Authors: S Gonzalez
Monday morning 5 a.m.,
my alarm goes off. I shoot up
and look out the window to make sure we are parked in
the studio parking lot. I need to get up to take a shower
before the boys are able to get in the bathroom. When I
step out of the bedroom I see Chris sitting at the kitchen
table, dressed and ready to go.
“Well, good morning sunshine. What are you
doing up?”
“I just want to make sure I am ready to go once its
time,” he says nervously, his knee bouncing up and
down while he tries to
act
calm. “I don’t want to be late
or anything.”
“Chris are you okay? You look nervous,” I inquire
then bite my lip to stifle a smile. I can’t help but find it
amusing that he can walk onto stage in front of hundreds
of people and not blink an eye, but a television interview
has him thrown. More then thrown, shitting in his pants.
“Don’t laugh at me Emma. I am freaking the fuck
out. What if they ask me a question? I am not good at
talking to people. Dom and Justin do all that shit. I just
want to play music. What if I stutter or something? A lot
of people are going to see it. Shit like that tends to stick
with a guy, ya’ know. If I screw up, these fuckers are
never going to let me live it down.”
I sit next to Chris and place my hand on his knee
to prevent him from stomping through the damn floor.
“Chris, you will be fine. We went over the questions they
are going to ask you, yesterday. Remember?”
Chris nods.
“Good. Just stick to what we discussed and if they
ask you something else, just answer as honestly as
possible. If you get stuck, look over at me. I will be right
off to the side. I will help you as much as I can.
He eyes me wearily, unsure if I am telling him the
truth. “Do you promise? You’ll be close?”
“Yes. I promise. Just relax and eat something
before you leave,” I insist before I step away from the
table, toward the bathroom. These boys really are a
bunch of grown children sometimes.
“Emma.”
“Yeah.” I turn back to Chris.
“I’m glad you’re here. We all are. In case you
didn’t know, we kind of consider you one of us now.”
I smile at his statement and he blushes before
turning his head to look out the window at the chaos that
is ensuing near the studio. I go into the bathroom to get
ready for my day. When I look at myself in the mirror I
smile. A real, genuine smile. Because for the first time
ever, I feel like I’m part of a real family.
They guys can just throw
on clothes because hair and
makeup people will get them ready. Me, on the other
hand, I am left to primp myself.
After a half-hour of getting myself all dolled up I
step out into the main galley and see they are reluctantly
awake, thanks to Chris. Rocco is slumped on the couch,
Dominic and Justin are drinking coffee at the kitchen
table, and Chris is pacing as he looks out the windows.
“Ready boys? You have to get pretty before the
world can see you.”
“I am pretty enough,” Justin remarks with his
signature cocky grin that makes the girls drop their
panties.
“That look doesn’t work on me, so save it for the
cameras,” I tease and Dominic slaps his best friend
upside the head before wrapping his arms around me.
“Asshole.” Justin grumbles.
Giving me a loud, wet kiss on the mouth, Dominic
flips off Justin but doesn’t close his eyes in fear of
retaliation.
Men! Or should I say, boys.
We all file out of the bus and are met at the door
by a short, stubby man wearing an earpiece. The midtwenties looking guy introduces himself as Charles, the
producer’s assistant. Charles escorts us inside and shows
the band where they need to get ready. They have
makeup artists and hairstylists working on them one at a
time, each griping about wearing makeup saying
something about being emo douchbags. When they get to
Rocco he begrudgingly agrees allow a little makeup, but
stands firm on, no eyeliner. As we go over the questions
the hosts will ask, I see what convinced him. A busty
blond is bending over, giving him a clear shot down her
low cut top in the front, and the money shot of her ass
poking out of her too short skirt in the mirror behind her.
I snap my fingers and point to the mirror to suggest she
use caution when bending. She smiles at Rocco and
resumes her position as Chris joins in on the bimbo
watching.
I need them to focus. This is their first TV
appearance and although it should be a piece of cake, I
don’t want anything screwed up. There will be a very
short interview after they perform their single,
Sweetness. There aren’t any questions specifically
directed at Chris. Once I get a second to break away I
make sure he knows that. He seems a little more relaxed
now and before we know it, its time for them to go on.
This should be a breeze. There are only about 100 people
in the audience, plus the crew, so this should be a piece
of cake for them.
The guys walk on the set during one of the
commercial breaks. They ready their instruments and
take their positions before the bleach blond talk show
host named Veronica introduces them. I see Chris staring
into the camera, frozen. I quickly and quietly take off my
heals, so I don’t make any noise on the live set. Then take
position next to the camera, giving him a reassuring nod.
