“Tim…” she stood and grabbed her purse, working to keep up with him. They walked out the back door together and in the parking lot she took gentle hold of his arm. “Stop…don’t do this.”
“Do what?” He groaned and crossed his arms, staring at her. “You’re not the only one who’s felt it, Bailey. Something’s been missing between us for a while. I know that. But I figured we just needed more time together, more chances to laugh and play at the lake. See a movie together.”
“That would’ve helped.”
“No.” He shook his head. His tone took on a deeper understanding. “You’ve never given me your heart. You’ve kept me at a distance. Even in the best times.”
Bailey could hardly argue. She deserved some of the blame for why they weren’t closer, more connected. God had shown her that. But she wasn’t willing to argue with Tim. He deserved a better ending. “Can I say something?”
He stared at the ground for a long while, and when he looked up the fight was gone for him too. “What?”
“Thank you.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “You respected me, you treated me with honor.” It was partly why she’d stayed with him so long. “I’ll always love that about you.”
The compliment hit him square in the heart, Bailey could tell. It softened the tension in the moment. “I care about you.” He wrapped her in a long hug, and when he released her his eyes were damp for the first time. “I’ll always care.”
“See?” She smiled at him, remembering a hundred good times. “That’s why we have to stay close. We both care too much to walk away forever.”
He searched her eyes a final time. “I’ll be in touch then? Before New York?”
“Yes.” She gave him one last quick hug. “And you’re coming with us. We already have your ticket.”
There was no need for him to respond, no need to do anything but slowly step back and go their own ways. As they did, they both waved, and then in a blur Bailey was back in her car headed home. Her emotions scattered wildly across the surface
of her heart. She ached for Tim and the loss he was feeling. Clearly he hadn’t been expecting a breakup. But the truth was, Tim would be fine. He would have more time for his family and his lessons, more time to focus on his audition.
But as sad as she felt for Tim, as final as it felt to be broken up after two years, Bailey couldn’t deny the greater joy bursting through her. Because this was a freedom unlike anything she’d ever felt. Her mom had asked if she felt tied down, and she’d said no. Just a week ago she’d said that. But she must’ve felt that way, and she must’ve been missing God’s leading in her life, because now she felt free and amazing! She didn’t have to think about Tim or worry about their relationship or wonder why she didn’t want to spend time with him. She was free! Free to be herself and free to be open to whatever future God had for her.
She sang along to the radio as she drove, Five for Fighting’s song “100 Years,” about how short life was, with only a hundred years to live. Such a finite number of days. She couldn’t spend one more moment in mediocrity, not in love or life or any part of her future. She would never settle again, the way she’d settled these last months with Tim. Yes, he was a great guy, a strong Christian. And yes, he’d respected her. She would always be grateful to him for that. But he didn’t love her—no matter when he’d toyed with the word before. Even today he couldn’t quite say it. Just that he cared for her, nothing more.
And that was fine. She cared for him too. But that didn’t mean they should be dating. Bailey felt lighter than she had in a year. Sure, she would have days when she would feel lonely, when the reality of what she’d just done would hit her hard. But it was the right choice—Bailey had no doubt. As she pulled into the driveway, she remembered her horrible slip-up. How could she have called him Cody? And at a time like that? The question hung in the early afternoon breeze as Bailey parked her car, and suddenly the answer was obvious.
She pictured dozens of times when she and her brothers had said something they shouldn’t have said. A criticism or unkind word. And other times when the opposite was true, and one of them would compliment someone in the family, saying something that made the other person walk away smiling, his head higher. Always their parents would remind them of a Bible verse from Matthew 12—“Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” With that truth in mind, Bailey wasn’t surprised she’d called her first boyfriend Cody. Bailey knew what was in her heart, the feelings for Cody she’d carried for so long. Based on that, it wasn’t a question of why she’d slipped and said his name. It was a question of how she’d kept from saying it sooner.
As she walked into the house, she felt the finality of the breakup with Tim. She couldn’t imagine getting back together with him, though only time would tell. For now it felt like a chapter in her life had ended—and for that reason she was more subdued as she found her mom in the kitchen, as she told her what happened, and as the two of them hugged.
“God knows the plans He has for you, sweetheart.” Her mom still held her hand. “I’ve told you that since you were a little girl.”
“I believe that.” Bailey frowned. “I’m not sad the way I thought I’d be. But I feel bad. God wanted me to do this sooner, and I didn’t listen.” She hesitated. “I feel bad about that.”
“Well, you did the right thing now.”
