“Don’t do too many backflips for me, big sister.” Violet laughed. “I’m not a brain like you. I don’t have a college degree, but I do know what love is.”
Lily regarded her thoughtfully. “Meaning I don’t.”
“Meaning it’s different for everyone. For me, it’s the way I feel when Rick walks into the room and my heart speeds up. It’s how safe I feel in his arms and how sweet he is with the kids, not what our bank balance is or isn’t. Sometimes you just need someone to fall back on, someone to put his arms around you and tell you things are going to be all right. Everything else is just details, Lily. They don’t matter. That’s what love does. It makes the small stuff…small.”
Violet’s passion shone through; she truly believed that having someone to love without judgment made anything bearable—financial ruin, loss, hard times. Was that why everyone insisted you needed love in your life? Lily wondered, her thoughts drifting to the Holloways. Losing Crystal brought home the fact that life was hard and enduring hardship alone was a humbling ordeal.
“Listen to me,” Violet said, “going on about myself.”
Lily smiled. “It’s fine. I think you’re really something.”
“Not sure what, though, huh?” Violet looked around the neat, well-organized kitchen. “We’re so different. How did we turn out so different?”
It was a good question. Only a year apart in age, they’d each branched off in wildly different directions. One became a true believer in love and the other an utter heathen when it came to matters of the heart. Raised by bitter, embattled parents, Violet had rebelled, determined to have her own happy family. She’d rushed headlong into an impractical love and a chaotic family life. Lily, on the other hand, built a wall around herself and refused to take risks with her emotions.
“I bet a psychiatrist would have a field day with us, eh?”
“No, because you never talk about the past,” Violet pointed out. “Then again, I suppose you don’t have to. You live your life in a way that screams out what you won’t say aloud.”
Lily felt as though the air had been sucked out of her lungs.
She recovered quickly and smiled as though Violet had made a joke. “How are dear old Mom and Dad, anyway?” she asked.
“Old. But not dear.” Violet shook her head. “Maybe all the fighting is good for them. They are in excellent health, as always.”
“Mom came to see me right after the accident. Surprised the heck out of me. I was surprised to see them at the funeral, too,” Lily admitted.
“They’re not the enemy, you know.”
“No,” Lily conceded. “There are no enemies in this, just like there weren’t any when we lost Evan.” Her family had been forged by tragedy and its aftermath. And now it was happening all over again to Crystal’s family.
“I hope they do a better job than we did,” Violet said.
They were quiet for a while, listening to the children at play in the backyard.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Lily said. “How long can you stay?”
“Only until Rick picks us up in a little while. I’m hoping we won’t have to leave the Winnebago here for long. Just until we get a house with a place to park it. Actually, we’re going to need to sell it.”
“So why not just sell it?”
“You know Rick. He hasn’t come around to my way of thinking yet. So in the meantime, we’ll keep it parked.” She eyed Lily uncertainly. “That is, if it’s okay with you.”
Okay? Having a land yacht parked amid her prize-winning rhododendrons?
She took a deep breath. This was a family affair, she reminded herself. Blood was thicker than…plant matter. “It’s fine,” she said.
“Thanks, Lil. We’ll be forever in your debt. Oh, wait. We
are
forever in your debt. We’ll never get out.”
“Don’t be silly. I wish I could help you more.”
Violet beamed at her. “You’re a saint, I swear. And hey, you can take it out anytime you want. I mean it. The thing is a lot of fun. It sleeps six. Rick wanted a big one in case we have more kids.”
Good plan, thought Lily, but she held her tongue.
“You could take Crystal’s kids camping, maybe.”
“I doubt I’ll be taking your Winnebago anywhere,” Lily said.
“You never know.”
“That’s the story of my life these days,” Lily confessed. “I never know what’s happening next.”
Violet sobered. “How are you doing?”
“Not great.” Lily felt a now-familiar prickle in her throat. “I miss her so much, Vi. She meant the world to me, and now that she’s gone, I hardly know what to do with myself.”
Violet gave her a hug. “Ah, Lily. I wish you weren’t so alone.” She pulled back and looked Lily in the eye. “Listen, I know what you’re probably thinking. Just because someone you love died doesn’t mean you should never love again.”
How well her sister knew her, Lily thought. “It means I never should have loved in the first place.”
“You don’t get to choose, Lil. Why not let yourself be crazy about Crystal’s kids? Lord knows, they need it. Who’s raising them?”
“Sean, the uncle on Derek’s side. You met him at the funeral.”
“The hunk? How could I forget? So he’s single, right?”
Lily flashed on an image of Maura, all long legs and intelligent eyes. “For the time being, I suppose. He’s seeing someone, not that it’s any of my business.”
“Lily Raines Robinson, I swear you are blushing.” Violet leaned forward, intrigued. “What’s up with you and this guy?”
“Nothing.” Lily was annoyed. “We both want what’s best for the kids, that’s what’s up with us, but we don’t always agree on the way to approach this.”
