Tagan's Child (25 page)

It wasn’t too
long before the surrounding area became more built up and we slowed
down as we wound our way through the streets. It was late and the
traffic was light. The train station eventually came into view. We
had completed our journey without being followed and I was
beginning to feel more at ease. Ahran parked outside the station
and switched off the engine.

I sat back and
immediately mourned the feel of him.

“Jump off.
We’ve got a train to catch.”

I climbed off
the back and he put the bike’s resting arm down and climbed off
himself. He took hold of my hand, ignoring everything I had said to
him in the diner, and we walked into the station together. I just
didn’t have the strength to protest anymore.

Our train was
due to depart in twenty minutes so we bought our tickets, grabbed a
coffee and sat as inconspicuously as we could in the corner of the
station cafe. We spoke once or twice but I knew Ahran’s attention
was really on everyone who entered and left as he assessed their
threat potential. Thankfully, everyone seemed to just be going
about their business, not in the least bit interested in who we
were.

An announcement
came over the personal address system presumably announcing the
imminent arrival of our train. I looked out of the window and
watched its approach. Like most of the other modes of transport
here, it hovered a couple of feet off the ground and travelled
virtually soundlessly. The front of the train was seriously
aerodynamic and I would have happily bet a year’s takings that it
was faster than any train I had ever been on.

“Ready?” Ahran
asked.

I nodded and
drained the last of my coffee.

We made our way
onto the platform. The train doors opened and we climbed on board.
It smelt of warm newness as we walked down a narrow corridor and
past a number of doors before we came to our cabin. I had been on
sleeper trains one summer when I’d travelled around Europe as a
student, but none of them had been as new or as nice as this.

We found our
cabin. It was compact with two bunks down one side, they were wider
and longer than the ones I had any experience of. On the other side
of the cabin were two shallow armchairs and a door which led into
an even more compact en-suite. I finished my inspection of our
facilities and re-joined Ahran in the confines of our cabin.

“It’s a bit
cramped but the bunks are actually more comfortable than they
look,” he said.

“It’s far more
luxurious than any sleeper I’ve ever been on and it certainly beats
having to share with sweaty, middle-aged, Italians who snore,” I
confirmed.

Ahran laughed.
“Well, fortunately for you I’m none of those things, and I don’t
think I snore.”

I smiled and
sat down on the bottom bunk. I was expecting to find it as hard as
a board but it was surprisingly soft. I swung my feet up onto the
bunk and laid back. “I see what you mean, this is more comfortable
than my bed at home.” I felt a sudden wave of tiredness. It had
been another long and traumatic day. I stifled a yawn.

“Do you want
the top or bottom bunk?” Ahran asked.

I sat up and
rested on my elbows. “It would probably make sense if I have the
top bunk, although I’m warning you now, I do have a tendency to
fall out, or at least I did when I was a kid.”

“Did you?” he
laughed. “That explains a lot.” He came and sat down on the edge of
my bunk.

“Hey!” I said,
giving him a light punch on his bicep. It was as hard as granite. I
liked his banter and I was pleased an easier atmosphere had
returned between us. He gave me a crooked smile in response and it
made my insides feel fluttery.

“I’ll sleep on
the top bunk, we can’t have you falling out.”

I wanted to say
I would be perfectly alright but his smile and proximity were
making it difficult for me to find enough breath to protest. I
managed a nod. I had hoped that the more time I spent with him the
more immune I might become to his smile but it just got worse. And
as if he was deliberately fanning the flames, he reached out and
tucked a stray strand of hair that had come loose from my pony
tail.

“I know,” he
said, raising his hand before I could protest, “That was an illegal
gesture.” He didn’t sound in the least bit apologetic but looked
into my eyes to gauge my reaction. I couldn’t move away even if I
wanted to. He hesitated for a brief moment and then ran the back of
his hand down my cheek. My eyes shut of their own accord and I
savoured the feel of his skin against mine as his touch burnt a
trail down the side of my face.

“In spite of
what you said in the diner, your body tells me something completely
different when I am near you.” His voice was no more than a husky
whisper.

