Sydney's Song (21 page)

Pete made me a wreath of tiny, fragrant roses for my hair.

It was our first Valentine's Day. He came very early with more roses for my garden, latest hybrids of the most beautiful fragrance,“Because you can never have enough roses.”

Bronson lunged at him with joyful greetings and they tussled on the lawn. And sang too. No kidding. Pete sang several notes of a melody, while Bronson answered with two woofs. They repeated it again and again in perfect synchrony,

“Rah-rah-rah-rah-raaah rah-rah”

“Woof-woof!”

Together we chose the location for the new roses, with Bronson yipping and nipping at us as we planted them. He loved chewing my gardening gloves too, so proud and triumphant when he could steal them from me.

Fingers entwined we walked him before he woke up the entire neighbourhood. At a nearby park we played on the swings, soaring high like two happy, laughing big kids.

“Pete, I didn't really understand what the word euphoria actually meant, or what it felt like, until I knew you.”

“Same here, darling. I thought I knew, but I was wrong.”

It did not occur to us at all that if you soared to such heights the fall would be all the greater.

It was a wondrous day, even though my puppy wasn't impressed.Bronson slunk away to his doggie house when we turned on our favourite radio station and swam in the backyard pool, rose petals floating by.

“I'll make a salad for lunch,” Pete offered afterwards, both of us dripping water on the slate floor.

“Good, I'll just change then I'll help you.”

He sucked in a breath when I appeared, for the first time, in a dress, Mum's recent gift from Italy. It was a light halter dress in a bone colour, short and backless. I thought I must have looked stunning.For a while Pete just stood there in the kitchen, speechless. Then several emotions flitted across his face.

“I'm so flattered, honey,” he said slowly. “I'd like to enjoy the view, but you're testing my limits here. So please go and change.”

“Why?”

“And while you're at it, put on a bra, too.”

“Pete! You're not a dinosaur, are you? I only want to show you that I'm not skinny anymore.”

“Darling, there's only the two of us here. I'm not that strong. Wear a dress when we go somewhere bright and crowded. Oops—no. I take that back. This dress is for future private viewing, someday. I don't want other guys to look at you. You don't know it, but you may inspire unholy thoughts in some creepy men who like underage girls.”

“Aw Pete, you're so old-fashioned, so—”

Without warning he tossed me onto the kitchen counter.

“Pete!” I sucked in a shocked breath.

“D'you know how hard it's been to keep my hands off you all these weeks?” he asked with burning gaze.

I shook my head vigorously.

“You wanna take this relationship to the next level?” he questioned.

I looked at him wide-eyed, my heart jumping summersaults, pulse racing.

“You ready to proceed?”

“PETE!” I shrieked. “No!”

“Scared, are you? That's what I thought,” He smiled now. Eyes laughing at me. “Save this kind of fashion until after we're married.Now please go change,” he kissed the tip of my nose and effortlessly lifted me back down. “I'm all hot and bothered here.”

You wouldn't believe how fast I ran (“Great legs,” he taunted)—chased by a myriad of emotions I could hardly comprehend.

I changed in record breaking speed. Now a grownup by law, I could dress any way I wanted. But whenever Pete threw that look at me I couldn't help feeling rattled.

I put on another dress though (our first Valentine's Day, right?)—a floral one Mum bought in Paris. This one had a high shoulder-to-shoulder straight neckline and reached my shins in wisps. It was green like my eyes.

I knew I had inherited Mum's and Nanna's delicate frame and classical features. Clothes hung well on me. Somehow, I wanted Pete to remember that I was a girl. That I could look pretty. I meant, hopefully I did. I wanted him to come back to Sydney at the fastest possible speed.

He was leaving for the US tomorrow… How I dreaded the separation.

Pete was all polite and made only decent conversation when I returned to the kitchen. Not a mention of the earlier episode whatsoever. Just to get back at him, I deliberately brought it up as we sat down for lunch.

“How's the elephant today?”

“Pardon?” he looked enquiringly. Pete always sat on my right-hand side, slightly turned to me, and now and then he would pick up my food and handfeed me.

“The big elephant in the room. Shouldn't we talk about it?”

For a moment he looked perplexed, before breaking into a laugh.

“Pete. You say we can talk about anything. Discuss any topic. The Open Book Management, they say at the office.”

“Right,” a dazzling smile. “Looks like we've progressed so much.I'm glad you're at ease discussing this with me. Sure darling. What about it?”

“I realise a few times now you've used the shock tactic to scare me into compliance.” He smirked at this, but I went on. “But in reality you're old fashioned.”

“Sweetheart, I'd never do anything against your wishes. And I only want to protect your innocence. So yeah, call me dinosaur…,” he shrugged.

“Prehistoric. Out of date,” I continued. “Just like myself.”

He laughed. “Glad we have the same moral values.”

“Do we? So you honestly believe there's nothing wrong in delaying… um—,” blushing, “you know… Before, you didn't want to add complications to my troubled life. Now I'm far from troubled, thanks to you. And I'm 18. I've reached my majority. Are you still okay about saving that fun for later?”

“Yes. You're still skittish that way.” He gazed at me fondly. “I could help you overcome it, but I rather enjoy watching you all innocent like this. Very sweet… Let's not rush it. It'll come in time.Preferably with the freedom of an absolute trust that comes with a marriage commitment.”

“A marriage is freedom? Really? Not shackles or doom?”

“Depends on what you're after. Some people only want the obvious. But hey, you can even get the obvious without getting into a relationship. But us—we have so much more than the chemistry, don't you think?” he traced the bridge of my nose with one finger. “I want you to fully trust me first, and be willing to commit yourself to me of your own volition.”

