S*x and Secrets: Alpha Billionaire Forbidden Romance (17 page)

I hate moving.

Since high school Mom and I had to move around from town to town to get away from wagging tongues. Every time I just thought I could relax and settle down, the past somehow caught up with us, forcing us to move again—until my mother had a breakdown.

Quickly discarding the damp clothing I wore, I crept under the covers, the bed enveloping my body and caressing my skin with its whisper-soft sheets. I felt so small in the huge bed, utterly alone.

This is how my life will be from this day forward. No more fuck buddies.

It was an easy decision to make, because frankly, nobody could replace Levi, and besides, it just wasn’t safe while Jake was around. My head still hurt every time I thought about him.

I reached out for Levi’s pillow and snuggled down, hugging it between my breasts. Wafts of his aroma floated to my nose as I inhaled deeply. This was the closest I’d ever be to Levi again.

I let the emotions go that I’d pent up. Tears flooded my pillow. I didn’t try to be brave; I just let them happen. I’d cried more in the last few weeks than I had in years. It was cathartic and therapeutic and I wondered why I’d tried to hold it all in for so long.

If my heart and soul needs to shed the pain that way, so be it.

Somehow I ran out of tears and drifted off to sleep.

The heaviness of my body as it sank into the mattress was like a dead weight. The bed sucked me in and I couldn’t move my limbs. I knew what was coming. It meant I was going to have
that
nightmare. The one where I’d relive that fateful day when my life went to shit. I fought the sleep, but it was useless.

I was falling, falling, falling.

*****

I
screamed in my head, but not a word escaped my lips.

“No, Daddy. Please don’t do it.” My feet were glued to the floor.

High on drugs, my father stood in front of me, his pants zipper down. “Your bitch of a mother won’t give me sex. I pay for your school, your clothes, and your fucking food. It’s time you showed your appreciation. Tonight you’re gonna be a good daddy’s girl and suck my dick.”

I stiffened. God, no!

“Show me what you got, baby girl,” he slurred, as he moved toward me.

“I . . . I can’t,” I said, staggering backwards. I lifted my chin. “I won’t.”

“Come here, you little ungrateful bitch. My friend Mick tells me his daughter sucks his dick all the time. He even fucks her. Don’t pretend you’re so precious, that you haven’t sucked some boy’s dick yet.”

I recoiled in disgust. “Don’t touch me. I’ll tell Mom.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Go ahead; make my day. I’ll make the bitch watch me fuck you. That will teach her to say no to me.”

He grabbed hold of my wrist and pulled me toward him. With an iron grip, he pinned me against his body. I fought against him, writhing and wriggling, but it only seemed to excite him more. I drew in a sharp breath and closed my eyes tightly as his fingers pushed my panties aside and slid over my pussy.

“I bet you’ve had cock, haven’t you? So why not share this pussy with your old man? Only seems fair.”

“Let me go,” I cried. “Please let me go, and I won’t tell anyone.”

“Of course you won’t tell anyone. I’ll have to kill you then.” His finger found my clit and stroked circles around it. “Get wet for me, Monty, like a good girl. Mick tells me fifteen-year-old pussy tastes good. Sweet and plump and juicy. I’m going to fuck your tight little cunt after I taste you.”

Adrian wasn’t my biological father, but he was the only father I knew. He hadn’t always been like this. He hadn’t always been a loser, high on any drug he could lay his hands on. But that had changed after he’d had an accident and lost his job. He wasn’t ever the same.

“You can’t do this,” I pleaded.

“Watch me.”

“No,” I screamed. “Let me go.”

“What’s going on?” my mother shrieked. “Adrian, what the hell are you doing? Let my daughter go.”

Thankfully, Adrian let go of me and I slumped back onto the bed in a state of shock about where he’d touched me. Nobody had been there, ever. I was saving it for the man I’d fall in love with one day. Now I was sullied. Dirty. Disgusting.

Lost in my own despair, my head snapped up when my mother screamed. My stepfather had ripped her dress off her body.

“What’s better than having you suck my dick while I eat your daughter out? I hit the jackpot tonight with two bitches to fuck blind.”

He grabbed my mother by her hair and pulled her face toward his groin. She turned her head away. “Don’t Adrian, please. Not in front of my child.”