“Since he’s the uncle—”
“Half uncle, if you want to get technical. A guy who barely knows them. Still, he’s the children’s only blood relative besides Dorothy, and according to social services, that trumps my claim to them. It’s so frustrating, Vi. Crystal wanted me to take care of them, but she never got around to discussing it with Derek. I’m sure she thought they had all the time in the world.”
“Wow. So are you going to try to get them placed with you?”
“Honestly, that was my knee-jerk reaction when this all came to light, but I backed off. The children need stability right now more than ever. If I initiated a legal action, it could disrupt their lives even worse. Even Crystal’s attorney said my chances of winning are slim to none, since the will isn’t valid and I’m not a blood relation. Still, sometimes it’s all I can do to keep from rushing in and taking over.”
“The guy might like it if you did. Ever think of that?”
“All the time,” Lily admitted, picturing Sean asleep on the sofa.
More than I should.
“Wow. Rick and I have never even made wills.”
“You’re kidding. Vi, you’ve got two minor children. You really ought to put something in writing.”
She nodded, watching Megan and Ryan out the window. “Hey, Lily?”
“Yes?”
“When I do make a will, I’m appointing you guardian of the kids. Is that all right?”
“You really need to discuss this with Rick,” Lily said.
“He’ll go along with whatever I say. His parents are getting on in years and his sisters’ lives are too chaotic to take over raising kids. You’re the perfect choice, Lily. Please say you’ll agree.”
She reached across the table and touched her sister’s hand. “I’m honored.”
“Good.”
“You have to promise me I won’t ever have to serve.”
“Of course. I promise.”
Lily tried to remember if she’d made Crystal promise the same thing. She didn’t think she had, and deep down she knew it wouldn’t make any difference in the way she’d lived her life, anyway. Crystal was who she was—a woman who found herself in a car with her ex-husband on a stormy afternoon. A woman whose heart ruled her head, every time.
A while later, Rick arrived to pick up Violet and the kids. At the sound of his clanking Astro van pulling into the driveway, Violet’s face lit up. “He’s here,” she said, jumping up and running outside.
Lily stood and watched them from the window—a smiling man in an ill-fitting suit, embracing his exuberant, slightly overweight wife, while the kids swarmed around, welcoming him.
Lily wished she had a camera handy. In that moment, you couldn’t see that they were broke and living in a dump, that Rick was going to have to pick himself up, dust himself off and find a way to support them. In that moment, they made perfect sense, a complete world unto themselves.
Feeling intrusive, she went outside to say goodbye. After they were gone, she stood in the driveway. The days were getting longer, she thought. Ordinarily, she loved the springtime. The accelerated glide toward the end of the school year was filled with fresh energy as everyone prepared for summer. This year was different, of course. This year, Crystal was gone, the kids were in the care of Sean Maguire and she worried about them constantly.
Because of what had happened, her life was not her own. She’d had her summer all planned out. Now she had all these people in her life and things were no longer in her control.
Never before had she changed her plans to accommodate other people.
She stood lost in her own living room. Had her house always been this quiet or did it just seem that way now? It had a curious sterility about it, too. Her sister described it as a freakish neatness. To fill the silence, she turned on the stereo. Bocelli singing “Mille Lune, Mille Onde” from a CD she’d bought to get her in the mood for Italy.
Now the silky tenor voice kept her company as she went to her desk and put away all her maps and guidebooks, her language tapes and itineraries. Then she called and left a message for her travel agent:
Cancel everything.
Finally, with the music radiating out to the corners of the room, Lily poured herself a glass of wine. Chianti, of course. Letting go of a dream should have been devastating. Instead, it felt exactly right.
S
ean Maguire heard an insistent knocking at the front door. He had been circling around Ashley, trying to psych himself up to change her. No matter how many times he did this, he couldn’t get used to it. Last night’s pinto beans and scrambled eggs had been transformed into toxic waste in her diaper. According to one of the library books on child development, he had another six months of this before potty training, possibly more.
“Someone’s at the door,” he said. “Maybe it’s the hazardous waste removal team.”
“Okay.” She waddled into the front room.
Damn. The kid could talk but couldn’t use the toilet. What was up with that?
As he headed for the door, he glanced around the house. It looked as though a bomb had exploded, cluttering the place with toys, schoolbooks, clean laundry he’d been in the midst of folding, a stray cup, a plate of someone’s half-eaten breakfast. How had it gotten this way? Only yesterday, Mrs. Fos
ter had everything straightened up while she was here babysitting. He himself had swept the floors.
Too bad, he thought, glancing at the clock. Anyone who showed up at this hour deserved what they saw. With a less-than-welcoming expression on his face, he pulled the door open.
“We need to go on a family excursion today,” said Lily Robinson, walking into the house before he’d even decided whether or not to extend an invitation.