“Yes.” She gave her mom a crooked smile. “I’ll miss him.”
“Mmm.” Her mom nodded, keeping the moment unrushed. “I’m sorry.”
Bailey made a face. “I didn’t tell you the worst part.”
“Worse than breaking up?” Her mom waited, listening with her whole heart.
Bailey told her about calling Tim the wrong name. “I wanted to take it back as soon as it was out of my mouth…but it was too late.”
“Ooooh.” Her mom bit her lip. “That must’ve been awkward.”
“It was awful.”
Again her mom waited, studying Bailey. “You know what I think?”
“What?” Bailey still felt terrible. She hoped Tim wasn’t home reliving the moment the way she was.
“I have a feeling next time around,” her mom pulled her close again, “if you find yourself calling your boyfriend by that same name—it won’t be awkward at all.”
Bailey took a few seconds to realize what her mom was saying. Then, despite her conflicting emotions, she laughed just a little and hugged her mom tight. Her heart felt lighter than it had all day. Because one thing she’d learned and come to count on being close to her mom all these years.
Her mom was usually right.
A
NDI’S WEEKEND HAD BEEN LIKE SOMETHING
from a dream. That first night she’d gone home with the Kunzmanns, and since then they’d insisted that she stay. Lucia knew about Andi’s doctor appointment, and the fact that Sherry had let her down, never called her back. Of course, Andi hadn’t explained exactly what type of doctor appointment she’d missed.
“You were planning to stay in the city for the weekend,” Lucia told her at breakfast that morning. “Now you’ll stay with us.”
“Yeah, and we’re better!” Young Nathalie beamed a bright smile in her direction. The girl was so sweet and full of life—so much like Andi had been at that age.
Everything about the Kunzmann family felt like Andi had stepped into another world, like the nightmare of her own life didn’t even exist. She loved the way the Kunzmanns did everything as a family, the meals and clean-up, their homework and reading time. And even though they didn’t know her, they included her like she’d been a part of them forever.
Andi appreciated their welcome hearts, but she kept her distance, watching them, studying them. This was the sort of life she’d always wanted, and there were times with the Kunzmanns when she actually thought it was possible. She would go home and find her faith again, put God first and make her way back to innocence. But that’s when the reality of her situation would hit.
She was pregnant, about to have an abortion Monday morning. She could never find her way back to innocence.
A couple times since she’d come home with them, Lucia
would find a private moment with her and try to learn more about her situation. Once she even asked about her doctor’s appointment. “You aren’t sick, are you?”
“No.” Andi’s answer was quick. “Nothing like that.”
“What about your parents? Where are they?”
Andi explained that they were in Bloomington, and that they knew she was okay. She had a feeling Lucia could see house-size holes in her story, but not once did Lucia push for details. Andi knew her parents were worrying, so she tried to text them more often. But she couldn’t talk to them, otherwise she’d break down. She’d made up her mind—now she had to follow through.
On Saturday night they ate roasted chicken, and after dinner, Felix—Lucia’s husband—poured himself a second towering glass of milk. “Best drink ever,” he raised his glass. He nodded to the jug of milk. “You want some?”
It’d be good for the baby
, she thought. Then she dismissed the thought in horror. What did it matter? Her baby would be dead in a few days. “No,” she looked down, certain he could see the guilt in her eyes. “No thank you.”
Felix and Lucia talked to her about school, her major, and her interests. Watching them was a lot like watching her parents. The two of them were clearly in love, sharing a chemistry and private sort of love that time had only made stronger. Later, Andi watched the way Felix related to his kids, getting down on the floor to wrestle with them, or hovering over his oldest son’s algebra homework. The sort of dad Taz never would’ve been. It was another reason to go through with the abortion. Why should her baby have anything less than what the Kunzmann kids had?
Andi learned quickly that the Kunzmanns loved playing board games—more than any family Andi had ever known. It was Apples to Apples Friday night when their movie ended, and Pictionary on Saturday night. Sunday they played Catch Phrase, and everyone was glad for Andi because her presence meant the
teams were even. “Finally,” Lucia announced as they settled in to play, “Felix has no excuse if he loses!”
The family laughed, and Nathalie giggled so hard she spilled her milk. The ordeal sent everyone into action, helping clean the mess. The whole time Andi could only watch them and long for what they shared. Long for it and mourn it at the same time. She’d made her choice. She’d walked away from the chance at having what the Kunzmanns had. She resolved to enjoy the time there while she could.
Monday was coming soon enough.