“Ahran,” I said
in a small, choked voice.

“Your skin is
so soft.”

Had he heard
me? He needed to stop because I was absolutely powerless to stop
him.

His face came
closer to mine, his eyes focussing on my lips. My heart began to
race as I anticipated the moment our lips would meet. I tilted my
chin up and his lips touched mine.

It was a tender
kiss and it made my heart ache. He pulled away, his eyes searching
mine.

The last thing
I wanted him to do now was stop. I wanted to feel the full force of
his kiss, I was hungry for it and I couldn’t stop myself from
leaning towards him, this time touching my lips to his. He didn’t
move, and for a second I thought I had daydreamed the last few
moments, but when I opened my eyes his were closed, his expression
caught somewhere between pleasure and torment. What did he expect?
It was a dangerous game he was playing.

He groaned. His
mouth was far more urgent this time and our lips opened
simultaneously, our tongues hungrily searching for each other’s.
The heat that had begun in my abdomen started to course through my
veins. My poor misguided heart soared and for the first time I
didn’t care. I was kissing him as passionately as he was kissing
me.

There was a rap
on the door and we both ignored it, nothing else seemed
important.

The rap came
again, more sharply this time. Whoever it was, wasn’t prepared to
be ignored. We pulled away from each other breathlessly.

Ahran stood up
slightly flustered and narrowly missed hitting his head on the bunk
above.

My eyes were
level with his groin and his obvious arousal. I was secretly
thrilled that I had this effect on him.

“I think you
better get the door,” he said a little sheepishly. “It will be the
guard checking our tickets.”

“Oh, okay,” I
said, slipping off the bed and feeling more than a little wobbly
myself. “Where are they?”

“Here,” he
said, reaching into his bag and passing them to me.

I opened the
door to the guard who was waiting patiently. He scanned our tickets
on an electronic tablet in his hands. When he had finished he
nodded and handed them back to me before moving on to the next
cabin. I closed the door.

Pausing to
collect myself, I turned around to Ahran, not quite sure what to
say after what had just happened. I cleared my throat. “Once again,
that should not have happened.” I was beginning to sound like a
stuck record.

“I can’t help
it Sophie, I want to kiss you. I want you.” Before I had time to
protest he raised his hands defensively. “I know it is wrong, for
God’s sake I’ve been trying to fight it but that’s the way it is.
There’s too much chemistry between us, I know it and you know
it.”

“But we can’t…I
can’t.” It was all I could do to stop myself from going to him and
carrying on from where we had left off.

“If it’s about
Toby, I understand. If you want to wait until we’ve found him and
he’s safely back home, I respect that.”

He really did
think we were inevitable. “It’s Toby, Talina, the fact that we
aren’t even from the same planet,” I said, feeling exasperated.
“There’s a long list.”

“I admit, it’s
not an ideal situation but I’m done battling with it. I want to
kiss you, hold you, make love to you.”

His words sent
a warm shiver down my spine but I remained firm. “I don’t want to
be just another notch on your bedpost.”

He looked
shocked. “You would never be that.”

“Wouldn’t I?
You might be used to having other women, but I’m not used to being
an ‘other’ woman.”

“You think I am
in the habit of doing this?” He sounded angry.

“I don’t know
Ahran, are you?”

He ran his hand
through his hair and contemplated his answer. “There have been
other women,” he admitted reluctantly, “but this is different.”

That was
exactly what I didn’t want to hear. Wasn’t he betrothed to Talina?
How could I possibly maintain any self-respect, entering into a
physical relationship with him knowing that I was just another
woman in a long line of women he had cheated on Talina with? I
actually felt sorry for her, something I never thought I would
feel.

“It’s no
different Ahran. Its sex and I refuse to be your last fling before
you settle down.” I wasn’t quite sure where I found the strength to
challenge him because there was a big part of me that wanted to
jump on him and rip his clothes off, but the flash forward of me
sitting at home, alone, my self-respect and heart in tatters, was
enough to fuel my resistance. “So let’s just forget it shall we?” I
said with a defiant tilt of my chin. On the outside I looked like a
woman fully in control of her emotions, but on the inside I was
falling to pieces.

