love you with every ounce of my being.
We Are Worthy…
For some of us, healing may come in the form of a best friend, mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, cousin, minister, or a lover/soul mate who provides unconditional love. Someone who understands what we’ve been through and doesn’t pass it off with a mere “get over it already” or “you’re a black woman, we’re stronger than all that.” They realize there’s more to it than strength alone. Support—real support—unwavering support is like pure gold. It might be in their words, or a book they have shared or music that touches the soul and soothes the inner pain. We are worthy.