Sweetest Desires (A Sweetest Day Romance) (9 page)

Chapter 12

The city skyline rose in the
distance as Natalie took the downtown exit off the expressway. Traffic was a nightmare, courtesy of the number of people relocating to Atlanta and the constant roadwork to accommodate them.

The BMW crept from traffic light to traffic light, squeezing down narrow streets flanked by concrete guardrails and chain-link fencing as she took yet a
nother maddening thirty-minute detour.

All the way to Katharine’s house, Natalie seethed. The nerve of him! Who did he think he was? Jimmy Swaggart? Jim Bakker? Did he think he could sit up in church with his wife and family and act like everything was okay while his mind filled with the picture of that . . . “That . . . tramp?” There! She’d said it! Could that be the reason why he’d stopped going to church? Did the guilt consume him?

Her brows began to relax. She rubbed her right temple in a circular motion and asked God for his forgiveness as she pulled into Katharine’s driveway and turned off the ignition.

Why would Carson do that? Why would he just up and leave? He loved Kat and his kids. Slipping her keys into her purse and stepping out of the car, she tried to find the right words to say to Katharine.

By the time she reached the top step, the front door swung open. Katharine’s red, swollen eyes told it all. No words—just quivers and sniffles and painful moans as she wrapped her arms tightly around Natalie’s neck.

“His timing sure is off.  Why would he choose to do this so soon after the holidays?” Katharine said, breathing heavily on Natalie’s shoulder. “Anyway, I’m so glad you came.”

“Me too. Have you told them yet?” Natalie asked with alternating rubs and taps on Katharine’s back.

Pulling away, Katharine shook her head slowly, averting her eyes as though she had something to be ashamed of. “I – I still don’t know how. I don’t know what to say.”

Natalie held onto Katharine’s hands as if the two were about to launch into a prayer. “Tell you what . . . we’ll tell them together.” To her surprise, she felt a tear slide down her cheek
. Ugh . . . look at me! She doesn’t need this. She needs strong support, not sympathetic brittleness
.

Katharine, who looked ready to cry again herself, smiled affectionately. “Oh, no. Look what I’ve made you do.”

Natalie sucked in a light breath and retracted her thought humorously.
Sympathetic brittleness it is
. She swiped the fallen tear under her eye with her middle fingers then pulled off her sweater-jacket and placed it in the nearest chair.

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Mind helping you tell them? Of course not. You’re my best friend, girl.” She baby-punched Katharine’s upper arm. “And those two midgets up there,” she pointed toward the staircase, “are my favorite munchkins.”

“Wha-what’ll we say to them?” Katharine sta
mmered.

“We’ll tell them the truth—that their dad is ac
ting like a butthead and wants to be a swinging single again.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Katharine said incred
ulously.

“Oh, wouldn’t I? I’m not going to make you look like the bad guy in all this. Strip the covers off that demon so his kids can see what he’s really made of.”

“Natalie!”

“Natalie, nothing!” She held up her hand as if to stop Katharine’s protest.

“He’s my husband no matter what. And he’s no demon!”

“Maybe not, but he’s allowing demons to use him. And to think I came to his defense—umph.”

Katharine pulled her lower lip through her teeth. It was obvious she wanted to deny Natalie’s words but couldn’t. “Okay, stop!” she said finally. “Let’s take a timeout and examine what’s just happened here. I should be acting like you—angry and hostile; and you should be acting like me—sluggish and fragile.”

They both were quiet and then, simultaneously, burst into a roaring laughter.

“Lord, forgive me again,” Natalie managed to say.

“Me, too, Lord,” Katharine chimed in, with a li
ttle giggle still in her throat.

“Why are you asking for forgiveness? I was the one that called him a demon.”

“Just because.”

“Because what?”

“Because we have to constantly ask for forgiveness for those unforeseen, unaware sins.”

“Yeah . . . for we know not what we do.” If St
ephen did something like that to me, Natalie thought, I’m not sure if I could be this forgiving. Eventually I could, but it would take some doing.

“. . . So what do you think?”

“How’s that?” Natalie asked, snapping out of the disturbing introspection.

“I said, ‘let’s just tell the children the truth—that their dad needed some space.’”

“Needed some space?”

Katharine shrugged. “Got any better ideas wit
hout compromising the truth?”

“Just go with the flow?” Natalie suggested. “You lead and I’ll follow.”

“I’m not so much worried about CJ as I am about Bethany.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” Natalie countered. “Being the only girl in a family of three boys, you’d be surprised about boys and how they really feel about their fathers, especially with the good relationship CJ and Carson have.”

“Does Stephen know?” Katharine inquired.

Natalie nodded. She rarely kept anything from her husband. He knew as much as she did about the O’Connors’ lives.

“That reminds me. I have to tell you about CJ and—”

Before Katharine could finish, CJ and Bethany raced down the stairs, pushing into each other to be first into the room.

“All right, you two,” Katharine warned.

“Hi, Aunt Nat,” they said in unison.

“Hi, babies. Come give Auntie a hug.”

They strolled over and tried to hug her at the same time. “Ladies first,” she reminded CJ with a wink and a smile. He stepped back and waited his turn while she hugged Bethany. “I like my hugs sep
arately ’cause I like to get as many as I can,” Natalie said, giving CJ a squeeze.

“Are you still going to take us to Kangaroo Kids, Aunt Nat?” Bethany reminded her.

“I sure am,” she tickled her belly.

“When?” CJ wanted to know.

“Just as soon as I get those report cards with all those As and Bs on them,” she said, playfully poking CJ in the stomach.

“Ooooo! I’m going to Kangaroo Kids! I’m going to Kangaroo Kids!” Bethany twirled around and around gleefully.