He was surprised to see her. She always visited in the late afternoon. Ordinarily, he was glad—even relieved—to see her. She brought order and calmness to the house, and the kids were bonkers for her. But this morning…She wore jeans and red sneakers, and for some crazy reason, the outfit made her look wildly sexy to him. As did the look she gave him, as though she’d never seen a guy who’d just rolled out of bed before. Maybe she hadn’t. He reeled in his thoughts. He had no business thinking about stuff like this. “You might have called first,” he said.
“It was too early to call.”
“I like a logical girl,” he said.
“Whose car is that parked outside?” Lily spotted Ashley and her face lit up. “Hello, Miss Adorable.” Squatting down, she opened her arms and the baby tumbled into them.
Your funeral, thought Sean, pretending he hadn’t heard the question.
“Whew,” said Lily. “Someone’s been busy.”
“We just got up,” he said, rubbing his unshaven jaw. “She hasn’t had a change yet.”
Lily stepped away from the baby. “Don’t let me stop you.”
He grumbled and muttered under his breath as he did the honors. Sometimes he woke up in the morning and thought, I can’t do this. I’m not even supposed to be doing it. This is not my life.
Then somehow he slogged through, making mistakes along the way, like buying the wrong-size diaper or putting it on backward, or putting Twinkies but no sandwich in Charlie’s lunch bag.
Ashley seemed to find him vastly amusing, and by the time he got her cleaned up and dressed, they were both in a better mood. That was the thing about a little kid, living moment to moment. The bad ones were over fast and there was always a smile on the horizon. No wonder you had three of them, Derek, he thought.
Mrs. Foster helped out with the baby, but she was expensive. Sean’s allowance from the court-mandated insurance trust was meager at best. The perception that he’d come into a fortune along with Derek’s kids was wrong, but that didn’t stop nosy sports reporters from asking about it. Constantly. And assuming the worst about Sean’s motives.
Lily was restlessly moving about the living room, straightening up. Let her, he thought. Don’t make excuses. He was not going to become the sort of person who got defensive over a messy house.
“We need to take the children to see their grandmother,” Lily said.
He looked at her blankly.
“Dorothy Baird. Crystal’s mother.”
The stroke patient, he recalled. He’d never met Derek’s mother-in-law, and her health had deteriorated to the point where she hadn’t even been able to attend her daughter’s funeral. He looked at Lily’s eager, insistent face and said, “I don’t have a problem with that. We’ll do it one of these days.”
“I was thinking today. Family is so important for these children, especially now. If we leave soon, we can be in Portland for the morning visiting hours.”
“Suppose I have other plans?” he asked, annoyed.
She folded her arms in front of her. The stance accentuated her breasts. She had surprisingly big breasts for a schoolmarm, not that he knew for sure whether or not there was a standard breast-size for marms.
“Do you?” she asked.
He was planning to get in a round of golf with his nephew. Something was happening with Sean’s game these days, an unexpected new power, and he wanted to explore the change. Both he and Cameron had noticed it, and they played several times a week, sometimes even bringing the girls along in the cart. Now he found himself contemplating a drive to the city and a visit to a bedridden woman who didn’t know these kids anymore.
Lily waited, watching him.
“All right,” he said. “We’ll go.”
“Go where?” Stifling a yawn, Maura walked out of the bedroom, wearing only the top of her oversize surgical scrubs.
As awkward moments went, Sean decided, this one definitely ranked right up there with Asmida’s father walking in on them in the Johor Bahru Hilton.
“Hello, Maura,” Lily said politely. As she spoke, she reached for the baby’s hand, as though needing to anchor herself.
“Hi, Lily.” Maura glanced at the clock, then at Sean. “Is there coffee?”
“I haven’t made any yet.” Sean suppressed a beat of irritation. This woman was his girlfriend, he reminded himself. So what if they hadn’t had a great night last night? He’d been exhausted and morose, missing Derek, and had found himself questioning what he was doing—with her, with the kids, with his life.
She shrugged. “That’s all right. I’ll get some on the way to the hospital.” She sent Lily a quick smile. “I’ve got to work today. It’s the start of the thirty-six-hour shift.”
“That’s a long shift,” said Lily.
“Standard for fourth year.” Maura bent down to peer at Ashley.
“Bonjour, jolie mademoiselle,”
she said, and Ashley giggled as she usually did when Maura spoke French. Then she straightened up. “So are you taking the kids on an outing?” she asked Lily.
“That’s the plan. We’re taking them to see their grandmother in Portland.”
Maura shot Sean a look. “I see. Well, have a good time.” She headed for the shower, and Sean could tell from her posture that she was ticked off. She probably thought he’d planned this excursion with Lily and hadn’t bothered to tell her.
Well, hell, he thought, heading upstairs to rouse Cameron and Charlie. Lily could be anywhere she liked this morning, and she’d chosen to spend it with the kids. He respected that about her. He just wished she had called first.