“Really?” Amelia gestures toward me with the rice bowl in her hand. The gloved attendant poised nearby looks ready to try to catch it.
I take the bowl and put it back on the display. “Really.”
“Where did you sleep?”
“It doesn’t…with him. But not with him. I just…”
“You’re telling me it was all G-rated?” She crosses her arms across her chest, full of disbelief.
“No, I’m not saying that, but it’s not…it’s not like that.”
“So what’s it like?” Her tone is less accusing now, more curious.
I think back to last night—or maybe it was early this morning—eating rice crackers and quizzing each other on phrases from the conversational Japanese app on Finn’s phone. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much. My voice drops when I answer.
“I don’t know. He’s funny. And easy to talk to. He’s just…he’s really easy company.”
Amelia picks up another plate. “And he’s good in bed, I presume.”
He is. I don’t say anything, but I don’t have to. Amelia nods. “Well, good. That makes up for a lot, at least at first.”
And suddenly I want to convince her, to wipe that knowing look off her face. Because Finn’s not the guy Amelia—or my dad—think he is. At all. “Seriously, Am. I mean, I know he’s got the tattoo and the look, but he’s really smart and really sweet…”
“Come on, Zo.” Amelia’s tone is more pleading than judgmental. “You saw him the night we went to the pier. Did he even know that girl’s name?”
He did, actually. So do I, but I don’t tell Amelia that. “I know. I do. But he’s not like that with me. He’s…I don’t know…real.”
She sighs. “If you say so. I don’t know him. Just be careful, and whatever you do, don’t fall in love with him.”
I pick up a serving bowl and don’t answer. Because I thought it. This morning as we laid on his futon, watching the sun come up over the high rises across the street, the words popped into my head. I could love him. But you don’t fall in love after one date, even if it is three days long.
Do you?
“What do you think of this?” Amelia calls from two aisles over. She holds a yellow plate out in front of her.
I make a face, and we spend the next twenty minutes touching almost everything in there, much to the dismay of the attendant. When Finn and Akihiro join us with their bags, we’re arguing over rice bowls versus dinner plates.
Finn’s arm glides across my back. “Have you decided?”
“We’re having a fundamental disagreement about form-v-function,” Amelia says. “What do you think? If it was your
sayonara
gift, what would you want?”
“Not china, that’s for damn sure,” Finn says.
“Okay, fine. Let’s say you were leaving to get married,” Amelia says.
“Not relevant.” Finn’s rolling his eyes. I can tell, but I won’t look at him because I’m pretty sure Amelia’s trying to prove a point. To me.
“Because?” She makes a forward motion with her hands.
“I know Yudai’s twenty-two or something, but it’s way too young. My parents got married at twenty-two, and trust me, nothing good came of that.” His tone is matter-of-fact.
“Some of us might argue differently.” Amelia looks right at me, and I’m glad Finn’s behind me so he can’t see the way I blush. “Okay, so putting the whole sins-ofyour-father thing aside…”
“Impossible and I still wouldn’t want china.”
Akihiro agrees with Finn, and the three of them start to debate gift options when my phone buzzes. A text from Dad.
Back in Tokyo. Up for dinner with E&F?
I glance back at Finn. I said I’d tell my Dad. He has no clue, and there’s a pretty good chance he’s going to freak out. Never mind all of the awkwardness with Eloise. Oh my God, what if she tells Dad about me poking around in her medicine cabinet? I’ll never be able to look at either one of them again.
Which is why I jump into the middle of the gift discussion and say, “Hey, do you guys want to come over for dinner tonight? We can cook…something.”
Akihiro shrugs. “Sure, that sounds great.
Amelia and Finn nod, although he’s got a funny look on his face. “Tonight? Are you sure?” he asks.
Amelia laughs. “You want us there to soften the blow, do you?”
“The blow of what?” Akihiro asks.
I roll my eyes at Amelia. “I just thought you might like to come to dinner.”
“Uh-huh. Generous of you. And such good timing.”
“You don’t have to come. I just thought you could lend some moral support since I’ve never really had a boy—” I barely stop before I say it. Because I am not calling Finn my boyfriend. I’m not labeling it first. I stutter a little as I continue, “A guy I like over for dinner with my dad.”
My face is hot. That wasn’t what I meant to say either.
Akihoro is oblivious. “Wait, who do you like?”
