* * *
He sat up abruptly, despite a stab of agony that made him yelp.
The cold, gray light of the street coming in at an open door next to where he sat completely disoriented him. Where was he?
This isn't home—
Then it all came back, in a rush. The triumph of the successful run.
The fire.
The man who'd grabbed him, keeping him from— from—
With an inarticulate howl of grief, he scrambled to his feet and staggered out into the street.
He coughed in the miasma of fog and stale smoke that met him like a wall.
He fought through it, staggered a few paces— and stared, unbelieving, at the absolute ruin of his home.
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Gone. All gone. A few blackened timbers stuck up out of the wreckage, marking where the staircase had been. The rest— was an unidentifiable pile of charred wood and still-smoldering wreckage.
The vultures were already hauling away whatever they could claw out, for in this place, even charcoal could serve to help eke out firewood and grant a few more hours of warmth. They had baskets, barrows— their clothing and faces black with soot.
Somewhere under there was his home— Bazie— and the boys.
Another howl tore itself out of his throat, and he hurled himself at the burned-out building, scrambling over what was left of the wall to the corner where the secret stair should have opened to Bazie's little den. It was underground— surely it was safe, surely
they
were safe—
They have to be safe!
But he couldn't help thinking… how long it took them to get Bazie out on the rare occasions when he emerged from the room. What a struggle it was to get him to the latrine, much less up the stairs. And that was on a bright spring day, not amid choking smoke and flames—
He began to dig, frantically, first with his bare hands, then with a piece of board until that broke, then with the blade of a shovel he found, still hot enough to blister. His throat closed, his gut clenched. He welcomed the pain in his hands— he should have been there! If he'd been there— if only—
He dug, with his eyes streaming tears and his heart breaking, dug and dug and dug until finally he was too exhausted to dig anymore.
He collapsed among the wreckage, and wept, leaning against a broken beam, until his sides ached and his eyes burned, and still he could not weep himself free of the pain.
Gone. All gone… I should have been here. All gone… it's my fault. All
gone, all gone….
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Around him, people continued to scavenge, oblivious to his grief, or ignoring it. His grief turned to anger, then, and he stood up and tried to scream at them for the plundering ghouls that they were— but his throat was raw and his brain wouldn't work and all he could do was moan.
In the end, it was Jarmin, unlikely Jarmin, clerkly proprietor of the shop who bought their plundered silks, who found him there, whimpering like a whipped dog. Jarmin, who stepped mincingly into the wreckage, looked him up and down and asked, without any expression at all, "Got swag?"
Skif, shocked out of his grief for a moment by the sheer callousness of the query, began to shake his head. Then, suddenly remembering that triumph that seemed to have happened a hundred years ago, nodded.
Jarmin took him by the elbow and hauled him to his feet. Shock sealed his mouth and made him docile, though his aching eyes still streamed tears, his gut ached, and deep inside he wanted to strike out at whatever was nearest.
To strike out at himself.
Gone, all gone!
They picked their way to the street, with Jarmin still holding tightly to Skif's elbow, and once there, Jarmin headed determinedly toward his own shop. Skif just went along, too heartbroken to think, too full of bottomless mourning to care if Jarmin was about to lead him off somewhere to kill him for his loot.
Let him. I deserve it. I wasn't there.
They entered the shop, all of its tawdriness only too apparent by day. The girls were nowhere to be seen as Jarmin shoved Skif before him, past the counter, through a flap of hanging cloth, then up a narrow staircase that ended in a room just under the roof. A single dirty window covered with oiled parchment let in enough light to see by. There was a pallet there, and blankets, and some storage boxes; nothing else. Jarmin had to stoop to fit 119
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under the rooftree, and he shoved Skif roughly down onto the pallet, and gestured impatiently at his tunic.
Skif read the gesture for the demand that it was, and slowly undid his clothing to pull out the jewelry he'd taken last night. He laid it out on the pallet. Jarmin squatted down beside him and examined it piece by piece, grunting a little, but otherwise saying nothing.
Now he's gonna kill me.
Skif could form the thought, but couldn't muster anything beyond the grief to care what happened to him. Care? No, that wasn't true. He cared. He deserved death. If he'd gotten back sooner, if he hadn't been so determined to bring back every damned piece that couldn't be traced—
I'd have been there. I'd have noticed in time. I'd have gotten them out.
Gone. All gone.
He just sat where he was, staring at his own hands, while Jarmin turned the jewelry over and over in his hands.
Finally the fence pulled the kerchief off his own neck and bundled it all up. He shoved the ends under his belt and knotted them, got up slowly and painfully, then descended the staircase. It looked from where Skif sat as if he was sinking into the floor….
Tears began again, burning his eyes and his raw cheeks, and Skif didn't even bother to wipe them away. His nose closed up, his gut spasmed, and his thoughts ran around and around in a tight little spiral, like a mouse in a trap.
Gone. My fault. I should have been there.
A moment later Jarmin was back again, a bundle of cloth under one arm, a jug in his hand.
"Here," he said gruffly. "These ought to fit you." He dropped the clothing down next to Skif, who stared at it without comprehension. "Even swap; the swag for these, food, and this room for three moons. After that, you get another place or start paying." As Skif stared at him as if he was speaking 120
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in a foreign tongue, he glanced at the jug in his hand as if he was surprised by its presence. "Oh, aye. And you get this."
He shoved it at Skif until Skif took it from him perforce.
"Go on. Pop the cork and drink it," Jarmin said fiercely.
Numbly, Skif obeyed. The cork came out with difficulty; the liquid inside tasted of cherries and burned like fire, burned him from his tongue to his gut, all the way down.
