Authors: S Gonzalez
I walk through the door into a closet that is about
the same size as my bedroom in Brooklyn. It is stocked
with new cocktail dresses, floor length gowns, skirts,
blouses, designer shoes and a drawer full of lingerie and
stocking.
There is a cabinet with a shiny black top in the middle of
the closet that has a white wicker basket filled with wine
and wine glasses. The note reads:
Enjoy a day of papering for you, Mark, and your friends
before you are off to become the newest employee of
HMA.
Love, Dad xoxo
As I spin around to admire all the newness I see
Wanda gaping in the doorway of my closet.
“HOLY AMAZEBALLZ!”
“Amazeballz?” I say to her laughing. “What the
hell is amazeballz.”
“I dunno’. Some hot brunette in my eco class used
to say it all the time. Seems fitting for this room.”
“Amazeballz it is.” As much as I don’t mind my
father buying me things or spoiling me, this is a bit too
much. “Lets go tell the boys we’re off to the SPA on
Sunday and they only get to go if they move our stuff.”
Wanda is still standing outside the closet doors. I
see her turn her head to the side, looking back into the
bedroom and gives a slight nod. I am not sure what it
means but as I start walking out of the closet she tells me
she is going to check out her room again.
When I step back into my room I see Max standing
in the middle of my room. “Fancy room. Where do I
sleep?” Max says trying to break the ice.
“On the balcony,” I reply, walking toward the
glass wall to look at the city below.
I feel Max’s hands on my shoulders as he steps
behind me. “Emma, we need to talk. I don’t like you
being mad at me.”
“Can you close the door first? I don’t want Mark
to hear us.” I tell him. He makes quick work of it. We sit
on the couches near the glass wall, facing each other but
neither of us talking. I have no idea what to say to him.
In all the years we have been friends we have never been
awkward with each other.
“You hurt my feelings, Max. I trusted you with a
moment in my life that I don’t enjoy reliving and you
acted as though I was lying. That is exactly what Glen
wants. It is exactly what he always told me would
happen if I told anyone.”
“Emma, I don’t believe him. I was just…so
conflicted. I hate that he did that to you. I don’t
understand your feelings because I have never gone
through anything like what you went through. I guess I
wanted it to not be true.”
“You don’t think I was confused. He used to tell
me all the time that I wanted it. That I deserved it and
wanted him. Ech…it was so sick and twisted that he
actually got off on the struggle so…so I stopped
struggling.” My voice comes in a soft breath toward the
end. I hate thinking of how he made me feel.
This is going to be hard to explain. It is hard for
me to even comprehend. Glen used to love watching me
in pain and if I could just take that away from him I
thought he wouldn’t touch me anymore. I was wrong.
He just found new ways to torture me. Whatever I did he
always knew what I was thinking and would counter
with a different form of torture.
“What do you mean you stopped struggling? You
would let him do that to you? Willingly?”
“Never willingly,” I said in a rush. I need Max to
get that what happened was never more then Glen taking
me by force. “There was no consensual sex…ugh the
thought is revolting. The more I struggled the more he
would hurt me. One night he caught me out where I
wasn’t supposed to be and he made me leave with him. I
thought that if I just lay there limp and not struggle he
would not enjoy it and stop.”
“I don’t get it.” Max looked puzzled. If I was
going to make him understand I have to relive a night I
buried deep in my brain years ago. Explaining what
happened the night at the club is going to be hard. I am
not sure if he will understand where I was coming from
back then and maybe after I tell him he will think I am
sick too.
“I am going to tell you something but you have to
listen to me and not interrupt or judge me.”
Nodding. “Of course. Tell me. I won’t judge.” Max
clasps my hands between his moving next to me on the
couch. “I am on your side, Emm.”
I haven’t thought about
this night in ages. His eyes are
searching mine for answers and I don’t know what I can
tell him to make sense of this all. I look out the glass
windows into the city for who knows how long and I
finally get the courage too. I take a deep breath and try
and spit out the story but my throat feels like it is closing
up. I remember this night as if it just happened. I mean,
how can I forget a night when I lost the closest thing I
have ever felt to love and had my life change for the
worse in a span of hours. I close my eyes and tell the
story to Max as if it were here and now. I have to detail
everything that happened to make him understand
where I was coming from so he can see the torture and
pain Glen put me through.
