Authors: Katie McGarry
Haley
I step out of the back door with a full trash bag in hand and stare up at the rolling gray clouds. It’s been sunny for days, but tonight thunderstorms are supposed to move in. Small drops of water sprinkle onto my arms, but I don’t care. I’d rather be wet than inside.
Besides West getting kicked out of school for harassing Matt, today was a good day. I finished the paperwork for the scholarship and my teachers let me skip classes so I could work on the video at the computer lab. Now all I need is the ending: the fight between Matt and West.
West winning would be a fabulous ending, but my hope doesn’t lie there because that is the stuff of fairy tales. This is reality and I’ve built my whole premise around taking a scrapper and training him in a few techniques in the hopes he could listen during a fight and last one round.
The ultimate irony: my advantage is I know how Matt fights and I’ve taught West how to use Matt’s weaknesses against him. I’ve given West the best ammunition I have. The rest, unfortunately, is up to him.
“I’ve been waiting for you.” Matt turns the corner of the house and I jump out of my skin. The instinct is to throw the trash at him and run back inside, but heading in isn’t much better.
I toss the garbage into the can and wipe at the drizzle gathering on my forehead. Avoiding Matt is what I should do, but I’m done running from him. I’m done being a coward. “What do you want?”
Matt rubs a spot over his eye before shoving both of his hands into his pockets. “We’re two weeks away from the fight. Have you considered my offer?”
“I’m with West now. We’re over, Matt.”
“Did you know he’s a Young?” he asks.
I curse internally. West has tried to keep people from knowing his roots, afraid his family’s money would complicate matters. We both knew the truth would eventually surface. “I know my boyfriend’s last name.”
“No, Haley. He belongs to
the
Youngs.”
Crap. “He doesn’t have any money. His dad cut him off—”
“I don’t give a fuck about the money. I give a fuck about you.”
“He’s good to me.”
“
I
was good to you and I screwed up one time. I’m curious if you’ll hold a grudge against him like you’ve held a grudge against me.”
The rain picks up and beats against my uncle’s car. The air is warm, but the drops are cold. I shiver against them. “Is there a point before I drown?”
“You know my dad was also laid off with your dad, right?”
I nod. My dad worked in the office. His dad on the line. Fortunately for Matt, his dad found work at another local plant.
“The Youngs are the reason why our dads lost their jobs. They’re the ones that bought the company, then sent the lines to Mexico. Ask your boyfriend how long he’s kept that from you.”
West
A bluish light glows from Rachel’s bed and I freeze in her doorway. It’s late and she should be asleep. The clothes I let Haley borrow are in my hands. Sheets shift and, with a click, the lamp on Rachel’s beside table illuminates. With her head propped against a stack of pillows and the covers pulled up to her chest, Rachel squints against the light. “You okay?”
I slip into the room and close the door behind me. Mom sleeps lightly, attuned to any sound in case Rachel should need her. “I was hoping to sneak in and put back your clothes.”
“Hold on. I need proof. Ethan won’t believe me.” Rachel raises the phone in her hand and snaps a picture. “Didn’t see the whole cross-dressing thing happening. Maybe I should have. You are pretty for a guy.”
I smile, forgetting how much I love her dry sense of humor. “Sorry I woke you.”
“I was already up.” Her cell buzzes and a silly grin plays on Rachel’s lips as she reads the text. Her fingers type a response and then she shyly glances at me. “It’s Isaiah. My sleeping patterns are insane so he...” Her cheeks turn red. “He keeps me company.”
Isaiah—the guy who hasn’t left my sister’s side and walks around school like a zombie. The guy who attends every single physical therapy appointment and follows every rule my parents have created. The guy who loves her. Just like I love Haley. “You love him?”
“Yes.” The answer is swift.
Before the accident, I would have flopped onto her bed and messed with some breakable item in her room to get a rise out of her, not skulked near the door. I lost that right the day I waltzed into this room and took the money she needed. “I’m sorry. What’s happened to you...it’s my fault.”
All of Haley’s warnings over the past couple of months crash in my head: I act without thinking, I’m impulsive and my impulsiveness hurts not only me, but the people I love. It hurt Rachel and now it’s hurting Haley.