He knew as soon as he tasted it what it was, though he had never done more than sip a bit before this, the dregs left in some rich man's glass; spirits-of-wine, and worth its weight in silver. He gasped at the fire in it, but didn't spill a drop; it would bring blessed oblivion, which now he wanted more than he'd ever wanted anything. It went to the head quickly; in a few swallows, he was dizzy. A few swallows more, and he had trouble holding the jug. Jarmin, his eyes gleaming fiercely in the half light, steadied it for him and helped him lift it to his mouth.
"Keep drinking, boy," he heard, as from a far distant land. " 'Twon't take the hurt away, but it'll numb it for a while."
Numb…
Numb was good. Maybe if he was numb, he wouldn't keep seeing Bazie and the boys… and the flames.
He swallowed again, the stuff burning its way down into his belly. Now he was more than dizzy; the room swam around him and tilted disconcertingly. Jarmin took the jug, corked it, and set it aside as he sagged down onto the pallet.
The room was definitely moving, but he didn't care. He just didn't want to have to watch it, so he closed his eyes. "Best thing for you, boy," he heard, then footsteps on the stair.
He didn't actually pass out; he hadn't drunk quite enough for that. But every time the numbness and the dizziness started to wear off, he heaved himself up onto his elbow and took another long pull at the jug until it 121
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came back again. Now and again he tired of simply feeling the room circling him and opened his eyes to watch the ceiling rotate. When the light started to fade, Jarmin appeared again with a lantern and bread and sops, a chamberpot, and a big jug of water. He made Skif eat and drink all of the water before he took the lantern and the plates away. Skif took some more pulls on the jug, then, and as shrill voices and the cajolery of the girls drifted in through the window, he let the liquor take him away to a place where nothing mattered anymore.
* * *
He retained enough of sense and the cleanliness Bazie had drummed into him to make proper use of the chamberpot. It never seemed to stink, so Jarmin must have kept it clean as well.
Jarmin also came up to talk to him now and again. For a while, he ignored the words and the man because he didn't want to go to the place where words meant something. For a while, that is, until something Jarmin said jarred him back into
thinking.
"Word is," Jarmin said, into Skif's rosy fog, "That fire was
set.
"
Set?
Skif opened his eyes with an effort. "Wha?" he managed, mouth tasting of old leather and liquor.
Jarmin didn't look at him, and his tone was casual. "Word is that the landlord got a surprise inspection, and was going to have to fix the place.
Or get fined. Going to cost him dearly, either way. So he burned it instead, and is calling it a terrible accident."
Understanding— and anger— stirred sluggishly. "He—
burned
it?"
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Jarmin shrugged, as if it all mattered not a whit to him. "Word is, that's the case. Don't who the landlord is— was," he corrected. "
You
know how it is.
Probably some high-necked merchant, or even highborn. Couldn't possibly be connected with us, nor where we live. Couldn't soil himself by openly owning the place, but takes our copper right enough. So long as no one knows where he got it. But he wouldn't want to have to spend good coin either, not when burning it costs him less and allows him to sell the lot afterward."
Anger burned away the fumes of the liquor— hot as the flames that had destroyed his only family. "He burned it?" Skif repeated, sitting up, fists clenching.
"Word is that.
Who
ever he is." Jarmin shrugged, then with a sly look, pushed the jug toward Skif.
Skif pushed it back, still dizzy, but head getting clearer by the moment.
He burned it. Or ordered it burned, whoever he is.
"No warning, of course," Jarmin continued casually. "Because that would tip off the inspectors that he didn't mean to fix it. And the highborn don't care how many of us burn, so long as an inconvenient building is gotten rid of. That is how it is."
There was light in the window and relative quiet on the street. It must be day, and the girls were asleep. Skif was still drunk, and he knew it, but he was getting sober, more so with every breath, as his anger rose and rose, burning like the flames that had taken his family. He looked down at himself, and saw that he was still wearing the filthy clothing he'd been brought here in. The pile of clean stuff still lay at the foot of the pallet.
"Wanta bath, Jarmin."
"Comes with the room," Jarmin said indifferently. "I'll tell madam. Get yourself downstairs when you can."
He descended the stairs, and Skif waited until he could stand without too much wavering. Then he picked up a shirt, trews, and socks, and followed.
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Jarmin was behind the counter tending to a customer, but waved him out the door. Skif tottered out, blinking owlishly at the daylight, and the door of the brothel next to Jarmin's shop opened. An oily-looking fellow beckoned to him, and Skif went in.
He wasn't given any time to look around the shabby-luxurious "parlor"
where customers came to choose from the girls if they hadn't already picked one. The oily fellow hustled him into the back where there was—
A laundry.
Only the remains of the liquor and the firmest of controls kept Skif from breaking down right there and then. The urge to wail was so great he practically choked.
There were several tubs, two of which had girls in them, three of which had laundry. Before he could lose his head and bawl, a burly woman with work-reddened hands and a tight, angry mouth stripped him before he could open his mouth and shoved him into the last of the tubs. She didn't give him a chance to wash himself either; she used the same brush and lye soap that she used on the linen on
his
hide, with the same lack of gentleness.
The bristles lacerated his skin, his scalp. He didn't let out a single sound as she scrubbed as if she intended to take his skin off, then made him stand, rinsed him with a bucket of water cold enough to make him gasp, and bundled him in a sheet. His own clothing went into one of the tubs with laundry in it, and she handed him the plain trews, socks, and shirt he brought with him, leaving him to clothe himself as she turned back to her work. He noticed that the girls didn't get the same ungentle treatment.
They were allowed to bathe themselves and did so lazily, completely ignoring his presence.
Well, that was all right. He didn't want any stupid whores fussing over him like he was some sort of animate doll. He didn't want
their
sympathy. He didn't want anyone's pity.