Authors: Lauren Smith
A teardrop falls on the last line of his letter, and the dam inside me breaks. After deflecting, suppressing, and ignoring my feelings for weeks, I let it all out. It feels so good to ugly cry. I sit down on the edge of the bed, cover my face with my hands, and let the tears fall in a constant stream. Whoever said;
“One day, someone is going to come along and hug you so tight, that all of your broken pieces will fit back together again,”
hit the nail on the head. That about sums up what Chase’s letter just did for my heart. I can’t let the best thing to ever happen to me slip away without a fight. I need to make this right. I need to go give him his heart back...and retrieve mine.
a m e l i a
“Are you sure this is going to work, Rave?” I ask, uncertain.
We’re in the bathroom getting ready for Eric’s New Year’s Eve party. Technically, it’s already started, but Raven is always fashionably late. We’re both dressed to kill. Raven is wearing a one-shouldered, skin tight, champagne colored mini dress, with a pair of open-toed heels. Her hair is styled up in a messy knot, with a few chocolate ringlets spilling down to her shoulders. Her honey eyes shimmer with brown eyeliner and beige eye shadow.
I’m in a black halter dress that’s tight from the waist up, but flairs out a little at the hip. My hair is down and loosely curled. I’m wearing my most expensive patent leather pumps; ones that Raven gave me last year for my birthday. Luckily, I was able to bring them back with me the second time around.
For my makeup, I’ve chosen to go with my usual smokey eye look, and I added some nude gloss to my lips for an extra umph. The only colorful thing I’m wearing is the necklace Chase made me. It’s secured tightly around my neck. I’ve already filled Raven in on my plans to get my man back, and she’s on board.
“Well, if it doesn’t work, then he’s even more stupid than I gave him credit for,” she says, leaning over the counter to curl her eyelashes.
“Eric is going to fall to his knees when he sees you in that dress.”
“That’s exactly what I’m hoping for,” she says, her gaze finding mine in the mirror. With a mischievous smile, she winks at me. I laugh and start cleaning up all of our makeup, while Miss Prim and Proper finishes getting ready.
It’s 10:00 p.m. when we pull up to Eric’s place. My stomach is completely tangled up in knots because I’m so anxious to see Chase. It’s a good anxious, because I haven’t laid eyes on him in about a month, and it’s a bad anxious, because I have no idea how he’s going to react when he sees me. I honestly wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to talk to me, but I’m really hoping he does.
I take a deep breath to try and calm myself. When I think about how fast my pulse is racing, it makes me anxious all over again. I reach down and unbuckle my seatbelt with trembling hands. Raven steps out of the car, closes her door, and walks around to my side as I’m stepping out.
She takes my hands in hers and reassures me. “Relax, baby girl. He’ll be thrilled to see you.”
“What if he doesn’t want to see me? Does he even know I’m going to be here tonight? Did Eric tell him? What if he’s here with someone else?” I panic. The thought of another girl grabbing Chase’s attention makes me nauseous. I don’t want him looking at any girl—other than me—ever again.
Raven clasps her hands around my face and forces me to meet her gaze. “Mia,
relax.
Of course he’ll want to see you, and no, Eric didn’t tell him you’d be here. That’s part of the surprise, remember?”
What seemed like a great idea at the time quickly has me second guessing myself. I don’t want Chase to feel like I’ve sprung this on him, and then have it get all awkward between us because he feels trapped. Clearly, I didn’t think this all the way through.
“Amelia Foster, look at me right now,” Raven orders. My fun loving best friend is gone and the woman that stands before me is a force to be reckoned with. “You listen to me and you listen good. Chase is your man. You are his woman. You are going to smoothly waltz into that apartment, find him, and remind him of that. You are a knockout, and any guy in that room would be lucky to have you. If Chase knows what’s good for him, he’ll sweep you up, take you home, and rock your world until the sun comes up. If he doesn’t do just that, then he’ll have me to answer to,” she promises. Her eyes soften, and she continues, “I know you're nervous, but when you walk in there you need to own it. Put up those defenses and wear a poker face that would put Phil Hellmuth to shame.”
“Who’s Phil Hellmuth?” I ask, confused.