Chris sees me and snaps out of it. Once he finds his place
in the song, he begins to play.
Crisis diverted.
After a few minutes the guys finish the song. The
audience applauds like crazy before the show goes to
commercial. Justin and Dominic walk confidently
toward the stools located next to the stage; Rocco and
Chris follow. Chris looks nervously over to me. I give
him a thumbs up and make a funny face, forcing a smile
to twitch on his lips.
After the commercial break the talk show hosts
take turns asking the band the prescribed questions that I
gave them. Where are you from? What age did you start
playing? Where did you all meet? Same standard boring
questions they have answered a hundred times before.
Right before the interview ends Veronica looks at Chris
and asks him a question off the top of her head.
“So Chris, you seem to be the quiet one in the
group. We know Dominic has a special girl. And Justin
and Rocco are notorious for loving all the ladies, but
what about you. Anyone special in your life?”
Shit!
His face pales and he freezes. I can see a sheen of
sweat forming on his forehead as the silent seconds tic
by. He looks over to me for an answer. I shake my head
and mouth the word ‘no’ to give him the answer.
He looks back at the host and says nervously, “I
like girls.”
Seriously?! What the hell kind of an answer is
that? I can tell as soon as it flowed out of his mouth he
instantly regretted saying it. This is his worst fear come
true. This is the one thing he was afraid would happen.
Oh no. The guys are never,
ever,
going to let him
forget this.
Veronica giggles and the guys snort in unison,
trying to stifle their laughter. Chris’s face turns bright red
and he hangs his head as the camera pans back over to
the hosts and goes to another commercial break. I slip on
my shoes and give Chris an apologetic smile, but I am
hysterically laughing on the inside. I can tell the guys are
ready to jump all over him. I shoot them a warning glare
and shake my head so they know I mean business.
When we reach the studio door I catch up with
Chris and grab his hand so he will slow down and look
at me. Justin busts out into a fit of hysterical laughter
behind us and Dominic tries to control himself but fails
miserably. Chris calls them all assholes and storms off
toward the bus. When the studio doors close Rocco
looses it and joins Dominic and Justin in their fits of
laughter. While trying to hold back my own laughter I
explain to them that Chris was very nervous and they
should be more understanding.
“Emma, come on. That shit was epic. You can’t
create comedy like that,” Justin laughs.
Yeah, they aren’t going to go easy on him.
“Sorry baby, but you have to admit it was funny,”
Dominic adds.
“I get it. It was funny. I am not denying that. But
he is humiliated and you are supposed to be his friends.”
“This
is
us being his friends. This is what guys
do,” Rocco insists. “We tease each other for acting like a
tool and move on.”
“Whatever. I am going to check on him.”
When I enter the bus, Chris is sitting on the couch
with his head in his hands. Poor guy is mortified.
“Chris.”
“I knew this would happen. I told you this would
happen.”
“Chris, I shook my head. Why didn’t you just say,
no?”
“Fuck…I don’t know. I froze. I just said the first
thing that came to mind,” he shouts and points out the
window. “They are never going to let me live this down.
They are going to ride me about this forever.”
“No they won’t. It’s not as bad as it seems. I’m
sure, very soon, you will be able to laugh at this with
them.”
I hear the bus doors open then the sound of
footsteps walking up the stairs. Chris and I watch Rocco,
Dominic, and Justin walk in with their heads down
trying to keep straight faces. I know they are trying very
hard but their expressions are making it hard to keep my
own laughter at bay. When a small snort slips out the
guys all bust out into another fit of laughing. Chris just
shakes his head and tries to be mad, but he can’t. He
starts laughing with them while they all jump on him one
at a time. He playfully fights them off, calling them,
jerkoffs, in the process. And people say women’s moods
are unpredictable.
“I have to go get my sister from the airport.
Anyone want to come with?” Justin asks after the dog
pile commences.
No one answers. I look at each of them as they
quietly look at anything but Justin.
“I’ll go with you,” I volunteer. Dominic eyes shoot
in my direction.
“Emma, you sure?” Justin inquires.
“Yeah. I’d love to meet your sister. Besides,
maybe we can find a tattoo shop and get that piercing on
the way back.”
“NO WAY!” Dominic yells. “Justin, she better not
come back inked or pierced. In fact, I’ll go too.”
As I walk past Justin, I whisper, “I knew that
would get him to come with us.”
Justin smiles and flashes a wink before I turn
toward the bedroom. When I reach the door I hear
Dominick yell down the short hallway, “What was that?”