L
ISA FELT LIKE SHE WAS GOING
crazy. Andi wouldn’t answer her phone, and her text messages were so brief they felt cryptic. She and Keith had been praying all weekend, and now that it was Sunday, Keith could barely focus on the meetings with Brandon Paul. This morning they’d all gone to church, and Brandon had stayed at the Matthews’ house—reading the newest script.
“I might have you hang out with him the rest of the day.” Keith told him as they left the service.
Dayne nodded. He had Sophie in his arms, and he reached for Katy’s hand. “He might open up more to me if you weren’t there right now.”
“Exactly.” Keith put his arm around Lisa. “I couldn’t concentrate anyway. We’re worried sick about Andi.”
Lisa worked to keep from crying. “We both feel the situation’s dire—but we can’t do anything to help until she comes home.” Lisa shared a look with Katy. Her new friend already knew how grave Lisa’s concern was for Andi. “I’m afraid if we wait till she comes home it’ll be too late.”
She didn’t have to explain that she was worried Andi was pregnant. But after days of praying for their daughter, that’s what she and Keith had come to believe. If she was pregnant, then she
might be in Indianapolis for an abortion, or worse…because she no longer believed she had a reason to live. The idea made Lisa sick to her stomach, and she’d begged God all day for a sign, a clue. A way to reach her before it was too late.
With Brandon taken care of, Keith talked the whole way home about what they might do to find her. They could talk to her other friends—starting with Bailey—and find phone numbers of Andi’s classmates. Anyone. Eventually they might come across someone who would know the names and whereabouts of the girls Andi was staying with. Another plan was to call the phone company and see if her phone had a GPS finder built into it. Maybe then they could pinpoint exactly where she was and be at her side in an hour.
They decided on that plan, and Lisa had the phone company on the line minutes after they walked through the door.
“We need to find our daughter. She has her phone, but we don’t know where she is.”
“Yes, ma’am. How old is your daughter?” His tone suggested he’d been through this before.
“She’s nineteen.”
“She’s an adult, ma’am. We can’t give out the whereabouts of the cell phone of an adult unless there’s reason to suspect foul play. When’s the last time you heard from her?”
Lisa wanted to lie, but she couldn’t. “She’s been texting us off and on.” She pushed her fingers through her hair and stared helplessly at Keith. God was aware of their problem. If doing things His way meant missing out on this information, then He would have another plan.
“Ma’am, if you’re hearing from her and she’s an adult, I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do. She has a right to her privacy.”
Lisa tried once more. “She isn’t acting like herself. If you could just tell us—”
“I’m sorry, ma’am.” And with that the man hung up.
She dropped the phone on the kitchen counter and moved into Keith’s arms. “What are we supposed to do?”
For a long time neither of them said anything, but then Keith stepped free and studied her. “What about her room? You sure there was nothing? No sign, nothing she might’ve written down?”
Lisa sucked in a quick breath. “Yes!” How could she not have thought about this sooner? She hurried down the hallway to Andi’s room, with Keith behind her.
“What is it?”
“Notes. Papers I found in the trash.” She rushed through the doorway and grabbed the stack of papers, the ones she herself had collected from the can and set there on Friday afternoon. Why hadn’t she thought to look at them sooner? If something happened to Andi, if she did something she would regret, Lisa could never forgive herself. She sat on the edge of Andi’s bed, and Keith sat beside her.
“What are these?”
“I’m not sure. They have to be recent. She hasn’t been home long enough to have anything old in the trash.” Her hands shook as she sorted through the papers, scrutinizing the scribble marks and bits of writing. Suddenly one of them practically screamed at her. “Look at this.” She held it out for Keith to see. In Andi’s printing was this notation: Indianapolis Family Planning Center. The words were followed by an address and a phone number.
Lisa felt the floor give way. She lowered the paper and looked at Keith. No matter how often they’d mentioned the possibility, Lisa had never really believed it until now. There could be only one reason Andi had written down the name and address of a family planning center.
“You think…” Keith’s face was ashen.
“She must be.” Lisa hung her head as the reality shot shrapnel across her heart. Their precious daughter—the one who had taught countless village women about Jesus and His plan for
their lives—was pregnant. Worse, she was clearly considering an abortion. That’s what family planning centers did.
Lisa sat up straighter. She couldn’t afford to break down now, not when Andi clearly needed her. There were other notations, scribbles on the pieces of paper, and after a few seconds she made sense of something else. Written at the bottom of one page were the words,
Sarah’s House—Crisis Pregnancy Center. Bloomington.
Surrounding it were a dozen question marks, each of them heavily doodled over. Not far from that were the words
free ultrasound
and more question marks.