My best friend Mary and I are driving down to the
Jersey Shore to watch a popular local band, called “Hell
Razors”. They are playing in a small beach bars. Mary’s
boyfriend Rocco is the drum player in the band. She met him
when her brother Rick, who works at the club as a bartender,
brought her to see the bands’ show about a month ago. Tonight
is the first time I will be able to see the band in action on stage
instead of inside a garage. It’s my first real concert and I am so
excited. Not only for the music but I finally get to spend time
alone with the superhot lead singer, Dominic Ross.
Mary and I told our parents that we were both sleeping
at each other’s house in order to stay out all night. This wasn’t
anything new to us. We often played this card, since neither
sets of parents cared enough to call the other, we’re home free. I
just got my license about two weeks ago so in the spirit of my
rebellion we decided to throw caution to the wind and head
down to the club, fake ID’s in hand.
Mary called Rocco on his cell and he immediately let us
into the rear entrance. Even though Roc thinks we are 18 this
is a 21 and over club so we shouldn’t be here. Mary’s boyfriend
Rocco has a reputation around town as a real badass. Not so
bad in the looks department either. He is built like a brick wall.
His tan skin and long, dark, black hair, that is usually pulled
into a ponytail past his shoulders, make him look exotic. The
piercings in his eyebrow and tongue only prove to the world
that he the epitome of a hard rock drummer.
I know drinking, and god knows what else is in my
future tonight but I don’t care. I don’t usually do drugs or
drink but I figured I’d cross that bridge when we get to it.
Maybe I will just stay with Dominic all night. He would never
pressure me into doing something I didn’t want to. The
thought of spending all that alone time with him gets me more
excited than I would ever admit. Dominic, the lead singer of
the band is male hotness at its best.
I met Dominic during a secret rendezvous between,
Mary and Rocco, at a local coffee shop. The minute I saw him I
was speechless. Standing not quite six feet tall with purple
tipped blond hair, green eyes that could stand out in a black
room, and skin that is sun kissed from playing all the beach
gigs. His tatted up muscular frame makes what ever he wears
look even better. With his shirt off his silver nipple piercings
glimmer in the stage lighting while he holds onto that mic as if
it was his last possession in the world. And his voice. Sweet
Jesus, his voice is warm sugary, raspy, sex laced promises. The
first time I heard him sing, his voice sent a shockwave though
me and stopped right between my legs, as he sang his heart out.
.
Dominic and Rocco are 21 and believe Mary and I are
18, even though I’m only 17, and Mary 16. Dominic and I are
usually left alone, while the happy couple does God knows what
in Rocco’s van. We usually make quick work out of kissing and
touching for the time we are left alone. Truth be told Dominic
could turn me on by just being in the same room as me, and I
fight temptation to go further every time we’re together. I keep
thinking he can see right through me. Like he knows I am used
goods. But he has always treated me with kindness and
appreciation.
We mostly talk and joke around, when we are not
making out of course. We hold hands and watch the stars as I
lay my head on his stomach while he plays with my hair. He’s
so sweet to be around; nothing like you would expect him to be
from the outside. I am completely comfortable with him and he
always respects me when I stop him from going too far. I don’t
know if you could say we are dating. We never really put a
label on it. I did want to sound like a kid and ask to be his
girlfriend or anything. But I like him. Like really, really,
almost call it love, like him. This is the closest thing to love that
I ever felt. I have never met anyone like him. He is everything a
man should be to a woman.
Stepping backstage, I can hear the noise from the front
of the club. I immediately become self-conscience. I glance at
Mary and wonder if we look like a bunch of kids who raided
their mother’s makeup. Mary’s dressed in short black leather
shorts, a red lace top with a black bra underneath, and black
thigh high boots. My short, skin tight black dress has
strategically placed cuts across the top of my breasts, a red bra
that peeks out through the cuts, and black fishnet stockings
that are covered by my knee length red Doc Martins. The dress
is Mary’s and I knew when I put it on that it was a tad to
small. Mary is a bit more petite than I am, and her breasts are
not the full C cup mine are.
When I look out past the stage I take a sigh of relief
when I see most of the audience is even more scarcely dressed
than I am. I step past the kissing fools that no longer realize I
am there. After dodging a few drunk chicks looking for the
bathroom, I see Dominic sitting on an amp a few feet away.
When I get close enough to touch him, he takes a double take;
not realizing right away it is me standing before him. His eyes
light up with joy and judging from his reaction he is already
undressing me in his mind.
“Emma, you look freaken hot,” Dominic says slowly as
he eases his body off the black amp box. He stands over me as if
he is going to attack. I blush and pull down my dress but soon
realize that is not going to work. As my dress goes down my
cleavage gets more exposed. He looks edibles himself in black
boots, designer ripped jeans, and a black Hell Razors t-shirt
with no sleeves, exposing the strategically placed artwork
scrolling down his arms. He wraps his arms around me and
squeezes my bottom, pulling me towards him so I can feel his
growing erection.