“Nothing, dear. I am going to change. I will be
right out.”
“What did you say, Emma?” He yells again.
“What is she plotting, Justin? You better not take her to
get anything pierced.”
Justin is making me nervous
with all the pacing. He has
checked on her flight schedule, talked to the ticket agent,
and walked up and down the hall a dozen times. He’s
nervous about his sister coming here. I get it, but if he
doesn’t calm down then he is only going to make her
nervous too. I have to admit I am very anxious to meet
Julie myself. I don’t know what she looks but I am eager
to find out what Glen sees in her that brings out his
demons. Maybe she looks like me, or acts like me. I need
to know why he is doing this as much as Justin does.
Justin stills mid stride. Dominic pulls me under
his arm protectively. It takes me a second to follow his
eye line to a petite brunette walking toward us. Justin
makes a mad dash to the girl I hope is Julie. When he
wraps his arms around her, her body shakes as she cries
into her brother’s shoulder. He holds her at arms length
and runs a finger over her cheek to examine her face
before pulling her back into an embrace.
My heart brakes for them both. I know what Glen
is capable of more than anyone. Dealing with the
physical pain is the easy part. That is the pain that goes
away in time. That’s the pain you wish for. It’s the
emotional pain that keeps you from sleeping at night. It’s
the emotional pain that changes you into someone
harder. Someone that you don’t necessarily want to be,
but someone you need to be to keep on moving. That’s
what bastards like Glen take from you; innocence.
As she walks closer I take inventory of her
appearance. Even through her big, Jackie O type
sunglasses, I can see her tears. She is a few inches shorter
than Justin and she has a petite frame. Her shoulder
length, light brown hair is pinned up on one side. She is
wearing long sleeves and long pants even though it’s
summertime, probably to cover the bruises Glen left.
Justin takes his sisters hand and walks toward us. I see
Julie and Dominic smile at each other before she wraps
her petite arms around him.
Watching how careful Justin and Dominic are
with her, makes me wish I had the strength to talk to
someone about my abuse at the time. Maybe if I had
someone like them to help me, it wouldn’t have gotten so
bad.
“There’s my favorite Sheila.” Dominic pulls away
and kisses her on the cheek.
“Look, its my favorite whacker,” Julie giggles. I
notice right away that her accent is much more
pronounced then Justin’s’.
“Julie, I’d like you to meet the love of my life,
Emma Hill. Emma, this is, Julie Anderson.”
Her smile fades when she flicks her face in my
direction. Although she has on sunglasses, I can see a
purple bruise on her upper cheek trailing up toward her
temple. I give her a sad smile and extend my hand but
she doesn’t take it. Instead she tugs nervously on her
shirtsleeves and looks away. Sensing her hesitation Justin
wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her away
from me. I am very uncomfortable being around the
woman that my stepbrother beat up and raped but I am
willing to try and be her friend while she is with us. We
are going to be stuck on a bus together so making the
best of this situation is in everyone’s best interest.
Something tells me she is not going to be as cooperative.
So I guess it will be up to me to do my best to make this a
drama free zone. Her scars are fresh. It will take her some
time to warm up to people and trust. Hopefully she
realizes that she is not in this battle alone, for her own
sake.
Dominic grabs my hand and we follow Justin and
Julie out to the car. Ryan holds the door open for us but
in an act of selflessness, I move around him to open the
passenger side door. I don’t want to make Julie feel any
more uncomfortable, so I’ll keep my distance, for now.
Dominic gives me a curt nod and kisses my hand before
closing my door and climbing in the back with his
friends. When I reach behind me to grab my seatbelt
Justin puts his hand on mine and shoots me a grateful
smile. I don’t want him or Dominic to worry about me.
They need to focus on helping Julie. That’s why she’s
here. I bet it doesn’t help her to be in the same car as her
attackers family but that is the hand we’ve been dealt.
The drive back to the bus is quiet. I lay my head
on the window and watch the city pass by around me as
the Dom, Julie, and Justin catch up. The tension in the car
is awkward, due to Julie’s snarkyness toward anything
involving me. It makes me feel as if Julie is going to cause
trouble at every turn, mostly because Julie decides to
bring up subjects like Dom’s ex girlfriends, or some
remember when moments that solidifies that he had a life
before me. It doesn’t bother me as much as she thinks,
but if a simple car ride is difficult, how the hell are we
going to get through the next few weeks together.
Especially with the black cloud of Glen Maser hanging
over us. Julie has made it clear that she is not going to
make this easy…for anyone.