I know this isn’t a big deal to anyone else like it is to me, but I feel exposed and weird, especially after my earlier conversation with Amelia. I swallow hard and point my thumb over my shoulder. “Him.”
Finn slides his arm around my waist, which makes me feel a little better. “You should come,” he says to Akihiro.
“Sure, man.” He nods and frowns. “But, I mean, Mr. Easton likes you just fine.”
“I have a feeling he likes me more if I’m not dating his daughter,” Finn says.
“Well, are you just seeing each other or is it a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of thing?” asks Amelia.
“What’s the difference?” Akihiro asks.
“If you’re seeing each other, you’re hanging out, but you might hook up with other people. No strings attached. If you’re saying she’s your girlfriend, you’re not hooking up and vice versa. You know, strings.” Amelia runs her finger around a rim of a bowl, and I can’t believe we’re going to define what’s happening between me and Finn amidst the dishes in Takashimaya. “You should probably decide how you’re going to play it, though, before the parents assume for themselves.”
I haven’t looked at Finn this whole time, but he puts his other hand on my waist and spins me around to face him. He’s smiling a little but looks like he’s trying not to. “Okay, so how do we play it?”
“I, um, don’t really think that’s just up to me.” I focus on the white Old Navy logo across his chest, no higher.
Who do you want to be to me, Finn?
Wasn’t it just Sunday I was asking that?
“Don’t you?” He sounds so incredulous I meet his eyes.
And there’s my answer.
“Okay. Strings, I guess.” So much for not labeling it first.
Although his smile makes me not mind so much. “What kind of strings? Exactly?”
Amelia and Akihiro have moved away, and even though the salesgirl is standing close by and she probably understands everything, I say, “Ha-ha. You already took that off the table. Is it back on then?”
“No, but I’ll bring you coffee in bed any time.”
“That would be bliss actually.”
“I’d do that for you, you know. In real life.” He twists a strand of my hair around a finger.
“Um, this is real life.”
He shakes his head, but I’ll never know what he’s going to say because his backpack catches the edge of the display behind him and a stack of dishes goes crashing to the floor. The sales lady runs over, waving her white-gloved hands and speaking rapid and very polite Japanese. I can’t understand everything she’s saying, but I can tell from the way she keeps saying, “
Okayaku-sama, daijobu desu
.” Mr. Customer, it’s okay.
Finn, for his part, doesn’t think it’s at all okay and apologizes eighty-five times, helping her sweep up, despite what I’m pretty sure are her fervent protests. After they finish, he looks at Akihiro and says, “Could you tell her I’ll pay for what I broke?”
Akihiro does it, but she doesn’t even let him finish before bowing and gesturing no. The same gesture as the lady from the
onsen
. Even Finn understands that and he bows a lot and starts apologizing again until finally I say, “I think we just need to get out of here.”
Amelia’s been watching silently from the next aisle with a mixture of horror and disbelief, but at least she doesn’t speak until we’re outside. “You should have seen the look on your face. It was priceless.”
Finn stiffens beside me. “I’m glad you’re entertained.”
“I don’t mean it that way,” she says. “It was just an accident.”
“I should have been more careful.” He turns to me. “I’m sorry.”
His face is so tense. Way worse than the situation warrants. I put my hand on his arm.
“It’s okay. Amelia’s right. It was an accident.”
He pulls away. “It was stupid.”
I stop in the middle of the sidewalk. “Finn.” He stops, too, and I’m not sure what to say next. What I just said was the wrong thing, but I definitely don’t know the right thing. “What’s wrong?”
“I should have been more careful. I should have at least paid for what I broke.” His voice is controlled and stiff, but his eyes dart around like Mom’s old cat facing down the vacuum cleaner.
This isn’t about the dishes. It’s about whatever’s brought that haunted look to Finn’s eyes. So, while I don’t know how to help, I want to try. “Okay. Let’s go back.”
“Back?” Akihiro asks. “For what?”
“We’ll get her flowers from downstairs for her trouble. I’ll explain.” Because even though Akihiro could do a much better job, I have a feeling having him and Amelia along would be worse.
“I just…it was my fault, but my Japanese isn’t good enough.” Finn runs his hand through his hair.
“I don’t understand why you’re so upset,” Amelia says, but she sounds confused, not bitchy.