“Google him, baby girl.” She releases my face, and adjusts her dress before leading the way into Eric’s apartment. She knows how much I tend to overanalyze everything and she’s not giving me a chance to do that in the parking lot.
Raven opens the door, and I hesitantly follow her inside. This feels like déjà vu all over again. The apartment is crowded and the music is turned up real loud. There are white lights strung up everywhere.
Looks like our apartment isn’t the only one Raven got a hold of.
The first thing my eyes do is scan the room in search for Chase, but I don’t see him anywhere. Maybe he decided not to show up? Or maybe he already left? The thought makes my shoulders sag with disappointment. What if Eric spilled the beans that I was coming and that’s why he’s not here? I cringe inwardly, trying to block out that painful thought.
Eric’s voice rings loud and clear over the music. “Whoa, look at you ladies! Drop dead fucking gorgeous,” he yells from the kitchen. Raven spots him and immediately grins at the sound of his approval. He eyes her up and down heatedly, and a slow, heart-stopping smile spreads across his face.
“Damn, baby. Are you trying to give me a heart attack? You look amazing,” he praises. “Come here so I can give you some love.” He holds his arm as an invitation for her to curl into him. He’s holding a full shot glass in his other hand. She goes forward willingly, and kisses him hard on the lips. Normally, I’d be disgusted at such blatant, in-your-face PDA, but I think the two of them are great together. I couldn’t be more thrilled for two of my best friends finding happiness in each other.
Eric releases Raven and downs the shot. He sets the glass down and leisurely strolls over to me, his face radiating endearment and pride. Before I can even say hello, he pulls me into a tight hug. He smells my hair and sighs in utter contentment. I giggle and wrap my arms around him.
“Feeling the effects of the alcohol, are we?” I tease playfully. Eric is always flirty, but he’s coming on a little stronger than normal. If I were any other girl, Raven would be throwing daggers at me. But she knows how it is with us, and more importantly, she knows I’d never betray her.
“Thank you for coming, Mia,” he says sincerely.
I loosen my arms and pull back to look at him. “You really thought I wasn’t going to show up?” I ask a little hurt.
He shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. I knew at the time you said you would, that you meant it. But you could’ve easily woken up and changed your mind. I know the last month has been hard on you.”
“I’m sorry, Eric. I promise, I’ll never put you guys through that again.”
“Good,” he says, satisfied. “Now grab yourself a drink and feel free to make bad decisions and let loose. You need it. Lose those morals and pesky inhibitions for the night,” he encourages.
I laugh as he releases me from his hold. Before he can run off and continue enjoying the night, I grab the hem of his shirt and pull him back. He looks down, confused, but waits for what I have to say.
“Is Chase here?”
His eyes widen and he nods warily.
Not a good sign.
“Where is he?” I ask, afraid to know the answer. He lets out an uneasy breath and motions with his head in the direction of the living room. I stand on my tippy toes and look over his shoulder. I instantly spot the back of Chase’s head. He’s sitting down on the couch talking to a blonde woman—not just any blonde woman—he’s talking to Christa. I clench my jaw at the sight and work it over back and forth. Reading my mind, Eric bends down to my ear.
“I know that doesn’t look good, but I swear to you, he hasn’t touched her once. They’ve just been talking.”
I wish that piece of information made me feel better about what I’m seeing, but it doesn’t. Instead, I feel a sting of jealousy and rejection at the sight of them sitting so close together. Eric’s previous words come rushing back to me:
As far as I know, that’s over between them...for now.
Christa is Chase’s constant.
She has some kind of hold over him.
I let out a defeated sigh. I’m not as heartbroken as I thought I’d be, considering my greatest fear just surfaced and slapped the shit out of me. I’m more pissed than anything else. It’s probably because there isn’t much left of my heart to break. Maybe that’s God’s way of reassuring me that He knows I can’t take anymore. I’m tired of always feeling like I’m fighting a losing battle. I’d like to be on the winning side for once.
“I think I’m just going to head out. I really don’t want to watch that, Eric.”