“Shut up, Kathryn. Let’s see if this turns little Monty on and gets her wet,” he goaded, as he threw her on the floor and kicked her legs apart. With his dick in his hand, he fell to his knees between her thighs. My mother’s eyes were wide and filled with fear.

“I’m going to fuck you and Monty’s going to see what I’m doing to her next.” 

Mom’s eyes squeezed closed as she shut me out. 

I couldn’t watch. I just couldn’t.

I leaned over and grabbed the heavy glass plaque sitting on my nightstand. The award I’d won for Best Student made the perfect weapon. I staggered over to where Adrian was huddled over my mother’s body, ready to penetrate her while pinning her down.

A loud thud sounded above Adrian’s grunt and he fell with his whole weight on top of Mom. Blood dripped from his head onto her skin.

“Oh God, Monty, what have you done?” she wailed.

I stood there with my head pounding and my mouth hanging open.

Cold and empty.

*****

I
bolted upright in the bed, shaking from head to toe. Cold and empty, just like that day, even though I was sweating. I groaned and willed my eyes to stay open. I wasn’t falling asleep again to just slip back into that nightmare. I hated when that happened, when the dream continued on. 

Although I hadn’t had the nightmare in a long while, I never knew when it might show up and that was one of the reasons I never wanted to have sleepovers with Levi. I couldn’t trust myself once I’d fallen asleep to not have Adrian take over my subconscious.

What if Levi didn’t want me any more once he found out just how damaged I was?

That I’d killed a man.

Sobs wracked my frame and I added more wetness to the already drenched pillow. I wiped the snot from my nose and turned the pillow over, but the flood of tears didn’t stop. Not even Levi’s pillow could console me.

I needed the man.

I needed him to hold me and hush me and tell me everything was okay.

To tell me that I’d killed my stepfather out of self-preservation and that I shouldn’t feel guilty that my mother had taken the rap for me. That even though she’d pleaded self-defense, the cops had mishandled her case and made her believe she’d failed as a mother and I was a slut. Or that she’d landed in a mental institution because of
me
and it was all my fault.

M
ontana’s call ended before she uttered a word or I could ask any questions. She wouldn’t call at that hour if something wasn’t wrong. I tried calling her back, but the calls went straight to voice mail.

I pushed the bed sheets back and got up, pacing the room while thinking about what to do. I hadn’t drawn the curtains, but the full moon lit the room enough for me to see.

I had no choice; worry took over as I went through the possibilities. I desperately wanted to go to her apartment again to check if she was okay. Even if she didn’t want me there. Had Jake the Snake gone back to pester her? I’d skin the fucker alive if he hurt my girl.

Or maybe it was a mistake and she never meant to call my number. She hadn’t said a word and I couldn’t reach her afterwards, so did that mean she didn’t want to speak to me and had turned her phone off?

I slipped into my jeans, adjusting The Monster to sit to the left, then pulled a T-shirt over my head. I padded my way to the front door and picked up my keys. They slipped through my fingers and crashed to the floor. Fuck.

A high-pitched voice rang out behind me. “Where are you going at this time of night?”

I instantly regretted inviting my aunt to stay over for a few nights before she flew to London. We’d gotten along well when I was a kid because as a late arrival, she was only nine years older than me, but I wasn’t so sure we’d be friends any more. She was nosey and interfering, asking me all sorts of questions about the news reports and Montana. Tyler had warned me about her and told me I was crazy to offer her accommodation. I hadn’t seen her for years since she lived so far away and I hadn’t thought four nights with her would drive me this crazy.

I made a mental note of taking his advise next time and was on the verge of asking her to leave and find a hotel room for the next two nights—my treat.

“To get some fresh air,” I said, as I closed the door behind me before she could respond.

The loft. Of course. Why hadn’t I gone there earlier? When Samantha arrived I should have let her use my apartment and gone to the loft until she left.

But I knew why.

Too many memories.
Everything in there would remind me of Montana. Yet I had an overwhelming urge to at least be in the space where we’d had so many good times. Yeah, underneath the tough exterior I was a damn softy. Gramps had always said that, and I’d argued with him and tried harder to be tougher, but I guess it never really worked out.