“Pleased to see me I see?” I tease before he kisses me
hard and immediately starts mouth fucking me with his
tongue.
“Pleased to see you, pleased to touch you, and later,” he
leans in close to my ear so only I can hear him, “I will be very
pleased to fuck you.” My heart skips a beat and I am a gooey
pile of teenage hormones.
Keep it together Hill. Don’t act like a kid. Be cool.
“That’s a little presumptuous. Maybe I don’t want to
fuck you.” He takes a step back, grabs both my wrists and holds
my arms out to get a good look at what I am wearing.
“Did you wear that dress so I wouldn’t notice you?
Come now, Emma. I may not be a bright man but I am not a
dumb one either.”
He lets go of my arms and takes another step back.
“Although, you are right, that was presumptuous. Perhaps you
didn’t wear that dress for me but for some other worthy fool. If
that’s the case I guess I will be on my way.” I narrow my eyes
at him and he turns to leave.
“No, no buddy.” I grab his wrist and in one movement
he yanks my arm so I am pulled up against his chest, “not so
fast. This is ALL for you on one condition.”
“Ummm,” he growls through his teeth running his
hands through my hair as he kisses my neck and the top of my
cleavage. “Shoot.”
“Later on, you run your hands and your mouth all over
me the same way you do that mic stand.”
“You got it, Sweetness,” he says as he kisses me again.
He grabs my hips and sits me on a speaker box. “And you have
to do something for me.” He opens my legs and I wrap them
around his waist so no one can see his hand between us. He
slides his index finger up my thigh and I immediately tense.
Darting my eyes around to see if we have any onlookers it
appears as if no one even cares that he has his hands up my
dress. He moves my panties to the side and slips his finger in
gently while looking into my eyes.
“What’s that?” I pant, as he is slowly moves in and out
of me.
“Keep this wet until after my set.”
Done, done, and done.
“I knew you would feel good,” he slips his finger out of
me and puts it into his mouth. “Ummm…but I had no idea
you would taste so good.” He pulls back and closes my legs so
no one else can see what he just did. I can’t believe he just did
that. That was so effin hot. Yes folks, it is official. I am in love
with this man. This god like man is going to take me places I
have never been before. And I plan on savoring every moment.
“Dom, we’re up,” yells Justin, the guitar player.
“Gotta go, Sweetness. I WILL see you later.” And just
like that he strolled on stage with the lights glowing and music
pumping around him, like he didn’t just finger me in public.
I sit on the box waiting for Mary while I watch the
guys kill it onstage. There are at least 200 women standing
below them, but for some reason as he keeps glancing at me.
After a few songs, Dominic steps off to the side of the stage
where Mary and I are sitting. He takes off his damp shirt and
hands it to me. It smells like sweat and the deliciousness of his
cologne. I wipe his moist brow with it and hand him a bottle of
water. After taking a few sips he bends slightly and snakes his
arms around my waist before lifting me off my feet. Before I
can register what he is doing, he pulls me on stage with him. I
slide down his slick body and he plants a hard kiss on my lips. I
hear the crowd go crazy. They can see our, what I thought was
private, moment.
He likes me, he has to like me. Why else would he kiss
me in front of everyone? He likes me and he wants everyone to
know it? This is soooooooo cooooollll. I scurry off the stage and
when I turn back around he shoots me a wink and continues to
work the audience. Best night ever!
As I am dancing I bump into someone standing very
close behind me. I turn to apologize to the unknown person
but instead I find Glen glaring back at me. I know that look.
That is the look I get when I am in trouble.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. What is he doing here?
I immediately start to panic as he watches me with
malicious eyes. I don’t know what he is going to do but I know
this won’t end well. Although he hasn’t touched me in about 2
months and I have avoided him like the plague, he is here now.
Why is he here? For me? Panic surges through my veins and I
suddenly feel like I am going to pass out. We are in a room full
of people. If he touches me everyone will see. He wouldn’t take
a risk like that. He is always very careful that he hides his dirty
secret from the world. He knows that if he slips up and I tell,
his life would be over.
“Glen. What are you doing here?”
“Hello, Princess.” I can feel the bile rising in my throat
when he says princess. “I could ask you the same thing. How
did you get in here Emma? You’re not 21. More importantly,
why are you making a spectacle of yourself in front of hundreds
of people, while looking like a cheap hooker? Do you realize all
my friends down there know who you are and are asking me
why I am letting my 17 year old step-sister prance around like
a groupie with barely any clothes on, while practically fucking
the lead singer on stage. You are embarrassing me Emma, and
I don’t like it.”
