Tainted Love (Book 1) (19 page)

“That waitress was asking for a bad tip, flirting with you like that…oh!” I can imagine seeing her shocked face as Ben eats me viciously, taking every ounce of pleasure from my body.

“Wait,” I say breathlessly, trying to push Ben away. But it is impossible. He is a man possessed. He is going to make me come, even if his mother walked in on us.

I hear the door close and I know Rac
hel is giving us our time. By this time, I’ve lost all focus. I let go and I come loudly, gripping his hair as I grind into his mouth.

“I love to hear you come, Sullivan. Damn,
it’s the hottest fucking sound. Come.” He dislodges Jerry from my quivering core and powers him down. Loosening my legs, he scoops me up and carries me to my room.

My hormones are raging. My pussy quavering as my orgasm continues to ripple through me. My face flushing, I gasp as he throws me onto the bed. I am radiating lust as my body vibrates with the remnants of my orgasm.
My legs can hardly move and Ben knees them apart. He hovers over me, appraising my body licentiously, biting his lips as his warm, inviting breath sweeps over me. He pants heavily, his eyes burning with need. He leans down and places gentle kisses along my neck. At contact, I shiver and helplessly throw my arms around him, digging my fingers into his back.

I pull him to me instinctively, needing him inside me.

“Please.” I’ve never had to beg this much before. Who am I kidding? My body has never responded this way to another man before.

My face glistens with sweat, I’
m in heat for the body pressed against me. I place my hand over his chest and I feel his heart thumping against my palm. He smiles and his eyes gleam with joy at me, my heart folds and a lump forms in my throat. I trace my hand smoothly over his face and stare at him adoringly.

His smile fades and so does mine. Did I do something? He lifts his body from mine, rising from the bed. Searching his back pocket, he produces his cell phone and answers it.

“Yes,” he answers, his tone clipped.

Really? My chest deflates as I release the air I’d taken in and close my eyes. I can’t believe he answered his cell phone. Doesn’t he realize what was about to happen? Surely whatever it was could’ve waited. My head swims with thoughts, blocking out the mono-syllable conversation he is having.
Really?

“I can’t,” he whispers, turning slightly away from me. What is he hiding? Soon I can’t hear him
as he continues his secret conversation. His voice has dipped so low that it is impossible to make out anything he is saying. This has officially turned and pissed me off.

“I’ll be there,” I barely hear him say. He walks further away from me and eyes me over his shoulder. When he sees me staring at him with as much contempt as I can muster, he quickly looks away.

“Can we talk about this some other time?” he requests the person on the other line, but I don’t want to hear anything he is about to tell me. His guilt is speaking louder than any excuse he could ever feed me.

Upset, I g
et up from the bed and swing my door open to head into the living room. I see Ryan and Rachel in the kitchen, and Rachel glares at me. It’s then I remember that I’m only in my tank top, but I am so pissed off that I don’t give a damn what Ryan has seen. I hold my hand up, closing my eyes and pursing my lips, not up for any lectures.

I grab the clothes we’d left on the floor and I stomp back into my room and throw his shirt at him. Startled, he stares at me as he continues his conversation.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he tells whoever, as he watches me, a wounded look parading his face. Why should he feel hurt? He’s the one being secretive and cryptic with
me
. I’m just protecting myself by getting him the fuck up out my house. Is he messing with another woman? God, he’d better not!

I could scream! Why am I so hurt? Why am I even jealous? This is what I wanted – friends with benefits. I shouldn’t feel this way if he decides to pursue another relationship, another woman, one less complicated than I am.

I drag on my pajama bottoms, incensed, and stalk into the living room, sagging into the couch and switching the TV to wrestling.

“Ryan, I think Sully needs me.” I hear Rachel say.

“I’m fine,” I snap, not wanting any attention right now. As a matter of fact, I’m not going to stick around and wait for his royal prickness to finish his secret conversation. My anger is so palpable, I’m not sure I won’t blow a gasket.

I get up, switching the TV off and head to the door. I grab my coat and slip my flip flops on.

“Sully,” Rachel calls after me as I slam the door but I don’t acknowledge her. I’m gonna have to apologize big time for that later.

I decide to take the stairs, needing the distrac
tion. I need to sort out what is going on in my head, my heart.

As I step onto the busy street, I find myself walking aimlessly, weaving throu
gh the throng of people. What is he hiding? Why did he even need to hide anything from me?

And w
hy the fuck am I so upset?

I walk faster. Angrier. I wanted his time to be mine, was that so selfish? I don’t care about any of the other broads he has, so long as what I want is given to me.

Who am I kidding? I care. I want him for myself and that pisses me off. I want to be with him, but not for the reasons I usually want a wealthy, handsome bachelor. I don’t see his money. All I see is him and how he makes me feel.

Ben makes me feel like I am important to him. All the grand romantic gestures, his pursuit of me, all makes me feel like I am all he wants. But that shady ass conversation he was having shed a different light. Is he just playing with me? He’d better not, because I am not one to be fucked with. He won’t be able to handle my retaliation, I can tell him that much.

Yes, I needed this walk. I feel myself coming down from my pique, but then realize how hard I am breathing and slow my pace. Damn, this is a fucking power walk!

As I look around me, I don’t register where I am. All I know is I’m walking and I don’t know for how long. I clutch my coat around me and glance around to pinpoint where I am.

As I look up, I see a man staring at me on the other side of the street. His blonde hair is neck length and his coat collar almost hides his face. He smirks at me and a cold chill that has nothing to do with the weather runs all over my body. I know this person. The chill continues to surge through me as the man points his evil eyes at me and I stop in the middle of the street. Panic rises and I turn, looking for help. When I turn back to where he stood, he is gone.

Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me. Rick doesn’t know where I am. If that were him, he would have come after me. Despite my reasoning, though, my panic levels rise. I spin and bolt toward my apartment, bumping into people as I go.

“Get the fuck out of the way, you crazy!” a man curses as he pushes me out of the way.

“Hey!” a woman shouts as I bump into her.

“Ugh! Here’s a dollar, crack head. Now move out of my way,” another man says, handing me a dollar and moving me aside.

Clutching the note, I start running. Rick is
not
someone I even want to think about.

Bolting, people carve out of my path. As I hurry to safety, they stab their brakes as I run in the way of their cars. One man jumps out of his car to try to confront me, but I am too fast, too frightened – running, as my only goal is to get to safety.

As I near my street, I bend over trying to catch my breath, but a panic attack overtakes me and I fall to the floor, heaving breaths, shaking and crying. What was I thinking? I put my head between my thighs and hug my legs tightly. I need Ben. Only he can calm my panic. Only he can bring me peace. But I’m so pissed off at him right now.
Argh!

I grip my arms around my legs, feeling like I am about to pass out. Before I can take another deep breath, I am swept up into muscular arms. I haven’t seen the face, but I know it is Ben.

“Shh,” he lulls, swaying me gently.

“De…Sully!” Rachel gasps, almost revealing my real name. She reaches out for me, but Ben snakes me away from her. “Are you fucking crazy? You’re the reason for her panic attack in the first goddamn place!” Rachel snaps
. Rachel is not a person you piss off. Ben just might learn that tonight.

“Let…me…go,” I wheeze and flail my arms, trying to fight him off.

Ben continues swaying me, nuzzling my neck.

“She wants you to let her go, you bastard!” Rachel beats
at his back, but he doesn’t let me go. He glares at Rachel and she quails in silence, shrinking her hands to her sides.

Wow. That’s a first.
Don’t worry Rae, he does it to me too
.

“Shh, baby, s
hh,” Ben whispers against my ear. He rocks me gently and I slowly come down from my panic.

I don’t know how he is able to calm me down and my tears fall because of it. My body is responsive to him and I hate it. No amount of beating on his arms makes Ben flinch. I just want him to let me go, though I crave his touch. My mind is in such a mess, I simply relinquish to his control, letting my arms snag around his neck as I cry.

Instead of putting me down, Ben walks me to the apartment. Rachel follows quietly, picking up my flip flops as they fall to the floor. When I pass the front desk, I see the horror on Susie’s face. I cringe in Ben’s arms as I realize the scare I must have given everyone.

The whole ride up to the apartment, Ben holds
me, fluttering kisses over my face that I bask in. The room is dark when we get to it and Ben lays me down on my bed and takes my coat off. He leaves, not saying a word, and Rachel enters.

“Lilah,” she whispers, curling beside me in bed. She brushes my hair and says, “You scared the shit out of us. What happened? What spurred that panic attack?”

I rub my face into the sheets, groaning, remembering where I found myself. “I was just walking and…” I swallow past the lump in my throat then speak, “I thought I saw Rick.” I shake my head vigorously at what could have happened if it had been him.

I hear Rachel’s sharp intake of breath and she knows what seeing Rick would mean; the danger I’d be in.

“Was it?” she asks.

“No. I don’t know. Maybe? God!” I cry. “The person disappeared. He looked so real, Rae. Different, but real. It was like an optical illusion or something.”

She clutches me to her, restricting my breathing. Moving me away from her, I can feel her assessing me. I can feel the fear rolling off of her in waves. She folds me into her arms again and we lie there saying nothing more to each other.

Ben re-enters the room, after I don’t know how long, and I peek up at him – the lights in the living room illuminating his silhouette. He’s holding a steaming mug and it smells like peppermint. I sit up in bed and it’s then I realize that Rachel has fallen asleep. He brings the mug over to me and pulls up a chair, sitting. I take cautious sips of my tea, which tastes delicious…
of course
.

Ben stares at me, worried, not saying a word. His eyes are apologetic and they beg me to talk, but what do I say? I had a panic attack because I thought I saw the ex I shot and am cu
rrently running from? I see that conversation going very well. I roll my eyes inwardly.

I don’t realize that I’ve been biting my bottom lip until he tugs
at my chin and I release it. His eyes are wild.

“I was worried,” he blows out.

“I was so pissed off at you,” I say, shaking my head at the horror that could have been.

“I know. I know,” he expresses and takes the mug from me, resting it on the bedside table. Pulling me to him, Ben kneels to the floor. “I’m sorry.”

We sit on the floor silent for the longest while. We hold onto each other, soothing each other with our tempered breathing.

“What was that call about?” I mutter, wanting to know what he was hiding. “Why’d you have to whisper and turn away, like you were hiding something?”

He sighs deeply and tries to speak but stutters. Finally, he says, “Sullivan…I…I don’t want to upset you anymore. Please…not tonight.”

I suck my teeth and push away from him. He grips me tighter, refusing to let me go. I glower at him, a warning.

“I can’t let you go, Sullivan,” he mutters, snuggling my breasts. “Please. I can’t let you go.”

I don’t want him to and I cry because I can’t understand why. This isn’t me. He is changing me and I hate it. Don’t I?

“Sullivan, please don’t cry. I hate to see you cry.” He angles me away from him and wipes my tears. “I’ve been making you cry every day for the past four days. It tears me apart that all I do is make you cry.”

“That’s not all you do, Ben.” I sniffle and reassure him.

He looks away and shakes his head in disbelief. How can my tears affect him so? I clutch his face to steady him and gaze intently into green eyes that look bleak and dull. I caress his cheek and now I’m more concerned with making him feel better.

“You make
me happy,” I tell him.

Fuck, he makes me happy. He drives me crazy, but for the most part I’m happiest when I’m with him or when I’m thinking about him.