I recklessly wound my way into Haley’s life, reacting each time, thinking I knew more, but the truth is I’m an idiot. Haley once wondered if we were nothing more than actions to reactions—helpless against our own fate. It’s true. I react and others pay.
“I did this,” I say to Rachel. “I’m the reason why...” And my eyes snap shut with the burn.
“West.” The hurt in Rachel’s tone scrapes at the already pulsating wound. “You have to come here, because I can’t go to you.”
The impulse is to leave—to run as far as possible—but I’m done with impulses. I’m done doing what feels good. Everyone has told me my sister needed me, but I was too selfish to listen. I was too concerned about the ache.
I sink to the floor with my back against her bedside table, not because my sister needs me, but because I’m a bastard and need her. I fucking need my sister and the past two months without her have almost driven me over the edge. Rachel rests her head on a pillow and stretches out her arm. Without looking at her, I take her hand.
“It’s not your fault,” she says.
The muscles in my face pull down. “It is.”
“It’s not.”
“You can’t walk,” I snap and I feel her hand flinch in mine. “I stole your money and now you can’t walk and there is nothing I can do to fucking fix it.” I suck in a ragged breath and nausea creeps into my windpipe. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I’m so fucking sorry.”
Rachel pulls on my hand and, like a house of cards, I tumble. I hurt Rachel and I’m on the verge of hurting Haley. When will I stop paying for all my past sins? How many things will I lose that I love in exchange for all the pain I’ve inflicted?
“I don’t cry,” I say. I don’t. Men don’t fucking cry, but as Rachel touches the top of my head, I fucking lose my shit.
“I know,” she answers.
Yet we stay that way until Rachel squeezes my hand and I eventually squeeze back.
Attempting to reclaim my pride, I sit up and wipe at my face. “If I could fix this, I would. If I hadn’t stolen the money...”
“If I had told you or Ethan or Mom or Dad about the trouble I was in...if Gavin never gambled...if Colleen had never had cancer...it doesn’t matter anymore. None of it does. Will you please let this go, because I can’t carry any more burdens.”
“I want you to be happy.”
“I know. I want the same for you... I’m going to walk again.”
I try to pull my hand back, but she keeps it.
“I mean it. I’m going to walk again and I want you there when I do.”
“Okay,” I say if only to appease her. One of us deserves a happy ending.
“Promise you’ll be there,” she says.
“I promise.”
She squeezes my hand again, and, after I return the gesture, we both let go.
We’re silent and I’m grateful just to have the opportunity to sit with her again. Too many horrible conversations will be had tomorrow. I’m fine with silence tonight.
“The what-ifs,” Rachel starts.
I know the what-ifs—I’ve asked them my entire life. “Yeah.”
“If Colleen had never gotten cancer, me, you and Ethan would never be alive.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s an awful thought to have. To know you’re alive because someone else died.”
“It is.” And I say what I think every day and what she needs to hear. “But I’m still happy to be here.”
Rachel glances down at me. “Me, too.”
I nod and mischief twinkles in her blue eyes. “So, why do you have my clothes? And FYI, you’d look better in the V-neck.”
God, I’ve missed my sister. “Haley needed something to change into this weekend.”
“Abby’s told me about her. So it’s true? My notorious girl-using brother has been tamed? Wait, don’t answer yet.” Rachel slides her finger frantically over her phone and pushes an app that records. “Okay—answer.”
“Yeah.” Her enthusiasm’s contagious, and I smile in spite of myself. “You would have liked her.”
“Liked?” Rachel closes the app and her smile falters. “As in past tense liked?”
I don’t want it to be liked. I want Haley and me to be forever. “Dad will give her a scholarship if I leave her.”
“No, West...”
I throw her a sharp look. “Don’t lecture me unless you’re going to say you wouldn’t do everything in your power to grant Isaiah his dreams. Dad will give Haley what I can’t. What the world won’t give.”
Rachel settles back into bed and stares at her immobile legs. “I ran away from you guys and ended up in a car accident that’s left me like this. Going to the dragway that night saved Isaiah’s life. If given the choice, I would do it all over again.”
“See.”
“No, not see. It’s not the same because Isaiah wants me and I want him. Doesn’t Haley get a vote?”
“Haley’s a little too self-sacrificing to think it through.” I want to keep Haley, but letting her go means she’ll have a future. I stand and head to the door though the pain emanating from my chest comes close to doubling me over.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Rachel says.
