Tab Bennett and the Inbetween (41 page)

“And you’re okay?” I asked in a small voice.

“I nearly had a heart attack when I saw Estella on top of you.” He stopped walking and shook his head, clearing the image away. “I was so relieved when you finally thought to call for your Gifts.”

I didn’t tell him that I didn’t call for them, that they came on their own at the last second.

“I didn’t mean to kill her.” That wasn’t true. Not entirely. I knew what would happen. I knew it was her or me and I chose me. Anyone would have. That didn’t change it. She was still dead because of me.

“You had to.” I could tell by the look on his face that he was running through the alternate versions of my fight with Estella.

I rested my forehead against his chest. “I’ve had kind of an awful day and I don’t want to talk about her right now. Okay? Can we just not?”

He kissed the top of my head, drawing my eyes up to meet his. “What do you want right now?”

To un-know everything Estella told me. Not to be a murderer. To have a normal life.
 I said, “A hot bath and you.”

He laughed and the sound warmed me up.

“You want to take a bath with me?”

I nodded. “I do. And, did you know that there’s a whirlpool tub that’s big enough for two in my cottage.”

“I did not know that.”

“There is.” I produced the keys from my jacket pocket. “So are you interested?”

His smile made my pulse race.

“Would you object to being carried?” he asked seriously.

“Maybe we could just walk fast?”

“I don’t think so.”

He swooped me up and settled me against his body. “Hold on tight, love,” he said as he took off running toward the cottage at the end of the drive.

“Tabitha?” Pop came into the study and turned on the light. “What are you doing in here?”

“Laying in wait,” I said. “You’ve been avoiding me since you came home and I need to talk to you.”

He stuttered a little before he composed himself. “I have perhaps been too busy to spend much time with you, but I would never avoid you.”

I didn’t believe him but I also didn’t see the point in making a federal case of it. “If you say so.”

He slipped behind his desk and sat down. I didn’t remember him looking so small behind it before. “What can I do for you?” he asked, clapping his hands together.

“I have to tell you something but I’m afraid it might be difficult for you to hear.” His hand self-consciously covered the red, puckered skin where his left ear had once been.

“Before she died, Estella told me something about my mother, something terrible. I don’t want to believe it. I haven’t told anyone else, even Alex, because I feel like once I say it out loud, it’ll be true.” I waited to see if he would stop me. “Did you know that Estella promised my mother she’d kill me so I could never be queen? That it was Gwen who wanted me dead?”

I wasn’t going to tell him about Robbin’s part in it, but once I got started I couldn’t seem to stop.

“Robbin knew; he made the same promise to her, to my mother. He came here to kill me for Gwen, not to watch over me for Alex. I can’t stop thinking about all the times he could have done it in the last ten years – or even just in that first year before he decided not to. I guess you were right not to like him. I should have listened to you.”

“This isn’t true,” he said.

“Is that something you know or something you hope?”

Anger flashed across his pale face. “Have you considered that Estella may have been lying? She was insane. When did she tell you this?”

“Just before I killed her, but I don’t think that has anything to do with this. She thought she’d won. There was no reason to make stuff up at that point. You know what’s strange? I’m not even angry with Gwen for wanting me dead. I just wish I could talk to her. I’d like her to know that I’m not a monster. That’s all. She’s not even real to me; it’s easier to shrug off, I guess, because of that.”

“She would never…” he began, stopping mid-sentence. Maybe because he realized that she might.

I shook my head, adding, “I can see that you’re upset. I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry I had to tell you all this. I wouldn’t have, but I need your help with something.”

“With what?” he asked in a whisper.

“I want to meet my father. I need someone to take me Underneath.”