Suddenly Lisa’s heart leaped with hope. “Sarah’s House is here in town, remember?”
A dawning came across Keith’s expression. “Dayne’s talked about it. His sisters run it.”
Lisa couldn’t move fast enough. “Come on, we have to hurry.” She and Keith ran back to the kitchen and Lisa handed him the phone. “Call Dayne.”
As fast as his fingers could move, Keith did as she asked. Three minutes later he had Ashley Baxter Blake’s phone number. “Dayne told me she might not be able to talk about it. Confidentiality rules.”
“I’ll call her.” Lisa felt like a mother bear, ready to tear doors off walls if it meant getting to her daughter. She dialed the number and waited until Ashley picked up.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Ashley. This is Lisa Ellison. Keith’s wife.” She worked to keep her tears from taking over. It was important that she sound calm and clear-minded. “We have reason to believe our daughter Andi is pregnant. She’s in Indianapolis and she won’t answer our calls. Did she come to your clinic?”
There was a long pause on the other end. “Mrs. Ellison…Lisa…our clients trust us with their confidentiality. I’m not sure how much I can—”
“Your center, it’s there to save lives—isn’t that right?”
Another long beat. “Of course.”
“I have the name of a family planning center in Indianapolis, and if I’m right about this, I think Andi might be planning to have an abortion. “Please…tell me if she’s been to see you.”
Another long pause across the line. “I’ve seen her. Yes.” Ashley hesitated. “Andi’s in trouble, Mrs. Ellison. I’m sorry…I can’t say much more. She only came in once.”
“So she’s…she’s pregnant?”
Ashley’s silence clearly conveyed the truth.
Lisa closed her eyes and grabbed for Keith’s arm. “Dear God…why didn’t she tell us?”
“We give all of our clients information about raising their babies or releasing them for adoption.” Ashley sounded broken by the situation.
For a split moment, Lisa wanted to be angry with Ashley. If she’d known about Andi, why hadn’t she come to them? Told them about their daughter’s pregnancy before this weekend? Then they wouldn’t be in this situation.
Ashley seemed to read her mind, because she explained again that the reason pregnant girls came in for a pregnancy test was because they believed the results would be private. “Have you talked to Bailey? She might know something, a way you could reach her.”
“We’ll try that next.” Lisa’s anger dissolved, and all that remained was gratitude. “Thank you, Ashley. If we have to go camp outside the abortion clinic Andi wrote about, we will. At least we know what she’s up against.” Lisa thanked her again and the call ended.
Keith looked despondent. The news was overwhelming, and Lisa felt practically paralyzed by it. First, their daughter was definitely pregnant. And second, she clearly planned to end the life of her baby. At least that. There was no telling what else was going through her mind while she was in Indianapolis this weekend.
“What next?” Keith took the phone from Lisa and set it back on the base.
There was only one answer, one way to get another step closer to Andi so they could help her. Lisa grabbed her purse from the kitchen counter. “We need to go see Bailey.”
They reached the Flanigan house in ten minutes. Much to Lisa’s relief, Bailey answered the front door and invited them in. They must’ve both looked crazy with worry, because Bailey froze in place. “Is this…about Andi?”
“Yes.” Again Lisa fought to keep control. “She’s in a lot of trouble. We’d like to talk, if you have a minute.”
Bailey called her parents to join them, and the group went into the Flanigans’ living room. It was the first day in a week that hadn’t been brilliantly sunny, and Lisa found it fitting. The clouds cast dark shadows through the wall of windows, and even though it was late June, Lisa began to shiver as she sat down. Keith took the spot beside her, the two of them opposite Jim and Jenny Flanigan. Bailey sat in the closest chair.
“You’ve heard something from Andi?” Jenny started the conversation.
“Not really.” The mere fact that this kind woman knew even that much—that Andi was out of town and not communicating much—was proof that Bailey told her everything. The way Andi used to tell Lisa everything. She focused her thoughts, as she squeezed her husband’s hand. “We found out today. Andi’s pregnant.”
Bailey groaned and gripped the arms of the chair, her eyes downcast. “I was afraid of this.”
“Us too.” Keith sat rigid beside her. His posture told Lisa he wasn’t willing to give up. “She’s in the city, and she’s texted us now and then. But she won’t answer our calls. We think she’s scheduled an abortion there. We found the name of an Indianapolis clinic.”
They were quiet for a few seconds, each of them grasping what Andi might’ve already done, what she might be going through this very moment. And how they could possibly reach her.