So Finn’s outburst shocks everyone. “No, I’m sure you don’t. There’s a world of difference between a mistake and carelessness. There’s no excuse for carelessness. You know that. I know that. Everyone on the planet knows that, and if they don’t, well, it’s a hard lesson, isn’t it?”
We all freeze. Any glimpse of the guy I just spent four incredible days with is buried somewhere beneath the icy anger rolling off him. In this minute, he’s a complete stranger. I have to force myself to speak, and my voice sounds stilted and strange.
“Okay, let’s go. Amelia and Akihiro, why don’t you wait…” I look around and point to an
izakaya
across the street. “There. We’ll be back in ten minutes.”
Amelia gives me a wary look, but to my surprise, they go and Finn follows me. I try really hard not to turn back to look at him and even harder not to think as we make our way through the food hall to the flowers. When we get there, I hang back while Finn picks a bouquet. Finally, as we wait for the sales lady to finish the ribbon, I speak, “What do you want me to say? To the girl upstairs?”
He closes his eyes for two breaths. “Tell her I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I should have been more careful. And I’m sorry.”
I have a sliver of understanding what this is really about. No more than that but enough to keep me quiet until I’m face-to-face with the sales lady and trying to give her the flowers. Which she doesn’t want. Her face is red and she keeps saying “no,” and then finally I say in English because I don’t know how to be that earnest in Japanese, “Please. This isn’t about you. He needs you to take these to try to make it right.”
I don’t think she really understands, but she hears my pleading and takes the flowers from Finn’s hands. We all bow a lot, and somehow I navigate us out of there, although no one is more surprised than me when we end up outside on the sidewalk. Finn leans against the cement wall, breathing like he was just running laps.
“Jesus, Zosia. You must think I’m insane. Thank you. I owe you.”
“You don’t owe me anything.” I hike my bag up on my shoulder. I have a hundred questions, but I’m definitely not asking. “Come on, let’s go get Amelia and Ak before they end up drunk.”
Finn doesn’t move. “I’m sorry.” His voice changes, trembles. “The littlest thing used to set him off. My father. I’d never know what it was going to be. He’d just…it would be like this tsunami out of nowhere. The scar on my arm…I broke a glass in the kitchen. I wasn’t paying attention, and I broke a glass full of orange soda against the counter. He took the piece that had been the bottom and slashed my arm, yelling that I needed to learn to be more careful. He made me clean up the whole thing before he let me out of that goddamn kitchen. The blood kept running down my arm and there was blood and glass and orange soda everywhere and he stood in the doorway and just watched me.” He shakes his head and looks down, which is the first time I realize he’s been looking at me the whole time.
I reach over and touch the raised skin with my fingertips, underneath the sleeve of his T-shirt. The spine of the dragon tattoo. His hand stops mine before it gets to his shoulder where it begins. It’s the worst of it, and there’s a hard knob there.
I’m about to speak, but he beats me to it, saying, “We should go.”
What happened back there wasn’t the same thing
.
You didn’t deserve that. No one deserves that
.
Aloud I just say, “Okay.”
“I understand if you don’t…I mean…it’s okay if you want to change your mind.”
I furrow my brow. “About what?”
“Tonight.” He gestures from me to him and back again. “This. All of it.”
From the look on his face, I’m pretty sure it’s not okay at all, but I ask anyway. “Do you want me to change my mind?”
“God, no, Zosia. No.” And we kiss in the middle of the sidewalk like we’re the only two people in the world, and I’m pretty sure the cry that escapes Finn’s throat is the most honest thing I’ve ever heard.
D
inner is a disaster from pretty much the minute we sit down. Never mind my embarrassment over seeing Eloise. At least she knows.
Dad on the other hand starts off mad and gets madder. Number one, he’s not expecting Akihiro and Amelia. And he’s definitely not expecting Finn and me. Who have been together for three days straight. Touching, even in sleep. So even though we hardly look at each other, avoid speaking directly to each other, his hand skims my back as I’m passing by. My fingers catch the hem of his shirt. And so on. And so on.
Eloise notices before Dad. I can tell by the way she stares at me as I pour her a drink until I have to look up and meet her gaze. And the way she glances to Dad for half a second before her eyes comes back to mine. I shake my head a little, and she closes her eyes for two seconds before she turns away. She knows how he feels then.