“Well, you seem
to have got it all worked out.” His tone was acerbic.

“It’s called
self-preservation Ahran,” I said, my resolve strengthening.

“It seems to me
that you are scared of letting anyone get too close,” he
accused.

The accuracy of
his assessment caught me off-guard and I faltered. “You don’t know
anything about me,” I said defensively.

“I know more
than you think,” he declared. “There hasn’t been anyone significant
in your life for a while, not because you don’t attract men, you
do, look at you, I defy any man in this world, or yours, who would
not want you in his bed, but you are scared stiff that if you let
them get too close they will let you down.”

I opened my
mouth to speak but closed it again without saying a word.

“You’ve not
slept with the poor guy you have been stringing along, what’s his
name? Mark…Marcus,” he said, answering his own question. “Because
you are afraid that if you do, you will have to give more of
yourself and that frightens you.”

“That’s none of
your Goddamn business.”

“I’m right
though, aren’t I?” he said triumphantly.

“How dare
you?!” I hissed.

“You’ve only
got one life Sophie, it’s no good worrying about the ‘what if’s’
every time you meet someone new, because before you know it, your
life will have passed you by. You’re not the only one who has
experienced loss, we all have and we’ve all had to deal with it and
get on with the job of living, we’re not the ones dead and
buried.”

I gasped. I
could feel tears stinging my eyes. “What have you got to be proud
of?” I said, lashing out. “You’re an emotionless killer.” I was on
dangerous ground but I wanted to wound him like he had just wounded
me. “You’ve spent your life taking your anger at your father out on
anyone who gets in your way rather than actually standing up to him
and telling him how let down you feel.”

He looked like
I had just slapped him in the face, and then the emotionless mask
he used whenever I got too close, slipped conveniently into
place.

“That’s
enough,” he said firmly.

“Oh! It’s
alright for you to say what you think, but when someone hits the
mark where you’re concerned, suddenly it’s not okay? What are you
afraid of Ahran?”

“I said. That’s
enough!”

I knew I had
gone too far but then so had he.

“We are both
tired I think we should get some sleep,” he said in a tight
voice.

He was right.
We weren’t achieving anything by tearing lumps out of one another
but just to make my point I wordlessly picked up my bag, went into
the en-suite and tried to slam the door behind me like a petulant
teenager. Unfortunately, it had a slam resistant stay on it which
completely spoilt the effect.

I put my face
in my hands and groaned. Oh God, what had I said? I had thrown
everything he had done to save our lives back in his face. Sophie,
you are an idiot! He, on the other hand, had summarised my life in
one foul, perceptive swoop. He had got the measure of me in such a
short time it unnerved me, especially when he seemed such an enigma
at times.

I washed my
face, brushed my teeth and took off my jeans, folding them neatly
before putting them in my bag. I took my time, reluctant to face
him again. Taking a deep breath I went back into the cabin. The
light was off and he was lying on the top bunk although I didn’t
think he was asleep. I climbed into the bottom bunk without say
anything. Hopefully a good night’s sleep would clear the air.

We must have
been travelling at some speed, and yet the only indication we were
travelling at all, was the slight sway of the train as it traced
its way across the landscape. I lay there for a long time, playing
our conversation over and over in my head. I felt bad about what I
had said, but I suspected I was right.

As for me, what
he had said was exactly how I had behaved over the last few years.
I was so terrified of losing people that I no longer let anyone get
close. He was right, there were no guarantees in life and it was
about time I took a few risks. That’s what living was about wasn’t
it? And if I didn’t, there was every chance I’d end up a lonely old
woman, full of regrets because I had never let anyone get close
enough to share my life with. What was it Bennie always said? You
had to kiss a few frogs before you found ‘Mr Let’s See How It goes
And Work On It’. She didn’t believe in princes or Mr Right. I still
wasn’t sure getting together with Ahran was a risk I was prepared
to take though, it would be like jumping out of a plane with no
parachute. Some risks were just beyond reckless.