“Oh”

“I want you to come to me fully knowing you choose me and only me. I want you to be very, very sure. Wouldn't you like to get physical when you don't have to question why are you even doing it or worry about any consequences? I want you to let go, to give yourself fully and wholly to me without any doubt. In my book, a marriage is liberation. Freedom.”

“Oh.”

“Sydney, when we take this relationship to the next level, I want you to come to me with everything of you! Heart and mind and soul, without reservation. I want all of you! Everything of you.”

I gaped at this impassioned speech.

“Well,” he returned to smiling again. “You brought that up.” And he popped an olive into my mouth.

I thought about his words as I chewed.

“So what do you think?” he asked.

I swallowed and blurted, “You've been hurt. Badly.”

He looked up to the ceiling.

I leant over and kissed his cheek. “Darling, I'll never leave you.”Oh what the heck. I threw myself at him and gave him a big hug.“I'll hurt anybody who dares to hurt you!”

Wrapped in each other's arms, I felt an indescribable closeness as if our souls were conjoined together in a very soothing land. As if our hearts beat as one.

“Why do you even believe in marriage?” I asked. “I'd have thought you'd become a sceptic after your experience.”

“My travels, I guess. That's how all decent people of the world live.” His breath felt warm as his nose nuzzled my hair. “It's the norm, Sydney. It brings order to civilization. Differentiates us from earlier forms of humans or animals. Marriage is commitment with full awareness, knowing we're being responsible and loving to our partners. Since it's been proven a successful institution for all these times and people of all places, there must be some good reasons behind it. It would be arrogant to change it.”

“Many will disagree with you.”

“They're entitled to their opinion. We're all different, honey.What's right for some can't be right for everybody.” He twirled my hair. “In my view, marriage contributes to the harmony of society.Before, perhaps it was just my youthful attempt to harness my ex.Now I view it as a natural way of life… That said, I wanna marry the person I love at a mutually deep emotional level. You're very precious to me. I want you to be certain that I value you as a person.Not just a sex object.”

“Hey, I've thought of exactly that before! How our minds click. I trust you. But your insight makes sense. We'll wait.”

“You don't have to blindly agree with whatever I say.”

“But I find the notion appealing. Beautiful.” I returned to my chair.“And oh, logical.”

“Nice.” He relaxed back on his chair. “So we're agreed on this?Dare to be different from the crowd out there?”

“Ah-ha. I do see our personalities and situation are different from many friends. For now the thrills and fascination of being with you overwhelm me already. So, yeah. Until I'm ready to jump into the abyss. Just kissing is fine with me. Hands off.”

“Sydney,” he grinned. “You're so innocent. But I sorta know what you mean.”

“Cool. So I still have years to consider whether I'll agree to marry you.”

“And when the time comes,” he captured my hand, “I'm not gonna take ‘no' for an answer!”

I burst out laughing. “Pete… I love you.”

He played a few violin pieces for me, a Dvorak love sonata and one delightful sonatina. How I revelled in his skills and flair!

Next we went ice skating at the Macquarie Centre.

“I love you,” he said again and again as we circuited the ice rink, my flowing dress whipping at our legs. “I'll miss you terribly.”

Some couples never expressed their feelings for one another. Pete and I, although very at ease with each other, never before repeated them in total desperation as we did now. Usually we preferred our long and sweet tacit silences. But hey, this afternoon we were feeling insecure.

Truth was, we never wanted the day to end. Harrowing feelings started to creep in with a heavy sense of doom. Eating at us. Bringing the real fear of our coming separation. How, just how, would we cope?

“Pete,” I clung to him in anguish, “Come back. Please come back quickly.”

“I will, darling, I will.”

He had said not to plan anything for Valentine's Day. As he was creative and inventive, I went along. But a surprise awaited me at dinner. He had taken me by train and bus to the Jones Bay Wharf at Darling Harbour. There was a posh dinner-cruise ship waiting there, and when I looked up I saw Mum and her partner on board.

“They've invited us,” Pete confessed under his breath when I stopped in astonishment. “Your mom phoned me. I didn't see any reason why we should decline.”

“It's okay, love. I'm just surprised, that's all.”

I walked with him towards the steps, very carefully because for the first time I was wearing heels instead of my favourite sneakers or flats. After skating Pete had donned a brand-new dress shirt and pants. How good he looked. I couldn't do less now, could I? That was how I came to be dolled up.

Mum looked at me approvingly. How she would be ecstatic if she knew I had worn three dresses today. Personally I must admit a one-piece dress with a zip had to be the most practical piece of clothing invented for a woman. You could put one on by throwing it over your head in a hurry, zip it while running down the stairs, and look good in it. I even thought boys were not so lucky because it took longer to button a shirt. But I was not about to let Mum know.

“Darling,” she gushed as we stepped on board, “Aren't you beautiful! Look Ettoré, this is the fiery-sunset Thai silk we chose for her in Milano. Isn't she gorgeous?” she kissed my cheeks. “So pleased you can join us. Have you been well?”

Beautiful Sydney Harbour was enchantingly swathed in colourful glittering lights. Soon waiters came with canapés and drinks. Pete and I settled for cokes.

We chatted about my workshop and Pete's arrangement to move here.

To my surprise, when dinner was ready, Pete and I were separated from Mum and Ettoré, with them sitting at the farthest possible table.All the tables were set for twos. Your ultimate romantic Valentine's Day dinner. From then on they left us alone and we appreciated this gesture. Heaven knows there were only a few hours left for Pete and me to be together. He was leaving tomorrow.