I can smell the beer on his breath. His slurred speech
mixed with anger is making him spit when he talks. “Glen,
have you been drinking?”
“Not that it is any of your business,” he snorts, “ but I
got here about an hour ago and I have had 2 beers. I am not
drunk if that’s what you’re asking. Lets go. You’re leaving.”
Glen grabs my hand and pulls me toward the back of the
building.
“What? NO! I am not leaving. I am staying here,” I
say as I plant my feet trying not to talk too loud.
“No, you’re not. You are leaving and I am taking you
home. You have embarrassed me enough for one night prancing
around like a whore.”
PANIC, PANIC. I can’t leave with him. I don’t know
what he will do to me. Think, think, think.
“Glen, please. Forget you saw me. I’ll stay backstage.
You can tell your friends you made me leave,” I plead.
“NO! Lets go,” Glen growls in anger, pulling on my
arm harder then necessary. This is not good. He is drunk and
mad. There is no saying what he will do to me if I leave with
him.
In a moment of bravery I spit out. “If you force me to
leave, I will scream. You will be more embarrassed and they
will kick you out of the club. I will tell them you are trying to
kidnap me or something.”
I can see anger brewing up in him. I see his beady eyes
narrow to pin holes. He is not playing around.
“If you scream and security comes over, I will explain
that you are only 17 years old, in a club that is 21 and over. I
will tell them that I am your very concerned older brother who
is trying to take you out of harms way before the band can have
their way with you. Then, I will tell your little boyfriend how
old you are, and that the family will press charges if he ever
touches you again. Does that cover all your threats, Princess?
Now, tell your friend over there you are leaving, then move
your fucking feet towards the exit before I really lose my cool.”
He is right. I have no way out of this. I have to leave
with him. Perhaps if I go quietly he will just take me home and
all will be good. Yeah right, I know better than that. He is not
going to make this easy.
I move towards Mary and explain that Glen caught me
here and I have to leave before he tells my parents. She
nervously agrees and says she will let Dominic know. I thank
her and tell her to have him text me later. Looking over my
shoulder one last time, I watch Dominic close his eyes as he
belts out the final lyrics of his song. He looks like an angel with
the spotlights behind him; glowing through the blackness of the
stage. My heart drops into my stomach knowing that instead of
being with my angel tonight, I am forced to leave with the
devil.
Glen came with a group of friends he doesn’t have his
car. He grabs my purse from my shoulder and rips my keys out
before throwing it back at me. When he clicks the locks open I
climb in the back seat, too scared to sit next to him. I don’t
want him to touch me. If he touches me while he is driving, I
just may throw myself out of the moving car.
“Why are you sitting in he back Princess? You don’t
like me?” Seeing his stark white teeth in the darkness of the
parking lot is eerie. As he watches trough the rearview mirror I
shake my head. He always has this creepy, condescending,
coolness to his voice that prickles my skin. But I can’t show
him I am afraid. He loves scaring the bejesus out of me. I have
to play this cool.
“I don’t know what you’ll do to me if I am close to you.
I would rather not find out.”
He snickers but doesn’t give anything else away. I’m
watch the back of his head the whole time he drives, not really
paying attention to where we are going. It’s not until he turns
off the highway and onto a dirt trail that panic sets it.
Watching the surroundings change, I see he is heading toward
a lake that Paul would take us to when we were younger. I
know at the end of this dirt road there is nothing but the lake
and trees; nothing else. Horror and anxiety start to build up
again. I know what’s coming. Same as every other time he feels
I have misbehaved.
“Glen, why are we going down here?”
He says nothing. I can see he is mulling something over
in his head. His quietness is almost as bad as his attentiveness.
“You know why. Tit for tat, Emma. Same as always. If
your whore mother will not teach you how to be a proper
young lady then I guess it is up to me to try.”
“Glen, I’m sorry.” I plead. “I didn’t know you were
there and I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I’m so sorry. Please
don’t do this,”
“Ohhh…I do love when you beg me,” he grins as we
reach the end of the dirt road. He pulls the car close to the edge
of the trees so it cant’ be seen from the main road.
“Glen, don’t. I beg you. I will beg. I will do whatever
you want; just don’t do this to me. Not again. I…I...” I sob but
Glen doesn’t care. He acts as if I am not even speaking. Like he
is zoned out with only one mission in mind. Fear.