“What about you, CJ?” Natalie asked.

He lowered his head.

Katharine jumped in. “Uh, I’ll talk to you about it later.”

Natalie looked from Katharine to CJ and back, concern rising in her voice. “Why? What’s the pro
blem? CJ’s always been a model student.”

“I said I’ll talk to you about it later,” Katharine said sharply. “Okay?”

Natalie’s countenance dropped. “All right, then.” Now wasn’t the time to discuss CJ, she realized. Now was the time to face the music about Carson’s departure.

“Um, CJ and Bethany, sit right here.” Katharine patted the cushioned seat. “Mommy has something really important to say to you.” She glanced at Natalie and swallowed hard.

* * *

“Daddy and I—we both love you two very, very much. And there’s nothing we wouldn’t do for you. But sometimes mommies and daddies have di
sagreements.” Katharine paused to swallow. “So they decide to live separately for a little while until they can find an answer both of them can agree on and—”

She turned her head away so the children couldn’t see the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Nat, help me out here,” she said in hushed tones to her friend.

Everything was spontaneous. Natalie was there for moral support and Katharine asking her to intervene certainly caught Natalie off guard.

“Sure. Yeah. Um, you see, kids, um, well, it’s like this.” Natalie took a deep breath and went for it. “Look . . . y’all are big enough to understand this. Your dad moved out. He needs to be alone awhile so he can figure out what to do with himself. He’s not mad at y’all—he’s mad at himself! He’s acting like a big, selfish, overgrown—”

“Nat!”

CJ’s and Bethany’s eyes shot over to their mother and then rested on Natalie.

“Wh-when is he coming back?” Bethany asked in between sobs.

“Don’t you get it?” CJ glared at his sister, almost shaking with fury. “He’s not coming back. He’s gone forever!” He started to leave the room, his brisk walk turning into a run as Katharine called him back.

Natalie caught up with him and returned him to his mother.

“CJ, please, darling, let me explain so you’ll u
nderstand.”

“What’s to understand? Aunt Nat said he moved out—and that’s that!”

“Please, sweetheart,” Katharine pleaded. “Don’t be angry with me.”

“I’m not angry with you—I’m angry with him!” His face was bunched up in a furious scowl.

Katharine glanced helplessly at Natalie and back to CJ but said nothing.

“Can I go back to my room now?”

Katharine nodded.

CJ began to move forward, but Katharine called after him. “CJ!”

He stopped but didn’t turn around.

“I’ll be up to talk to you later.”

CJ nodded and sped up the back stairway.

Katharine felt trapped and helpless, as if her hands and feet were bound and her mouth taped shut. She could do nothing but wait for Carson to come back.

Bethany ambled over to Katharine and hugged her waist. Stooping to look into the sad brown eyes, Katherine used her thumb to wipe away Bethany’s tears. She hugged her little girl tightly, kissing both her cheeks before sending her up to her room for some quiet time.

After watching her daughter slowly glide through the archway, Katharine snapped her neck toward Natalie. “What on earth made you say such a thing?”

Natalie shrugged. “You’ve always said you were going to be open and honest with your children.”

“But not like this. I didn’t expect Carson to leave.”

“He’s his own man, Kat. He has to take responsibility for his actions. None of this is your fault. Just remember that.”

“I’m not so sure,” Katharine whispered, ma
ssaging her eye sockets with her middle finger and thumb. “His absence is just going to take some getting used to.”

“Look,” Natalie said softly. “You need to relax. I’m going to go make us a cup of that herbal tea you have in the kitchen cabinet. In the meantime, go u
pstairs and talk to CJ. When you open your mouth, God will give you the words to say just as he did for Moses.”

Katharine smiled slightly. Moses, she thought. There were times when even he hesitated to deliver messages from God. Halfway up the staircase, she stopped and slouched down on the step. Lowering her forehead onto the palm of her hand, she had a silent conversation with God.

I don’t know what to say to my children, Lord.

I will be your mouthpiece and will tell you what to say
.

I’m too emotional right now to speak. But Natalie’s a more courageous speaker than I am. Can’t you bring forth the words from her lips instead?

God’s anger became obvious to Katharine.

Did I not give Natalie life? I know all about her. Go speak to your children, and I will put words in your mouth
.

Katharine sat up straight and gave a few more moments to her thoughts before rising and walking the rest of the way to CJ’s room. She knocked lightly and advanced forward without invitation even though she’d always taught her children to knock on a closed door and wait for permission to enter.

CJ gave his mother a peripheral glance but otherwise ignored her presence and continued playing the game on his PlayStation.

“CJ, I need your undivided attention.”

“Huh? Okay,” he said, continuing to indulge himself with his game.

Katharine removed the control panel from his hands.  “Sit up, please.”

Sulking, CJ wiggled out from underneath the comfortable blanket and scooted to the edge of the mattress. He wasn’t in the mood to have a discussion about his father’s absence. He just wanted to play his game. Katharine knew all this.

She sat next to him on the bed. “Sometimes it’s hard being a grown-up,” Katharine began, “just like sometimes it’s hard being eight years old.” She watched CJ’s bland expression. “Sometimes mo
mmies and daddies don’t agree with each other and they end up arguing and yelling at each other, like daddy and I have been doing lately.” Katharine really hated to have this talk with CJ, but it was necessary. “We don’t like arguing, so daddy and I are going to live apart for a while.” She put her arm around his shoulders. “But it’ll only be just for a little while until we can make things better between us.”

CJ nodded as if he understood her explanation. “I wish . . . .”  He left the sentence unfinished, but glanced quickly at his mother and then away.