“Nah, not stupid.” Just heartbreaking.
Haley
At school, I stand under the overhang and watch the parking lot. My fingers flip through the pages of my book like shuffling cards in a deck. The motion and the crinkling sound of the pages soothe me. I couldn’t sleep last night as I contemplated the same question over and over again. Does West know?
Adrenaline kicks into my bloodstream when West’s SUV pulls into the lot. He’s early, which is good but also weird. A fine mist hangs in the air and the droplets sparkle on his car as he parks under a streetlight. I can’t see his face past the dark windows. I can’t see inside.
I close my eyes and inhale, trying to calm the terror in my veins. What if that’s all West has been? Pretty on the outside, but hiding on the inside. No. I swallow and open my eyes. West loves me. This is going to be okay.
West steps out of his SUV and my entire body rocks back. Nausea climbs up my throat and I turn my head, expecting the dry heave. Please let this be a mistake.
He’s sickeningly gorgeous as he walks toward me. A black tie hangs from his neck and it stands out against the crisp white button-down shirt. His black dress pants fit him like they were tailor-made and his golden hair is gelled into style. He’s poised and perfect and beautiful, but he’s not my West.
I honest to God pinch myself to check if I’m dreaming. What is in front of me has to be a figment of my fears—a nightmare. The prick of pain on my arm does not compare to the slicing at my heart.
West shoves his hands in his pockets when he stops a foot away from me.
We stare at each other—me like I’ve never seen him before. “Why are you dressed like that?”
“I’m going back to Worthington. In fact, I’m going back to everything.”
Everything? “What does that mean?”
West surveys the school building, the cars, the other students who turn their heads like owls in order to observe our showdown. “I don’t belong here. I never have. It’s time I stop acting like somebody I’m not and return to my world.”
A fresh surge of anger rushes through me; I’m pissed off at myself for loving him. “Spit it out.”
“Look, the suspension made me rethink everything. When I got home last night, I expected my dad to throw me out again and he didn’t. We talked and he got me back into Worthington and he convinced me that even though I returned, I hadn’t really been home. He’s right. I need to be home. It’s time for me to be a Young again. Haley, I loved you. I did, but we’ve run our course.”
“We’ve run our course?” I snap my mouth shut. A million thoughts collide in my mind... A thousand emotions. The urge is to ask him why, to convince him to stay, to ask if he ever really did love me, but the words that slip out are the ones that cause so much ripping pain that I actually sway as I say them. “I was just another girl.”
“No. Never.” He steps toward me and my arm flies out as a warning. West rocks on his feet and I lift my chin.
“Are you tapping out on me?”
It’s possible that pain softens his blue eyes, but I don’t think it is. It has to be pity. He used me and now he’s pitying me.
“Are you tapping out on me?” My muscles tighten with every word. I welcome the anger. I crave the anger because anger is a hell of a lot better than hurt. “Are you walking away from me and the fight?”
He nods and glances away. My eyes burn with tears. I’m stupid. So, so stupid. “Did you know who I was? Did you know your father is the reason why we lost everything?”
West barely looks me in the eye and the answer is so quiet I almost miss it. “Yes.”
I roll with the impact of his words as if it were a physical punch, but, like I’ve been taught, I rebound and step into his space. Tilting my head, I give him no room to focus on anything but me. “I wouldn’t have cared if you told me, but this...”
I flip his tie before I press both of my hands against his chest and push. West staggers back and it’s not because of my strength, but it’s because he gives. “This I can’t forgive. Guess I wasn’t worth fighting for.”
Not allowing him a chance to reply, I pivot and disappear into a swarm of students unloading off the buses. My lower lip trembles and I fight the tears. I walk fast into the school and as the first hot tear cascades down my face I race into the nearest bathroom.
Girls chatter and talk and I ignore them as I duck into the last stall. With the door slammed shut behind me, I slide down the wall and feel as if the ground beneath me is collapsing into a black hole. I suck in air, but none goes into my lungs and then I hold my breath to halt the sob, but it comes regardless—racking my body as if I’m having convulsions.
I’ve lost it all... My home, my family, my hope, West. There’s no place left to go. No more backup plans... There’s no more fight.