He gets out of the driver seat and opens my door. He
pulls me out of the car by my hair then throws me toward the
hood of the car. Both hands grab my waist and he hoists me up
on the hood; instructing me not to move or whatever sick plan
he has will be worse. Shock, fear, angst washes over me. I am
still, to frightened to move.
As I am trying to figure out how to get away I realize
that it is my fear and my struggle that gets him off. I decide in
that second that I will go limp and not struggle. Not speak or
beg, maybe if there is no fun in the chase then there is no
pleasure in it for him. He will either lose his nerve, or possibly
kill me. Either way this nightmare will be over.
“You look very slutty Emma.”
I say nothing as I watch him like a hawk. He runs his
hands up my thighs and pushes up my dress. The feeling of his
hands on me makes my skin crawl. I try to give him an
impassive look. I try not to show emotion, but I am wound so
tight I feel as though I may pass out.
“Hands up,” he demands.
I immediately do as he asks. He pulls my dress off over
my head. He is trying to embarrass me or get a reaction but I
am not giving him one. I just stare at him blankly, willing him
to come to his senses.
“Lie down.”
Again I say nothing and do as he says. I lay with my
back on he hood of the car, staring off into the stars. Just like I
do with Dominic when we are alone together. I wish he were
here. I wish he would chase after me and find me before this
monster can do what I know he is going to do.
“You are being very cooperative. I know you like our
alone time together, but you usually make a scene first. I am
very pleased that you are listening so well. There is hope for
you yet, Princess.”
Nothing. Not an expression, or a faltered breath.
Nothing, while I look into the same sky I did a half dozen times
before with a man whose touch is everything Glens isn’t.
“Cat got your tongue, Emma. You are usually begging
for me by now.”
Still nothing.
“Oh well, let’s see if we can’t get you talking.”
Glen slides my panties off and throws them on the hood
of the car. With his hands gripped behind my knees, he parts
my legs and yanks me toward him, causing the naked flesh of
my behind to screech across the freshly washed hood of my car.
I screw my eyes shut and wait for his punishment, anticipating
his cruel thrusting to begin at any moment. To my shock he
doesn’t. His hand traces up my thighs in slow circles causing
my skin to pucker with goosebumps. His index finger slides
between the apex of my thighs into my folds where he rubs
small circles very slowly, causing my body to jerk at the
sudden friction. I am confused. Why is he not being rough and
fast like always? Instead he is taking his time, I don’t know
which is worse.
“I know your game, Emma. I am more than willing to
change the rules if that’s what you want. If you are giving
yourself to me willingly, I will make you enjoy this. I will show
you how good we can be together, if you voluntarily give
yourself to me.”
FUCK! This is backfiring. Give myself to him. Is he
fucking insane? Of course he is insane, he is Glen “Douchbag”
Maser, king of the loony bin.
“I don’t enjoy this, Glen. I hate this. I hate you
touching me. I am not all that happy you are even in the same
zip code as me. I hate you, and everything you are. You
brought me out here because no one will hear me if I scream. If
I run you will catch me. If I kick and scream you will hurt me.
I want this to be over…rr...rrr,” I groan as all the breath in my
lungs leaves my body.
What the hell? What is happening? My body is
clenching…I don’t know what’s happening. Glen slips two
fingers in me and I try and resist his fingers but he just pushes
in quicker and quicker.
“You don’t want this, Princess? Do you really not
want this? Because your body tells me otherwise?”
My eyes are squeezed shut. I don’t know what is
happening. I don’t want this. What is this? It is not painful.
It’s not good, but it is not painful. Glen slips his fingers out of
me then puts himself in their place. He is deliberately making
this slow and taking his time.
“I am going to keep doing this until you cum. I want
you to see how much you enjoy being treated like a whore. You
dress like a whore, you act like a whore, and now you can feel
like a whore.”
Glen is slowly moving in and out, rubbing me with the
pad of his thumb. The tension is building inside of me and my
body feels like it is going to split in two. Glen then pulls out
and puts on a condom as I lay there trying to figure out how I
can stop this and control my breathing. He is not going to stop.
I don’t know what he wants from me. He sheaths up quickly
and thrusts into me with a vengeance. Unlike the other times I
am slippery down there, so it doesn’t hurt as much as he
pounds into me. After a few hard thrusts he slows again,
moving and rubbing slowly. I feel the same tightness inbetween my legs and in my lower belly. My eyes are clamped
shut so hard, my tears barely leak out of the corners of my eyes.
I still don’t know what’s going on. I am so confused.