On autopilot, I found myself outside the familiar building fifteen minutes later. If only the roads were always this quiet in Manhattan. It kinda felt spooky driving through empty streets except for a few yellow cabs.

I waited impatiently for the elevator to come down from the top floor. I wanted to lie down on the bed and imagine holding Montana. Relive some of the sex we’d had and jerk off. It wouldn’t be the same as the real thing, but hey, I didn’t have other options, and I was missing her like fuck.

The irony was I just wanted to hold her. I didn’t care if we didn’t have sex—I just wanted her back in my life and in my arms. But she was shutting me out without any explanation. Not that she owed me any. We’d agreed that if one of us wanted to end it for any reason at all, it was simply done.

No reasons, no explaining. That was what no strings attached meant, right?

At the time it had made perfect sense. How the hell was I to know it would tear me up inside a year later?

I let myself in and allowed my eyes to adjust to the darkness. The moon had shifted behind clouds, and yet I didn’t feel the need to turn on the lights. Maybe the darkness in my soul was being reflected by my mood. I kicked off my shoes by the front door and got naked again, leaving my clothes in a heap at the door. I’d worry about that in the morning. The Monster felt neglected, and I needed to get some rest. Now I just wanted to tug at my cock a few times till I ejaculated, roll over, and fall asleep dreaming of Montana.

Oddly, I could
feel
her presence, as if she were there. A cold chill ran down my spine. I ached so badly for her that I even imagined I heard her breathing.

As I padded my way to the bed, a pang speared my heart.
That’s where I had the best times of my life.
It wouldn’t be the same without Montana in it.

Just as I reached out to pull the covers back, a soft snore came from the middle of the bed. Startled, I drew my hand back, frozen to the spot. My heart raced, drumming away in my ears. What the fuck?

The cloud moved away and moonlight flooded the bed.

Fuck me.
Montana lay there, her golden hair spread like a halo around her head on the pillow as if she’d tossed and turned. She looked like an angel. Something glistened on her lashes and I softly moved closer to examine it. She’d been crying. Mascara had smudged around her eyes and on the pillow case. Yet to me, she’d never looked more beautiful.

A small, shuddering sob escaped her lips and I wondered if she was having a bad dream. Without even thinking about it further, I crawled into the bed next to her. Fuck. She was naked and warm, and she felt so damn good my dick stiffened instantly. I wanted to touch every inch of her body with mine, wrap myself around her like a cocoon and protect her from whatever nightmare she was living.

I lay my head down beside hers and placed an arm around her, gently pulling her back to my chest. She sighed and snuggled her ass closer toward me, rubbing up against The Monster. Jesus. How was I going to stop him from wanting to get inside her?

“Levi,” she whispered. I stilled, waiting for her to say something else, but she didn’t. She blew out a long, slow breath, still sound asleep.

“Sweetheart,” I whispered against the skin of her shoulder. “I’m here now. I won’t let anyone make you cry again.” It did occur to me that I could’ve been the reason she was crying, but I brushed that thought away. She had to know how much I wanted her, and that I never wanted her to cry or be unhappy.

“I love you,” she whispered.

My heart stopped for a few seconds. For now, I wanted to believe she said those words to me.

“I love you, Montana. Now go back to sleep, baby.” My voice was low and gruff in the silence of the night.

Our fingers locked together in front of her stomach, and I kissed the nape of her neck. God, this was heaven.

“You smell so good,” she said, and then snored loudly.

I could have said the same about her. I sniffed her like a beagle on drug patrol. I’d never get enough of Montana.

Content for the moment, I threw my leg over hers and buried my face in her hair. Outside, the sun was rising and a new day was dawning, but I had no plans to go anywhere. Screw everything.

This would be the first time we’d wake up together in the loft. I’d finally got my way, even if Montana was completely unaware of it.

The Monster throbbed a few times against her soft ass, but for now he’d have to be content just touching her and enjoying her closeness. It was enough for me.

I’d come home.

I
woke up because the sun was shining directly onto my face. It wasn’t the only warmth I felt. A heavy body enveloped mine, and for a moment I froze. My eyes flew open and I recognized the hairy muscled arm holding me firmly against him, even though I could hear from the rhythm of his breath that he was still asleep.