“The hell you are!” Raven interjects before he has a chance to respond. “Mia, I love you to death, but use your head. You’re a fighter but you seem to have forgotten that. You do not just roll over and die. That’s not who you are. You have every right to grieve the loss of your mom, but I’m tired of you acting like there’s nothing you can do to save your relationship. For crying out loud he’s sitting less than ten feet away from you, talking to some stupid blonde bimbo, when he’d obviously rather be talking to you. Go fight for him the way he would for you if the situation was reversed.” She takes in a deep breath—a good idea since she used all of her last one to get that out of her system.
You know when a friend tells you something like that, they really have your back. A true friend will always be brutally honest and tell you what you don’t want to hear—what you
need
to hear. They are there to pick you up when you fall, and throw you the rope when you deviate from the course. They ride the highest of highs with you, and endure the lowest of lows.
I look at her, surprised. I know she’s an impatient person, but I didn’t expect her to lose her cool with me. This obviously has been building up inside of her for the last month. It makes sense when I think about it. She’s had to live with me day in and day out while I’m going through all of this. That couldn’t have been easy.
Witnessing a loved one suffer is almost worse than experiencing it yourself. I know all about that firsthand. At least when you experience it yourself, you have a certain amount of control over the situation. You decide what you’re going to do next and how you’re going to move forward. You focus all of your energy on bouncing back from whatever has you down. When a loved one is suffering, there’s not much you can do to help other than just be there for support.
“You know something, you’re right. Thank you, Raven. I needed that,” I say, surprisingly relieved. “Pour me a shot so I can down some liquid courage and go win my man back,” I say with renewed determination.
“Oh, thank God,” Raven rejoices. “I’ve been waiting for that fuse to light for weeks.”
Eric smiles and pours me a shot of straight vodka. I take the glass from him and raise it up high in the air. “This one’s for you, Mom,” I say, downing it. I slam the glass against the table and feel the liquid burn a path down my throat.
“Do me a favor?” I ask Eric politely.
“What do you need?”
“I need you to turn the down the music so I can hear myself think and have a conversation with him.”
“You got it,” he says instantly.
“Thank you.”
“How do I look?” I ask Raven. There are no mirrors close by, and I need to make sure I look top-notch before I walk over to my soon-to-be-boyfriend-again and his ex-booty call.
“Smoking hot,” Raven assures me. Eric nods his head in agreement.
“Good,” I say, satisfied.
I muster up every ounce of courage I can manage and make myself move toward the two of them. I’m taking a huge risk with my heart, and I’m praying to God it pays off. If this doesn’t work out in my favor, at least I can say I tried. I’ll be able to walk away knowing I fought for him—for us.
I’m not sure what happens next, but something clicks within me and takes over. I feel calm, collected, and utterly confident. My heart is beating so hard I’m afraid it might explode, but it’s not out of nervousness—it’s out of anticipation. Anticipation for the moment when I finally sit down on that couch and see his beautiful face for the first time in a month.
The closer I get, the higher my stomach climbs into my throat. It’s the same feeling I get right before a major drop on a rollercoaster ride. I try to ignore the sensation. Just as I round the side of the couch, the volume on the stereo lowers. I swoop in without warning and sit down right next to Christa. Chase is on the opposite side of her, drinking a beer. I see him freeze up with the bottle near his lips. Christa abruptly stops whatever pointless conversation she was having with him, and turns to look at me. A look of pure annoyance washes over her face.
As bad as this is to admit, I internally feel a great deal of satisfaction knowing I’ve blown her chances of keeping his attention. I’m not getting cocky; I’m just banking on him and his love for me to overrule her. I smoothly bring one leg up and cross it over the other. Delicately, I adjust the hem of my skirt and casually lean back into the couch. I crane my neck to steal a glimpse of Chase.
Does this sound familiar? Just wait….
“So, Chase, here’s what I’ve been thinking; I think it’s imperative that we go out on a date. I’m proposing dinner and something fun afterwards. What do you say?” I know those weren’t his exact words the first time he asked me out, but I know it’s pretty damn close. The majority of that night will forever be ingrained in my mind. It’s hard to forget when a man like Chase comes onto you. He has that certain something that makes you give him your complete and undivided attention—even if you don’t want to.